It's very difficult for us to step outside ourselves and take a good look at who other people see when they look at us. Someone may tell us how we look or act, but it doesn’t really sink in until we see an example ourselves. It’s just like how I was unaware of how I walked when I was in the eight grade until I saw someone else walking that way and realized that must be about how I looked. It explained why people laughed.

It’s almost impossible for people to judge themselves objectively. We see virtues in ourselves that we don’t see in others. Likewise, we see flaws in ourselves that remain invisible to everyone else. If you ask someone close to you what qualities and what faults you have, you’ll probably be surprised. Now, if you keep asking this of people and you keep getting similar responses, you’ll probably ask yourself who sees the real you: you or everyone else. Well, what they see is what you present on the surface. What you see is what you feel inside. When you worry over all your flaws, that is usually a result of your own insecurities and not a true representation of yourself. Now, if others don’t see them, what makes them so important?

Likewise, it’s very difficult for us to judge others fairly. For example, I unfairly make rash judgments against adults or in favor of boys, based entirely on appearance. We may consider that we are not so superficial of ourselves. We see all those things that people who hastily judge us miss. Yet, what we must realize is that in both cases, what we are seeing is seen through the veil of our own judgment and perceptions. Whether we are looking at ourselves or at others, our own thoughts and biases always get in the way. When we see someone as evil and plotting, we see that through the clouding of our own hatred. Likewise, if we see someone as sweet and innocent, we are influenced by our infatuation with them. In neither case do we see a 100% true representation, but merely our perception.

In the same way that seeing an example of our own behavior can help us more objectively see ourselves, seeing an example of our own judgments of people can also help us see others more objectively. For example, many people who despise other people for being haters of women, minorities, and gays are haters of men, the majority, and child-lovers. Yet, they won’t see this until they see an example they can relate to. The way we perceive others tells us more about ourselves than it does about others. The moral to this is not "don’t judge a book by it’s cover." Rash judgments are human nature. The lesson is in reading the book anyway. You can never understand yourself or others enough. And, although individually different, we are all remarkably similar. That is why seeing examples works so well. Our problems are no more serious to us than someone else’s problems are to him. The most attractive person in the world could be a real jerk. One person may find you annoying and another may find you sweet. Yet, though all these views, one constant remains: What you present to others and what you perceive in others is under your control. The only obstacle is complacency. Yet, the ultimate goal is infinitely rewarding: understanding.