Page Two
"He wants to get down there and have sex with those cows."
"I don't understand what you're saying. I saw Keaton get shot, I swear to you."
"Then why didn't you help him?"
"I WAS AFRAID, OKAY? Somehow, I was sure it was Keyser Soze at that point. I couldn't bring myself to raise my gun to him."
"But Keaton..."
"It was Keyser Soze, Agent Kujan. I mean the Devil himself. How do you shoot the Devil in the back?
"......What if you miss?"
"I'm ready to communicate with you now."
"Communicate?"
"Tell you my secrets."
"What is it?"
"You know that accident up there?"
"Yeah."
"Someone got hurt."
"They did?"
"A lady. She died."
"Oh my God. You can see her?"
"Yes."
"Where is she?"
"Standing next to my window."
"Now I can't keep you cuffed on a commercial flight, and I have to check my gun with my luggage, but you fuck with me once and I'm gonna break your neck."
"I can't fly."
"What?"
"You heard me, I can't fly."
"No, no, no. You're going to have to do better than that."
"No I don't have to do better than that, because it's the truth. I can't fly. I suffer from aviaphobia."
"What does that mean?"
"It means I can't fly. I also suffer from claustrophobia and agoraphobia."
"Well if you don't shut up, pretty soon you're gonna suffer from fistaphobia."
"Your job is done. You interfere with the living again..."
"Tell me I'll get hurt. That I might die. I've already done that. I don't need anyone's help. Yours included."
"Do this thing and you will be vulnerable. The blood will not return."
"No powers. No reunion. Nothing."
"Fine with me."
"Ass sphincter says "what"."
"What? "
"A sphincter says "what"."
"What?"
"Exactly."
"Don't break radio silence until they see me."
"How will I know?"
"Because all fucking hell is going to break loose."
"You can beat me up if you like, it won't do any good."
"You're wrong there, it'd do me a power of good. You knew it was a doll down that hole all the time didn't you?"
"Well I told you enough times!"
"But it was a red herring wasn't it, to distract us from what should have been the focus of our investigation: the disappearance of your wife, and Sally and Hugh West-Roper."
"What are you talking about?"
"We've checked out their house, and nobody's seen hide nor hair of them since Friday night. Which is hardly surprising, since that's when you massacred the lot of them in cold blood."
"Don't be ridiculous. For a start my wife came round while out was out and she left, well, she left a note."
"A note?"
"Yes, a note. Saying how she wanted to re-evaluate and find her own space and all that load of old bollocks."
"Where is this note?"
"Well I haven't got it anymore-"
"Where is it?"
"...I wiped my bottom on it."
"You did what?!"
"Well I was very annoyed and I hadn't got any toilet paper you see..."
"Do you mean to tell me that the one piece of evidence that could corroborate your story...is wrapped round a turd halfway to the North Sea?!"
"Yeah."
"How tragically inconvenient!"
"Tommy, I want you to go back upstairs..."
"What is it, Laurie?"
"Be quiet! Get Lindsey and get into the bedroom and lock the door!"
"I'm scared..."
"DO WHAT I SAY! NOW!"
"It's the bogyman, isn't it?"
"HURRY!"
"Who are you?"
"We are three wise men."
"What?"
"We are three wise men."
"Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me."
"We are astrologers."
"We have come from the East."
"Is this some kind of joke?"
"We wish to praise the infant."
"We must pay homage to him."
"Homage? You're all drunk. It's disgusting. Out! The lot, out!"
"I understand you're a man who knows how to get things."
"I'm known to locate certain things from time to time. They seem to fall into my hands. Maybe it's 'cause I'm Irish."
"I wonder if you could get me a rock hammer?"
"What is it and why?"
"You make your customers' motives a part of your business?"
"If you wanted a toothbrush, I wouldn't ask questions. I'd just quote a price. A toothbrush, see, is a non-lethal sort of object."
"Fair enough. A rock-hammer is about eight or nine inches long. Looks like a miniature pickaxe, with a small sharp pick on one end, and a blunt hammerhead on the other. It's for rocks."
"Rocks. Quartz?"
"Quartz, sure. And look. Mica. Shale. Silted granite. There's some graded limestone, from when they cut this place out of the hill.
"So?
"I'm a rockhound. At least I was, in my old life. I'd like to be again, on a limited scale.
"Yeah, that or maybe plant your toy in somebody's skull?
"I have no enemies here."
"No? Just wait."
"Are you the farmer? Shut up, I'll deal with this. We've gone on holiday by mistake. We're in this cottage here. Are you the farmer?"
"Stop saying that Withnail, of course he's the fucking farmer."
"When I left here with the money..."
"Mm."
"...I got muscled on the street."
"Mm."
"A couple of guys, I owe them. So, that's what I did. I gave 'em the money. That's what I did."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"You call yourself a man? You know you're a lyin', low-life, motherfuckin' gambling degenerate prick? You know that's what you are? Two small kids at home. I gave you money to pay the fuckin' rent and buy groceries, put the heat on. You know your wife called Frankie and told him the fuckin' heat's off?"
"Huh? And you didn't gamble that fuckin' money? You're gonna stand here and tell me that? No? no? You didn't?"
"I didn't give 'em the m-"
"Don't fuck with me, Al! Don't make a fuck out of me! You want to embarrass me and make a fool out of me? You didn't gamble? Tell me you gambled the fuckin' money, I'll give you the fuckin' money to put the fuckin' heat on! Did you gamble? Huh?"
"Fuckin' degenerate, you. Fuckin' kids at home! Here. Get the fuck out of here."
"Thanks, Nick."
"Yeah, thanks. Let me find out you fucked up, I'll leave you wherever I find you."
"Last night it came so clear. I realize you just need more time. Eventually, you'll come to accept the idea of being here. Paul, do you know about the early days at the Kimberly Diamond Mine? Do you know what they did to the native workers who stole diamonds? Don't worry, they didn't kill them. That would be like junking a Mercedes just because it had a broken spring. No, if they caught them they had to make sure they could go on working, but they also had to make sure they could never run away. The operation was called hobbling."
"Annie, whatever you're thinking about, don't do it."
"Let me get you some help, Truman. You're not well."
"Why do you want to have a child with me? You can't stand me."
"That's not true. Why don't I make you some of this new Mococoa Drink? All natural. Cocoa beans from the upper slopes of Mount Nicaragua. No artificial sweeteners..."
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
"I've tasted other cocoas. This is the best."
"What the hell has that got to do with anything? Tell me what's happening?!"
"You're having a nervous breakdown, that's what's happening."
"You're part of this, aren't you?!"
"Truman, you're scaring me!"
"No, you're scaring me, Meryl!"
"Stop this now. I'll do it. I swear...
"...do something..."
"...Who were you talking to?"
"You're the one talking to the walls!"
"No. You said, "Do something." Who were you talking to? Tell me!"
"Ah, little lad, you're staring at my fingers.
"Shall I tell you the little story of Right-Hand-Left-Hand - the tale of Good and Evil?
"H-A-T-E!
"It was with this left hand that old brother Cain struck the blow that laid his brother low!
"L-O-V-E!
"See these here fingers, dear friends! These fingers has veins that run straight to the soul of man! The right hand, friends! The hand of love!
"Now watch and I'll show you the Story of Life. The fingers of these hands, dear hearts!
"They're always a-tuggin' and a-warrin', one hand agin t'other.
"Look at 'em, dear hearts!
"Old Left Hand Hate's a-fightin' and it looks like Old Right Hand Love's a goner!
"But wait now! Hot dog! Love's a winnin'! Yessirree!
"It's Love that won! Old Left Hand Hate gone down for the count!"
"I see you rolled your way into the semis. Deos mio, man. Seamus and me, we're gonna fuck you up."
"Yeah well, that's just, ya know, like, your opinion, man."
"Let me tell you something, bendeco. You pull any your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger til it goes 'click'."
"Jesus."
"You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus."
"I wouldn't trade places with Edmund Exley right now for all the tea in China."
"Dudley, I thought you were gonna let the dumb bastard kill me. And you! Learn to pull those punches a little better. You can uncuff me now, fellas.
"Fellas?
"We had a deal. You, me and Patchett! We're a team!
"Come on, we're friends. We're..."
"Hush hush..."
"Marine, what is that button on your body armor?"
"A peace symbol, sir."
"Where'd you get it?"
"I don't remember, sir."
"What is that you've got written on your helmet?"
"'Born to Kill' sir."
"You write 'Born to Kill' on your helmet and you wear a peace button. What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?"
"No, sir."
"You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a giant shit on you!"
"Yes, sir."
"Now answer my question or you'll be standing tall before the man."
"I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir."
"The what?"
"The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir."
"Whose side are you on, son?"
"And they're armed."
"What was that? Armed? What do you mean 'armed'? Armed with what?"
"Er, bad breath, colourful language, feather duster? What do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns you tit!"
"Miami's the perfect town for you, Burnett. You drive like a one-hundred-seven-year-old lady with her turn signal on."
"And I plan on living to be old just like 'em. Rubbing Ben Gay on my joints and everything."
"You gonna let every old motherfucker pass you or just the ones with big-ass trailers passing behind? A-c-c-el-er-ate."
"I don't have a death wish like you. I got a family that counts on me. A mortgage to pay. And I'm not saying it's me, but most of the guys in the station think you're some rich kid playing cop."
"Who said that? If somebody's talking about me I wanna know...man, I'm so sick of this. I don't apologize for nothing I do. I get up early and take it to the max every day. I'm always the first guy through the door. And the last guy to leave a crime scene. So fuck 'em all. I could give a shit what those boot-lickin', brown-nosin', ass-kissin' motherfuckers think of Mike Lowrey."
"I love you man."
"Oh, fuck you Marcus."
"Inspector Callaghan."
"Jaffe. The usual."
"The usual lunch or the usual dinner?"
"What difference does it make?"
"Not much."
"Hey Jaffe, is that tan Ford still parked across in front of the bank?"
"Tan Ford.....yeah, tan Ford."
"Engine running?"
"I don't know. How can I tell?"
"Exhaust fumes coming out of the tailpipe?"
"Ooh that's awful, look at that pollution."
"Yeah. Do me a favour will you? Call this telephone number."
"Police department?"
"Yeah. Tell them Inspector Callaghan thinks there's a 211 in progress at the bank. Got it?"
"211, got it."
"Be sure and tell them it's in progress, right?"
"We're doing OK aren't we?"
"And what's the use of OK? Might as well be losing 8-0!"
"I don't think that's really true Paul is it? I'd say if you want to win a game 2-0, you've got more of a chance if it's 0-0 at half time than you have if you're eight goals down. Do you see where I'm coming from?"
"You're living in cloud cuckoo land! Join the real world!"
"In the real world, it's 0-0 at half time!"
"...Might as well be 8-0."
"Jesus Paul, you need medical help. You've got some kind of disease that turns people into miserable bastards."
"Why would a man leave his apartment three times, on a rainy night, with a suitcase? And come back three times?"
"He likes the way his wife welcomes him."
"Not that salesman's wife. And why didn't he go to work today?"
"Homework. It's more interesting."
"What's interesting about a butcher's knife and a small saw wrapped up in a newspaper?"
"Nothing, thank heaven."
"Why hasn't he gone into his wife's bedroom all day?"
"I wouldn't dare answer that."
"Lisa...there's something terribly wrong."
"Okay, you stick her and then I'll shoot her, before it erupts all over the place."
"Casey! Are you on drugs?"
"What's wrong?"
"Are we sure?"
"Please don't! No, Casey!"
"Don't wuss out Casey, just do it!"
"What if we were wrong?"
"Stab her and find out."
"Two World Wars and one World Cup they won and you'd never fucking believe it. Prick."
"Give us a look. Come on man."
"Wait."
"Come on!"
"You're fucking murder you are Terry. Steady on Terry!"
"Oof...that's a cheeky bit of charlie."
"Hang on Terry, there's more than two, there's loads of them! There's half a fucking ton of it!"
"Shhh..."
"Don't fucking 'shhh' me. There's eight packets of the fucking stuff!"
"I know."
"How much cash did you just give to that fucking idiot, Terry?"
"Forty grand."
"Forty grand?!"
Jump to:
Page One - "We'll just tell your mother that...we ate it all."
Page Three - "Look out! Muppets!"
Page Four - "Run for it, Marty!"
"Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt."