I walked slowly down the hall to the media room to retrieve Nick. I needed a few minutes to pull myself back together. I didn�t want him to guess just how low I was feeling. He could be extremely perceptive at times. That was something that I loved about him but it always unnerved me. I didn�t need someone to tell me my feelings before I, myself had sorted them out. The conversation I had about my father�s wife kept crashing over me.
�Dying? What do you mean she�s dying?�
�I mean she�s terminal, darling.�
�That�s a little harsh.�
�That�s the truth. She has a brain tumor and they�ve done all they can for her. She�s had surgery, they�ve tried chemotherapy and they basically told them there is nothing more they can do for her, aside from making her comfortable. I think she�s looking back on her life and realizing she�s done a lot of wrong. Now, she wants to try and fix everything.� It was in that moment that I put it all together. She was the reason he left us. I knew he left us for the family he had with her but I thought he was doing it because he just didn�t want us anymore. When I asked, Maddy confirmed my suspicions.
�She�s the reason he left us, isn�t she? I mean. . . . she made him leave us, didn�t she?�
�Yes dear. I think she always knew about your mother. She�s too clever to just not know. I think she always knew but turned a blind eye. As long as it didn�t touch her or her family she was fine. One day Jimmy got a little lax in his caution where his and Eden�s relationship was concerned.�
�What do you mean?�
�Well. . . . he�d always been careful not to be seen in public with you and Eden, at least not in the city or anywhere people who knew him and Susan would be. Then one day. . . . I believe he walked you to school with your mother.�
�Oh god. . . . I remember when he walked me and mom to school. I was so excited and proud. He�d never seen my school before. I must have pointed him out as my father to everyone.�
�One of Susan�s friends saw him and probably said something to her about it. I would imagine in a rather smug way, her friends are just as classless and vicious as she is. They got into a huge fight and she kicked him out until he ended it with Eden. Then she forbade him from ever seeing Eden or you, again. He came over here drunk and told me the whole story. I could not believe it.�
�I�ve lived it and I�m having some trouble believing it. Could my life get anymore soap opera? I don�t understand, why he didn�t just leave her. He didn�t love her, right?�
�No, he didn�t love her and he still doesn�t. There�s something you have to understand about Mrs. Susan Gibson-Reynolds. She would never let him just leave her without a fight. She is a clever, vicious woman but ultimately she�s a down right spoiled rotten little bitch who�s never heard anyone tell her �no�. With Jimmy she always had to get her way, that�s all their relationship was ever about. When she didn�t get her way she got angry and when she got angry, she�d get even. After being humiliated in front of one of her friends, I�d imagine she was more than angry or mad. She was infuriated. She threatened to ruin his entire life. She threatened to take the kids away from him and to ruin his career, with her family�s money she could definitely do it.�
I sat in a stunned silence. I couldn�t understand it. If she knew about my mother why would she stay with him? Or make him stay with her? Was it for their kids. God, he has other children. I have siblings or half siblings. They probably don�t even know I exist. What would they think if they found out about me and the truth about their father, I wondered.
�Alexis, are you ok, darling?� Maddy asked after I had been silent for a while.
�I�m fine. I�m just. . . . just trying to take this all in. How do you know she�s trying to fix all of her mistakes?�
�Well she sent me a letter of explanation, I say explanation instead of apology because she didn�t apologize. She basically explained why she thought we weren�t close sisters-in-law. She said, �I wish we could have been more close. I think we could have made good friends. Now that I�m coming to my end. . . . I guess we�ll never know.� And people say I�m overtly dramatic. She actually put the dot, dot, dot in there. Why didn�t she just write out �dramatic pause�? She�s trying to get me to cry at her funeral, I know she is. That is, if I even go. I understand that she�s dying and it�s probably the most important thing that she has ever had to deal with but she doesn�t have to bring out the sad violin music and all that.�
�So. . . . now that she�s facing death, she�s trying to atone for all those years I went without a father by allowing him to see me? Has she ever heard of �too little, too late�? All those years I watched as my mother tried to keep it together as she raised me. Then when she broke her ankle and the doctor told her she couldn�t dance anymore. I was there and it was like her heart was being torn out all over again. When he left she was hurt. . . deeply but at least she still had her dancing. Aside from me that was the only thing she loved more than him. She could express herself so much better through dance. Then she broke her ankle and it was all over. I watched her take crappy job after crappy job just so she could pay the bills and keep a roof over our heads. Where was he during all this? Living in luxury and not even giving us a second thought,� I said staring at the floor. It was like I was watching my life as it unfolded.
�It�s ok, darling,� she said taking my hand into hers.
�He used her. He used her up and then threw her away,� I said. No tears. No crying. Crying never solved anything, I told myself. I took a calming breath. �Oh wow, you were right to send Nick out of the room. We�re not at the point in our relationship where I�m ready for him to know the �family secrets�.�
�I know. I would have told you not to bring him even though I was dying to meet the cutie. So what are you going to do now?�
�I don�t know go home and barricade myself in with Nick.�
�Hhmmm not a bad idea but I meant with everything I just told you. What are you going to do if Jimmy tries to talk to you again?�
�I�m not going to talk to him. I don�t owe him anything, he chose the family he wanted, he can stick with them. You were there for me, not him. You were there when my grandmother got on my nerves, when I wanted to get away from New Jersey you let me stay here. What did he do for me? Nothing. You even paid for me to go to school.�
�Actually, I didn�t pay for you to go to school. Jimmy did.�
That last revelation shocked me to the core. I came to Maddy to get answers and I got that but I also got a lot of new questions. I wasn�t sure if I were ready to face my father to get the answers I really needed, yet. I knew I would have to talk to him sometime but I wasn�t sure when I would be ready for that.
Without realizing it, I was standing at the media room door. I saw Nick sitting on the sofa talking on his cell phone. I took a deep breath, stepped into the room and plopped down next to him. He turned and shot me an annoyed look.
�No Mom,� he said, emphasis on �Mom� for my benefit. �I�m not in town right now. No, I�m not in Vegas. I�m in New York City and I can�t do anything from here.�
�Yes, rehearsals start in two weeks. No, it�s in Florida. . . . in Orlando. When I get down there I�ll talk to them but I can�t force either of them to do something they don�t want to do. Anyway, they�ll be fine with him.�
�I felt like coming to New York. Yes, she�s here with me. I told you she was from New York City when you met her,� he said to her. There was a long pause on his end, I could only imagine what she was saying to him.
�Something like that. Look Mom, I have to go. . . talk to you later, bye,� he said hanging up.
�It didn�t sound like she was ready to hang up,� I said.
�She probably wasn�t but I was. I called to talk to Leslie but my Mom answered and Leslie wasn�t there, anyway. Aaron left a few weird messages on my voicemail and I was going to ask Leslie what was going on over there.�
�Weird good? Or weird bad?� I asked.
�Weird as in�. we�re gonna be seeing him and Angel when we get to Florida. It�s nothing all that serious. Something about some fight he had with our Mom and he took off to Florida. I�m not sure why Angel went with him. I�ll call that kid later. They�ll be alright with our Dad it�s probably for the best anyway. How did your talk go?�
�Weird. You know how when you�re a little kid you think grown ups are these super humans that never do anything wrong. Then you become a teenager and you realize they�re just as much an idiot as you are. Well I just got a big dose of that just now.�
�What happened? Did you find out what your father wanted?�
�Yeah, I did. His wife is dying. Apparently, she�s the reason he abandoned us completely. She forbade him from ever seeing us again. She threatened to ruin his life if he didn�t. Now that she�s dying, he�s allowed to see me,� I said practically in one breath. Then, �Takes �over my dead body� to a whole new level,� He put his arm around me and pulled me closer.
�I�m sorry, Lex,� he said kissing me on the cheek.
�I don�t need your pity,� I muttered feeling a little defensive. I knew as soon as the words left my mouth they were the wrong thing to say.
�I wasn�t pitying you,� he said pulling away from me and standing.
�I�m sorry,� I replied standing as well. �I didn�t mean it that way.�
�Well what did you mean?�
�I meant. . . you. . . you don�t have to say that. It�s not your fault or your problem. Don�t worry about it.� Somehow, that didn�t sound right either.
�Alexis I-,� he said stopping himself. I could see him give himself a mental shake before saying, �It�s obvious that this bothers you. I wasn�t pitying you, I was trying to offer some comfort. I�m just trying to help.�
�I don�t need. . . . look, I don�t want to fight. Not right now and especially not with you. I just want to go back to my loft and curl up with a movie and you. I just want to try and relax after this emotional rollercoaster of a day,� I said taking a step closer to him.
�Alright, let�s go then,� he replied. For some reason, I thought he wanted to say something else but stopped himself.
