| The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them, knowing you can't have them. That's what he wrote. At some level, I am not sure if I should thank you for letting him go, or should hate you for breaking him like this. Your depature leaves me an opportunity to discover this soul after my wakening. I am taking a great risk to write this, or there is no risk at all. That I will never know. "When you have no option left on the table, in fact, you have every option beyond the table." That's what I always say. This world is not a pretty place, but it's not that ugly, you just have to look at the bright side, be gutsy when necessary. Take a leap of faith from time to time. Until today, I still can sense your shadow in him from far away. Even though I am just an observer. A 3rd party that has nothing to do with either of you. At least you guys don't think you have anything to do with me, therefore, I should respect your means by taking my corner space from far away. However, he just so got my attention, because not many people share the same profile as mine and this kind of case just strike me and lure me to attempt to figure out - given different environment, what might happen. It's a pure butterfly effect experiment if you really want me to classifiy why I am interested in him. But if you do ask me why I am so darn attracted to him, it's because I see a piece of myself in him and I can't stand to see him suffer any longer. His silent scream is tearing me apart. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am cold. Not as cold or cruel as you. I will not abandon him like you did, I will not break him like you break him. Even after these couple years, he doesn't think you are cruel to him. You are everything to him and he still wants to maintain that nearly perfect image in your mind. You know, if given choice, he "will" step right back to your side - even your marriage. Notice I am not using "would" but "will". He might keep saying he will not, but I know he will. Unless he finally realizes that linger feeling he has toward you, is just a state of mind that he misses himself, the person he identifies as him, at that time. You were in his daily life then. It is useless to tell you all these, because you probably can't comprehend the depth of this topic. "Where is he now ?" Good question, but how am I supposed to know where he is now at 3AM Saturday ? I certainly would hope he gently sleeps but possibly has you in dream. Or staring at your "on line status" and wondering... I will never attempt to control him. He is his own man. He can do whatever he wants, include destory me. Well, if I am destoried by him, then I will get the opportunity to rebuild myself for the better. That's my ultimate revenge without lifting a finger. I make myself better to make whomever damanged me regret what they had done to me. So far, I am quite successful. I so want to ease the pain he endures now, to smooth the scar you left him. But he has to be willing. It's very possible he will walk right back to you once he is healed. Nope, I will not hold him back, he is a grown man and he is his own man. So, cross you fingers that he will let me to heal him, then you will still have the chance to get him back as a whole. Who am I ? I am nobody to him, nobody to you, just a stranger that walks passing by, that stranger who feels the pain he feels. Of course it breaks my heart to label myself like this. But what else can I say ? Believe me, I know what I am made of. |
| to his ex 6/19/2002 |
| written by a special someone |
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