Question:

What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer:

Princess Diana's death.

Question:

How come?

Answer:

An English princess

with an Egyptian boyfriend

crashes in a French tunnel,

driving a German car

with a Dutch engine,

driven by a Belgian who was drunk

on Scottish whiskey,

followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,

on Japanese motorcycles,

treated by an American doctor,

using Polynesian herbal medicines!

And this is sent to you by a Filipino,

using Bill Gates' technology,

and you're probably reading this on one of the IBM clones,

that use Taiwanese-made chips,

and a Korean-made monitor,

assembled by Bangladeshi workers

in a Singapore plant,

transported by lorries driven by Indians,

hijacked by Indonesians,

unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,

trucked by Mexican illegals,

and finally sold to you by Jews.

That, my friend, is Globalization

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it?

If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

2. "La lang" means..... "I miss you"

3. "Ok ka lang?" means... " ano ka hilo?!?!"

4. "Hay nako!" means..... " seryoso ako"

5. "Ingat ka lagi" means... "I care for you"

6. "Musta na?" means... " sino'ng love mo?"

7. "Secret" means..... " ikaw"

8. "Ano'ng problema mo?" means... " hurt naman ako"

9. "Kayo pa rin ba?" means.... "ako naman"

10. "Chick boy ka pala eh!" means..... " ang kapal mo!!!"

11. "Grabe ha!!!" means... " selos ako"

12. "Saan?" means..... " sama ako!"

13. "Shit!" means... " ako na lang kasi eh!!"

14. "Inaantok na ako" means..... "wala kang kwentang kausap"

15. "May gagawin pa ako eh" means..... "maghanap ka ng kausap mo"

16. "Bakit naman?" means..... "alam mo namang ikaw lang"

17. "Nakakaaliw ka" means..... " ang cute mo "

18. "Ewan" means..... " oo "

19. "Ganon?" means... "kapal mo!!"

20. "Eh kasi" means... " nahihiya ako"

21. "Talaga lang ha?" means... "naku, bola!!"

22. "Basta" means... "magtanong ka pa"

23. "Busy ka?" means... " kausapin mo naman ako "

24. "Pwede ba" means... " mas cute naman ako sa kanya "

25. "May kasabay ka?" means..... "nood tayo ng sine & kain sa labas"

26. "Miss' nahulog" means..... "anong number mo?"

27. "Magwiwithdraw pa ako" means... "pucha naman, ikaw muna!!"

28. "May barya ka sa 100?" means..... "pautang muna, sa sweldo na kita babayaran"

29. "Kawawa ka naman" means... "Buti nga...sabi ko sayo eh!"

30. "Susunod ako" means... "umalis ka na! Ang kulit mo eh"

31. "Thank you sa gift ha" means..."Ang cheap mo naman"

2. Don’t be a puzzle. State your intentions.
Guessing motives is stressful for the girl, more
so if she is not in the habit of assuming
intentions. The moment you decide to court her,
express in explicit, unambiguous terms what you
are doing. Wanting to get to know her better is
always a good reason. Be honest. Girls are most
often impressed by guys who open their hearts.
This little show of vulnerability is a sign of
emotional maturity. If you’re serious (should be!),
this will not be a big deal.

3. Don’t be a fake. Of course you want to
impress the girl, but don’t do it to the extent
of re-packaging your character to fit her taste.
Save yourself the hassle of constantly being on
the watch for your behavior, words and actions.
If your personality is too much too take within
the first few days, you might want to introduce
your idiosyncrasies little by little. Be human.
This is already a declaration that you are not
afraid to show your true self, and allows her to
do the same.

4. Don’t bribe. Give gifts in moderation.
Flowers on the first dinner, chocolate the
following week are ok but everyday material
reminder can be suffocating. The same deal for
time. She had a life before you came along.
Asking her to see you everyday may be too much
too handle.

5. Don’t say “I love you” too early. Few people
believe in love at first sight nowadays and
you’d sure be subjected to a lot of “whys
and “hows” if you profess love too early.
“How can you be sure it’s love when you don’t know me
well?” The situation will be frustrating if you
can’t make her accept you answers.

6. Do not expect a happy ending. Your intention
was to get to know her better and knowing more
may actually cause you to rethink why you liked
her in the first place. Life is not a fairy tale
and people can turn out very different from our
first impressions of them. If you were sincere
and honest, then you’d have gained a friend if
she can’t be your girlfriend.

Being in love is the best feeling in the world.
It makes you discover what you are capable of
doing, what you are willing to give up, how far
your patience can stretch and how happy you can
be. There’s mind-blowing sense of security in
knowing that someone out there cares for you,
thinks of you before she sleeps at night, and is
including you in her plans for the future.

If after following the steps above my friend
finds himself in a relationship, then I have one
more advise for him: Never end the courting...