Beauty and the Geek: Episode 3
by Godeerc VanDrey
with Creedog VanDrey
Category: Beauty and the Geek
Genre: Reality, Humor
Rating: PG
Language: English
Summery: Two teams down… five remaining.
The competitions heat up as the teams tread some familiar ground with a
much trickier twist.
A/N: Wow, I eliminated
Riley and Jessie. Even I didn’t see that
coming. You should try this “simulation”
writing some time. It’s scary what you
come up with.
Brian: (voiceover) What you’re about to see is a social experiment, designed to find out if seven beautiful women and seven geeks can help each other to become a whole lot more…
Last time on Beauty and the Geek, our contestants were challenged to expand their horizons. The men immersed themselves in celebrity culture.
(in the meeting room, Brian holds up the pop culture magazines)
And the women were challenged to become experts in geek culture.
(Brian holds up a Star Wars encyclopedia)
The teams came together to prepare…
(moments later)
Jessie: …Nicole Kidman…
(moments later)
Riley: …little blond girl named after a state…
(moments later)
Matt: (interview room) The teams are supposed to be in competition, but there was this free flow of knowledge.
Brian: (voiceover) The guys played Six Degrees of Separation between Kevin Bacon and Mark Hamill.
Josh: (kneeling and bowing to Mark Hamill) You are my king, Master Jedi Skywalker!
(during the competition, the men furiously draw diagrams on large whiteboards)
Matt: What was his name!?
Riley: What was that movie called!?
Josh: He was in that thing with the thing and that thing with the guy!
Brian: (voiceover) And Chris emerged victorious with only seconds to spare.
(Chris runs from his whiteboard with a sheet of paper in hand, with James right behind him; he dazedly hands the sheet of paper to Kevin Bacon)
Mark Hamill: (reading his paper) …with yours truly… Mr. Mark Hamill. We have our winner.
Brian: (voiceover) And the girls participated in a scavenger hunt.
(the girls sit at a picnic table and read cards; Aubrey runs off)
Kayley: (weeping into her card) What does it mean?!
Brian: (voiceover) And Aubrey soundly beat the competition.
(Aubrey returns with a hotdog, which Mark Hamill and Kevin Bacon examine closely, for humorous effect)
(
Brian: (voiceover) After a relaxing dip in the hot tub…
(the teams are engaged in a water fight)
Anna: (screaming) Okay, whoever took my top had better give it back!
Brian: (voiceover) …our two winning teams sent two teams to the Elimination Room.
Chris: Riley and Jessie.
Aubrey: James and Constance.
Brian: (voiceover) And one team emerged victorious…
(in the Elimination Room with the men)
Brian: This movie won eleven Academy Awards, years before either Titanic or Lord of the Rings accomplished the same feat. Name this movie.
James: Ben-Hur…
Brian: Where did Tom Cruise propose to Katie Holmes?
Riley:
(with the women)
Brian: This rocky or crystalline substance in the Superman
mythos… (
Brian: (voiceover) And one team was sent home.
Brian: What is Captain Kirk’s middle name?
Jessie: Telemachus?
Brian: I’m afraid that is incorrect. The correct answer was Tiberius. We don’t need to continue. Constance and James, you are our champions.
Riley: (interview room) (teary) You know, I can deal with losing. I did say good-bye to Aubrey, but had I any clue that I actually would have left, I would have done it so much better. I should have kissed her.
Jessie: (interview room) I don’t like to lose! I’m too competitive! Huh, I didn’t get any action on this show! Now, I’m jealous. (rolls her eyes)
(Riley and Jessie exit with suitcases)
(James and Constance sneak up the stairs)
(“I’ve got the brains… you’ve got the looks… let’s make lots of money…”)
Scene 1: Chris and Jolie’s Bedroom
(James and Constance pop in to lots of cheering and hugging)
(Aubrey stands in the back, looking sad and angry)
Aubrey: (voiceover) I prepared myself for this. I knew there was a good chance he might not come back.
(Chris sees her and grabs Jolie by the arm)
Chris: (when he has her attention) Aubrey’s not happy about this. She’s gonna blame you no matter what. And I’m sorry in advance.
Jolie: (stoically) I know. And I can deal with her, Chris.
Jolie: (interview room) Chris is so concerned, it’s almost a headache. But I appreciate it. And he’s right, Aubrey gonna take it out on me.
(he nods)
Scene 2: Aubrey and Josh’s Room
(Aubrey, Kayley, and Anna are painting each others nails)
Kayley: Aubrey, at the risk of being tactless, I’m sorry about Riley.
Aubrey: Well, a boat left in a harbor… (emotionally) You know how the boat story goes. It happens, and I’m sad, but I can’t do anything about it. One couple was bound to be broken up.
Anna: (pauses to think) What do you mean? It’s only been you and Riley.
Aubrey: Well, Chris seemed interested in
Kayley: They exchanged glances, but it wasn’t like they’re having a covert liaison. Frankly, I’m suspicious of what he thinks about Jolie.
Anna: Frankly, I’m suspicious of what he thinks about you. Or me. The kid’s quiet.
Scene 3: Chris and Jolie’s Room
(Josh and Chris are chatting; Jolie is sitting in an armchair reading a book)
Josh: So, don’t let Aubrey know I’m fraternizing with the enemy.
Chris: We’re not enemies. We’re competitors, and usually only on the playing field.
Josh: It’s not me. It’s Aubrey, really, she, um…
Jolie: Josh, I’m right here, and I don’t care you if you come out with it. Aubrey and I have this animosity-tension thing going on between us, and hopefully, it blows over.
Josh: I don’t know. You guys did send Riley away.
Chris: Which was my doing. A temporary oversight. I’d forgotten about their little fling. She ought to blame me.
Jolie: (drops her book) Chris, against my better judgment, I’m going to tell you why Aubrey strikes a bad chord with me. She thinks you’re a geek.
Chris: We’re all geeks. It’s the nature of the show.
Josh: And compared to me, Chris is total Padawan level.
Jolie: Star Wars; I’ve been in his house too long. (recalls) When you did you little spiel the first day, she chuckled.
Chris: “Chuckled?” I’m guessing, “you gotta be there?”
Jolie: Chris, she showed no respect for you. I was defending your honor.
Chris: (smiles) Please understand I do appreciate that as much as I would had it been a more humorless situation.
Jolie: Never mind.
Chris: (interview room) Jolie defended my honor. I couldn’t figure out what to say to let her know I appreciated it.
Josh: Anyway, what was your team in Final Fantasy I?
Chris: You know, it’s been too long since I’ve played.
Josh: Let me guess: Fighter, Black Belt, White Mage, and Black Mage?
Chris: No Black Belt. I’m not an idiot.
Josh: Ah, the Force is strong within this one! Then you’ll appreciate this team: three Fighters and a Red Mage.
Chris: (considers it) Seems to me a little weak on magic, but I can see the strategy.
Josh: Red Mage can do both black and white magic, for everything but the highest level. That’s still quite a bit of magic. And definite fighting.
Chris: Though, aren’t Fighters expensive to equip?
Josh: Yeah, but it’s worth it.
Jolie: What did I get myself into?
Chris: (interview room) It kinda sucks that I’ve ticked off Aubrey. Josh is a fun guy. Has a much higher geek quotient than most of us.
Scene 4: The Meeting Room, Day 6
(Brian waits behind the table)
(Aubrey takes her place in one of the tall chairs; Josh stands behind her)
(Jolie sits on the left side of the couch; Chris sits on the arm and leans onto the back with his arm behind Jolie)
(Kayley takes the other end of the couch, and
(Anna sits beside Kayley and Matt sits in front on her, resting his arms on the coffee table)
(
(Anna puts her hands on Constance’s and Kayley’s knees; Constance follows suit by putting her hands on Anna and Jolie’s knees; Anna and Jolie soon join in)
(Chris leans forward and puts his free hand on Jolie’s knees; Kendall and Matt blindly put their hands over their hand and grab wildly; James places his hands on Anna’s and Constance’s heads)
(Josh puts his hands on Aubrey’s shoulder, who chuckles to herself)
Brian: (holding back laughter) Whenever you guys are ready.
(they untangle themselves)
Brian: We here at Beauty and the Geek have a tradition for our third competitions. Does anyone remember?
Josh: (immediately) Women’s fashion and rocket science.
Brian: Correct. You will all recall the competitions from
Season 1. You all are already probably
thinking about how to best win the competition, and I’m here to let you know:
we have brand-new competitions for you all.
Frankly, I think they’re more difficult.
But, guys, we still have material for you. (reveals a stack of very
thick catalogs) The Bloomingdale’s annual catalog and probably the least
exciting
Kendall: I’ll take the least exciting
Josh: Me, too.
Brian: And, ladies, for you… (reveals a pile of rocket science textbooks)
(the women laugh appreciatively)
Brian: You have the most of the day to study. The women’s competition will be at 8:00 tonight. We’ll be taking the bus to a special location. That is all.
(they leave)
Anna: (interview room) Rocket Science. There’s a reason we call hard stuff “rocket science.” ‘Cause it’s hard! (pause) I sound like Jessica Simpson.
Scene 5: The Solarium
(the teams meeting together, trying to study)
Kendall: (interview room) (folding his hands) I cannot
express how embarrassing it is to read the
Kayley: (interview room) It’s kind of disturbing being in a
room full of guys reading the
Jolie: (interview room) So, I’m absorbing nothing. Rein. Lots of math, which I have spent years putting a mental block on. Equations in one ear and out the other. Frankly, I’m not sure how much good it will do. You don’t need to know any real rocket science to assemble a baking soda-and-vinegar bottle rocket.
James: I do. It makes
me suspicious they they’re gonna want us to purchase
lingerie for our partners. (he avoids eye contact with
Matt: Me, too. I questioned whether the producers would allow something like that, but I realized, (obvious tone) yes.
Kayley: I actually don’t think it’d be a bad idea for us to give our sizes to the guys. Last season, the guys got in trouble for not knowing their partner’s measurements well.
Aubrey: Okay, but I gotta tell you, no one’s gonna be surprised to learn I’m a 34D and a size 10.
Kayley: You’re a 10? Girl, you don’t look it.
Aubrey: I’d be an 8 if it weren’t for Olivia and Miranda.
Aubrey: They’re what Josh named my breasts.
Matt: You named her breasts?
Josh: (defensively) She asked me to. It was a bonding exercise.
Josh: I wanted to name them Arwen and Éowyn, but she didn’t want them named after elven princesses.
James: But Arwen wasn’t really a princess, just high nobility. And Éowyn was human, and only the niece of a king, albeit one adopted by the king after the death of her parents.
(silence)
Josh: Okay, I know that. It was her mistake. That’s why I changed the names to Olivia and Miranda.
Chris: (groaning and holding his forehead) …named after the actresses who portrayed them in the movie: Liv Tyler and Miranda Otto.
Anna: But Liv Tyler’s real first name is Liv. It’s Scandinavian. It’s in no way related to the name Olivia.
Jolie: (exasperated) Why are we still having the conversation? I still don’t know anything about escape velocity. Oh, and by the way… (hand Chris a slip of paper)
(Chris reads over it and looks up at her)
Jolie: What?
Chris: Nothing, just none of these figures surprise me.
(Jolie looks at what she’s pointing at, rolls her eyes, and pulls her shirt taut from behind)
Kayley: (looks at the sheet) What does “pink” mean?
Jolie: It’s my favorite color.
Chris: I already knew. Practically everything she brought is pink.
(hours later)
Aubrey: (looking bored) This has got to be the more boring subject ever. I mean, cool applications, but dull as… you know what.
Matt: Aubrey, you do realize that Riley’s an astrophysicist?
Aubrey: If you think we spent our time talking about our jobs, you are so naïve.
(later)
(Jolie is asleep in a fluffy armchair with the space shuttle book against her chest; Chris, who is perched precariously over her body, shushes Matt and James, who are muffling laughs as he lightly blows on Jolie’s face to make her twitch in her sleep)
(Kayley and Constance have made a small tower out of their books, which collapses)
(the noise wakes up Jolie, who lunges forward, only to be held tightly embraced by the extremely close Chris)
Chris: Sorry, you fell asleep. Some books fell.
Jolie: (disoriented) Thanks. (pulls away) What’s the escape velocity for Earth?
Chris: 40000 kilometers per hour. It’s about 25000 miles per hour.
Jolie: (smiles) Rockets go that fast?
Chris: They accelerate to that speed by the time they leave the Earth’s atmosphere.
Jolie: And in space? That’s a lot of rocket fuel to keep going that fast.
Chris: There’s negligible air resistance in space. The shuttle keeps moving because of inertia. Since Earth’s gravity pulls it closer and it’s moving at a right angle to the pull, it just encircles it over and over. It’s called orbit.
Jolie: (still hazy) My head hurts because of all the science.
(Chris lays her back into the chair and she goes back to sleep)
Kayley: (whispers to James and Kendall) Who was the first man in space?
Kayley: You mean the Commies beat us?
James: We got to the moon first. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin on July 20, 1969. That might be an important tidbit.
Scene 6: Outside Edwards Air Force Base, 8:44 PM
(the teams sit inside the moving RV)
Aubrey: (looks out the window) Edwards Air Force Base.
Matt: You’ve got to be kidding me. This is why they wanted you to study rocket science?
Jolie: They’re not gonna make us fly jets or something, are they?
Chris: That takes years of training.
Kayley: Well, like it or not, guys, we’re definitely going in.
Matt: (interview room) An Air Force base? This could be interesting.
Scene 7: Inside a Large Hanger
(Brian walks up to the curious contestants)
Brian: Welcome, teams, it looks like you’re in need of some explanation.
(the girls nod)
Brian: Well, we have Technical Sergeant Allen Mackley here to explain your competition.
TSgt. Mackley: Well, ladies, the
United States Air Force has quite a treat for you today. Before you are five MAT simulators, on loan
from the
(A/N: I would like to assure my readers that the women have been checked medically before being allowed to perform this stunt; they were probably given motion sickness medicine beforehand and there are, of course, medics and technical experts on hand in case anything were to go wrong.)
(the girls are restrained with five-point harnesses by Air Force personnel; Anna flirts with hers)
(the airman in charge of Aubrey’s harness takes longer the rest to adjust hers in order to fit her body shape)
(the women give the thumbs-up and the machines start to twist and twirl)
(they start screaming and yelping immediately)
(wires are seen to be flying around as the girls are nearly helpless to grab them)
(before long, the girls are holding wires in their teeth as they meticulously rewire their boards one at a time)
(the guys all anxiously smile as they watch)
Kayley: (screams) I can’t read the board! (she blinks several times)
(she presses her button and her machine slows to a stop; she motions that she’s doesn’t want to be let out yet)
Kayley: (interview room) Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m a quitter. But I was getting a serious headache and double vision.
Jolie: (to herself) Green wire in blue outlet 2. (presses a button and one end of a blue wire flies out and it dangles back and forth in all directions)
Aubrey: (groans; all her wires are unclipped on one end) Red wire from white to yellow. (grabs the flailing red wire)
(Anna plugs in her final wire, but the light doesn’t go on; she looks over the board again)
(Jolie plugs in her second-to-last wire and scans the instructions again)
(
(Anna and Aubrey soon follow her, having pressed their buttons with wires still hanging)
Aubrey: (interview room) Man, was I glad when that was over.
(Jolie’s chair stops a few moments later with no wires hanging)
Jolie: (with child-like pride) I finished!
(the Air Force airmen release the girls, then support them, as they are very dizzy)
Anna: (to the airman holding her) Hey, handsome. (Matt takes her from him) Hey, give me back to Admiral Hotstuff.
Matt: Admiral is a naval term.
Anna: I don’t give a flip. You did not feel that guy’s pecs. (in a primal voice) Like warm marble… (purrs)
(Matt laughs at Anna’s ramblings)
Anna: (interview room) My Air Force guy was hot. No, I mean, so hot. I should have gotten his number. Stupid! (hits her forehead)
Jolie: (to Chris, who’s supporting her, in a matter-of-fact tone) I didn’t win again.
Chris: Don’t be so hard on yourself. You finished without pressing the button.
Jolie: I was seconds behind her.
Chris: (petting her hair) I’m proud of you.
Jolie: (teasing) What are you, my dad?
Chris: Wanna walk all by yourself, little girl?
Jolie: (her legs still shaky) Hold me, Daddy. (smirks)
Aubrey: (to Josh) Did it look to you like that airman was taking advantage of me for a cheap feel?
Josh: No, probably wasn’t intentional. That’s not saying he didn’t have thoughts.
Josh: (interview room) What I would have paid to be the guy strapping in Aubrey. In fact, any of them would have been fine.
Scene 8: Kendall and Kayley’s Room
(Kayley digging through her bag)
Kayley: Call it a hunch. Now, Brian said that we women-folk have most of the day off tomorrow, while you guys will be off at your competition. I don’t know what’s going to take so long, but if you have to shop for clothes for me, especially specialty clothes, you’re going with any and all information you need. You got the measurement chart?
Kayley: Okay, big boy, measure away. Let’s start with the big three: hips, waist, bust.
(fifteen minutes later)
Kayley: We missing anything?
Kayley: We did outseam, right?
Scene 9: Day 7, 6:00 AM
(James’s legs are wrapped in the comforter and his upper
torso in the sheets;
(Aubrey’s legs are twisted in the sheets and her upper half is horizontal with the pillows; her shirt has ridden up to expose her entire midriff; Josh’s face is near her navel and his feet are hanging over the bed)
(Anna is sleeping on her arms, which rest on Matt’s shins; he lies face up with one pillow in his arms and the other under his head)
(the covers are thrown off; Chris is sleeping facedown with his head on his left arm; Jolie grasps his right forearm, her head resting on his hand; their feet touch)
(Kendall and Kayley sleep on their sides facing one another,
half a foot apart; Kayley has one of
Scene 10: The RV
(the men chat in the RV)
Kendall: So, show of hands, who’s terrified of where we’re going?
(they all raise their hands)
Chris: (interview room) I mean, they hinted that we needed to know the sizes of our partners and more. But what is the task?!
Brian: Well, guys, look out the window.
(all their faces fall)
Scene 11: The Mansion
(Kayley and Aubrey sunbathe; Anna, Constance, and Jolie swim in the pool)
Anna: Jolie, I think the question on everyone’s mind is… what’s with Chris?
Jolie: In terms of what?
Jolie: Hell if I know. Chris is pretty quiet.
Anna: (rolling her eyes) Tell me something I don’t know. Use your womanly intuition, girl.
Jolie: (lowering her voice) He doesn’t give Aubrey a second glance, but that could be me. Kayley I’m sure he finds attractive, but he doesn’t act weird around her the way he does me, for example. Or, you, Constance.
Jolie: “Cuddling” is overstating it. I’m a warm-blooded person, and I’m just moving toward the warm body.
Anna: Exactly how warm are we talking?
Jolie: Hey, you’re not exactly on opposite sides of the bed with Matt.
Anna: I sleep at his ankles. I’m a dog.
Aubrey: (peering over his sunglasses) Is that so? (giggles)
Jolie: (to
Kayley: Really? Fancies me?
Anna: Same diff. But Matt’s a flirt. Not enough of one for me. Though, can we pause of a moment for the airman that buckled me in that I may have lost forever?
Kayley: Anna, I hear you. I was about to make a move on him, too.
Anna: Oh, no, you weren’t. You’re talking about the future Mr. Anna Ossey.
Aubrey: You expect a military officer to take your name?
Anna: No, but he’d better not expect me to take his name. For really formal occasions, maybe, but this girl’s her own. Anyone with me?
Kayley: (Louisianan accent) Sorry, I’m an old-fashioned girl
from
Jolie: (Georgian accent) And I’m an old-fashioned girl from
Aubrey: For me, it’s a “we’ll see” kind of thing.
Kayley: Oh, and Jolie, your airman was mighty fine himself.
Jolie: (blank look) I don’t I even remember what he looks like. What the heck?
Anna: “What the heck” is right. How could you miss him? He was like six-two and two-hundred-something. And he had large hands.
Jolie: (smirks as she shakes her head) Whatever.
Kayley: Don’t like tall guys?
Jolie: If a guy’s too tall for me, it’s like… (tries to think of a metaphor)
Jolie: Yeah, but what’s that about?
Jolie: Well, I like ‘em taller than me.
(the girls burst into laughter)
Jolie: (shushing them) Alright, alright, ha ha ha, I made a funny. Let’s talk about
Kayley:
Anna: Alas, it is. My hero will come to me, in a B-52, which I’m not 100% sure is an actual plane, and even if it were, I’m not sure it’s a sweep-you-off-your-feet kind of plane.
Jolie: Thanks, but no thanks.
Kayley: Now, I would let him pull a Richard on me.
Anna: Oh, I guess I would, too.
Scene 12: C & L Fabric Shop
(a fabric store in the middle of a strip mall)
Chris: You do realize what this probably means.
James: (to Brian) We’re making clothes?
Brian: You’re very close. Come inside.
(they exit the bus and enter the store)
Brian: Men, your task is to build your partners a costume. She will be modeling the costume tonight at a fashion show, where it will be judged by a panel of fashion experts. You will be provided with unlimited fabric, though you shouldn’t need a whole lot. Now, you do not have to make everything from scratch. While you do have access to a guy-friendly sewing machine and any costume patterns in the store, you will also be allowed to use up to $100 each to purchase costumes from the racks, provided you modify it in some way. Whenever you’re ready to begin, you may.
(the guys each take a place at a sewing station, and start to think)
(slowly, several of them get smiles on their faces)
(they start to peer through the shelves of costume patterns)
(
(Chris picks up a pattern packet, but puts it back and grabs a different one with a smirk on his face)
Chris: (interview room) I wanted something very feminine for Jolie. I think what I had in mind would accent her look the best. Of course, I am probably one of the most fashionably clueless individuals on the planet.
(James grabs a packet, and takes it to the back of the store)
James: (interview room) I knew
(Josh grabs a packet from the shelves and sits down at his station in thought; he opens it, looking unsure of what to do)
(Chris immediately opens the packet and immediately heads to the fabric cutting center to buy some white fabric)
(later)
(
(James takes a pair of scissors to a pair of black leather pants)
(Chris is using his sewing machine to piece together a white garment)
(Matt is laying out a large pattern and walks off to the fabric center)
(Josh’s packet is discarded on the floor, unopened; he uses a tape measure to place marks on the backside of a thick, fuzzy fabric)
(later)
(Josh is pounded away at some grommets being added to his creation)
Josh: (interview room) So, it turns out that one of my secret talents isn’t making clothes.
(Chris is searching the costume accessories shelves with a pair of strappy sandals in his hand)
(James passes him with two black belts and starts to dig through the boots)
(
(Josh examines in great detail a high-heel sandal)
(Matt is sewing up what appears to be vest or bustier)
Matt: (interview room) Well, I got to say one thing. When I’m up to bat, I shoot for the wall. Now, my mother is a professional quilter, so I’m no stranger to a sewing machine. But, I’m not exactly its bosom buddy. In fact, (pauses) I lost my train of thought in all those metaphors.
(
(James works diligently on a thin strip of leather)
(Chris rolls white fabric strips into strings at the ends of one of his garments)
(Josh holds up a plastic tomahawk before returning it to the bin)
(
(later)
Brian: (bringing them a stack of garment bags) Okay, guys, thirty-minute warning. Remember, you must provide your partners with a complete costume. What is in this bag is all they will be able to wear at the fashion show, excluding makeup. You will have half an hour with your partner to make last-minute adjustments once we get there, so if you want to throw in some extra fabric, thread, or anything else, you may fill up a plastic bag with what you’ll think you’ll need. Sewing scissors will be provided.
(in plastic check-out bags, the guys throw in spools of thread and needle kits, extra scraps of cloth, and random extras)
(they each zip up a garment bag and hand it to Brian)
Brian: All right, guys, load up. Fashion show is tonight!
Scene 13: The Mansion
(the girls greet their partners)
(many of the guys hug their partners in fear)
Anna: Uh-oh. What’s going on?
Matt: Our task was to make you gals costumes.
Anna: (interview room) Costume? Oh my god. Should I be scared?
James: If we didn’t build it from scratch, anything we used had to be modified.
Kayley: Well, don’t keep us in suspense!
Josh: Yeah, we actually have to. It’s no big deal, but they asked us to keep it a surprise.
Brian: Less than an hour. You’re all booked for a fashion show tonight at 9:00. We leave in ten minutes. You won’t need to bring anything.
Jolie: (interview room) Oh, I love how they put us girls in stereotypical hot-babe scenarios, like modeling.
Kayley: We miss anything?
Kayley: Eight-and-a-half.
Kayley: (interview room) We forgot shoe size. (shakes her head solemnly)
Matt: So, how’d the afternoon go?
Anna: Oh, excellent. We had a great girls’ night out. Or a girls’ day out, should I say. Or a girls’ day in, I suppose.
Scene 14: Kayley’s Dressing Room
(
Kayley: You’re hilarious. I dearly hope there some hose in there.
Kayley: What about a top hat?
Kayley: Perfect. (smiling) I think that this will work. Wait till we pair this with the hair and make-up job I’ve got in mind. We’ll knock ‘em dead.
Scene 15: Jolie’s Dressing Room
(Chris stands with his back to Jolie, who’s dressing)
Jolie: This costume doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination
Chris: Yeah, I suppose. It shouldn’t be that tight.
Jolie: It’s white, it’d better not be. Could you tie this in the back?
(he turns around to see her holding two strings behind her neck; her back is bare and she’s wear a straight skirt that comes up to her lower thigh; he ties the strings behind her neck)
Jolie: (turns around; the skirt is attached to two, tall triangular pieces of cloth in the front which extend up over her breasts and tie behind her neck, forming a plunging neckline; she wears a gold cord around her waist as a belt) What is it? A toga?
Chris: Here. (turns her around in front of the mirror, and lays a halo tiara on her head)
Jolie: (smiling widely) An angel… (looks touched) A slightly scantily clad angel….
Chris: I wanted to be competitive. There’s more. (pulls out a set of angel wings, about two and half feet tall and three feet across)
Jolie: Tell me you didn’t make those.
Chris: Modified is more like it. I took them off another costume. (slips two cloth-covered rings around her arms and onto her shoulders; with a string that runs through brackets at the root of the wings; he pulls both sides down and ties it to her belt so the wings flair out)
(she also slips on some glittery, small-heel sandals)
Chris: So?
Jolie: This is amazing, Chris. How did you…?
Chris: My mom made me a costume every Halloween for years. You think it’s good?
Jolie: (serious) Chris, if you asking me if you think it’s competitive, I’ll tell you realistically; it depends on the other guys’ costumes. On the one hand, this is beautiful. I love it. It fits well; it suits me. But if another team as a decent outfit, the odds may not be in our favor. I’m not a model and have zero experience with it. I will do my best to walk confidently. (lightens her tone) But, Chris, competition aside, I really think you did a magnificent job.
(they hug; she turns around to admire herself bright-eyed, rubbing her arms)
Jolie: (interview room) Chris is just full of surprises. I look like an angel, so he makes me an angel costume. (smiles) The kid’s growing on me.
Chris: Cold?
Jolie: (smirking) You’re asking the girl who clings onto warm bodies in bed and wears an oversized bathrobe in the mornings, who is now wearing a sleeveless, backless, short-skirted outfit, if she’s cold.
Chris: Then my intuition was right to sneak this out. (holds a red fleece blanket)
Jolie: (smiles appreciatively) Thanks. (backs into the blanket and wraps it around herself) You know, Chris, I find it so ridiculous that you don’t have a girlfriend. There’s a world of women who are missing out. Have you ever had a girlfriend?
Chris: Well, in high school, I met this girl who was interested in me. We went to different high schools and met at this camp. I wanted to start a long-distance relationship. Turns out she’d found another guy at home within a week of getting back. (Jolie cringes) I did have a girlfriend in my senior year, but she actually never let me call her that. (Jolie laughs sympathetically) All through college, I had female friends, some of which I took to dances and stuff, but nothing serious ever developed. Then I went to Georgia Tech. Not exactly where people go to find women. (Jolie giggles)
Jolie: (realizes something) Wait, have you ever been kissed? (he hesitates to answer) That’s a bad sign.
Chris: There’s a technicality.
Jolie: How can there be a technicality? (he leans over to whisper in her ear) Yeah, I
wouldn’t want all of
Chris: Life goes on.
Jolie: It does. Just make sure you don’t let it pass you by.
(Chris considers this)
Scene 16: Aubrey’s Dressing Room
(Josh is holding up a leopard print tube top of sorts and a loin cloth skirt)
Aubrey: You’re insane!
Josh: I’m not very good at it. It seemed easy and classic.
Aubrey: And skanky?
Josh: So, I went at it from the sex appeal angle. What’s wrong with that?
Aubrey: The judges. What kind of people go into fashion? Be stereotypical.
Josh: Women, and some men, though they’re usually… (epiphany) Oh.
Aubrey: (sighs) Sorry, I didn’t mean to come down on you. You have to understand I work in fashion and my standards are really high. In fact, if you’re any indication, the other guys aren’t Ralph Lauren either. In fact, I’m a huge asset to us, since I can work with your design. Let me try it on.
(goes behind a changing wall; Josh watches her shadow undress and put on the top and bottom)
Josh: So?
Aubrey: Well, this top I admire from an engineering standpoint. You did the lace-up from scratch?
Josh: (proudly smiling) Every last grommet.
Aubrey: And this inner drawstring belt on the waist, with its own tuck-in pocket?
Josh: Yep.
Aubrey: You know, you’re a sitting goose in the fashion world, but you should try your hand at the function-over-form world of clothing: camping clothes and whatnot. (pause) Uh-oh.
Josh: Something wrong?
Aubrey: (comes out holding the tube top up) I rescind my comment about function. This top doesn’t… curve in. It’s… can-shaped.
Josh: Cylindrical.
Aubrey: Yeah. (reaches to grab something hanging over the wall, but can’t reach and hold her tube top on at the same time) Hand me my camisole. (points to the tall wall)
Josh: What’s that? (look at the myriad of garments hanging over the wall)
Aubrey: (laughs) The lacy, tank top-looking thing.
Josh: Sorry. (hands her the red camisole) So, what’s the problem?
Aubrey: (starts to put the camisole over her cavewomen top) Imagine a water balloon inside a tuna fish can with no top or bottom. If the balloon just fits inside, what happens if you move the can?
Josh: The balloon will pop out. (understand the analogy) Oh.
(Aubrey reaches her hand behind to untie the lacing, loosens it with her hands, reaches her hand under the camisole and pulls it down, and steps out of it without missing a beat)
Josh: (staring) I am so turned on right now.
Aubrey: (laughs out loud) Okay, down to business. What did you bring with you to make modifications?
Josh: We got fabric scissors and I brought some needle and thread. But that’s it.
Aubrey: (takes this in stride) It’s okay. I’ve worked with less. (smiles)
Aubrey: (interview room) So, Josh, made me a cavewoman’s tube top of sorts, which wasn’t designed with my womanly curves in mind. He better thank his lucky stars I work in textile.
Aubrey: Alright, here’s what’s happening. We’re going to be going with a mesh pattern. (Josh gives her a “huh” look; she starts making slits around the midsection of the unlaced tube top) Since the fabric has low… stretchiness. (pauses as she searches for the word)
Josh: Elasticity?
Aubrey: Yes, I ought to know that word. Since, it’s inelastic, we make this small slits, which allows the garment to expand around the middle, allowing for curvature. In addition, (she starts trimming the edges of the top) we’re going to round out the shape to make it appear more circular. (she gives the upper half of the top a heart shape in the middle) And we’ll cut out small wedges and sew them back together to round in the bottom a tad.
(a few minutes later)
(she tries it on; around the center line, the slits pull open and it curves around her bust better; it is still very revealing, showing nearly all of the top half of her breasts)
Aubrey: Hmmm. (peeks down the top) That’s a little too close for comfort. (turns around) Loosen me up. (when Josh does, she pulls the top up about an inch; Josh reties it; she turns around; it is slightly more modest in the front) Well, we’re giving them peeks from below, but hey, can’t be picky, can we?
Josh: I messed up.
Aubrey: It was a trial by fire, and I’d give you a C− if this were a test. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We make an okay team. We’re like a team that compliments each others’ talents. Like, um…
Josh: The Wonder Twins?
Aubrey: I don’t know, but we’ll go with that. Don’t worry. Even if we don’t win, I think we’re in the clear for this round. No one has any reason to eliminate us.
Scene 17: Outside
(James is let into the room)
(Constance is wearing her costume: black leather shorts, which are shaped so that they come to a large point on the outside of her thighs; a black leather full-bustier, covering everything, but cut into an asymmetrical zigzag along the bottom; tall black boots; parts of the costume are attached to one another by belts attached at awkward angles, and one acting as a strap for her top)
James: No, it’s supposed to be a superheroine costume. Kind of a mix between Huntress and Catwoman.
James: Are you doubting my talents?
James: It doesn’t show any more than it ought to. It show very little midriff, hardly any
cleavage, not that much leg, and it’s designed to draw attention to the costume
rather than to the body in it. Compared
with
James: (pulls out a bag of costume weapons) Find something appropriate.
James: I got these bracelets. (pulls two leather straps from
the bag, which
(James pulls out a larger strap with a green jewel in the middle)
James: (rolls his eyes) You look very Xena Warrior Princess.
Scene 18: The Hallway Outside the Dressing Rooms
(a loud ululation is heard; some of the teams peek out to see what the ruckus was about)
Scene 19: Anna’s Dressing Room
(Matt unzips the bag to reveal an Irish step dancer’s costume; Anna looks unimpressed)
Matt: Something wrong?
Anna: My perspective. I took five years of step dancing class when I was younger, so I’m used to professionally-made costumes. However, now that I look at it knowing it was made by someone who’s never made one? (upturns her voice into a question as she looks at Matt; he shakes his head) I’m impressed. Made from a pattern?
Matt: Yeah. But I did choose the fabric.
Anna: Don’t flatter yourself. There’s only so many good plaid patterns. But you did follow the directions well. I’ll try it on and make sure it fits.
(later)
Anna: Yeah, it doesn’t fit.
Matt: Uh, are we in trouble?
Anna: It only requires minor adjustments. Did you bring anything to alter it with?
Matt: Full sewing kit, but I don’t know what to do.
Anna: Men. (takes the sewing kit with Matt has retrieved and starts to examine the clothes)
Anna: (interview room) I was a little hard on Matt. But I think he gets that I was just in the competitive spirit.
Matt: (interview room) Anna must be in a really competitive mood, because she was taking the whole ordeal very seriously.
Scene 20: The Runway
(the teams, in civilian clothes stand near the back as Brian starts his monologue)
Brian: Okay, teams, now that you’ve all had a chance to examine your costumes, it’s time for you to meet the judges. First off, we have Kristina Montgomery, fashion director for Bazaar magazine. (the tall woman nods her head) Next, we have Alonso Bitani, one of the top designers for Levi Strauss. (the bald man smiles) And on the far right is Mia Ryanston, an Elle magazine fashion editor. (she smiles sweetly) They’ll be grading you on the costumes you’ve made for your partners. So, if you’re ready, please return to your dressing rooms and get ready.
(later)
Brian: (reading off a list) First off, we have Anna, in an Irish step dancer’s costume designed by Matt.
(with her hair curled, lips crimson, and cheeks heavily rouged, Anna walks down the runway with a large smile and wide strides to make her skirt flutter; she holds her hands on her hips; when she gets to the end, she adopts a picture perfect dancing pose with her right foot crossing in front of her left; she kicks the foot out and pivots her foot to walk back down the aisle; the judges study her critically)
Anna: (interview room) I debated whether to go into a short routine, but I ultimately decided against it. I’m way out of practice, and even if I nailed it, I’m sure it would have come off tacky. Hopefully the dress looked good.
Brian: Next, we have
(her hair artificially straight and stiff, and with deep maroon lips, and dark eye shadow, Constance walks down the runway taking quick, cat-like strides with her hands behind her; when she reaches the end she snakes her body in a half-circle before walking down the runway as before, if not a bit quicker)
Brian: Next, we have Aubrey. Aubrey’s cavewoman costume is the work of Josh.
(her hair heavily teased and with autumn-red lip stick, Aubrey walks down the aisle with a detached expression; she adopts a model-esque pose near the end and returns, holding her hand to her chest)
Aubrey: (interview room) I could not clown this up. For one thing, I was a little worried about Miranda and Olivia. I have no doubt that the producers will leave in the explanation for that joke. Anyway, the girls, let’s say they were, um, jumping for joy? I should not have been wearing high heels. Anyway, I was scared that they, um, wanted to… there’s not a good euphemism. They wanted to… put a Tara Reid. (smirks) And, in fact, they did. Luckily, backstage.
Brian: Please welcome, Jolie, who angel costume was designed by Chris.
(with her hair heavily brushed and sashaying, her lips a rosy pink color, and much of her skin covered in gold glitter, Jolie walks with measured, deliberate paces; she has a dreamy expression and looks back and forth into space; at the end of the runway, she spins quickly and walks back in a similar manner)
Jolie: (interview room) Well, the dress, or whatever you call it, really had to speak for itself. I did walk and spin in such a way that I hoped my wings would flap a little bit. (grins) Though, I’m not a model, and the dress was really the selling point. Which I guess it should be, since it was Chris’s competition. (shrugs her shoulders)
Brian: And, finally, we have
Kayley, whose costume is entitled, “Sexy Tuxedo,” and was designed by
(Kayley beauty queen-walks down the aisle, her hair hidden in a small top hat at the crown of her head, her lips a bright scarlet, and her cheeks sparkling with silver glitter; she bows elaborately at the end of the platform, taking her hat in her hand, and letting a bun of tight curls free; the judges smile)
Brian: Judges, make your final decisions.
(later, the teams are collected on the stage together, still
in costume, though
Brian: You have your final verdicts? (they nod) Let’s hear them.
Kristina Montgomery: Hands down, I believe the winner is
(Kendall and Kayley exchange happy glances)
Alonso Bitani: While I do agree
with everything Miss Montgomery said, I actually think that James’s costume was
the best. While Kayley costume was perfect for her,
(James and Constance smile)
Mia Ryanston: While I can’t refute anything my fellow judges have said, I, too, disagree. I found Chris’s costume to be breathtaking. While simpler than… most of the other costumes, (Aubrey smirks) I thought that it flawless, meticulously prepared. All the other costumes drew attention to the costume itself. In some cases that was a good idea. But the angel costume didn’t compete with Jolie’s beauty. I wouldn’t say it even enhanced it so much. I would say it worked with Jolie’s natural beauty, and that is all you ask from what you wear.
Brian: Well, it seems we have some controversy. Luckily, we’ve had our impartial judges tally up all the raw scores. The team with highest score will be our winner. (looks at a slip of a paper given to him) The winner of this competition, by only 7 of 300 points is… Kendall and Kayley.
(Kendall and Kayley share a celebratory hug)
Kayley: (interview room) Y’all, I am so excited. There were some kick-ass costumes out there, and I was not sure if we were gonna win. But we did, and I’m happy.
Aubrey: (interview room) I have to admit, the judges were right. We did have the weakest costume. But I’m not mad at Josh. In fact, I found out that we make a killer team. At first, I didn’t know how we were going to survive. But now, we’re one of those forces to be reckoned with. And there’s not a lot the other teams can do about it.
Scene 21: The Mansion, James and
(
James: Give it rest. We’ve got to talk about who we’re sending to the Elimination Room.
James: That’s not what that expression means.
James: (pauses) You won the competition. I’ll trust your judgment.
Scene 22: Kendall and Kayley’s Room
(the two lay on the bed together, side by side, talking)
Kayley: So, tell me, why are you so good at designing costumes, but you always ask for my help when picking out socks?
Kayley: You convinced one judge of that. The other two obviously thought so, too, but you didn’t pull a three of three like Shawn did.
Kayley: (tilts her head) The ER? Why are we hurting people?
Kayley: (thickens her accent) Can you blame me?
Kayley: The thing is, I’m kind of getting to know Aubrey really well, so strategy aside, I feel bad sending her.
Kayley: That leaves Anna and Jolie. You know, Anna and I aren’t at odds either. Jolie I’ve not clicked with. But, you know, she’s been like second place all three times. And Chris did win last competition.
Kayley: (pause) And does James have a thing for me?
Scene 23: Jolie and Chris’s Room
(the two finish packing)
Chris: Okay, almost ready? (he closes his suitcase and sets it beside the bed)
Jolie: Yeah. (walks up to him) Bear with me a second. (shoves him back onto the bed and crawls on top of him, kneeling over his waist.
Chris: I think I saw this in a movie once.
Jolie: (sighs; to herself) I said I wasn’t going to do this. (to Chris) Chris, there’s a possibility we’ll be sent to the Elimination Room. And in case this is may be my last chance to do this, here it goes. (breathes in and out; with emotion) You are such a sweet guy. And not the “you’re a nice guy” way in the sense that you’re too boring to date, but “nice” as in the type of guy I’m gonna marry in a few years: mature, caring, blah blah blah. (inhales and exhales slowly; with effort, continues) Just because you’re love-shy is no excuse for you to have such a… such an ambiguous first kiss. (Chris gives her a strange look; she says quickly) I’m going to give you the chance to redo it. What do you say?
Chris: (suddenly flops his body; causing Jolie to tumble forward; he catches her by her forearms and whispers) How can you not be married? Because you are, without a doubt, the most perfect woman to ever walk to planet. (he lets her forearms go and she supports herself, hovering less than a foot over his face)
(Chris takes her face in his hand and they kiss briefly)
(she smiles; he smiles back; she rolls herself off of him and lays beside him on the bed)
Jolie: So, anyway, now tell me about your first kiss.
Chris: (smiles; then enthusiastically) It was so hot. Okay, first, she pushes me onto the bed. Wait, wait, it gets better. She starts out by giving me this speech about how badly she wants me. (they chuckle together, Jolie feigning offense) So, then we kiss. Nothing big, but it was like you see in the movies. (nods provocatively)
Jolie: (smiles) Whew! I don’t know if even I could top that.
Chris: (giving her an over-the-top flirty look) You are welcome to try anytime.
Jolie: (rolls onto her side and lightly puts her hand on his cheek) We have to get down to the Main Hallway. (lightly pops him on the face and gets of the bed)
Chris: (interview room) (stressed out) You know, in a house with seven, now five, beautiful women, it’s hard enough not falling in love with all of them. It hard enough not falling in love with your partner: you share a bed with her, you compete with her … and frankly, I think Jolie is the most beautiful one. (pauses) So, the kiss did not help.
Jolie: (interview room) (uneasy) So, there were sparklets. Not the “Oh, wow, I’ve found my soul mate” kind of sparks, but “Oh damn, that kiss was not bad at all” sparklets. (holds her forehead, sighing) I think I want to marry him. Not “I’m in love with him.” Not by any means, but, like, someday, I want a guy like him. A lot like him. (groans) But in a few years! I am so not ready to pursue this.
Scene 24: The Main Hallway
(James, Constance, Kendall, and Kayley stand at the bottom of the stairs with Brian; the other teams stand together on the stairs)
Brian: Have you made your decisions? (both teams nod) Let’s hear them. Constance and James, you can go first.
James: (sympathetically) It’s never fun making these decisions. No matter what factors determine our decision, it seems personal. We wish you the best of luck in the Elimination Room.
Aubrey: (interview room) (bleeped out curse) I didn’t plan on this. Oh, well, got to roll with the punches. Let just see who we’re up against.
Brian: Alright. Kendall and Kayley?
Kayley: I can’t say that I hate anyone here. You’re all so talented and so beautiful and so much fun to hang with. It’s a shame that we lose two great people ever couple of days. We would also like to wish this team luck.
(Chris and Jolie exchange uncomfortable glances)
(Kendall and Kayley escape upstairs)
Scene 25: The Elimination Room
(Brian waits as the two couples enter)
Brian: Welcome to the Elimination Room. Since you are all new here, let me explain the rules. We have twelve questions, six for the men, and six for the women. The men will play the first round, taking turns choosing and answering questions. During this time, the women will watch from the viewing room. Then, the women will compete in their round, as the men watch on. Do you all understand the rules?
(they all nod)
Brian: Very well, Jolie, Aubrey, please wait in the viewing room next door.
Aubrey: (gives Josh a peck on the cheek) That was for good luck. Knock ‘im dead.
Jolie: (takes his hands and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek) I know you got this.
(they leave)
Brian: Chris, you may choose first.
Chris: Four.
Brian: (taking Card #4) What does the French fashion term, prêt-à-porter, mean in English?
Chris: Well, thank goodness my partner is a French teacher. It translates to “ready-to-wear.”
(viewing room)
(Jolie and Aubrey do not look at each other)
Jolie: Kid’s got a photographic memory, I swear.
(Elimination Room)
Brian: That is correct. Josh, your pick.
Josh: Two.
Brian: Name the term for the most formal dress attire, used almost exclusively for head of state dinners, balls, cotillions, weddings, and art premieres.
Josh: (thinks) That’s got to be black tie.
Brian: (pause) I’m sorry; the correct answer was “white tie."
Josh: Hmm, I didn’t wear a tuxedo to my prom.
(viewing room)
Aubrey: Should have quizzed him. And who the hell doesn’t wear a tuxedo to their prom?
Jolie: Probably the kind of guy who didn’t have a date. (smiles)
Aubrey: (not turning to face her) And Chris did?
Jolie: (also looking straight ahead) He had to ask four different girls, but he got one.
(Elimination Room)
Brian: Chris, take your pick.
Chris: (exhales) Five.
Brian: Name the most common colorant in the majority of red-tone lipsticks.
Chris: We did not go over this. I recall that they use fish scales or mica stone, but the coloring? (thinks) Rust, or iron oxide?
Brian: That would be correct.
Chris: Whoa.
(viewing room)
Jolie: Whoa.
(Elimination Room)
Brian: Josh?
Josh: Three.
Brian: What is prominent Italian fashion designer Gucci’s first name?
Josh: (bleeped out expletive) How am I supposed to know that?
(viewing room)
Aubrey: How am I supposed to know that?
(Elimination Room)
Josh: An Italian guy? Lorenzo?
Brian: I’m sorry. That is incorrect. The correct answer was “Guccio.”
Josh: Well, no wonder he became a fashion designer.
Brian: The score is two-to-zero, in favor of Chris and Jolie. Chris, your next card?
Chris: One.
Brian: Inspired by the dress of Renaissance painters, this type of neckline features straight cuts across the shoulders and in the front and back.
Chris: The square one.
Not plunging or delokay, or whatever it
called. Boat-shaped is bateau. Gypsy is the drawstring. There was one Y-shaped. (pauses) Sorry,
Jolie. Renaissance! It had something to do with
Brian: I’m sorry, the correct answer was Florentine.
Chris: So close.
Brian: Josh, the last card is yours. This hairstyle was named after the French marquise famous for it. In males, it involves combing all hair back, and brushing the bangs upward. In women, it involves rolling the bangs over the forehead. James Dean sported this style.
Josh: (tries to imitate it with his too-short hair) Like the Fonz? The Wave, maybe.
Brian: I’m sorry. The correct answer was the Pompadour.
Josh: (rolls his eyes) The Marquise of the Wave. Whoops.
(the girls return)
Jolie: Great job!
Chris: (presses his lips to the crown of her head) Thanks. Good luck.
Jolie: I won’t need it. But I appreciate it.
Josh: Sorry.
Aubrey: You did your best. That’s all I could ask. I didn’t teach you enough. Let’s hope we get lucky with rocket science. (winks)
(Josh nods, and he and Chris move to the viewing room)
Brian: Welcome, ladies, as you know, the score is still two-to-zero in favor of Chris and Jolie. Aubrey, you still have the chance to catch up. You receive the first question.
Aubrey: (staring at the cards) Two.
Brian: (takes the card) Name any two space probes that landed on Mars. While you may name any of the Rovers, “Rover” is not a correct answer. You may name probes that landed unsuccessfully.
Aubrey: Crashed.
Brian: Yes.
Aubrey: One of the Rovers was called Pathfinder. Voyagers flew around it; that’s not one of my answers. Viking! There was two named Viking, and they landed on Mars. Viking I and Pathfinder are my answers.
Brian: You are correct. The score is two-to-one. Jolie, please choose a card.
Jolie: Three.
Brian: Neil Armstrong was the first man to set foot on the Moon. Who was the second person?
Jolie: I somehow dreamed about this while I was studying. Buzz… Somebody.
(viewing room)
Chris: Aldrin!
(Elimination Room)
Jolie: Lightyear. Stupid Disney! Am I allowed to say that? Eh, it’s Warner Brothers. Buzz
Brian: Close, but incorrect. The correct answer was Buzz Aldrin. Still two-to-one. Aubrey?
Aubrey: Five.
Brian: Last season, the beauties made model rockets out of soda bottles with baking soda and vinegar. What gas is the product of those two ingredients, and therefore the propellant of the rocket?
Aubrey: Thank you, American Education System! Carbon Dioxide.
Brian: That is correct.
Score is tied. (Jolie fumes)
Jolie?
Jolie: One.
Brian: (reading) The planet Jupiter is named after the Roman god. What is that god’s Greek counterpart?
Jolie: (smiling) Mythology’s wonderful. Jupiter’s equivalent in Greek mythology was Zeus, king of the gods.
Brian: That is correct. The score is three-to-two, again in favor of Jolie and Chris. Aubrey, your last question. You must get this one correct to remain in the game.
Aubrey: Four.
Brian: Upon launch, the US Space Shuttles are attached to three fuel tanks produced by Lockheed-Martin. The center tank, which is also the largest and rust-colored, contains what substance?
Aubrey: I should have listened better to Josh’s ramblings. Now, he did say it produced water, which is made of oxygen and hydrogen. It’s coming back to me… they’re in liquid form. Oxygen doesn’t seem like a fuel. Liquid Hydrogen?
Brian: That is correct. The score is tied three-to-three. Jolie, if you the last correct, you and Chris will win. If you miss it, we will go to the Bonus Round. Jolie, what does the acronym NASA stand for?
Jolie: (cringes) I’ll tell you when it’s my answer. National… something… something… Associ—Administration, I mean. “S” has gotta stand for “Space.” “A” stands for… Astronautical? (turns around) Chris, is that right?
(viewing room)
Chris: No, it’s “Aeronautics.”
(Elimination Room)
Jolie: “Astronautical” isn’t even a word. (realizes) Air base! “Aeronautical”, not “Astronautical”! (turns to look at Aubrey) ‘Cause they do other stuff! (Aubrey looks behind her, amused) It’s “National Aeronautics and Space Administration.” Just tell me if it’s right or not.
Brian: You are correct. Jolie and Chris are our winners.
(Jolie clutches the neckline of her shirt; the guys run in)
Jolie: (jumps into Chris’s arms) Oh, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done!
Chris: You’re amazing.
Josh: You came so close to saving us. I guess I’m the weakest link.
Aubrey: A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. We put in a good run. I wouldn’t have wanted to compete with anyone but you.
Josh: Me, neither. (they hug chastely)
Josh: (interview room) I think that was the first time I ever hugged Aubrey without thinking about how she was pressing her breasts into me.
Chris: (talking with Josh) It won’t be same without you.
Josh: Good luck. I really hope you win.
Chris: Thanks. (Josh turns) Oh, and Josh, (he looks back) keep in touch. Someday, I’ll play ya over the Internet in the game of your choice.
Josh: You’ll be owned.
Chris: Don’t let me down.
(Aubrey comes to Chris)
Aubrey: It was never personal.
Chris: (hugs her) I know. It was still fun.
Aubrey: It was. Oh, don’t underestimate yourself. You’re more attractive than you think. (she winks at him; he looks confused)
(Josh nearly envelopes Jolie as he hugs her)
Josh: So, sorry we didn’t get closer.
Jolie: It’s a big house. You’re a fun guy, Josh. Best of luck.
Josh: Best of luck to you.
(Aubrey and Jolie come face to face)
Aubrey: (composes herself) I know we’ve had our…
Jolie: (cuts her off) It’s fine. (shakes her hand) I wish you well.
Aubrey: Good luck. But you don’t need it.
(Josh and Aubrey exit)
Aubrey: (interview room) You know, I told myself I was not going to give one of those “the experience made me a better person” final speeches, but here I am. It’s kind of ironic that I’m leaving right after Riley. Just like Erika and Brad. But, really, I came in, made my stereotypically petty judgments of the guys and the girls. But I came to like Josh as a friend. A little too late, since we’re leaving, but, yes, I am better person now. (annoyed) What happened?
Josh: (interview room) I shouldn’t blame myself. The fashion thing just wasn’t my forte. Aubrey’s nice once you get to know her. And ridiculously hot. I shouldn’t be doing the superficial stuff, should I? I’m gonna miss the guys. And the girls. Wow, I really don’t want to leave now. (laughs)
(Josh and Aubrey walk out with their suitcases)
(Chris and Jolie sneak up the stairs)
~
A/N: These darn things are exhausting! I write them in a webpage editor, but when I copied and pasted, I noticed that they’re about 40 pages long each; definitely one of my longer stories. Anyway, now that I’ve resolved the Aubrey-Jolie tension, I’m going to have to let some other drama develop. And choose another team to bite the dust. I’ve also got to fine-tune the competitions. This is a lot of work for two people.
On the next episode of Beauty and the Geek:
Brian: (voiceover) History repeats itself again as the guys must go out on dates with the beauties and get girls’ phone numbers; and the women makeover their geeks for the task. But as, always, we’re not making it easy on them.
(the guys stand against the stair railing, reading their cards, looking down uneasily)
Kayley: (interview room) Lord forgive me; I am a liar!
(Constance and Jolie sit at a table in front of whiteboard, looking very stressed-out)
Brian: (in the meeting room) Please welcome James. (the women are in stunned silence)
(Matt looks very comfortable and his dances in a club with some woman grinding against him)
Kendall: (wearing a cowboy hat) Yee-haw!
Brian: (voiceover) But, first, we give them the day off.
(the contestants eat lunch around a circular table, engrossed in conversation)
Chris: …anywhere on the front crown of the head, the temples, the neck along the femoral artery, either edge of the collarbone, base of the neck, outer edge of the upper arm near the shoulder, the back of the spine, top of the hip bones, the shins near the knee, arches of the feet…
(the girls look perplexed; some look flustered)
(the contestants swim in the pool)
(later)
James: I mean, it’s not like either of them could turn themselves into something useful.
Kayley: How has this conversation gone on for an hour?
Brian: (voiceover) Remember, this is the only place to hear such unforgettable lines like…
Matt: The elbow! Just think about it!
^_^ - Yee-yah! Come on, T-Sarge, turn this MAT thing up. I want to feel 3 G’s! (starts to turn green) Uh-oh. Better get the janitor. (bleeped-out expletive)