HOLDING BACK
Saira was 11 when she met her best friend. Her new home was nothing like
the home in the city she had moved from. When her parents had broke
the news to her that they were to move to the countryside she thought
it was a joke and laughed it off. There was no way she was going to
leave her friends. Saira had plans to settle in her current home forever.
Then the day came when her parents actually packed everything in the
house. �What are you doing?� she asked her mother who in return
smiled at Saira�s puzzled look. �I�m packing silly,� she said. �Packing for
what?� asked Saira. Her mother looked at her as if very annoyed and
said, �Don�t you ever listen. I already told you me and your dad
purchased a house in Dougshire.� �No you didn�t,� said Saira, hoping
that her mother was just fooling around with her. �Yes I did, and we�re
moving first thing tomorrow morning.�
�You can�t do this to me! Dad please tell her I�m staying here,� she
said. �Sorry hun, we�ve already decided on this,� said her father. She
looked at her mother frustratingly who was ignoring her demands. �Are
you listening to me? I�m not going, I�m staying right here.� The next
morning Saira woke up from a nightmare into another nightmare. She
was immediately familiar with her surrounding. She was in her
mother�s shabby volkswagon. �Where are we going?� she asked. Her
mother grinned wickedly and said, �To our new home silly.�
When they arrived Saira hated the idea of stepping foot in the house.
She even urinated in the nearby bush of her front garden hoping that
her mother would show some kind of sympathy. Declaring that her
mother�s heart was made of stone she sat on the steps of her front
garden with her head down trying her best not to let her tears get the
best of her.
�Hi, I�m from nextdoor� Saira looked up to find a boy with a water
pistol in his hand. He was squirting tomato sauce in his mouth. �Go
away!� she said angrily. �Jeez, no need to yell,� he said as he moving
closer to where she sat and squirted tomato sauce on her face. He
quickly ran away and stopped when he heard her cry. He peeped
through the fence and saw that she was sobbing. Seeing that she
wasn�t even moving he went back to apologize, before she dished the
dirt on him to his mother. The last thing he wanted was to be grounded
for a whole year.
He offered her a tissue and apologized, but she continued crying. �Hey I
said I�m sorry.� He sat down beside her placing his arms around her
shoulder. �Why are you crying? I did say I�m sorry.� he said. With the
bitter memory of her mother grinning at her when her world shattered,
she said, �It�s my mum. She�s evil.� He laughed and said �That�s how
mum�s are meant to be. Well, that�s what my dad tells me.� �You don�t
understand. She�s made me leave my friends and now I have no
friends. I have nobody.� �I�ll be your friend. I�m Duncan Wright� he said
as he placed his right hand forward offering a handshake of friendship.
She began feeling comforted and shook his hand. �I�m Saira Banks.�
That was the first day she met her true love, Duncan.
Years went by and Saira�s friendship with Duncan grew stronger and
stronger. She became closer to Duncan than the clouds were to the
sky. She knew it was love. She wasn�t sure when she fell in love with
him. Whether it was when he squirted ketchup in her face or when he
started growing into a man. She had a feeling it happened a very long
time ago, before the two were even born. The first time she noticed her
jealousy of other girls was when Duncan first began noticing the other
girls. She was 16 and he was a year older.
�What are you staring at?� she had said. She looked out his window to
see Jennifer.
Duncan would gaze out of his window mesmerized by her. To boys she
was God�s gift to men and to Saira she was getting in the way. �I don�t
get it what do you see in her.� He looked at her confused. �Huh?� he
mumbled as if Jennifer had tampered with his brain. �What�s so special
about her? I just don�t get it. Anyways, from what I�ve heard she�s a
complete bimbo,� she said. �Well, from what I just saw she has a lovely
pair of knockers,� he said, proving his point. �Anyone can stuff a bra
with tissue. But I guess girls like me have been blessed with nature�
she said confident with her bra size.
He paused for a minute glancing at her chest and blew up in hysterics.
�Laugh all you want. They don�t call me pumpkins for no reason,� she
said in defense. �If you say so,� said Duncan. She joined in with Duncan
and laughed at herself. Not because she made a fool of herself in front
of her best friend. She laughed because she knew Duncan would never
look at her the way she wanted him to. She had a gut feeling he would
reject her and it would ruin their friendship. She decided not to ever
tell him how she feels about him.
More years went by and Saira�s feelings for Duncan remained deep in
her heart. Duncan and his family moved to the city where he had plans
to pursue his career as a lawyer. Saira remained in the countryside and
became a teacher in a local school. They hadn�t lost contact though.
They would phone each other whenever they had time. She hadn�t
visited him in the city even once because she was too busy, but all that
changed when one day Duncan phoned her with some news. The news
he gave her had made her tremble.
Duncan was getting married. �It�s going to be a small wedding,� he had
said. �I�m only inviting a few friends and I need you to be there.� She
was obviously one of those �few friends�. She was thinking of a major
reason to excuse herself and thought about telling him about her
parents divorce but it didn�t seem good enough to excuse her from
attending her best friend�s wedding. �Of course I�ll be there,� she said
as she swallowed the painful lump in her throat and her eyes stung
with tears.
The wedding was small indeed and took place at Duncan�s massionette.
His family and a few friends were present as they watched the couple
exchange their vows. Saira was smiling but inside she was dying. She
felt her heart sink as the groom kissed the bride. The party had only
just started but to Saira it felt like the beginning of hell. She got out of
the massionette and slumped down on the front door steps. She let the
tears she had been holding in roll down her cheeks.
�Hey beautiful,� said Duncan. She quickly wiped her eyes as he sat
down beside her. �You know, I�ve been looking all over for you-� he
stopped talking as he looked into her eyes. �Have you been crying?� he
asked. �No.� she said. �Yes you have.� She knew she couldn�t fool him.
�What�s wrong Sai, you can tell me anything.� That was true. Saira was
able to tell Duncan anything. She was able to tell him from anything to
everything. He was the one she�d always go to with her problems. So,
why couldn�t she just tell him that she was in love with him?
She couldn�t tell him now that he was married and her friendship
meant the world to her. �It�s my mum. She�s so evil,� she announced,
even though it wasn�t the real reason why she was crying. �She�s filing
a divorce. My parents have decided that they no longer love each
other.� Duncan put his arms around her and said, �Hey, that�s how
mum�s are meant to be. Well, that�s what my dad told me when mum
divorced him.� �I just don�t get it. How can you love someone and
decide to get married only to end up with the conclusion that you just
don�t love each other?� she didn�t expect Duncan to answer to that but
he did. �I guess sometimes when people get married they don�t really
know whether they love each other or not, so they gamble to find out.�
She asked, �Have you noticed something?� �Noticed what?� he asked.
�This is the exact way we first met. I was sitting on the steps, crying
like a big baby and then you came and cheered me up.�
Three months after Duncans marriage he called Saira to tell her that he
just went through a divorce. Saira visited him as soon as she could and
spent time with Duncan who didn�t even seem like an emotional wreck.
He was happier than she had ever seen him before. �I�m glad I divorced
her.� He had told her. � I didn�t even love her.� �Of course you didn�t,
you were just gambling right� she had said teasingly. The weekend she
spent with him brought back memories. Memories of when it was just
Saira and Duncan hanging out. She still couldn�t tell him about the way
she felt about him.
The weekend went by so quickly and it was time for her to go back to
Dougshire. �Thank you Saira.� �Thank you for what?� she asked. �For this
amazing friendship we have. It means more than the world to me� As
she got in her car she had an urge to shout out �I love you�. Intsead
she just looked at him and waved goodbye.
That night when she arrived home she listened to her answer machine.
There was a message from Duncan. �Hi Sai, you�re obviously still on
your way home as I leave this message. There�s something I wanted to
tell you. It�s really important. I�ll be in Dougshire tomorrow first thing
in the morning and if you can please take a day off work. See you then,
bye.�
Saira began wondering what was going on. She phoned him but was
connected to his answer machine. Then she dialed the number to his
office, but no one picked up. He had probably already left. Nonetheless
she phoned up the school and left a message that she will not be
attending for the following working day.
The next morning came and Saira was waiting. It was noon and still
there was no sign of Duncan. That day he hadn�t turned up at all.
For the next few days he hadn�t called her nor had she called him. She
concluded that he was joking around with her and out of anger decided
not to call him. Then it came to the point where she just couldn�t live
without hearing his voice and decided to call him and possibly forgive
him. She punched his numbers on her phone.
After a few rings a lady picked up. �Hello,� she said as though she
couldn�t breathe. �Hi, this is Saira. Can I speak to Duncan please?� she
asked. �Oh dear. Saira,� She recognized the voice as Duncan�s mother.
�I�m so sorry Saira,� said Duncan�s mother crying out hysterically that
it almost stopped Saira�s heart from beating. �What�s wrong? Why are
you crying?� she asked with her own voice now shivering. �I�m so sorry
I didn�t even think to phone you. You were his best friend and I didn�t
even phone you.� �What�s wrong Mrs Bank?� she yelled. �Duncan died in
a car accident-� the receiver fell quickly out of her hands.
Saira cried continuously. She didn�t attend the funeral because it was
too painful. Too painful to come to terms that Duncan was gone. She
didn�t even get a chance to let him know that she loved him. She lay
on her sofa scanning through her photo albums. Only looking at
pictures of Duncan, over and over again. The world didn�t seem make
sense anymore. How could he be gone? She had kept asking herself
that same question endlessly. The doorbell rang. She closed the photo
album and walked to her front door to answer it. A man stood before
her. �Hi, I�m Lee, I used to work with Duncan� he said. She recognized
him from Duncan�s wedding. He had been one of Duncan�s few friends
that had been invited. �Hi, why don�t you come in,� she said. �I�m sorry
but I�m not here for long,� he said. He brought forward a thick envelope
and said, �I�ve come to give you this. Duncan left it in his will. He told
me to give it to you in person.� She retrieved the sealed envelope. �I�m
sorry that you lost a really good friend,� with that last note he walked
away.
She quickly opened the envelope desperate to find out what it was her
friend left her. Inside the envelope was a diary. She began wondering
why he would leave her a diary. After reading a few entries she went to
the very last page. It was dated a day before he died. His very last
entry. As she read it her heart pounded against her chest. She couldn�t
catch her breath. Her tears became a storm. The last entry read;
TOMORROW WILL BE THE BIGGEST DAY OF MY LIFE. TOMORROW I
WILL TELL SAIRA THAT I LOVE HER. FOREVER AND EVER�