Student claiming "lack of funds" actually has no money

Aunty Gherkin

Friends of Colllingwood third year Cameron Pauper were shocked this week after discovering that Mr Pauper simply did not possess enough money to attend Rixys with them on Monday evening in the time-honoured tradition they had established since their first year.

"At first we just laughed it off as another of Cameron's little jokes," says Miranda Creosus, Pauper's long-term girlfriend of three weeks. "Of course, I immediately suggested the obvious: nipping down to the cash machine or maybe getting cashback at the New Inn on the way down. It was then he informed us that he could not in fact get any more money out of the bank, being already at his overdraft limit of £2000."

"It was at this point we knew the situation was getting serious," agrees James Spendalot, who has known Cameron since the first year and does not suspect how much Mr Pauper has always disliked him. "I asked if he couldn't use a credit card, and was utterly appalled when Cameron said he didn't have one."

Mr Pauper similarly disappointed his friends as they discovered that he had access to neither a savings account nor a trust fund, nor would his parents be willing to send him any money. "We never suspected when he first told us he had no money he meant he actually had no money!" scoffs Miranda, who has since ended her relationship with Cameron.

Since these events took place, Mr Pauper has successfully applied to the HEFCE hardhip fund, thankfully being awarded the sum of £3.50 in case of a future Rixys emergency.