New team member causes outrage at rugby social

Aunty Gherkin

New boy Crispin "Crozzo" Winningly-Smythe caused an uproar among fellow members of the CCRFC at their social last term by what his team mates termed his "loud and unacceptable" behaviour.

"It all began when he kept interrupting an interesting conversation I was having with my neighbour about the works of Jean-Paul Sartre and daring me to down drinks as quickly as I could," says B team captain Rhys Davis. "Naturally, I told him that I wished to enjoy my drink in a quiet and leisurely way and I would appreciate it if he could stop."

Observers say that Mr Winningly-Smythe quietened down for a while after Mr Davis' retort: however, he was soon back on form as he began to recite the tale of how he had "pulled" a young lady from St Marys college - whose name he could not remember but whom he referred to only as "that tart" - apparently going into great detail as he outlined the activities they had indulged in and how she had "loved every minute of it."

"It was disgusting," says team member Colin Christian. "The way he was talking about women, he made it sound as though they were just objects rather than thinking, rational human beings. I happen to love and respect my girlfriend very much and I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. It isn't the kind of thing you expect at an event such as this. I mean, judging by Crispin's behaviour anyone would think we were just a bunch of drunken louts."

At this point Mr Winningly-Smythe became somewhat irritated by the reaction of his team mates to his "hilarious" anecdotes and proceeded to pronounce them all "a bunch of homos" before mooning them and promptly leaving the bar.

"Frankly, we're glad to see the back of him," says Davis. "Now we can get back to the kind of quiet socials we enjoy, such as poetry evenings and our regular Thursday night knitting circle."