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I actually didn't think much of it at
first when I realized that I was attracted to younger boys, but then it
really started to worry me. I worried about what I was or what
I could become, but that wasn't who I was. I had to figure
out why I would be attracted to younger boys. So, I thought
about it and realized something. The boys that I'm attracted
to tend to have blond hair and blue eyes and remind me of myself at a younger
age. I already knew that I longed for the past a lot, but now
I knew why I felt the way I did about younger boys. I feel
strong emotions towards them; emotions that just don't exist with boys
my age that I'm attracted to. The attraction is totally different.
I was longing for something from my past: youth. Yet, I felt
such intense emotions and desires. Why? What am I so
longing for from my past. It was when I was working on this
page that I realized what it was. I didn't just want the youth,
the energy, or anything like that. I didn't want the physical
form, so much as I desperately, and emotionally desired their... innocence.
I so long for my past; for that young, blond Corey who was an innocent
child. That is what I want, but can never get back. It
is gone forever... Or is it?
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