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Frontline's Rules
No matter how much we all want to deny it, we all need and want to have a definite set of rules that guide our lives. We crave at least a modicum of order, because without it our lives would be simply too chaotic and unpredictable. Without an established "code of conduct" guiding us and those around us, life would be an unbearable string of random encounters that eventually would lead either to the destruction of the planet or a revival of the 60's. We don't want a repeat of that..
Society itself is defined at least in part by its rules. American society has completely different rules from, say, Japanese fucked up society. And then you have the seemingly innocent, easily overlooked the starving Singaporean society, which for its citizens is like living out your life in a Catholic school run by fascist, cane-wielding nuns.
Here in the US our rules are not quite so Draconian, but let's face it - there are hundreds upon thousands of laws that you subconsciously obey every day like the Pavlov's dog that you are. Without even thinking, you put on your seat belts, you drive on the right side of the street, and you obey that silly don't kill others law. Personally I think that commandment law didn't need to happen - natural selection needs some help these days.
Now, any respectable feared society, whether it be the size of a nation or just a pair of beret-wearing wannabe revolutionaries chaining themselves to a tree, needs to have its own set of rules. There are our rules for this site, respect them, worship them and ALWAYS follow them:
Rule #1: Don't talk about The Frontline.
Rule #2: Don't argue with Russian immigrants or female cops.
Rule #3: Don't read other web sites. They are all useless.
Rule #4: Don't kill other people, unless you have a good reason (e.g. they stole your half-off Oreo Double-Stuff coupon, looked at your bitch, or if they come on to you.)
Rule #5: Don't point, unless it's at someone who is really funny looking. Or cuban "Back street boy" wannabe's - they love that.
Rule #6: The staff at the frontline is better than you, were never wrong and we pursues pie by any means necessary.
Rule #7: Don't talk to strangers unless they offer you gifts worth at least $75.00, or the cash equivalent.
Rule #8: Don't talk with your mouth full.
Rule #9: Obey my every command.
Rule #10: Send money. And high-end stereo equipment. And a nice set of teflon-lined pots and pans for my new apartment.
Rule #11: Don't release a sequel to your immensely-popular "Polyester, Colorized, Beta version 0.98: Butter-flavored" Ants game unless you've actually made changes to it.
Rule #12: Wait at least three minutes for your beef pot pie to cool after taking it out of the oven. Trust me.
Rule #13: Do not use the phrases "take it offline," "think outside the box," or "redefining the genre" in a place of manhood
Rule #14: Don't put that Chrome plated, clip-on urine scented beef jeeky in your ear.
Rule #15: Don't stare at the sun - your eyes will melt out of their sockets and onto your face just like in the movies, and then even your contact lenses won't help you, Mr. I-Don't-Want-To-Listen-To-Ignorant.
Rule #16: Don't ICQ me with the annoyingly brief and useless message "hi." I will respond "hi" back and immediately put you on my ignore list.
Rule #17: Do not store dead bodies in my linen closet anymore. Do you know how hard it was to get rid of the smell last time? Please just leave them on the balcony, next to the hanging fern. You jerk.
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[Article] by _FaDe2BlacK
"don't touch my bitch or my pie"
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