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Jokes |
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A man fell asleep on the beach under the noonday sun and
suffered a severe sunburn and heatstroke. He was taken
to the hospital where his skin was a bright red, painful and
started to blister. Anything that touched him caused agony.
The doctor prescribed continued intravenous feedings of water and electrolytes, a mild sedative, and Viagra.
"What good will Viagra do him in that condition?" the nurse inquired.
The doctor replied, "It will keep the sheet off of him." |
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A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers, "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says, "An English girl!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks "So, honey, how was the trip?"
�Very good, thank you".
"And, what happened to my present?".
"Which present?"
"What I asked for....the English girl?
"Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl!!!" |
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A pregnant woman gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine.
Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother...he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother.
I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew." |
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Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?" "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" "Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did." "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?" "She just died and left me everything." (And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?)
Caught you smiling - Keep it up! |
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<-----Jokes Jokes----> |
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