Support group set up for Collingwood students suffering from DUO Addiction Disorder

Aunty Gherkin

Help was made available for the first time last week to sufferers of a recently acknowledged illness, dubbed by experts "DUO Addiction Disorder", or DAD. DUO Anonymous, a newly formed support group within college for victims of the disease, met for the first time on Saturday night - for members, this served as a poignant reminder of the days before the onset of the illness when they might have spent their weekends socialising with friends.

"Yes, it's very sad when the disease - and of course it is a disease, as all forms of addiction are - progresses to such a level," says the eponymous founder of the group, Ms Ann O. Nymous. "I myself have been addicted to the DUO discussion board for some years now - I don't think I'll ever be able to say I am truly cured - and I understand how difficult it can be to try and break the habit. Many members of our support group actually had to be physically dragged away from their computers by concerned friends or family members. It's quite disturbing to see them arrive: their eyes surrounded by black rings after gorging themselves on Pro Plus in order to stay up all night and make more posts, barely even recognising the friends they once knew so well. Oh, the humanity!"

The support group follows the format of similar groups such as the AA, with members taking turns to step forward and admit their addiction. One tale was particularly touching. "I'm Colin and I'm a DUO addict," confesses courageous DAD sufferer Colin Bright, who wishes to remain anonymous. "It began small, as these things always do. Soon, I realised I was making on average about 20 posts a week, on any subject. It didn't matter if I had an opinion on the subject or not; I just felt compelled to post. I even do special research on the subject of each thread just so I'll have more to say. I've been involved in debates on homophobia, toilet paper and even the mating rituals of wildebeest, among many others. Sorry - can't stand it any more - have to post . . ." At this point Mr Bright pulled out a PDA from his pocket and ran from the room, feverishly tapping at the screen.

Ms Nymous has since published a pamphlet entitled "DAD: The Silent Killer", informing readers about the disease and how to beat it through the "cold turkey" method. If you would like to find out more about DAD or think you may be suffering from the disease, the pamphlet has been made available in the documents section of DUO.