December 2005
For the past month, I have poured over many online essays, advice columns and assorted material aimed at Christian singles.
Even though the authors of some such articles are well-meaning, I sometimes find contradictions.
The Crosswalk site has a fine assortment of articles and advice pieces for singles (visit it here - Crosswalk Singles Section). However, I've noticed that some authors contradict the advice given by others.
If I can ever find the specific pages or quotes, I'll provide them on this page. For now, I'm going on memory.
I was reading one essay at the Crosswalk site which stated that a spouse will never "complete you" and that a spouse cannot "complete you."
This particular author stressed that you, as a Christian, are already complete in Jesus Christ, and that you should remember that, you should keep that in mind.
Awhile later, at the same site, I was reading another essay by a different author (and if I am recalling correctly, it was a male author) who said that a spouse will and can complete you - which is the total opposite of what the first author had written.
This other, second author cited quotes from the book of Genesis in the Old Testament - specifically the bit about it not being good for man (Adam) to be alone - as his proof text to argue that most of us are incomplete without a spouse.
So one author maintains that a spouse cannot complete us, while the other one said the direct opposite. Well, which is it?
I'd like to see more consistency in articles on these professional web sites.
Another area in which I see Christian authors (and your everyday Christian) at odds with one another has to do whether - and even if - God plays a role in sending someone, or directing them to, the "right person" to be his or her spouse.
This in turn can lead to debates and questions of, "Is there such a thing as a soul mate? If so, is it possible that a person can have more than one suitable soul mate?"
GROUP 1
Some Christians fall more strongly on the side of thinking that God will not intervene too much in this area of your life (if at all), as appears to be the case with the author of the book Should I Get Married by Christian author M. Blaine Smith.
Mr. Smith apparently feels that it is a mistake for Christians to look for too much Divine Guidance or to look for "signs," and that we are to use our God-given brains and thinking when looking for a spouse or when determining whether or not the person we are with currently (if we are in a relationship) is "the one."
Mr. Smith seems to believe that to rely on God "too much" is tantamount to the Christian excusing himself (or herself) from any responsiblity of the decision, which, in his way of thinking, is wrong (I do not agree with this view).
The Christians who frown upon the idea of Divine Guidance in the area of romance, relationship, and marriage is the same group of Christians who will want to argue that if you wish to get a spouse that you can't simply sit at home and expect God to drop your future mate off at your front door.
Frequently, such Christians will use the example of job hunting; they will tell you just as God expects you to mail out resumés and go on job interviews to land a job, that God expects you to beat the sidewalks to find a spouse.
GROUP 2
Still other Christians do believe there is such a thing as a soul mate and God will send you to that person (or send that person to you, however you wish to look at it).
Among those in this group are individuals who have personally experienced Divine Guidance - in the form of a sign or reassurance in their mind and/or heart - of who they were supposed to marry. Some of these individuals believe that God sent them their spouse.
Also in this camp are those who think if you pray and trust God to send you the right person, that He will do so, and that it is only a matter of waiting on God's timing.
One such example is the author of this article: Don't Find Him, He'll Find You.
Because I have more to say about this topic on another page of the site, I won't get into it too much more here.
All I will say at this point is that I fall more into Group 2 than Group 1.
In my view, those in Group 1 lack faith.
God created the world in six days, brought the ancient Jews out of bondage in Egypt by way of many miraculous acts, and raised the dead to life.
Somehow, by comparison, I don't think sending you the right man (or woman) to be your spouse is difficult for God, nor do I think God looks down upon you having faith in Him to send you the right person, nor do I think God views faith in this matter as being a "sin," or as being "unrealistic" or as abdicating your personal responsiblity in the decision making process.
Also, the Bible is pretty clear that faith - and not human effort - plays a large role in the life of a believer.
I am uncomfortable with relationship / dating / marriage essays and books that place too much emphasis upon the role of a Christian in relying on his or her own wits and abilities in finding and getting a spouse.