1. Barking: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark a lot! Your humans will be happy to hear you protecting their house, especially late at night while they are sleeping. Your loud barking at 3 a.m. will make them feel so secure!

2. Licking: Always be sure to take a big drink from the toilet bowl before licking your humans.

3. Dining Etiquette: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests. This is also a very good time to practice your sniffing. You are permitted to put your face on the table and watch every one eat, and to steal a morsel or two while no ones looking.

4. Housebreaking: This is especially important to humans, so break as much of it as possible.

5. Couches: It is permissible to sleep on the couch after your humans have gone to bed. It needs to be broken in as soon as possible, or did the rule say broken down?

6. Sniffing: Always sniff between humans legs, you'll always get a response from them if you do this, and also an occassional jump.

7. Tail Wagging: This is especially fun at Christmas time around the tree, or near low tables with lots of breakable items on them

8. Bedtime: If not sleeping on the couch, remember the human's bed is so much more comfortable than the floor. The best time to get in their bed is when the humans are very close together and still moving around. A cold nose on a body part is enough to make them move very quickly.

9. Bathing: After your humans give you a bath, don't let them get that nice clean fluffy towel wet, instead shake all over the bathroom and then jump on their bed and roll around to dry yourself off.

10. Patience: It is especially important to teach your humans patience. When you go outside to pee, sniff around for a very long time. This is especially effective late at night or very early in the morning when it's freezing cold or pouring rain.

11. Obedience: Train your humans well. Ask to go out, ask to come in, ask to go out, etc...It is very important to practice this excercise while your humans are very busy, or very early in the morning before they wake up.

12. Excercise: Make sure your humans get plenty of it. When you are playing fetch with them, occassionally don't bring the bumper back- make you humans run and try to catch you.

13. Walking: Make your humans take very long walks. Take your time deciding on where to do your business. Sniff around for a very long time and then pick the busiest most visable spot to go poo! Your humans will just love the attention that you draw to them.

14. Holes: There are never enough holes in the yard so dig lots of them to help your human with the gardening. They did say that they wanted to do some transplanting, didn't they?

15. Visitors: Quickly decide which visitor is most frightened of dogs. Make sure you go up to them with your great big Chessie smile, showing as many teeth as possible. This is also very effective if you jump on them while doing this.

If you have any other funny Brown-Dog stories, e-mail them and I'll include them on my page.