Artist: Steely Dan Album: The Royal Scam {1976}

While the music played you worked by candlelight
Those San Francisco nights - you were the best in town
Just by chance you crossed a diamond with a pearl
You turned it on the world, that's when you turned the world around
Did you feel like Jesus, did you realize
That you were a champion in their eyes

On the hill the stuff was laced with kerosene
But yours was kitchen clean
Everyone stopped to stare at your technicolor motor home
Every A-Frame had your number on the wall
You must have had it all, you'd go to L.A. on a dare and you'd go it alone
Could you live forever, could you see the day
Could you feel your whole world fall apart and fade away

Get along, get along Kid Charlemagne
Get along Kid Charlemagne

Now your patrons have all left you in the red
Your low rent friends are dead - this life can be very strange
All those dayglow freaks who used to paint their face
They've joined the human race, some things will never change
Son you were mistaken, you are obsolete
Look at all the white men on the street

Get along, get along Kid Charlemagne
Get along Kid Charlemagne

Clean this mess up else we'll all end up in jail
Those test tubes and the scale, just get it all out of here
Is there gas in the car - yes, there's gas in the car
I think the people down the hall know who you are
Careful what you carry, cos the man is wise
You are still an outlaw in their eyes

Get along, get along Kid Charlemagne
Get along Kid Charlemagne

I recall when I was small how I spent my days alone
The busy world was not for me so I went and found my own
I would climb the garden wall with a candle in my hand
I'd hide inside a hall of rock and sand

On the stone an ancient hand in a faded yellow-green
Made alive a worldly wonder often told but never seen
Now and ever bound to labor on the sea and in the sky
Every man and beast appeared a friend as real as I

Before the fall when they wrote it on the wall
When there wasn't even any Hollywood
They heard the call and they wrote it on the wall
For you and me, we understood

Can it be this sad design could be the very same
A wooly man without a face and a beast without a name
Nothin' here but history, can you see what has been done
Memory rush over me, now I step into the sun

Before the fall when they wrote it on the wall
When there wasn't even any Hollywood
They heard the call and they wrote it on the wall
For you and me, we understood

Before the fall when they wrote it on the wall
When there wasn't even any Hollywood
They heard the call and they wrote it on the wall
For you and me, we understood

Agents of the law, luckless pedestrian
I know you're out there with rage in your eyes and your megaphones
Saying all is forgiven, Mad Dog surrender
How can I answer, a man of my mind can do anything

I'm a bookkeeper's son, I don't want to shoot no one
Well, I crossed my old man back in Oregon - don't take me alive
Got a case of dynamite, I could hold out here all night
Yes, I crossed my old man back in Oregon - don't take me alive

Can you hear the evil crowd, the lies and the laughter
I hear my inside, the mechanized hum of another world
Where no sun is shining, no red light flashing
Here in this darkness I know what I've done
I know all at once who I am

I'm a bookkeeper's son, I don't want to shoot no one
Well, I crossed my old man back in Oregon - don't take me alive
Got a case of dynamite, I could hold out here all night
Yes, I crossed my old man back in Oregon - don't take me alive

I'm a bookkeeper's son, I don't want to shoot no one
Well, I crossed my old man back in Oregon - don't take me alive
Got a case of dynamite, I could hold out here all night
Yes, I crossed my old man back in Oregon - don't take me alive
Don't take me alive

Have you heard about the boom on Mizar Five
People got to shout to stay alive
They don't even have policeman one
Doesn't matter where you been or what you've done
Do you have a dark spot on your past
Leave it to my man he'll fix it fast
Pepe has a scar from ear to ear
He will make your mug shots disappear

You zombie - be born again, my friend
Won't you sign in stranger

Do you like to take a yo-yo for a ride 
Zombie I can see you're qualified 
Walk around collecting Turkish union dues 
They will call you sir and shine your shoes 
Or maybe you would like to see the show 
You'll enjoy the Cafe D'Escargot 
Folks are in a line around the block 
Just to see her do the can-can-Jacques 

You zombie - be born again, my friend
Won't you sign in stranger

Love or leave her, yellow fever, sure
It's all in the game and who are you
Just another scurvy brother

You zombie - be born again, my friend
Won't you sign in stranger

No, I'm never gonna do it without the fez on, oh no
No, I'm never gonna do it without the fez on, oh no
That's what I am, please understand
I wanna be your holy man

No, I'm never gonna do it without the fez on, oh no
Ain't never gonna do it without the fez on, oh no
That's what I am, please understand
I wanna be your holy man

No, I'm never gonna do it without the fez on, oh no
Don't make me do it without the fez on, oh no
That's what I am please understand
I wanna be your holy man

Cold, daring, no flies on me
Sorry angel I must take what I see
Green earrings
I remember the rings of rare design
I remember the look in your eyes
I don't mind

Greek medallion sparkles when you smile
Sorry angel I get hungry like a child
Green earrings
I remember the rings of rare design
I remember the look in your eyes
I don't mind, I don't mind

Green earrings
I remember the rings of rare design
I remember the look in your eyes
I don't mind, I don't mind

Babs and Clean Willie were in love they said
So in love the preacher's face turned red
Soon everybody knew the thing was dead
He shouts, she bites, they wrangle through the night, yeah
She go crazy, got to make a getaway

Papa say, aah, no hesitation
No tears and no hearts breakin', no remorse
Aah, congratulations - this is your Haitian Divorce

She takes the taxi to the good hotel
Bon march�, as far as she can tell
She drinks the zombie from the cocoa shell
She feels alright, she get it on tonight, yeah
Mister driver take me where the music play

Papa say, aah, no hesitation
No tears and no hearts breakin', no remorse
Aah, congratulations - this is your Haitian Divorce

At the Grotto in the greasy chair
Sits the Charlie with the lotion and the kinky hair
When she smiled she said it all
The band was hot so they danced the famous Merengue
Now we dolly back, now we fade to black

Tearful reunion in the USA
Day by day those memories fade away
Some babies grow in a peculiar way
It changed, it grew, and everybody knew, yeah
Semi-mojo, who's this kinky so-and-so

Papa go, aah, no hesitation
No tears and no hearts breakin', no remorse
Aah, congratulations - this is your Haitian Divorce

Where did the bastard run, is he still around
Now you gotta tell me everything you did, baby
I'm gonna get a gun, shoot the lover down
Are you gonna tell me everything you did, baby

Traces are everywhere in our happy home
Now you better tell me everything you did, baby
I jumped out of my easy chair, it was not my own
Now I want to hear about everything you did, baby

I never knew you, you were a roller skater
You gonna show me later
Turn up the Eagles, the neighbors are listening

You know how people talk, I wonder what they say
I think you better tell me everything you did, baby

I never knew you, you were a roller skater
You gonna show me later

You never came to me when you were so inclined
Yes, you could have told me everything you did, baby
I know where baby's at, I know your filthy mind
Now you're gonna do me everything you did, baby, you did, baby

And they wandered in from the city of St. John without a dime
Wearing coats that shined both red and green
Colors from their sunny island
From their boats of iron they looked upon the promised land
Where surely life was sweet
On the rising tide to New York City did they ride into the street

See the glory - see the glory of
Of the royal scam

They are hounded down to the bottom of a bad town amid the ruins
Where they learn to fear an angry race of fallen kings
Their dark companions
While the memory of their southern sky was clouded by a savage winter
Every patron saint hung on the wall shared the room with twenty sinners

See the glory - see the glory of
Of the royal scam

By the blackened wall he does it all
He thinks he's died and gone to heaven
Now the tale is told by the old man back home, he reads the letter
How they are paid in gold just to babble in the back room
All night and waste the time
And they wandered in from the city of St. John without a dime

See the glory - see the glory of
Of the royal scam
See the glory - see the glory of
Of the royal scam
See the glory - see the glory of
Of the royal scam