Lacey : What are you doing?
Brent : Just a game I like to play. This is a board that says whos bounced cheques here, dad likes to put this up to kind of shame them into paying
Lacey : Having your name written in chalk, now thats a shame that never goes away. So whats the game?
Brent : Oh, here he comes. Watch.
Osacr : More bounced cheques? Cheap sonsa --- who is it? Peter Parker? He from around here? And whos this Gene Luck Pikeard?
Brent : I think thats Jean-Luc Picard.

Oscar : Thats it! Dont take cheques anymore from Marge Simpson or that french guy.

Hank : Moosejaw they got the worlds biggest moose, Tisdale they got the worlds biggest bumblbee, and up in Wullerton *spit* they got the worlds biggest Magpie.

Hank : I figure if we can come up with some kinda worlds biggest something or other people passing through will stop in Dog River and check out our thing.
Brent : You should put that in the brochure �Check out our thing-

Brent : Actually Hank, I think youre on to something. Everyone, Hank has had a good idea. Someone circle the calender.
Hank : Very funny. But Im going to bring this up at the town meeting
Brent : Good, I think you should. And anything I can do to help, anything at all, just let me know
Hank : Be at the town meeting?
Brent : No

Oscar : (after giving Davis advice on getting old)Just giving him the benfits of my wisdom. Its the only good thing about being old.
Lacey : You are not old, Oscar.
Oscar : Go on! Im 63 and I look 73.
Lacey : You do not! You are a damn fine looking man, Oscar Leroy, and dont you forget it.

Karen : (to Davis)You seem kinda crabby.You crabby? Is something wrong?

Hank rambles on at the town meeting. . .

Lacey : Smooth
Brent : Hes like a young Trudeau.

Brent speaks up at the town meeting to help Hank

Brent : You all know that Moosejaw has the worlds biggest moose.
Town : Yeah
Brent : We build something similar.
Man : A caribou.
Woman : A reindeer.
Brent : Not similar to a moose.
Man : A fish.
Brent : Similar in concept. We build something that is somehow representitive of our town.

Brent : They got that big Magpie up the road. Fitzy, are you as mayor of Dog River telling me that were not as good as Wullerton? (everyone spits)

Lacey : You should seriously consider starting your own cult.
Brent : Im thinking about it. Play your cards right you can be wife number 30

Emma : You couldnt get a dog to lick you if you were covered in gravy.
Oscar : What are you talking about? Dogs lick me all the time.

Emma : So whos got a crush on you? Is Helen Keller back in town?
Oscar : Lacey.
Emma : Lacey?
Oscar : Thats right, Lacey. In retrospect. I should have seen the signs

flash back
Lacey : Some more coffee Oscar
Over
Lacey: Oscar, what time is it?
Over
Oscar : Hi Lacey
Lacey : Hi. (doesnt look up, waves kind of)
Over

Oscar : Poor kid, she's got it bad.

Brent : I was just gonna say I think we should build something that is symbolic of Dog River.
Man : How about a big dog thats standing in a river.
Brent : And yet something less obvious than that.

Grandma : My suggestion is we should build a hoe.
Brent : Uh. . .worlds biggest hoe?
Lacey : They do attract people, and they certainly generate revenue.

Grandma : It could be coming up out of the earth covered with topsoil.
Lacey : Now its a big dirty hoe.

Lacey : (to Brent)Why dont you look Fitzys grandma in the eye and give her one good reason why this town cant build one big dirty hoe.

Man : Now I say we bolt some sheet metal on to an old telephone poll
Woman : No, the woods too dry itll crack.
Lacey & Brent : Crack hoe

Wanda : So where are they gonna build this hoe?
Lacey : Probably on a street corner.

Wanda : No one else got the hoe thing, huh?
Brent : No. Well actually Im pretty sure the mayor got it.

Over
Brent : Fitzy, are you really okay with us building the worlds biggest ---
Fitzy : What was I gonna say Brent? Shes my grandma. My grandma! (his face goes all red and bubbly)

Over
Brent : I've never seen a human face do that.

Lacey : (about Hank)Thats actually not a bad idea.
Wanda : Everyone! Hanks got a good idea, someone circle the calender.
Brent : I used that one already.
Wanda : Uh, well I cant keep track.

Brent : I dont know Hank, I just, I dont buy it. I hear the Worlds biggest hoe and I picture a 40 foot prostetute working the streets.
Hank : I watched that movie.

Lacey is playing pinball in the bar, Brent and Hank are watching

Hank : Im sorry, I cant do this. I cant watch a woman play pinball.
Lacey : What was that about?
Brent : Well those flippers move independently you know, you dont have to flap them both at once.

Brent : Is this your card?
Lacey : No.
Brent : Is it your card?
Wanda : Nope.
Brent : I suck at this.