(Need we read more?)
Before the elevator operator/bartender could recover from the unpleasant surprise, the lift cab began weeping oily tears from his solenoids. "I'm sorry. I keep doing that to elevator attendants. I simply can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this."
Far from being angry the bartender was sympathetic. Before long he was suggesting that the elevator see Dr Sky Tower, a reputed elevator psychiatrist, about his problem. The lift attendant said, "My brother and my wife (who are both elevator operators) sent the depressed elevators in their office buildings to him for treatment and they say he's the best. Now those two lifts are happy chappies! Dr Sky Tower knows everything about elevator neurotic behavior."
The elevator took Dr Sky Tower's details, thanked the attendant, and lft. The elevator operator smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow Elevator Being.
Six months later, the elevator was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving him his 10litre Explodo cocktail.
"I certainly did," the elevator said happily. "I've been seeing Dr Sky Tower twice a week." He took a sip of his cocktail. Then he grabbed the bucket with his lift cables and casually upended its contents over the attendant's head!
The flustered bartender wiped himself down with a towel. "That elevator shrink doesn't seem to be doing you any good."
he spluttered.
"On the contrary." the lift cab said. "Dr Sky Tower's done me a world of good!"
"But you just threw the drink in my face again!" the attendant exclaimed.
"Yes," the elevator said. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore!!"
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the froth.
The Yankee elevator pushed his cocktail away from himself in disgust and began sulking.
The Aussie lift said "Struth, mate!" , fished the offending fly out of his beverage, shouted "OY! OY! OY!" and continued drinking as if nothing had happened.
The Irish lift, too, picked the fly out of his drink with his lift cables. He then held it over the glass and yelled at the top of his voice -
"SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!!!"
FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION REQUIRED: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION REQUIRED: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION REQUIRED: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION REQUIRED: Go stand to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION REQUIRED: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.
ACTION REQUIRED: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION REQUIRED: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not, complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION REQUIRED: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up, lash yourself to the bar.
FAULT: The bar is closing.
ACTION REQUIRED: PANIC!!!
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION REQUIRED: See above.
FAULT: You have spent the night in the gutter.
ACTION REQUIRED: Check your watch to see if bars are open yet. If not, treat yourself to a lie-in (in the gutter).