If olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made from?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro", is "congress" the opposite of "progress"?
The difference between herpes and love is that herpes lasts forever.
May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving definitely isn't for you.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Is there another word for synonym?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes--why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Friends -- the people who stab ya in the front.
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Women like quiet men because they think they are listening.
Man who sneezes without tissues takes matters into his own hands.
One in every four Americans has some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, than its you.
The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't.
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord.
"Why go to High School when you can go to school high?"-Lance
What's the deal with Ovaltine. The can is round, the glass is round, they should call it Roundtine.
Moby says don't be a Dick.
