| a letter to her boyfriend 4/30/2002 hey, i don�t know exactly how to call you since i don�t even know your name at all. all i know for now is� your girlfriend� she is sleeping very peacefully in my bed, after she had turned off her cell phone� and after we had made love for the second round. i know you must felt miserable after hearing this. you would never imagine your girlfriend could have cheated on you. she had told me about you when we first met a few days ago. she was such a sweet little thing that waited for your call twice everyday at 12 o�clock sharp. i can�t tell you how much i was attracted to her the first time i lay my eyes on her. i am sure you must felt the same way when you saw her. she is different. so different that i would be willing to blind fold my eyes and walk into a short and pointless relationship. a relationship that has no meaning and no future.. a relationship that will end up nowhere but deeply locked into my memory. i am not as young as both of you and i knew i should never have fallen in �love� with anyone else�.. especially a girl this young�.but�.. please forgive me.. as i had let this happen. i did have all the power to stop this thing from happening. but i let it slide�. i let myself enjoying her being my company. i let my mind went free and wild while my eyes stayed and searched on her young innocent body� i let her get real close to me and felt my breathe� i let her head rested on my shoulder after we both got drunk�.i let her experienced how it is like to be with someone who knows more.. and experienced more� i let her understand the meaning of climax as she had never knew in her young life of such pleasure exists�. do I love her? I asked myself this question. i don�t know.. is it lust? maybe�. for someone in my age�lust toward opposite sex seems to be more important then love. why was that? you must be wondered �. I wondered about that myself from time to time.. but yet the only answer I got was����. i was hurt badly before� i had probably felt hundreds times worse then the same feeling you are having now. feeling cheated.. betrayed� lost� hated and pain�. aw� the sweet and unstoppable pains�.. but my dear friend.. it�s just what grown-ups are all about. one of these days you will start to realize there is no love�. no trust�. no friendships.. just different kind of man-like animals trying to tear each other apart, sucking dry each other�s flesh, bones and blood� putting others on the ground then soil them�. or piled up all the used flesh and bones to climb to the top� but what is at the top? or what is the top? I don�t know.. .. i really don�t know�and then if those animals happened to be the opposite sex� all you could see is� seeing them use others� bodies to squeeze the most pleasure out for themselves. you didn�t do anything wrong.. or bad.. really.. what happened tonight in my room is just another show that takes place in the real world. after she got all the pleasures she needed in her beautiful-dream-like life from an experienced older guy, and after i got the feeling that i could love, dream, feel, taste and touch young flesh again, and after i clear my ears with all her little sweet words of how much she loves me, she would return back to you and be the little sheep in your arms; then pretending nothing in this world had ever happened at all� there were no flesh eating beasts.. there were no desire bounded demons ever exists� and there were no such thing as screaming for sexual pleasures� she left marks in my old and lonely heart.. and she left her bloody scratches on my back.. i could see little pieces of my skin under her elegant french nails. But do I really want to keep her in my life? is there a place in my future plan that will fit her well? do still have the heart to love her as deep as you do? are you worried, my dear friend? if any of these answers were yes.. i know you won�t be able to see your little sheep again.. i will.. like how all grown-ups would do.. swallowing her right on my bed and never vomit any piece of her � brain-washing her so i would be the only hero in her sorry little life that matters�. making her sacrifice all her future and her life for anything that i demanded� but after she wakes up in the morning.. i will let her go�. i will let her go back to your arms� i can�t keep nor afford her in my life�. as i have no place for her in my heart, which had been torn into millions of tiny pieces and flew away from me years ago. i can never be able to love her as crazy as you do� even though I really really want to badly�.. and i can never be able to take another chance to live in heartbreak city alone again.�. she is a beauty.. isn�t she? i sat right next to my bed.. looking at her naked body� the curve line of her tight little rear end raised in the air as a my lava lamps spills out eerie blue light all over my sheet� it is such an inviting sign� let me melt with her as one again.. for the last time.. as the clock is ticking toward 5 am�. let her be mine again.. let dark coffee mix with light cream� again� for the last time� let me hear her scream my name and tell me how much she loves me for the last time�.. again� And i promise i will let her go back to you���� me |
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