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Jokes |
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Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one-day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker and the other was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die. "The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool,stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon acigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over topick that up, we're both dead." |
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Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad
Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf. " The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this
time he is crouched behind a bush. "My, what big ears you have, Mr Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and
this time he is crouched down behind a rock. "My, what big teeth you have,Mr Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you fuck off?! I'm trying to
have a shit! |
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A man dies and goes to hell. In hell he is met by Satan who says, "I now offer you your choice of tortures for the rest of eternity, I will show you your options." Satan then proceeds to take the man into various chambers of torture. Finally he man is led into a room where another man is receiving ablow job from Pamela Anderson. "Are you sure this is a torture?' asks the stunned man. "Yeah, it can get pretty tiresome after a while," replies Satan. The man decides to chance his luck and tells Satan that he will take the oral sex option. "Okay, Pammy" Satan says to the buxom blonde, "we've found your
replacement, you can go now." |
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Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered
over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he
politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I'vejust buried him." The neighbour was concerned," That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he'sinside your fucking cat." |
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Jokes 1
jokes 2 |
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