On The Jazz
On The Jazz Newsletter: Volume 3 Issue N°8

Date: January 17, 1997
Author: Nicole Pellegrini
Download: otjv03i08.zip

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The totally unofficial A-Team electronic mail newsletter
***** Now in it's THIRD year of publication !! *****


Reflector submission address: [email protected]

Administrivia: Nicole Pellegrini
Please use the following address for subscribe/unsubscribe and back issue requests (do NOT send them to the reflector address):
[email protected]

Also use that address if you wish to change your subscription status to receive the newsletters only (or go from newsletter to news + reflector).

The A-Team Homepage: http://www.seas.upenn.edu/~pellegri/ateam.html
*The A-Team On the Web: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jmm/a-team/
*The A-Team Hawaii Page: http://www2.hawaii.edu/~kaonohi

*Home of the On the Jazz Newsletter Archives**
---------------------------------------------------------
DATE:   January 17, 1997
ISSUE:  8
VOLUME: 3

Current newsletter + mailing list subscribership: 151
Current newsletter-only subscribership: 190
----------------------------------------------------------
Hey, gang!
Well, this is another one of those mother-of-all-issues, so be prepared (and clean out those inboxes!)
THIS ISSUE'S CONTENTS:
---------------------
NEWS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS: The A-Team Fan Society is back/
A-Team Newsgroup?/
Dwight Schultz on the radio/
Plans Scams and Vans 3 announcement
ORIGINAL FICTION: "The G-Team" - FAQ and story
VCR WATCH
----
NEWS AND ANNOUNCEMENTS:

THE A-TEAM FAN SOCIETY IS BACK - the following announcement comes from Sonja.

From: Sonja Horstmann
Subject: THE A-TEAM FAN SOCIETY is back!
To: [email protected]
Date: Tue, 07 Jan 1997 11:23:25 MET

Hi everyone out there!

At the end of last year I volunteered to take over an unofficial fan club which has been around since the late 80s called the A-Team Fan Society. We used to have a German zine - but then I looked around and realized that it might be the last surviving A-Team Fan Club besides this mailing list.

So - if there's enough interest from foreign countries I would be more than glad to transform our "Baracus News" into an English zine. Everybody out there who might be interested to join - SEND ME AN E-MAIL. The membership fee for one year (4 issues of the Baracus News) will range around 40 DM (airmail inside Europe), 40 DM (surface outside Europe) or around 60 DM (airmal outside Europe). This fees might drop as soon as I've got more than 50 people in- and outside Europe. Whatever, if there's any money left at the end of the year it will be given back to the members as a small X-mas present or something like that.

The Baracus News contains stories, news, focuses on the actors etc.

For further information, please send me a mail and put ATFS in the subject- I would be glad to hear from you.

Sonja (President of the ATFS)

[Additional info:]
I just got a request how much 40 DM are in US-Dollars. I am real sorry I did not mention. 40 DM are about 27 Dollars. Like I said, the rate may drop - still bargaining with the postoffice... If there is much interest from the states it will definetely be cheaper.

Please put in the NL also that 1,50 DM is about 1 $. I got a lot of questions concerning this. And you could add that if there's any money left at the end of the year there will be specials like stickers, biros, buttons or whatever I can think of and afford.

I will accept International Money Orders or bank drafts (but the people should be sure that they take the fees this may cost). I will also accept US Dollars.
----
A-TEAM NEWSGROUP? - Jasper made the following proposal recently:

X-Sender: [email protected] (Unverified)
Date: Wed, 08 Jan 1997 16:24:50 +0100
From: Jasper Molenmaker
Subject: Newsgroup
Mime-Version: 1.0

Hi A-fans,

Has anybody out there already tried to set-up an a-team newsgroup? I propose to start the group 'alt.tv.a-team'

What I like to know from all you A-team fans, if you are interested in such a group, or if you think it's a bad idea. If I get enough positive responses I will start the process for creating such a group.

X-Sender: [email protected]
Date: Thu, 09 Jan 1997 23:12:16 +0100
From: Jasper Molenmaker
Subject: Re: News group (alt.tv.a-team)
Mime-Version: 1.0

I propose an unmoderated group. The reason for this is that a moderated group requires someone willing to check every message posted, I certainly don't have the time do that. I also think that the swamping will not be such a big problem. And if it proofs to be a problem it's always possible to create a moderated group.

I've had several positive replies on my suggestion, so I decided to make my proposal known to the rest of the world by posting it in alt.config for further discussing.

Please let me know your opinion to my proposal at [email protected] Let it be clear that I absolutely don't intend the news group to replace our discussion group.

Greetings and stay on the jazz,
Jasper

/// Jasper Molenmaker, Amsterdam, The Netherlands \\\
\\\ E-mail : [email protected] ///
/// homepage : http://www.xs4all.nl/~jmm/ \\\
\\\ A-team On The Web : http://www.xs4all.nl/~jmm/a-team/ ///
----
DWIGHT SCHULTZ ON THE RADIO - On January 12, Dwight Schultz was a guest along with Don Ecker (UFO Magazine News Researcher and UFOs Tonite! host) and nuclear physicist Stanton Friedman on The Allan Handelman Radio Show. The subject was UFOs and conspiracies, and ran for a little over two hours. Yours truly actually managed to get through with the first question of the evening (and was very lucky to hear about the program about 5 minutes before it started)! I asked Don if UFOs Tonite! would be returning soon, and he said most certainly yes, to keep an eye out for the program soon perhaps even within a month or so!

If you missed the program, don't fret - you can find it on-line and listen to it using Real Audio Player, at http://www.handelman.com. You can hear Sockii bubble on about 27 minutes into the show. Real audio is available at http://www.realaudio.com. If your computer won't support real audio to listen to the on-line archive, I've made an audio tape of the show, and can dub copies out. To receive a copy of the show, please do the following:

1. Send me the blank tapes you want me to use - the program runs over 2 hours. Two 90 minute tapes are preferable to match what I used and make dubbing easier.
2. Include a return envelope AND return postage. Send to Nicole Pellegrini, 2429 Locust Street #315, Philadelphia PA 19103 USA.
3. I'll handle all requests as fast as I can.

Dwight and Don were also on Allan's show December 1st, during the second hour. Again this show is in the on-line archive, and I also have it on tape. So throw in another 90 minute tape (the program ran over) and I can dub this one as well.

One thing to look forward to that Dwight mentioned on the Jan. 12 program is that he was just finishing up filming an episode of Diagnosis: Murder (another one! He was on the show a season or so ago already) that would be airing sometime likely in February or March. So watch your TV Guides (and onthejazz, of course!)
----
PLANS SCAMS AND VANS 3 RELEASE ANNOUNCEMENT

It's here, it's in print, and ready for your enjoyment! 117 pages of original A-Team fiction and information. This issue's contents include:

MERCENARY REUNION - Highlander/A-Team story by Laura Michaels (9 pages).
Murdock pays a visit to an old friend, who should by all accounts be dead...

"A celebration?" asked MacLeod.
"Yeah . . . a mercenary party, with the whole Team."
"The whole A-Team?" MacLeod asked.
Murdock nodded. "We could even invite Kermit and all his buddies, Blaisdell, Steadman . . . even that priest guy . . . Kwai Chang. He's not a mercenary, but he's cool. He's like . . . like . . ."

"I know. We've met," MacLeod said.

ALL FOR ONE - by Irene Snyder Schwarting (14 pages).

"Decker thinks Amy's working for us," Hannibal started.

Murdock interrupted, "Which she is."

"Yes, but we don't want him to know that. So we're gonna make him think that we think she's working for him. Feel up to doing some more acting, Allen?" Amy stared at him, confused. "You're gonna be our ticket into that base. We're gonna offer Decker you for Face."

THE EPISODE GUIDE FROM HELL - The episodes that never were, but perhaps should have been...?

OF MARTYRS AND CHEESEBURGERS - by Rhonda Eudaly (13 pages).


"How could I possibly be any help to you, Miss Parker?" Murdock asked, gesturing around him. "Take a look around you, I'm not exactly free to do as I please."

"I realize that now, Captain Murdock. I can't tell you why I came here. All I know is when Mickey talked about the war, he talked about you. You saved his life more than once. You meant a lot to Mickey. And he told me once that if I ever needed more help than he could give, to call you." Sid looked at Murdock and impulsively grabbed his hand. "Please, Captain Murdock. I didn't have anyone else to turn to."

THE A-TEAM FAN FICTION INDEX - (18 pages) an expanded and newly revised version of the Fan-Fic list that was published on the internet. Lists all 'zines, newsletters, indiviual stories tracked down to date involving the A-Team.

INTERTWINING FATES - by Natasha McKee (15 pages). Teleportation wasn't supposed to land Kamala in the middle of late 20th century Earth. But, since she was there, she thought might as well lend a hand to the four men trying to keep a young crime-scene witness out of trouble.

WELCOME TO THE HOTEL CALIFORNIA - by Nancy Lynn Wilson (13 pages).

...Hannibal pulled the piece of paper from his shirt and said, "I think I've found a way into this place. It appears that they are selling people to anyone who is rich enough and can afford them. From the papers in the safe, and the list I have here, they bring very wealthy clients in one at a time and conduct a silent auction. Face won't be in any danger unless someone bids on him." Hannibal smiled and looked at Amy. "Amy? How would you like to be the Princess of Sri Banah?"

DOIN' IT WITH STYLE - by Irene Snyder Schwarting (2 pages). Ever wonder just how Faceman DID get that Cadillac Convertible in the jungles of 'Nam?

IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS - by N.N. Pellegrini (4 pages). Thanksgiving will never be the same. Find out whatever possed Amy to yell, "Murdock, if you touch this bird one more time I'm going to stick YOU in the oven instead!"

AN A-TEAM CHRISTMAS - by Rhonda Eudaly (4 pages). Originally published on-line in the A-Team electronic newsletter. B.A. as Santa Claus? Murdock as an elf? When someone steals the Christmas toys, no one is gonna be laughing anymore!

DRIVE - by Gill Dunn (7 pages).

...The other had been one of the pilots - the one wearing a regulation army green T-shirt and a camouflage jacket and a very non-regulation blue baseball cap. He'd had a drink half-raised and now looked around in confusion at the empty chairs around him. Face had sheepishly raised his head just in time to see the pilot notice the colonel, who was in turn looking back at him through the smoky haze.

The pilot had grinned broadly. "Cheers, Colonel!" he'd shouted before gulping down the rest of his drink.

Plus FILKS and MORE!

To order your copy, send check, money orders, or U.S. cash (at your own risk)
to: NICOLE PELLEGRINI, 2429 LOCUST ST #315, PHILADELPHIA PA 19103

'Zine cost is $10.50 plus postage - $3 for U.S. Priority Mail, $7 Global
Priority Mail - other overseas rates available on request. SAVE $1 - MENTION ON THE JAZZ WHEN YOU ORDER. That's right, once again we're featuring a special onthejazz subscriber discount. So don't forget.

...DOWNLOADING THE ELECTRONIC VERSION...

Due to requests in the past, this 'zine is ALSO available ON-LINE for a nominal shareware fee - just $2! To dowload the 'zine off the web, follow these instructions:

The 'zine has been formatted in ADOBE ACROBAT format. To view it, you will need the Acrobe Acrobat Reader. This is a FREE utility program you can pick up off the Adobe homepage at http://www.adobe.com/prodindex/acrobat/readstep.html. Whatever your computer format is, you should not have difficulties finding a suitable Reader.

There are two parts to the zine, the main text (2.5 MB) is at
http://www.seas.upenn.edu/~pellegri/psavans3.pdf and the cover art for the 'zine is at http://members.aol.com/onthejazz/p3cover.pdf

If for some reason your computer balks at downloading such a huge file (one person on AOL had such a problem last night, I don't know why), you have this option - the file is also available in a 3-part uuencoded archive. The pieces you need are

http://members.aol.com/bbaracus/Plans3.pdf.Enc01
http://members.aol.com/sockii/Plans3.pdf.Enc02
http://members.aol.com/amyaallen/Plans3.pdf.Enc03

Each segment is ~1 MB in size. PC users should take note to change file names when downloading, so they don't overwrite each other. (Sorry, I'm a Mac-ite, all these PC rules are making me batty!)

A PC-based uudecoder can be found at
http://it.stlawu.edu/~it/tools/uudecode.html
And one for the Mac is
http://hyperarchive.lcs.mit.edu/HyperArchive/Archive/cmp/uu-lite-30.hqx
(On the Mac, simply use the File Merge Option, once all piece are downloaded.)

This is the first time I've tried to do something like this - if you download it and find any problems with the files PLEASE LET ME KNOW. Also let me know if you get it all to work right - yesterday was a nightmare trying to work out the bugs! You should be able to view them on either a PC or MAC based system, though don't ask me what the basic system requirements are for either.

AN IMPORTANT NOTE!!!!!!!!!!

Please note that the main reason I am offering electronic format for the 'zines this time is due to many requests, and also complaints about how much printed 'zines cost (which is not due to any profit-taking on my part - small-scale publishing just ain't cheap!) However, consider these files as SHAREWARE and not FREEWARE to the extent that it *still* cost me bucks to produce these files, even though you can access them for free. I still had to send out hardcopies to proofreaders, free printed copies to all contributors, pay for the software I bought EXPRESSLY for the 'zine project, etc etc etc. I can't expect the print copies to absorb all of these costs and keep them at all reasonable. So, I am asking that if you download the files, and enjoy the 'zine, a $2 donation this way would be appreciated. Or at the very least a letter or postcard of appreciation and acknowledgement that you downloaded them.
----
CALL FOR NEW SUBMISSIONS - Of course, with that 'zine behind us, it's time to start seriously thinking about our next titles for this year. So here's the scoop: Sockii press (me!) will accept stories in any genre or style you can imagine - humor, romance, hurt/comfort, crossover. Alternative universes and Mary Sue's. Adult straight or even slash! Information articles, filks, poetry - and ARTWORK! Stories based on other characters played by Dirk, Dwight, George, and T. Full-length novels or half-page scenarios - anything goes!

The following titles are either currently in the making or proposed for future publication, if there appears to be enough interest in the material going to print. If no one seems interested, they won't happen. To contribute to any of the below titles or indicate an interest in purchasing these if/when they go to print, please email me. Submissions should be sent typewritten, along with (if possible) a copy on floppy disk, Mac-format preferable but not necessary. If sending PC-based files, please save them in Text Only or Rich Text Format. Submissions also accepted via email. No set length or style guidelines, except if otherwise indicated.

The ideas we're currently tossing around for the future are:

WHERE'S MARY SUE WHEN YOU NEED HER? A "special edition" A-Team 'zine - all Mary Sue stories! Make it silly or make it sexy - so long as you've written yourself into the story in some fashion. Will also take stories involving characters outside of the A-Team played by Dwight, Dirk George, T - for instance, Battlestar Galactica, ST:TNG, etc. Would like to go to print sometime in mid '97.

PLANS SCAMS AND VANS 4. Our next issue is already filling up fast. At this time we already have submissions from Irene Schwarting, Laura Michaels, Rhonda Eudaly, Natasha McKee, and Christopher Bunting. What else? That's up to you! Any type of A-Team stories, up to PG-13 in rating, will be accepted for this 'zine, also information articles, artwork, etc. Will be at least 100 pages, will go to print by mid to late '97, depending.

A TEAM THROUGH TIME. If we can get enough alternative-universe stories, we'll do a separate A-Team 'zine for them. Put the Team in a different time-line. Write a "what if" story, like: what if the Team members weren't wanted by the military? What if the 5th season never happened? Be creative. The original story at the end of this issue of the nwesletter is just the type of thing I'm looking for.

DEADLY MANEUVERS. A more "hard-core" A-Team 'zine, if we get appropriate submissions. If it's too risqué or too serious for Plans Scams Etc., this is where we'll use it.

STRANGE BUSINESS. Multi-media (that's right, I DO like something besides A-Team, really!). Got a good conspiracy story? Something in the NOWHERE MAN, STRANGE LUCK, X-FILES universes? Or any other media universe, so long as the story involves a conspiracy of some kind, UFOs, or other forms of high strangeness!
---------------------------------------------------------
ORIGINAL FICTION

Hey, it's another original On the Jazz presentation this week! Brian has sent in the following story for our enjoyment. I've included his character FAQ before the story so you know what's going on.

THE G-TEAM
Brian James Markowski

THE G-TEAM FAQ
(Frequently Asked Questions)
SECTION I: THE BASICS

1. WHAT IS "THE G-TEAM"?

"The G-Team" is a group of short stories that tell of a lighter side to Star Trek using the "A-Team" antics. Since the recent shows have been a touch serious, this deals with a group beating on every affiliation, and doing it with a good laugh. Being true to the Star Trek heritage, many things are the same. Such as, the G-Team always wins no matter what the odds are. Also it has the scientific part to it. And of course it is true to the "A-Team", which is the drive of this group. There is phaser fire, quantam torpedoes, photon grenades, explosions, all the stuff you'd expect from both shows, and no one really gets hurt.

2. WHAT IT THE BASIC STORY BEHIND THE SHOW?

To quote the stories opening narration: In 2362 a Starfleet commando unit was court-martailed by the Federation Council for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum secruity brig to the Terran underground. Today, still wanted by the Federation, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...the G-Team.

The crime that they "didn't" commit was the destruction of the Galaxy-class starship, the U.S.S. Galaxy, NX-70637. Since they were the only ones that survived, Starfleet looked into it and discovered that the Galaxy was sabotaged in engineering. To be exact it was a unequal flow of trilithuim with other composites. The Team plead that the captain gave them orders to make the changes to the conduits. Unfortunately, the captain is dead.

3. WHO ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS?

Commodore James "Hannibal" Smith
The leader of the G-Team. Keeping true to his bloodline, Jim was considered a maverick. His reckless style, huge ego, and fondness for "classic half-pincer movements" and "through the font door" attacks, made him deadly, and highly respected. Following the footsteps of his great-great-great-great-great-grandfather, Col. John "Hannibal" Smith, he formed the G-Team to prove that he and his comrades were heroes, and good people, despite what things the Federation said and accused them of. He was first in his class at Starfleet Academy. His medals awarded to him by Starfleet are as follows: Palm Leaf of Axanar Peace Mission, 5 Grankite Orders of Tactics, Preantares Ribbon of Commendation, Commendation for Original Thinking, Medal of Honor, 3 Medals of Exceptional Valor, the Silver Palm, the Starfleet Citation for Conspicuous Gallantry, 2 Kragite Orders of Heroism, Joint Service Commendation, Distinguished Service, Starfleet Expidtion, the Officer's Medal, Galactic Defense, 6 Bronze Stars, 2 Silver Stars, 4 Gold Stars, and 10 Clusters. Such an exceptional record was only contended by Admiral Thomas Gregory Paris, Fleet Captain Christopher Pike, Commander George Kirk, and the illustrious Captain James Tiberius Kirk. Most of Jim Smith's awards were earned while he was in a cocky mood, something his family had called being "on the jazz". He also has been noted for smoking illegal cigars and quoting the phrase, "I love it when a plan comes together". His last assignment was as First Officer onboard the U.S.S. Galaxy.

Lieutenant Constantine Brian "Faceman" Peck
The pretty-boy of the Team. Conned his way through most of his Starfleet career. Somehow with all of his bad grades (which in about a week's time raised exceptionally) he became salutatorian in his class. Later to join the Starfleet Marines (conned his way into that too), he showed amazing ability to get out of fixes even in the worst conditions. His lieutenancy was given to him during his time with the Marines by outsmarting a Ferengi profit priest. After that he was transfered to the U.S.S. Galaxy as Navigations Officer.

Chief Benjamin "Bad Attitude (B.A.)" Baracus
The tough guy. Born on the failed Federation colony Turkana IV, he trained himself to be a survivor. Was on Team Terra in the Intergalactic Olympics. He still holds the record for non-anti-grav weight lifting, which is about 4 metric tons (thanks to the differences in gravity). In the academy, his piloting skills showed brightly, but he had decided instead to take a engineering major. Onboard the U.S.S. Galaxy, there wasn't anything he couldn't fix with an engineering kit. Even though he wasn't Chief Engineer, he was often called to join the senior staff in the briefing room. Only problem was is that he has a deadly fear of going through wormholes, nebulae, and plasma storms. Noted to be saying "Shutup foo'" a lot.

Lieutenant Commander Worthington "Howlin' Mad" Murdock Kicked out of Starfleet for supposed insanity (whether he is, or isn't, only he knows). He was also accused of being tied in with the destruction of the U.S.S. Galaxy, since he was one of the four survivors. Originally one of the best counselors in the Federation, his half-betaziod connection with an insane crewmember changed his life around. Now he is constantly getting in fights with B.A. (always getting called "crazy foo') because of his immature nature. But for some reason Hannibal likes him for his craziness. He once comented that "One of these days that crazy foo' stuff of Murdock's is going to save our lives." In his spare time he takes his invisible dog Billy for walks. Still in the Starfleet "looney bin", the G-Team has to make sure that he is always back in his room before anyone notices he's gone.

Anna Amirilus ("Triple A") Allen
Working for the UFP Press, Ms. Allen was looking for the G-Team to get a story on them, since they had risen in popularity. She lured them in by hiring them for a job which Starfleet helped her plan out. It didn't work out like it was supposed to, Starfleet tried to capture them, but Anna helped the G-Team get control of the situation and later was welcomed into the Team.

4. WHO WERE THE STARFLEET RETRIEVAL POLICE (SRP) "BAD GUYS"?

Admiral Jason Stockwell

Captain Rachel Lynch

Captain Harvey Decker

Commander Nathan Crane

SECTION II. THE DETAILS

1. WHAT DOES THE "G" IN THE "G-TEAM" STAND FOR ANYWAY?
Plain and simple, the "G" stands for "Galactic". I wanted to use a word that stood for outer space but the "U-TEAM" or "S-TEAM" just didn't work out.

2. WHAT ARE THE MAKES AND MODELS OF THE G-TEAM STARSHIP, THE MAQUIS G-TEAM STARSHIP, AND FACE'S SHUTTLE?
The starship: The G-Team starship is actually what is known as a runabout, Danube-class to be exact. It has just about everything a normal starship has, but is exceptionally smaller. It has a top speed of warp factor 8.5. It's registry number is 2L83000

The Maquis starship: The Maquis G-Team starship was a abandoned Starfleet design for the Nova-class. The Maquis got their hands on it and built it. When they hired the G-Team, it was given to them for the missions they had to accomplish. It was a small ship but packed one heck of a punch. It's Maquis registry number was originally MCC-1000, it was changed when the G-Team took the helm to MCC-2E14859

Face's shuttle: Face's shuttle is a Personnel Shuttle Type 7 originally called the Riker, named after Kyle Riker. It has all major armaments such as Type V phaser rifles and photon grenade launchers. It has been slightly upgraded to bring top speed from warp factor 2 to warp factor 7.75. It's registry number is IHJG851

3. WHAT TYPE OF GUNS DID THE G-TEAM USE?
The G-Team used AC556 lazer rifles mostly, but on certain occasions they have used the M16A1 lazer rifles. Hannibal always keeps a 20th century 9mm Berreta pistol with him. Also, Face has used a Starfleet Type-II phaser.

4. WHAT WERE THOSE COOL COVERALS MADE OF?
The G-Team does wear a type of uniform, sometimes, that is actually one big battery. It gave power to their guns and also creates various types of shields, including the foamous "cloaking shield"

5. WHAT IS THE "TERRAN UNDERGROUND"?
The Terran Underground is on Earth and some other Federation colonies. It is where thousands of people live that still believe in greasy food, words like "felgercarb" are used, beer is drunk from bottles, and kids are playing with G.I. Joes. TV is a very big thing down there, as are many FULL-CONTACT sports. Basically, it's where the 24th century meets the 20th century. It is headed by Ryan Pheonix (This may sound a lot like "Demolition Man", and I'll admit it is a great idea by the writers. So most of the credit goes to them.)
----
THE G-TEAM

CHAPTER 1

"...really now Face, how could we not help that little old lady?" Hannibal liked it when Face was angry about doing things out of "charity." It had given him that inner pride about his G-treasurer that he wanted to make sure that they got the money, and kept track of it.

"Did you see the way she was looking at me? I was probably a bag of meat to her. And I'd hardly call any Chalnoth a 'little old lady.' You're getting about as crazy as Murdock!" He couldn't just lose a little verbal battle between them all. He was the Faceman, the con-artist, so he had to con his way out of this one. So far, it wasn't going so well.

"Shutup foo'! I liked that 'little old lady.' She had a certain spunk about 'er. And she cooked just like my grandma."

"B.A., we had fried lima beans with tintra beetles mixed together with what tasted like a disgusting, ranch, fat free, salad dressing! And the only reason you liked her 'spunk' was because she is most likely the only woman in the quadrant that can throw you against walls!" Frustration was building up. It wasn't noticeable until Face's steering of the runabout was sending them towards the nearby asteroid field.

Hannibal took his cigar out of his mouth, "Uh Face...you're sending us on a collision course with that asteroid field over there."

As B.A. turned to look out the runabout's windows, his screaming started, "AAAAAHHHH AHHAAA!!!!!"

Face quickly tapped in the autopilot before B.A. could be called a saprano. "Oops...sorry."

B.A. had had it now, "Sorry sucka!? You about to send us to die and all you say is sorry?! Oh you gonna be sorry foo', once I shove this fist in your face!"

He pulled his fist back and wammed...Murdock, just as he was getting out of the ceiling hatch. And as it is with all of B.A.'s victims, he was on the ground, "...ooohhhhh...."

"Aw, B.A., now look what you've done. You alright, Murdock," Hannibal asked.

With much suprise Murdock was up on his feet. Now they saw what Murdock was doing up there - he was putting on Klingon makeup and forehead skin. "I am fine, Human. I was merely dazed by this oger. Thanks to my Klingon cranuim, I cannot be hurt by mortal man."

"Oh you don't know the meaning of hurt, sucka!" Hannibal and Face got in the way of B.A.'s coming onslaught.

"Now just calm down, B.A."

"No way Hannibal. This crazy foo' is too much for me."

Murdock stepped up, "Are you insulting my honor Human?!"

Hannibal felt like a mother. Two grown up soldiers fighting like babies. Despite the way he felt, he enjoyed it. "Both of you sit down." They both hesitantly complied. "Alright, now back to our discussion. Murdock, what did you think of Margga?"

"Well she had this special way about her. She seemed to dig into your mind and yank all of it with your hair and then..."

Face rolled his eyes, "Now there is an intelligent reply."

Murdock just looked at Face, "Be quiet, Human. Anyway, she just had that knowledge of war that swept you away. If I were ever to make a holo-novel, she'd definately be in it." Suddenly his eyes lit up, "That's it! I'll make a holo-novel! About the geat Chalnoth Margga, and her companions in smoking," he walked over to Hannibal, "her companians in battle," then he walked over to B.A., "and her companians in...love," and Murdock finished at Face.

Face stood up and headed out the door, "Oh I can't take anymore of this I'm just gonna have to..."

Murdock looked suprised, "What did I say?"

CHAPTER 2


"Did you get that file on the G-Team for me, Murphy," Anna asked.

"Ya, but I had to go through so many Starfleet sub-protocol codes to get to it I thought I'd die. You owe me big on this one, Anna." Roy Murphy had done hacking jobs for Anna Allen for a long time. He had also asked her out a lot of times too, but just got a simple "you don't know what you getting into, Murph" statement.

Anna hugged him, "Thanks, Murph. And did you setup the meeting with them?"

"That too. Starfleet said they'd help you get there, as long as the interview is screened by them before you air it."

She shrugged, "Always something isn't there. I'll send a transmission to them to send me to Denora VI."

"We're here, Ms. Allen. Just tell us when you want to beam down." Starfleet had usually been nice to the UFP Press. It was good to know that Starfleet had cared about the news, besides charting sectors and patrolling borderlines.

"I'm ready now." She jumped into the transporter excitedly and beamed down.

"Ms. Allen has beamed down. Capture Team is a go in five minutes."

Captain Harvey Decker and his men walked into Transporter Room 3 with phasers in hand. "The instant we have the go, you beam us down or you'll be serving with the Niborite Alliance." The transporter chief was frozen and only nodded to the captain. "In a matter of minutes, Commodore Smith, you'll be on your way to New Zealand."


"Who are you again?"

"My name is Anna Amirilus Allen and I'm looking for the G-Team,"
Anna said, very frustrated with the Andorian.

The Andorian looked her over, and then did a tricorder scan. The Andorian took off his hair and antennae, "Hello Ms. Allen, you just hired the G-Team."

She was absolutely shocked, "You mean..."

"That's right, we'll help you." Three men walked out from behind the enclosed stand. "Let me introduce you to the rest of the Team. This is Constantine Peck, the 'Faceman'. This is Worthington 'Howlin' Mad' Murdock. And this big guy here is Benjamin 'Bad Attitude' Baracus, but you can call him B.A. And I'm Hannibal Smith. So what seems to be the problem, ma'am?"

"So you really do help people."

Face stepped in, "That's right. And I could definately help you, or perhaps you could help me."

"There isn't going to be any helping done by you, Smith! Fire!" Capt. Decker walked from behind some crates as did a whole troop of Starfleet Marines. The G-Team ducked down and tried to grab Anna, but she moved by Decker before they could touch her. "Surrender or get put in these crates, Smith."

"Alright...we surrender."

"I thought you'd see it my way. After ten whole years I've finnally got you. The great and illustrious G-Team, caught by Captain...newly appointed Admiral Harvey Decker. Now that sounds good, Admiral Harvey Decker."

Anna slipped a Type II phaser from a marines side and pointed it at Crane. "I don't think so, Captain!"

Every marine turned their head to see what was going on, and Murdock stood up firing. "We all be shootin' yellow marines, yellow marines...," Murdock sung while he lit up the troops.

"Way to go, Murdock," Hannibal yelled. "Face, get the girl. Start up the runabout B.A. Come on, Murdock, we're out of here." Hannibal pulled out a photon grenade from his coat pocket and threw it in the air. "Hasta lasagna, Decker!" The explosion toppled the building to the ground and the runabout headed towards space.

Decker got up out of the rubble. "Damn!"


CHAPTER 3


Hannibal lit up a cigar, "I should kill you right now for trying to set me up like that."

Murdock walked in front of Anna with a holo-cam, "Oh, no, no, no. She would be just perfect as Margga's long lost friend. I could just see it now..."

"Be quiet, Murdock. Now Ms. Allen, I think you should start thinking abou..."

"I'm telling you I didn't know about the Marines. They must have followed me."

Hannibal shrugged, "Alright. What do you need us for."

"About a month ago my boss disappeared. Now Starfleet has decided not to go looking for him because he does this a lot, just going off without telling anyone. But he always tells me. And he didn't tell me this time. Usually it's only for about two weeks that he's gone, but as I said it's been a month. I think he could be in serious trouble. He was working on a story about an Orion slave trader named Ootah. I think that this Ootah has him. So can you help me?"

"Ms. Allen, if you got the latinum, we'll get your boss."

And she just smiled and handed him a datapad with a number. Then it was Hannibal's turn to smile.


"Now approaching the planet Orion, Commodore."

"Good, Face. Now if you can get us past the scum they call planetary defense we should do just fine."

Face pointed over to the small trasnporter pad, "Hannibal, I think you should be depending on those guys to do that," and there was standing Murdock and B.A., weapons in hand.

"But wai..."

B.A. cut in, "Don't worry, Hannibal. I got it all worked out. We just gotta point our guns out there, and the impulse speed should give our blasts enough speed to light up those Fighters."

Hannibal chuckled, "B.A., you never cease to amaze me. Alright Face, beam'em out."

B.A. looked a little worried, "Alright crazy man, you just make sure you be aimin' at those Fighters. "

"B.A., do you think that I would do such a thing as shoot you?" Murdock used his best english accent, "Why I am utterly shocked."
"Shutup foo', here come them Fighters." The AC556 lazer rifles charged up and started firing.

"This the Orion Fighter Aker, stop firing or we will destroy you," the Orion captain claimed.

Hannibal lit up a cigar, "Why don't you just try, Aker."

The Orion captain was furriated, "Who the hell are you?!"

Hannibal fired two photon torpedoes. "The A-Team!"

In space, B.A. and Murdock were having a hard time shooting good with the zero-g suits on, but they still picked a few off. B.A. opened his commlink, "Hannibal, these mud-suckas ain't got no shields. They're hard to hit though. I think we should beam in and teach those suckas a lesson."

In the runabout, "We're one step ahead of ya B.A., good thinkin', still. We'll beam the suits in here and then beam you, Murdock, Face, and me."

"Roger, Hannibal."

They beamed onto the bridge of the Aker, blasting away at the ceiling. Hannibal walked over to the captain, "Well well, Capitan, looks like you have a problem. How about you tell those other Fighters to shut-down, and then get us on Orion."

Fear was as plain as daylight in the captain's eyes, "I will do as you say."

Face moved over to B.A. and Murdock and whispered, "We only have seven minutes to get this guy doing what we want, and then Ms. Allen is going to beam us back to the runabout. We gotta do this quick."
The captain continued to press buttons on the forward control panel. As Hannibal moved back over with the rest of the Team, he turned on a force field around them. "I don't think you'll be arriving on Orion the way you expected to."

Hannibal laughed, "Isn't it amazing how these slimeballs try to get the good guys."

Murdock stood next to Hannibal, "Tell me about it. He really could have done it with much more class. I mean, force fields are so tacky."
Then Face turned, "It's the truth."

B.A. punched the field, "You all crazy foos'!"

A smile came over Hannibal's face, "Now B.A., why don't you get on the subject too. I mean, we are going to be back on the runabout in one minute anyways." The captain turned to see them beaming out. "Aw, I hate it when my watch keeps bad time." And they were back on the runabout.


"Face, disable the rest of those Fighters. Then get ready for a warp landing, we don't want to get caught up with anymore trouble."
"Will do, Commodore."


CHAPTER 4


Hannibal took the left control panel. "Alright, nice and easy, Face." The runabout slowly settled on the ground. The planet Orion. Famous for the green Orion Animal Women and the many caves they live in, it is a rather desolate place for the most part. For a long time now it had been scavenged for all its gems and other fine stones. Hannibal had been here once for a Captain's Commitee...it looked different somehow then.

Face turned his chair from the controls, "So Hannibal, do you have a plan or do you want us to knock on the nearest door and 'hi, we probably just killed someone related to you so could you let us in?' If that's the plan I'll send a sub-space signal to my shuttle and I'm gone."

"Face, you worry to much. Now they probably have troops hiding in those caves to capture or blow us to kibbles when we walk out of here. I would estimate about thirty men just ready to do their stuff. But when I was here before I learned something interesting."

"Oh? And what's that?"

"That the first thing you learn in the Orion Military Academy is how to drop your weapons and put up your hands."

B.A. cussed, "Looks like Hannibal's on the jazz again."

The four of them stepped out of the runabout with lazer rifles in hand. Hannibal lit up a cigar. "Alright you leather-heads, why don't you come out here and show us what you got."

One Orion came out. "Yak nar tor kew doan!" Murdock translated to the Team that he asked them to drop their weapons.

Hannibal looked to his comrades. "Alright, we surrender. Come on out." Orion troops came out from the nearby caves. "Raise your guns, boys. Fire!!!" The G-Team's onslaught began knocking over tons of Orion troopers. Piles now starting to form, the G-Team continued firing.

Murdock felt something press against his back. He turned to see a squad of Orions guns aimed at them. "What are you doing!? I did not call for extras in my holo-novel yet. And who are your tailors!? I wanted Breen troops, not Orion idiots!" They pushed Murdock to the ground as well as the rest of the Team.

An Orion took off his helmet and spoke, "You should not have done that, Commodore Smith."

A thought came to Hannibal's head. "Wait a second. You're not speaking Orion. Your..." he turned around to see the C-in-C standing above him, "your Starfleet. Good God it's you! Admiral Westmore. What the hell are you doin'..." A disruptor was put in his mouth.

"Take these men to Ootah's chamber." And the G-Team was carried off.


CHAPTER 5


"Ahh..Commodore Smith. How good to see you," Ootah said flambountly. "I see you have discovered my little secret."

"And what would that be, Ootah?"

"Why, the fact that Starfleet is working with me. You see, Starfleet has asked me to kidnap certain reporters who are meddling in things that aren't their business. In return I get priority one Starfleet protection."

Hannibal was given a cigar, and he lit it. "So where are all these reporters?"

"See that steel bar door over there?" Hannibal nodded. "That leads to a safehouse that is impenatratable by any sensors."

Hannibal smiled. "You are the dumbest crime lord I have ever met. You actually tell your prisoners all of your plans, and you answer their questions with the truth, how sickening. Anna. You got it all on vid?"

Anna Allen answered Hannibal's communication, "It's all here Mr. Smith."
"Good. Beam in the artillery."

"It's on it's way."

The Team ran over to pick up their guns and proton grenades that were just beamed in. "Lock and load, boys!!" The blasting and blowing up of things started to make the building fall down. Face snuck off quicky to get the reporters out of confinement. There was only four of them and Face pushed each one of them out.

Face yelled, "Hannibal! We're ready to go!"

"Right! Anna, beam us out! See ya later boys!"


Face manned the controls and got the runabout into lift-off.
Hannibal sat down. "Face, warp outta here."

"One step ahead of ya, Commodore."

EPILOGUE

The runabout was on auto-pilot, the reporters were in bunks, and the Team and Ms. Allen were in the lounge area. Hannibal lit up a cigar, "So what did you say your name was again, kid?"

Anna smiled, "Anna Amilirilus Allen."

Hannibal chuckled, "Triple A. I like that."
THE END
---------------------------------------------------------
VCR WATCH:

This is a new feature I hope people will find useful - upcoming television broadcasts featuring our A-Team cast, pulled off net search engines. All times are Eastern Standard. Listings courtesy www.thegist.com and www.student.net

1/17/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (When You Comin' Back, Range Ryder?) - The A-Team continues to harass the rustlers while evading capture by Col. Decker and his minions.
1/17/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Breakout!) - Hannibal devises an elaborate escape plan after B.A. and Murdock are mistaken for accomplices in a robbery and sentenced to work on a chain gang.
1/18/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (The Taxicab Wars) - The team helps a cab company that's being terrorized by rivals.
1/18/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (A Cup A' Joe) - B.A. and Murdock protect diner owners from a man who's trying to put them out of business. 1/19/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Labor Pains) - Overworked and underpaid farm workers form a union with the A-Team's help.
1/20/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (There's Always a Catch) - An extortionist threatens a fisherman's livelihood.
1/20/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Champ!) - B.A. is set up as an unbeatable boxer when the team battles a gangster attempting to gain control of the local fight scene.
1/21/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Water, Water Everywhere) - A greedy developer threatens to drive four people off their land.
1/21/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Skins) - The A-Team plans to stop destructive poachers on a Kenya animal preserve. Guest: Daphne Maxwell Reid.
1/22/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Steel) - A dangerous mob figure takes steps to prevent the demolition of an old warehouse.
1/22/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Road Games) - The team pursues gangsters who forced a reformed gambler to sign over the home where he and his daughter care for foster children.
1/23/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (The White Ballot) - Face becomes a candidate for sheriff to expose a small-town law officer's shady dealings.
1/23/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Moving Targets) - The A-Team must protect a sheik's daughter, who's about to marry a prince from an opposing country.
1/24/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (The Maltese Cow) - A powerful Chinese group ruins a restaurateur's business when he refuses to pay protection money.
1/24/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Knights of the Road) - An ambitious auto mechanic asks for help after a ruthless competitor attempts to ruin his business.
1/25/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (In Plane Sight) - The team sets out to clear the name of an alleged cocaine smuggler.
1/26/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Quarterback Sneak) - The A-Team arranges an exhibition football game to free a famous biochemist in East Berlin. Guest: Joe Namath. 1/27/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Say It With Bullets) - A woman hires the team to investigate the murder of her brother, who was part of a munitions theft operation.
1/27/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Waste 'Em) - The team battles corrupt refuse collectors who are dumping toxic waste into the city's sewer system.
1/28/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Pure-Dee Poison) - The team helps a minister break up a moonshine operation.
1/28/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Bounty) - Romance blossoms between Murdock and a veterinarian after she rescues him from a group of bounty hunters.
1/29/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (It's a Desert Out There) - An outlaw desert group robs a busload of elderly people.
1/29/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Beverly Hills Assault) - A young artist seeks the team's help in searching for the men who brutally assaulted her boyfriend.
1/30/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Harder Than It Looks) - A wealthy man hires the A-Team to free his kidnapped daughter.
1/30/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Trouble Brewing) - Two sisters, owners of a soda pop factory, are victimized by a competitor.
1/31/97, 16:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Deadly Maneuvers) - Terrorists capture Murdock, Face and B.A. 1/31/97, 20:00 (FX - GEN)
A-Team (Incident at Crystal Lake) - The A-Team takes a vacation after Col. Decker gets too close for comfort.

>>GEORGE PEPPARD
09:00am Sat Jan-18
ENCR ... THE THIRD DAY (1965) ** (NR) ......... 9-11am ..... Movi/Crim An amnesiac climbs out of a car wreck and faces an unhappy wife, a rotten cousin and a bum rap. With: George Peppard, Elizabeth Ashley, Roddy McDowall, Arthur O'Connell, Mona Washbourne, Herbert Marshall, Robert Webber, Charles Drake, Sally Kellerman, Arte Johnson. CC. NR
---------------------------------------------------------
05:00pm Sat Jan-18
ENCR ... THE THIRD DAY (1965) ** (NR) ......... 5-7pm ...... Movi/Crim An amnesiac climbs out of a car wreck and faces an unhappy wife, a rotten cousin and a bum rap. With: George Peppard, Elizabeth Ashley, Roddy McDowall, Arthur O'Connell, Mona Washbourne, Herbert Marshall, Robert Webber, Charles Drake, Sally Kellerman, Arte Johnson. CC. NR
---------------------------------------------------------
12:00pm Sun Jan-19
MAX .... THE CARPETBAGGERS (1964) ** (PG) ..... 12-2:30pm .. Movi/Dram Ruthless heir Jonas Cord Jr. makes money, movies and enemies in the 1920s and '30s. With: George Peppard, Alan Ladd, Carroll Baker, Robert Cummings, Martha Hyer, Elizabeth Ashley, Lew Ayres, Martin Balsam, Ralph Taeger, Archie Moore. CC. PG: Adult Situations, Language, Mild Violence
---------------------------------------------------------
04:00pm Mon Jan-20
TCM .... BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S (1961) *** (NR) 4-6pm ...... Movi/Roma New York playgirl Holly Golightly puzzles a writer who lives below. With: Audrey Hepburn, George Peppard, Patricia Neal, Buddy Ebsen, Martin Balsam, Mickey Rooney, Villalonga, John McGiver, Dorothy Whitney, Stanley Adams. NR
---------------------------------------------------------
>>LANCE LEGAULT
03:00am Tue Jan-21
MAX2 ... THE SILENCERS (1995) ** (R) .......... 2:50-4:35am. Movi/Scif A Secret Service agent joins forces with an intergalactic peace officer to thwart an alien plot to conquer Earth. With: Jack Scalia, Dennis Christopher, Clarence Williams III, Carlos Lauchu, Lucinda Weist, Stephen Rowe, Lance LeGault, Madison Mason. Stereo. R: Language, Violence
---------------------------------------------------------
>>MELINDA CULEA
06:00pm Sun Jan-19
STRZ ... WAGONS EAST! (1994) * (PG-13) ........ 6-8pm ...... Movi/Come Gunslingers and the cavalry chase a wagonmaster carrying fed-up pioneers back home. With: John Candy, Richard Lewis, John C. McGinley, Ellen Greene, Robert Picardo, Ed Lauter, Rodney A. Grant, William Sanderson, Melinda Culea, Robin McKee. Stereo. PG-13: Adult Situations
----------------------------------------
WEEKLY - WB ... BROTHERLY LOVE Sun 7 pm
----------------------------------------
>>EDDIE VELEZ
05:00am Mon Jan-20
MAX2 ... EXTREMITIES (1986) * (R) ............. 5-6:30am ... Movi/Dram A woman is brutally attacked in her own home by a man who lives to regret it. With: Farrah Fawcett, James Russo, Alfre Woodard, Diana Scarwid, Sandy Martin, Eddie Velez, Tom Everett, Donna Lynn Leavy, Enid Kent, Michael Hennessy. CC. R: Adult Situations, Language, Nudity, Rape
---------------------------------------------------------
WHEW!!!!! That's all for now, next time - will likely be late by a few days, as I'll be at Vidcon with Liz, Rhonda, Laura and Michele - can't wait! Full report next issue, along with more surprises. Till then, stay on the jazz!

sockii, aka nicole
---------------------------------------------------------
Editor of Sockii Press A-Team fanzines - check out
our newest title at
http://www.seas.upenn.edu/~pellegri/psv3.html
"There's someone in my head, but it's not me."
----------------------------------------------------------
Proud member of the Narn Bat Squad <Whack!> and the C.o.M.

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