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Jokes
Page Four
Like Cards?
Then how about giving some of these!
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day...
Look at the bright side,
she's a really good lay.
~~~
My tire was thumping...
I thought it was flat...
when I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat... Sorry.
~~~
You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends...
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.
~~~
You've announced that you're gay,
won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
~~~
Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.
~~~
Heard your wife left you...
How upset you must be...
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
~~~
Your computer is dead...
it was once so great
Don't you regret installing
Windows 98?
~~~
You totaled your car...
and can't remember why...
could it have been...
that case of Bud Dry?
TOP SIGNS NO ONE WANTS TO BE YOUR VALENTINE
Phone sex operators keep hanging up on you
Fox is starting a new show about you: "America's Least Wanted"
You get a heart-filled box filled with angry hornets
The babes just don't seem to go for your homemade Star Trek uniform
You have one of them handsome Ito beards -- and you're a woman
The last time you got laid was during the Nixon Administration
You spend your vacation chasin' lizards
The Pope asks you for tips on celibacy
You ain't a Gingrich, but your nickname's "Newt"
Everyone Likes Limericks!
On the internet they found romance,�
That put them in a sexual trance,�
But each had a gripe,�
About having to type,�
With a hand stuck down into their pants
~~~
With the heat of their passion quite high,�
In the dark she grabbed the K-Y,�
But her burning desire,�
Quickly set him on fire,�
When she smeared Ben-Gay on the guy.�
~~~
There was a young fellow named Marty,�
Who often behaved like a smarty.
He pulled down his pants�
And shouted, "Let's dance!"
When he joined the Democratic Party.
�
Proverbs From Around The
World
(American proverb)
"A man chases a woman until she catches him."�
(Polish proverb) "The woman cries before the wedding and the man after."�
(Swedish proverb)
"Love is like dew that falls on both nettles and lilies".�
(J. Geils Band proverb) "Love stinks."�
The Least Popular
Valentine's Day Cards
Thinking of you sweetheart, which, technically,�
the court order can't prevent
~~�
Just wanted to say "I love you" when I wasn't�
falling down drunk.�
~~
If only we weren't so closely related!�
~~
I'm too shy to ask in person, but what is that thing�
on your face? A mole, a wart? WHAT?!
~~
You're too beautiful to resist, my under-the-ether dental patient.
~~�
I'll Give You Money To Have Sex With Me.�
There were three men drinking in a bar, a doctor, an attorney and
a biker.
As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said "For
Valentine's Day I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond
ring. This way if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
because she got the diamond ring"
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said "For Valentine's
Day I'm going to�buy my wife a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
This way if she doesn't like the�dress she will still love me because
she got the gold bracelet."�
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said "For
Valentine's Day I'm�going to buy my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator.
This way if she doesn't like the t-shirt�she can go fuck herself!"
Like Detective
Stories?
A man suspected his wife of seeing another man so he hired a
famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and
report any activities that might develop.�
From The Desk of Detective Ram Pam Sim Wimm
Dear Most Honorable Sir,
At this report:
You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch.
He and she leave house. I follow.
He and she get on train. I follow.
He and she go in hotel. I climb tree - look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he.
He play with she. She play with he.
I play with me.
Fall out of tree, Not see.
No Fee.
Sincerley,
Detective Ram Pam Sim Wimm
�
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The
Coffee Pot