Tonight me and my mom were playing cards and I was kicking her butt. She's a very sore loser and gets very upset when she's on a losing streak. Anyway, she got so ticked off at me, that she called me "Joe" to make me feel bad.
(In case you don't know, Joe is this guy who is living with us who is an alcoholic, and is so mean to me...plus we hate each other, and he trys to make me feel bad)
When my mom called me Joe I wanted to cry. Then I thought about going into my room to cut myself...I wanted to do A LOT of cutting. But insted I kept playing cards, let my mom win a few hands, and she sensed that I was upset because she called me Joe...(Which is the biggest put down, Or like the worst swear my mom could ever say to me, in my mind)
After about a half hour I didn't want to cut anymore.
Then this guy Bruce called and got my mom all angry. Joe, the real Joe, was over his house and he wanted to come back here. But my mom wouldn't let him because she knows that he lied to her tonight. He said at 7:30pm that he was going out with Bruce to go shovel someones drive way. Well DUH....If you know Joe and Bruce, you know that what they REALLY did, was go to a bar. So my mom was going around the house screaming and swearing about how much Joe pisses her off.
Now you can see why calling me "Joe" is the biggest insult in my mind.
Anyway, the point is I guess, that I wanted to cut SOOOO bad, but I didn't. Normally I would have, but I want to quit...For good! It's really an addiction, and I haven't cut in a few weeks. So like Joe would go to AA, and say, "I'm Joe, I'm an alcoholic...I've been sober for about 5 hours" I would go to counseling and say, "I'm Becky, and I self-injure. I haven't cut in about 2 and a half weeks." Joe doesn't want to quit drinking. I want to quit cutting.
The main reason I don't like Joe is because he has the nerve to say to me, "I'm sooo much better than you! I'm smarter than you, I'm older than you, and you're mom likes me more than you!!"
At first I believed him, because that was what I was telling myself...Now I know that Joe isn't smarter than me, he IS older than me (although he doesn't act like it), and my mom could never like him more than me.
Hmmm...I think this entry turned into a Joe bashing...Or maybe just me venting. I don't know really...
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I don't know if this entry makes any sense to anybody who doesn't know me... But the people who do know me, know exactly what I'm talking about...I hope! lol
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