 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Thus the Condition is Such that the Rivalation between the Individual and the System is Large. |
|
|
RED ROBIN COMES A-BOBBING WHILE SEARCHING FOR THE TWILIGHT ZONE |
|
|
|
|
|
Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick |
|
|
|
|
|
Make this bath more encrusted than any other, and be sure to include accents on the toot. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Bung, che chick-i-cho, mas-laba lab ba ti tong tang. (Fidgets) Bush. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
To me, it's a good idea to carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way if someone asks you to help them, all you have to say is 'Sorry dude, got these sacks.' |
|
|
|
|
IlUmInAtInG KnOweDgE Of BoOkS |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fire, what fire? Is this true, don't slide the men over an arm of politics. They will melt in just the way of it. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Eye I Eye I Eye I Eye I Eye I eye I Eye I Eye I Eye I. Precisely what is that when that is what? |
|
|
Funny how the price gets paid when, representing the red corner, comes Gentle Structureaziod, and representing the blue corner comes Essential Norbert. Don't you think? Well of course you do or you wouldn't exist, or would you? Because is it possible to liev without thinking. I believe it is, daddy long legs are an example of this. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sometimes I think that you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or the person is you're talking to. But on the way out slam the door. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. But unlike a regular window, this has a different name. |
|
|
|
|
|
If you ever find yourself in the position of reaching into a pool of molten lava, stop. There is no point in wasting some perfectly good keys against a board game. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new name for yourself. For instance you have chosen to have your name changed to "Fly Head". Normally you would think "Fly Head" would mean a person who has perfectly swept back features, as if flying through the air. But think again, it could also mean having a head like a fly. It's scary but some people may think like that. |
|
|
|
|
|
No piece of paper can b folded in half more than 7 times. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The titanic was going 22 knots when it hit the iceberg |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dreamt is the only word in the English language ending with "mt". |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more hedgehogs. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting those hedgehogs. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
When intoxicated, an ant will always fall on its right side. |
|
|
|
|
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. It was pants. Not life, just me thinking about life while lights flashed at me. |
|
|
|
|
|
Peanuts are an ingredient of dynamite |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Clemmie Was (an) Ear 2003 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Strawberries have more vitamin C than oranges. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated. |
|
|
|
|
|
You fudge-packing, cattle-raping, asshole-sniffing, tit-guzzling, penis-nibbling, wank-faced shithead! Nice insult buddy, thanks. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Freedom from encrustation of grime is contiguous to rectitude |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit |
|
|
|
|
|
|
My Super Powers Failed |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
On a canadian 2 dollar bill, the flag is American. Why? Because America rules all and is better than everyone, so its flag should be on every note in the entire world, and if it doesn't appear they'll attack you. Got that? |
|
|
|
BAND NAMES WITH FOOD IN THEM IN CASE YOU'VE EVER WONDERED.
Rhubarb�s Revenge; Beef; Fuzzy Duck; Cabbageboy; Muffin Men; My Friend the Chocolate Cake; FlourTangerine Dream; Strawberry Slaughterhouse; Richard Cheese; Sleepy Joe Tomato; Eves Plum; Loose Nuts; Beer Nuts; Veruca Salt; Samiam and Garlic Fro; Penfold Plum; Rock Salt and Nails; Vincent Herring; Egg; Infected Mushroom;Rudolphe Burger; Country Joe and the Fish; Sweet Honey in the Rock;Broccoli; Jelly Beans and Friends; Milk and Honey Band; Burger; Wild Turkey; Chicken Lips; Cinnamon Smith; Assorted Jelly Beans; 3D House of Beef; Blind Melon;
I thought The Red Hot Chili Peppers would be too obvious. |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Here's a little tip: don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. |
|
|
|
|
|
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING; YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT SONG TITLES WOULD SOUND LIKE IF WE USED THE WORDS 'CHICKEN TIKKA' INSTEAD OF 'LOVE'. NO WORRIES, I'VE GOT YOUR BACK.
What's chicken tikka to do with it; Too much chicken tikka will kill you; Can you feel the chicken tikka tonight; Chicken tikka's got a lot to answer for ; It's only chicken tikka; Lay all your chicken tikka on me; Justify my chicken tikka; You can't hurry chicken tikka; Chicken tikka will keep us together; Chicken tikka will tear us apart; Chicken tikka is in the air; I'll never fall in chicken tikka again; Let your chicken tikka flow; Fooled around and fell in chicken tikka; Come and get your chicken tikka; Where did our chicken tikka go?; The Look of Chicken Tikka; Chicken Tikka Hurts; Chicken Tikka Spreads; Chicken Tikka Fool; Chicken Tikka Is All Around; Can�t Buy me Chicken Tikka; Chicken Tikka Me Do; Your Chicken Tikka Keeps Lifting me Higher; Tell Laura I Chicken Tikka Her; Only Chicken Tikka Can Break a Heart; Chicken Tikka Me For a Reason; After The Chicken Tikka is Gone; The Greatest Chicken Tikka of All; I Want to Know What Chicken Tikka Is. |
|
|
|
No messing: the youngest pope was 11. If you do mess, oh. |
|
|
Don't try and hide a stump of brocolli in a glass of milk. There's no point. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark". Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being anything you want after all you're the guv'." But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, . . I want 20 decks one on top of the other". "20 DECKS!",screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?" "Yep, that's right, well . . sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers. "Fish?", queries Noah "Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp - wall to wall, floor to ceiling -Carp!" Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?" "Check". "With 20 decks, one on top of the other?". "Check". "And you want it full of Carp?". "Check" "Why?" asks the perplexed Noah,who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether... "Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark! |
|