Long
ELEVATOR
JOKE
Stories!!

Three doctors were on an elevator. Just as the doors were closing, an elderly woman tried to get on. To prevent her from being injured, all 3 doctors responded at once to try and stop the doors.
The Internal Medicine doctor stopped the doors by putting his hand between the doors.
The surgeon stopped the doors  by putting his foot between them.
Dr Sky Tower, the psychiatrist, stopped the doors by putting his HEAD between the closing doors.

A biologist, a physicist and Dr Sky Tower see a man and a woman enter an elevator in the lobby. After some time, the same man and woman, and a third person, leave the same elevator. The scientists have different reasons for this phenomenon...
Biologist: This is a result of natural reproduction!
Physicist: Measurement error!
Dr Sky Tower: If, hmmm,  now somebody else enters the same elevator, then it will be empty again!

A man goes into an elevator. Already on the elevator are Jenny Shipley (NZ Prime Minister), Bill Clinton and Dr Sky Tower. The man has a gun but it only has two bullets!! Who does he shoot???
Dr Sky Tower, twice to be sure.

A power failure trapped Dr Sky Tower in an elevator. There was no way to alarm anybody in the building. Three hours later a janitor realised that the elevator had been used just before the power failure so he was able to free Dr Sky Tower. The Good Doctor was very thankful because otherwise, he would've been trapped for another three hours, before the power was working again. The next day, he told Shortz, one of his regular patients,  his unpleasant adventure. Shortz said "That, dhuh, is nothing, Doc. I was standing on the esculator for EIGHT hours."

Dr Cohan and Dr Sky Tower were both successful psychiatrists. They worked in the same building and on occasion met on the elevator.
Dr Cohan, who was younger than Dr Sky Tower, looked beat, tired and completely exhausted as he entered the elevator one evening. There was Dr Sky Tower looking fresh as a daisy at the end of the day.
Cohan said to Dr Sky Tower "I dont know how you can look so calm, spry and relaxed after listening to all those drooling, complaining neurotic whingers all day. Their craziness is driving me nuts."
Sky Tower smiled, patted Cohan on the shoulder and said "So? Who, hmmm, listens?"

An old Italian woman cleaner gets on the elevator one day in a very affluent hotel to go to the 20th floor to clean the rooms.  The elevator stops on the 3rd floor and a young, beautiful woman, smelling of expensive perfume, boards. She glares haughtily at the old woman and says in an arrogant voice "Giogio, $100 an ounce!" The elevator goes up and stops on the 10th floor. Another beautiful woman, smelling of expensive perfume, gets on. She looks the old Italian woman up and down, says arrogantly "Calvin Klein, $150 an ounce!" Finally the elevator stops on the 20th floor and its doors open. The old woman looks both young women in the eye, turns around and lets off a huge ripper of a fart. She then bellows "Broccoli, 49cents a pound!"

THE ELEVATOR BABY

A pregnant woman just arrived at a hospital to deliver a baby. The delivery rooms were at the 10th floor. After a few minutes of waiting, she got on an elevator and pushed button 10. As the elevator started to go up, the (soon-to-be) infant felt tremendous pressure from the gravity change by the acceleration an decided to come out. The poor lady delivered the baby in the elevator just as it reached floor 10! She was  embarrassed by the looks of waiting passengers outside the doors, so Dr Sky Tower came over to console her. "Don't be so hmmm, embarrassed, ma'am." said Dr Sky Tower, "a few years ago there was a hohum, woman who delivered a baby right outside the elevator doors, even before she got into the humm,  elevator."
"@@*&$!" said the exasperated woman. "That was me!"

ELEVATORS ON STRIKE
Dr Sky Tower, Dr Katz and Shortz were at an elevator psychiatry convention together and were sharing a large suite at the top of a 75-storey skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators - the subject of their convention - had gone on strike and steadfast;y refused to work for a pittance and no recognition. So the elevators refused to carry passengers until they got a substantial salary increase, or fully qualified mechanics who actually knew how to fix them. That meant the two Shrinks and shortz would now have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room!!
Dr Katz said to Dr Sky Tower and Shortz, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell lawyer jokes for 25 flights, Shortz can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Dr Sky Tower can tell us his sad stories for the rest of the way. "
At the 25 floor, Dr Katz stopped telling jokes and Shortz began to sing. At the 51st floor Shortz stopped singing and Dr Sky Tower began to tell his sad stories.
"I will, hmmm, tell my saddest story first." said Dr Sky Tower. "I, ohno, left the room key in the car!!"

DR SKY TOWER'S FAVOURITE LONG BAD ELEVATOR JOKE:
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, (never having seen an elevator) responded: "Son, I have never seen any thing like this in my life. I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and they watched the small circular numbers light up. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then these numbers began to light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful woman stepped out.
The father's mouth dropped open with dumbfounded surprise. Not taking his eyes off  the woman, he said to his son, "Go get your mother."

COLONEL BLIMP AND SHORTZ THE ELEVATOR OPERATOR
This retired British officer, a real Colonel Blimp type, gets on the elevator to go to the Officers Club one afternoon. The elevator was an older model, and as expected, had a young blond male elevator operator. As Colonel Blimp gets on, his cabbage-and-beans lunch gets the better of him and he suddenly has the overwhelming desire to fart.
However, he's too proud to let one rip so sneaks out a silent one. This takes care of the funny noises but not thedog-fart stench which is so bad it literally peels the paint off the elevator walls. The elevator boy Shortz is the only other person in the lift and he doesn't have the smarts to realise the important thing is to ignore the un-ignorable event. Instead, Shortz blurts out, his eyes watering and his nose running - "D--dhuh, excuse me, Sir, but did you just f-fuh-fart?" Colonel Blimp snaps to attention, twiddles his handlebar moustache and roars - "Fart? FART??? Why of course I farted, you blithering idiot, boy! Do you think I smell like this all the time?"
"Dhuh." answered Shortz. He  pointed at the yellowed walls.  "No... but someone will have to pay for a new paint job!"

on to Bad Jokes 3 (NOOOOOO!!!)