TERRIBLE ELEVATOR BAR JOKES!!!

There were these two elevators sitting at the bar, drinking alcoholic oil. One said to the other, "How ya doin?" The other replied, "Not so good. The other day I was in a race with these three really GREAT elevators up the lift shaft and I figured, screw it I aint running this race. All of a sudden WHOOSH!! UP MY ASS!! and I won by a door operator."
The other elevator said "No kidding! Yesterday I was in a race with  the elevators in my building and the same thing... I figured screw it I aint running this race and halfway up the hoistway.... WHOOSH!!! UP MY ASS!!! I won!"
This escalator walks up to the two elevators and says "Excuse me but I couldn't help but overhear you guys. Just today I was in a race and there were so many escalators I figured screw it..."
The elevator looked at the other elevator and said "Well I'll be damned, a TALKIN' ESCALATOR!"

Dr Sky Tower and a police reporter with 35 years on the beat are in an elevator when they notice the Grim Reaper riding with them.
"You both fell 22 floors and were killed." the Grim Reaper tells them. "but I'll grant you each one wish to remember your life on Earth before I take you."
"Oh good!" exclaims Dr Sky Tower. "I hmmha, wish to read my psychology on Elevator Neurosis Thesis out loud."
And the reporter, with terror in his eyes at Dr Sky Tower opening his book on Doctoral Elevator Psychiatry, screams "T-take me now!!"

Another terrible joke

Things that try your sanity: The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

Things that send you gibbering to your Shrink: At the second floor the elevator stops for Dr Sky Tower who needs to get to the 43rd floor. THEN the elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on. You still have 42 more floors to go. 

Two Elevators in the Sky Tower

An elevator slides up to the only other elevator already sitting in the bar after a long day of carrying passengers up and down the shafts. He thinks, "I could do with a long drink" looks at the other elevator and asks him if he wants a round,too.
"Yeah thanks, Cheers mate." comes the instant reply.
The first elevator then asks, "Hey... where you from?"
"I'm from New Zealand, mate." drawls the second elevator.
The first one responds with "You don't say! I'm from New Zealand too! Let's have another round to New Zealand."
"Cheers!" says the second elevator, downing his 10th pint.
Curious, the first one then asks "Where in New Zealand are you from, bro?"
"Auckland, mate." answers Elevator Two.
"I can't believe it!" exclaims Elevator One. "I'm from Auckland, too! Let's have another round to Auckland!"
"Yeah, thanksh cheersh mate!"  crows Elevator Two in agreement.
Curiosity again sticks and Eevator One asks "Hummm...what building are you from...?"
"Th' Shky Tower." says Elevator Two. "I warsh inshtalled in Augusht nineteen ninety shixh, ma'e."
"This is.... UNBELIEVABLE!!" the first elevator shouts with happiness. "I'm from the Sky Tower and I was installed in August 1996 TOO!!!"
About that time a goods elevator comes up and parks itself at the bar. "What's been going on?" it asks the nearby elevator operator.
"Nothing much." says the elevator operator. "The Schindler Twins are drunk again."

JOKES AIMED AT DR SKY TOWER...
AT HIS EXPENSE!!! (JOY!)

What's the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the road and dead Dr Sky Tower?
There are skidmarks in front of the dog.

Why did the elevator engineer refuse to pay the rent on his outhouse?
He didn't like Dr Sky Tower living downstairs.

What is an example of a never-halting program?
Dr Sky Tower and Shortz in front of an open elevator each saying "You go first."

How do you get 30 elevator inspectors into an elevator cab?
You must be joking! You can't even get ONE into an elevator cab.

How do you get 30 students into an 8-person-capacity elevator cab?
Make the other 70 homeless...

An elevator turns up in a bar and says to the barman "Have you seen my dad?"
The barman replies "What does he look like?"

While assisting in an exam on a young woman who was presented to the ER with lower abdominal pains, Dr Sky Tower asked her if she were sexually active. The woman appeared slightly embarrassed by the question, but replied, "No, I just lay there."

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't." said his wife, consolingly. "I did."

MORE ELEVATOR BAR JOKES!

An elevator slides into a bar and orders a 'greasy-oil Explodo cocktail'. The barman gives the elevator his cocktail. The elevator then  looks into his drink and complains loudly:
"Hey, what sort of barman are you! You forgot the little umbrella!!"
The elevator finishes his cocktail and slips (unsteadily) out of the bar. After the elevator has left, another customer, who has been watching the whole scene with increasing astonishment, turns to the barman and says: "My God, that is incredible! A talking, drunk-off-his-face elevator! I have never seen anything like that in my entire life!"
The barman replies: "For gods sake, what's the big deal! Anyone can forget the little umbrella!"

Two elevator twins slip into a bar, and proceed to buy all their passengers drinks. Eventually, the barman asks the two lifts what the celebration is about.
The pair of elevators boast that they had just finished a 50-piece  jigsaw puzzle and that it had only taken them 2 months!
"TWO MONTHS?!" cries the barman, "That's idiotic! It should've taken you both less than 10 minutes to finish a 50-piece jigsaw puzzle!"
"Oh yeah?" says one of the elevators, indignantly. "Well, the box said 2 to 4 YEARS!"

Two elevator friends were out drinking Explodo cocktails all night long when suddenly one of them lurched drunkedly off his platform and crashed to the floor on his back wall.  He lay motionless on the floor.
"One thing about Cab 1," his elevator buddy slurred cherrily across to the staring bartender, "he knows when to stop!"

An elevator slides into a bar, orders 12 shots of Explodo cocktails and starts drinking them as quickly as he can. The elevator operator/bar tender asks "My goodness, why are you drinking so fast? You're on duty in 5 minutes!"  "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have." says the elevator. The elevator operator looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?" The elevator responds, "No money."

A blonde and a brunette are in an elevator. On the third floor Dr Sky Tower gets in and he's looking very smart in his 3peice amani suit. The bad part is that they both noticed the Good Doctor had dandruff. He got off at the fifth floor. Once the doors closed the brunette turned to the blonde and said "Someone should give him head and shoulders."  To which the blonde replied, "How do you give shoulders?"

There's this drunk elevator cab sitting with his doors open in the lobby of his friend's building. A police officer goes by, comes back an hour later and the elevator is still sitting there with his doors open. "What are you doing?" asks the cop. "Why are you just sitting there?" The drunken elevator hiccups, then slurs "I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I'm waiting on my building. Won't be long now, there goes my neighbour."

MORE HORRENDOUS ELEVATOR BAR JOKES!!

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