| 8-6-02 I'm reading the Sacred Romance yet once again. No matter how many times you read it, you can pull something new from it to put into use in your life. This book is just annointed with the Holy Spirit. I got two new points from it to help me. "Trying to understand the doubts- I know no more at the end of the day than I did at the beginning." This is how I feel right now- trying to figure out college, DTS, relationships with family and friends, feelings, and the Lord's will. The more I think about these things, the less I know about them. I just need to leave it up to the Lord- but for some reason it's hard for me to do. "If I don't want so much, we believe, I won't be so vulnerable. We silence the longing." I realized today that this is how I feel. I won't tell others what I want to do, but instead go along with what they want to do. I figure that I won't be able to get hurt or let down if I don't let others know what I want, but this is also leading to bitterness and anger inside of me. I also suppress my feeling and wants because I think that they're sinful, when really not all of them are. I have to open my heart to the Lord so the sin will be able to be seperated from what the Lord has put in me. |