Ah, in the words of some band, possibly Nickelback, “It’s been a whaaaaaaaaaaa, sin ah bwah oooooooo maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…” I’m certain, however, that if you’ve checked out the recent additions to the site, you’ll agree it was worth the wait. As was, for that matter, your team, because at the moment the ‘Hens are playing head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes above every squad in the Champlain Valley Baseball League.
Things didn’t start out spectacularly. The CVBL’s powers that be would coincide opening day with the Super Bowl if they had the money to outfit the players with snowshoes, and with the exception of a few professional job-havers the likes of Dave Davidson, the Mudhens are a heavily college-laden team. The league’s anti-Barnard conspiracy notwithstanding, your dirtbirds managed to weather the storm for the first few weeks. They dropped a disappointing game to the noticeably Peryea-less Hornets, and lost both ends of a twinbill to the noticeably Peryea-like Jon Dumas and his Miners, but also swept the vaunted Timberjaxx (“The Extra X is for Our X-tra Sucky Field”) out of Mudhens Coliseum.
Then Plattsburgh forgot it lies at the north end of these United States and not the south end of the Indian subcontinent, and decided to enter monsoon season. A doubleheader with the Cardinals was erased by the rain, as was a series vs. Loreman’s that could very well have produced Dan Hoffman’s annual cheap homerun. The ‘Hens took the unexpected vacation in stride, hitting the weights, downing protein burgers, and biding their time until God had washed the land clean of infidels.
And since then, to put it simply, they’ve been entirely and unequivocally incapable of losing even a single half of each Sunday’s double matinee. First came the hapless Hornets, whose humble hitting had hardly a hope in hottest hell hagainst the ‘Hens. The Bataan Death Drive to Tupper Lake failed to slow the M-Train, as Hoffman and Terry shut down Jimmy Knight and his potent bats to the tune of three hits in two games. And Lyon Mountain, reeling from the loss of Scott Baker, who in turn was reeling from the loss of part of a finger, never stood a chance. Mike Bergman’s homerun deep into the Saranac afternoon sent the message loud and clear: “We are the greatest team in CVBL history.”
Well don’t get too far ahead of yourself, Mike Bergman’s homerun deep into the Saranac afternoon. You may well end up being correct, but there’s a long road to hoe beforehand. Tomorrow’s single game versus the Cardinals will be a trial by fire, as the ‘Hens travel to a strange field inhabited by fans openly hostile toward anyone and everyone not wearing navy blue or clutching a warm can of Keystone Light. Win that one, and the Mudhens might just forget how to lose completely. Game on.
MUDHENS ROUNDUP!
HEY, WE HAVE A WEBSITE – Yes, we’ve finally decided to get things back up and running, so go exploring. Changes include a sleeker format for new pages, updated player profiles, new “Ask the Hens” and “Views from the Roost” columns, and the acknowledgment of Travis Lavarnway as a member of the team. Expect brand-spankin’-new pix in various sections next week, and check out the frontpage marquee for the latest updates.
OUCH – Tragedy struck in Lyon Mountain in the form of a foul ball squarely into the back of Mudhen fanatic Jamie Conklin. While no website staff members were onhand to observe the incident personally, inside info has it that Dana MacDougal pulled Jamie into harm’s way to protect herself from the offending projectile. Inside info also has it that website staff members hope Dana MacDougal doesn’t read this column.
HE ALSO GETS SEAWEED WRAPS IN THE EVENING – Mudhens fans have been abuzz this season over the newly-bronzed beauty of catcher Dave Davidson. Dave has denied rumors that he’s a regular at the beach, which can only mean he’s taken to tanning at a local beauty salon. Views from the Roost salutes Dave for the courage he’s displayed in openly flaunting his more feminine tendencies.
OI VEY! – The Mudhens’ Jewish following has exploded this season following the addition of a second Hebrew Hammer to the C. R. Tunes lineup. Dan Hoffman has been showing newcomer Matt Kahan the ropes, all the while keeping in touch with their common heritage by sharing matzoh ball soup and emitting dugout chatter in Yiddish. The Mudhens’ commitment to cultural diversity is truly a feather in the cap of the CVBL.
WHEEEEE! – Tomorrow’s slate of games brings a new twist to the CVBL schedule. All six teams will play in Lyon Mountain as part of a community field day. Come on down, join in the fun, and pray to God you make it out alive!