| April 22, 2002 - (Monday) Well the weekend whizzzzzzzzzed right on by and I cannot believe we are back in the work week! ugh! One day down, 4 more to go...(well, I might take off on Friday, so I guess maybe 3 to go). Weekend was nice, went out to dinner last night to my favorite steak place and had onion soup. It was really tasty. It was so hard not to order a steak (I'm not good with beef at this point, so I didn't even attempt it). You have NO idea how delish the steaks are at this place...one bite would have been heaven, but I stuck with my onion soup and was really really satisfied. I didn't dare touch the delish pickles that are on the table, because I didn't want to ruin my soup, and I had quite a bit of the soup....so dining was a success! I'm definitely going to the salad bar this week, I am looking forward to it, so hopefully I won't be disappointed with no light ranch dressing....lol...that time they didn't have the dressing was NOT pretty!!! lol...ask my Mom...she's now calling me "Miss Ranch". lmao!! Not really much to report today, eating is a lot better. I still cannot eat a whole bunch at one sitting, but am amazed that I have no problems eating peanut brittle, chocolate, peanuts, cheese doodles, etc. I monitor what goes in my mouth (quantity wise) when I do indulge, but boy, I have absolutely NO problems with JUNK!! Figures..no dumping on sugar!! I really watch the fats that I eat, but otherwise, I'm really doing so much better with the eating...thank goodness! My hairloss problem continues, but maybe not as bad as it had been (maybe because I'm BALD right now...lol). My hair on top is really really thin and I'm religiously taking my HAIR,SKIN, & NAILS vitamins daily since they were purchased last week. They still smell horrendous and gag me almost everytime I try to swallow them, but they are going down and I'm happy with that!! I go next week to get my hair cut and highlighted and I can't wait for my friend Nancy (who does my hair) to see how bald I am.....she'll be in shock! I lost a lot of hair several years ago, when I was on diet pills and starving myself and dropped over 100 lbs in approx. 6 months...so here I go again. This time, at least, I am eating, but the first 3 months, with the stricture, was not good for my hair. I guess I'm making up for lost time with the vitamins, but I'm sure things will get better and it will grow back. Thank goodness I have curly hair or it would a lot more noticeable!! Anyway, hope all is well with you, will update in a few days...till next time.. :) April 24, 2002 - (Wednesday) I just got back from "pasta night" and my salad again was DELISH! Really outstanding!! I'm so glad we went, you can't imagine how nice it is (or perhaps you can) to sit down at a restaurant, order something and be able to eat like a "normal" person. I can't lie and tell you that I wouldn't rather be having the pasta, or chicken or steak, etc. but I am truly satisfied ordering and eating this little plate of greens...life is just amazing!!! I had a kind of ephiphany the other day. I was wondering if anyone out there is also like me, so here goes... Might just be me, but when I was gaining all my weight, higher and higher, I ceased to behave like a girl. I usually liked to get dressed up, wear make-up, wear my jewelry, browse the catalogs, browse stores, buy shoes (other than flats and sneakers). When the weight was escalating, I stopped wearing make-up, resorted to stretch pants and large t-shirts or sweaters over them and white socks and sneakers, that was my attire. Never did I wear any jewelry or perfume or even my watch! I just got dressed because I had to get dressed and go somewhere, but really didn't care about sprucing myself up for the occasion of say going to Shop-Rite or the mall, or to a movie. I remember being a make-up girl, always going to the Clinique counter and enjoying buying cosmetics. I'm really not a big make-up wearer anyway, but always mascara and little eyeliner and at least one morning application of lipstick. (lol) When did I cease to care about myself? When did I give up on putting on a good appearance? Maybe that is when I should have put the breaks on my eating and self-loathing and begin to get my life in order. Why could I not do that? Why did I have to get so out of control to make myself gain sooooooooo much weight that I had to resort to WLS? Why? Why? Why? Why couldn't I control myself? What's wrong with me? I'm so thrilled to have had this surgery, but the why me's have been in my head for awhile now and I was just wondering when I gave up on myself and became a stretch-pant hermit and closed myself off from the world? I hated myself so much that I wanted to separate myself from the world. If the world wouldn't bother me, I wouldn't bother it. Gosh, my life was so sad and lonely, but that was exactly how I wanted it. I was surrounded by people yet sad and lonely. Sheesh, very sad to type that! Anyway, in spite of the above, I have recently gone to the make-up counter, purchased some new make-up and my favorite perfume and I'm wearing my watch again and actually put earrings on over the weekend!!! YES, times have certainly changed. My attitude toward myself and my life are on an upswing. I'm beginning to like myself again and it's really invigorating. I just was saddened to remember my hermit days and to figure out what got me to that point. I guess over the coming months I might be able to explore that..but boy it's painful. I'm going away for the weekend, so I doubt I'll be writing again. Hope you all have a great weekend, and I'll write again in a few days...till next time. :) |
| Post Op Journal, Let the Journey Begin..... :) |
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