| 8-18-02 So much has been going on in my life- especially with my emotions- that it is getting extremely frustrating. I've been pushing away my girl friends and one guy friend. I have realized that I hate neediness. Some people are just needy for interaction and relationships with others. I hate feeling needed for some reason and it drives me crazy when other people are needy. I'm just tired of people calling all the time to just talk or to hang out. I need my alone time or I get extremely moody. I don't want to push these people away, but I cannot deal with this right now. I was talking with two of my guy friends a little while ago. We were talking about neediness and relationships with girls. I find it extremely hard to get along with girls for some reason- I think it might be because they are so serious about their emotions. Anyways I was telling them that I was fed up with my friendships, and they just said something that struck me off guard. They told me that I was a different type of girl- I don't appear to be low maintenence, but truly am. And that I'm not very sensitive or emotional. I think that I'm somewhat emotional- I do cry every once in awhile when I cry out to the Lord, given that doesn't happen very often. I don't know how to feel towards this comment. I've been rolling it around in my brain for a couple days now, but I don't have any emotions toward it. hmp.. i don't know. I've been praying and spending a lot of time with the Lord lately. Before, I had been slipping up. I'd miss a quiet time or I'd just listen to what Satan was throwing at me. I was living my life with "cheap grace" for a period instead of passionate living. I was rebelling against the Lord because my life wasn't getting easier and my prayers weren't getting answered. I realized that the Lord delayed his answer to my prayer because He knows that I need to be with him more than the things I was asking of him. Sometimes I just don't understand why I act the way I do. If I just look to the Lord he will answer me in due time and will give me peace and patience. |