| Well, I have to admit that I haven't been putting everything in these journal entries. I mean everybody reads them, and I don't want them to know all my deepest, darkest secrets. I was thinking about my friends reading them and seeing something about them in here. It shouldn't be like that though. My friends should already know how I feel about them and what exactly is going on in my life. So I've decided to make some changes in my life for the better, and this journal is going to be extremely truthful- maybe a little overwhelming sometimes. This is the start of my journal. 7-28-02 The Lord has blessed me and put so much compassion in me. He's given me the grace to try to get along with a couple people that I honestly just don't care for. I'm even actually enjoying it. In one particular case, he's brought me this older girl who I just get to administer to, and she doesn't even know I'm doing it. It's great. I've learned so much today. I was going through a rocky time with the Lord, and that time is becoming much smoother and he's been able to bless me so much already. He has shown me numerous things today, but I'll only share one that I'm still thinking about. Today, I heard this statement "For us Christians, hell on earth is the only hell we'll know- and what a short time it is compared to eternity. For non-believers, this is the only heaven they'll know- even for a young girl who lives in the slums and has a kid because she was raped. This is her heaven." It made me really realize that all too often I think life is hard and I ask the Lord to make it easier, but this life to me is not hell. My life is fun and exciting and great- it's no hell. It's no hell because I'm living out of my own selfishness. I'm not out there trying to let people know what God's about. No, I wouldn't do that because I don't want to be rejected, and all I can think about is how much regret I'm going to have in heaven when I look back and realize sadly that I didn't fulfill all of the Lord's plans for me because I was worried about having fun. Yet I'm going to still be in heaven even though I might have been able to touch one person's life and let the Lord work through me so I would see them in heaven. I'm forgiven for my selfishness- for letting someone rot in hell- for making the Lord sad because he lost one more- because he loves me so much. Aaagh ! Why am I so selfish? I just pray that you'll remember that phrase when you want to watch monday night football instead of pray for these people or if you get angry because the Lord had something else in plan for you instead of going out and having fun. We need to get rid of our selfishness, focus on a God-centered life- me especially. |