Collingwood students deny homophobia accusations

Aunty Gherkin

A group of Collingwood students expressed their indignation today after certain chants which were heard in the bar at the 21st birthday celebration of one of the group were branded "homophobic" by members of Collingwood's gay community.

It has been denied that the chants, which featured lyrics such as "Gary takes it up the arse", "nobody likes a homo" and of course the traditional "all gays should be tortured, lined up against the wall and shot" (sung to the tune of "Battle Hymn of the Republic"), were intended to be homophobic. "Yes, I admit that to a casual observer these chants might appear to be slightly prejudiced against homosexuals," says Dave McBigot, one of the students responsible for the chants, "but at the end of the day it's all just a bit of harmless banter. I really can't believe people could view myself and my friends as homophobic just because of these chants. I mean, I watch Graham Norton and everything."

Another of the students involved, who wishes to remain anonymous, sees this as an example of political correctness taken to the extreme. "If we can't make jokes about people's sexual preferences, what can we laugh at?" he comments. "It's not even as if the chants aren't true: I really think Gary probably does take it up the arse. I know for certain he's got a mate at home who's gay, so what does that tell you? And I'm sure I've seen him eyeing me up before now," asserts the chubby five-footer with an almost wistful expression on his acne-covered face.

"The chant was just a bit of fun," he adds. "People shouldn't be so sensitive. At this rate, we won't even be able to make sheep shagging jokes to Welshmen for fear of hurting the sheep's feelings. I'm sorry, but it's just gone too far."

"It's not as if I'm homophobic myself," concludes our source. "If they want to be raving faggots that's their problem."

There has also been concern over the supposed racism of some comments heard in the bar, which the JCR welfare officers are reportedly looking into. Unfortunately, Collingwood's ethnic minority community was unavailable for comment as he had gone home for the weekend.