| 7-31-02 I was coming home late tonight, just thinking. All of a sudden the moon just popped out catching me by surprise. It made me gasp it was so beautiful. It spoke many things to me- 1) the Lord was with me even if I didn't think so 2) he made this just for me because he knew I needed it right then. Afterwards, when I was sitting down to have a quiet time, my dog wanted out. I felt like I should go look at it again- so obviously I did. Then it hit me. The real reason for this was to give me a vivid picture of what the Lord has been trying to tell me. I've only given him half of myself. Half of me is in the light and the other half is in the dark- just like the moon. He wants all of me. I go through these times where I'll here clearly from the Lord but then I'll go back to not being able to distinguish his voice at all. I'm in the time where I'm hearing clearly from the Lord- it's great. The problem with not being able to distinguish his voice is due to my intimacy with the Lord or lack of. I used to spend anywhere from 3 to 5 hours with the Lord everyday- I couldn't wait to have a quiet time. Now I'm luck if it's 2 hours much less 3. Everytime I go to have a quiet time it seems that someone calls and wants to hang out or my guitar will be calling out to me and I'll just tell myself that I'll have a quiet time later. The Lord is no longer first in my life, and he should be. When everything is going fine in my life I don't run to the Lord but when my world was falling apart, he was the first and only one I ran to. Why do I have to be like this? I don't understand myself? I just pray I'll start to run to the Lord before life does get rough. |