�Oh! Hi Nick. Wow, you really startled me. I didn�t even hear anyone coming up the hall,� I said.
�Yeah, I�m sorry about that. Alexis, I need to talk to you,� he said.
�What do you want to talk about?� I asked warily still clutching my keycard, poised to enter it into the slot.
�Uuuhh. . . about that kiss. . . the other night. I�m sorry if I crossed the line and I hope I didn�t offend you. I just thought. . . well it was a rough night and you were there and. . .� he said. His apology told me exactly what the kiss meant to him. He just needed a warm body in his bed that night and I happened to be the closest one. Just the thought hurt more than anything. I had to get away from him and fast.
�Nick, stop it!� I said turning to face him. �It�s ok. . . I mean it was nothing. You were lonely and needed someone there. I understand that. Are we done here? I have a headache and I want to lie down,� I said turning back towards the door.
�No, wait a minute. What exactly do you understand?�
�Don�t make me spell it out,� I said quietly.
�You�re going to have to because I don�t think I understand.�
�You had just broken up with your girlfriend and you were probably feeling lonely and-� I started but he interrupted me.
�You already said that. Tell me what exactly do you think went on that night? I want the truth Alexis,� he said. I didn�t know what to say. I couldn�t exactly say, �Yeah you took advantage of me but its ok I understand why you did it and I don�t mind.� He just continued to stare at me, waiting for my answer.
�I thought. . . you were just kissing me because you wanted to sleep with me to forget about Jessica,� I said slowly. I couldn�t look at him. When he didn�t say anything I had to look up at him.
�You�re crazy. You know that? Why would I do something like that to you Alexis? After everything you�ve done for me, I couldn�t do something like that to you.�
�Well how was I supposed to know that? When I was leaving the first thing out of your mouth was an apology so, I assumed you regretted it.�
�I apologized because I thought I offended you or something. The way you jumped up and ran out of there�.. I thought I�d upset you.�
�I left because it occurred to me that you were probably using me to forget about her and I didn�t want to give you that option. Not with me, anyway.� Nick grabbed me and pulled me in for a huge bear hug. �Nick? Nick. . . I can�t breathe.�
�Sorry,� he said loosening his grip but keeping me in the circle of his arms.
�Uuuummm�.. what�s going on with you?� I asked. He looked at me and smirked. Before I could say anything else his lips were on mine. No warning. No preamble. He just leaned forward and kissed me. I was too shocked to do anything. At first all I did was stand there, too shocked to move. To stunned to do anything but feel. His kisses were so sensual the fog in my brain started to clear and I started to participate.
That was until my brain screamed, �You�re making out with Nick Carter in the middle of the hallway, in front of his hotel room, in front of your hotel room! Someone might see!�
�Wait!� I said pushing him away. �Someone might see! Besides we need to talk.�
�Let�s go to your room than.�
�Nope can�t do that. Cookie is in there. Let�s go to your room,� I said.
�Ok,� he replied dropping a quick kiss on my lips and then taking my hand.
�Just your sitting room, not the bedroom,� I told him.
�Alright. I can control myself, Alexis. I�m not going to pounce on you as soon as the door is closed,� he said.
�Yeah ok,� I muttered.
He opened the door and led me inside. I looked down at our hands and still couldn�t believe it. He wasn�t trying to use me. Then what was he doing?
�Uuhhh. . . Nick what the hell was that? And what�s with you? You�re acting. . . odd even for you,� I said taking my hand out of his. He glanced at me.
�Well if you hadn�t stopped me in the hall I could have told you.�
�Told me what?�
�You were there. . . the way you�d always been there. I didn�t kiss you to forget about Jessica or to get you into bed. Believe me she was already forgotten. I may have officially broken up with her that night but-�
�Stop,� I interrupted him. I pretty much knew where he was going with this. I could not let him continue. I just kept seeing that US Weekly cover in my head and some of the things the fans said on some of those message boards. �I know what you�re about to say�. and I�m going to have to say no.�
�No?� he asked bewildered.
�Yes. I�m telling you, no. We could never have a relationship. . . a real relationship, especially not now. You just broke up with Jessica and quite frankly I don�t want to be the rebound girl. I also don�t want to ruin our friendship. If something happened and we broke up, we wouldn�t be able to go back to being friends,� I told him.
That�s right people, I turned Nick Carter down. I can just hear you all saying, �Why?!?! Why in hell did you turn him down. How in the world did you turn Nick Carter down?� All I can say is, I don�t know. I just did.
No one was more shocked by my answer than Nick. To this day, I�m not sure what shocked him more. Me telling him �no� or being turned down by someone of the opposite sex. I�d put money on it being the latter.
Since we launched into this conversation as soon as the door was closed, we were both still standing in the entryway. Nick walked away into the sitting room. I followed him. He took a seat in an armchair, I sat on the sofa.
�I don�t understand. When I kissed you. . . you enjoyed it. You can�t tell me you didn�t feel the same connection that I did.�
�I�m not saying I�m not attracted to you. I�m saying a relationship with you would be impossible.�
�How do you know?�
�I just do.�
�You just do? Well�.. I didn�t know you were a psychic. Can you tell me my future, too?�
�Nick. . . come on don�t be like that. I didn�t mean for you to take this personally. I�m sure if you stopped and thought about it you would know that remaining friends is the best thing for us.�
�You didn�t mean for me to take this personally? How did you expect me to take it? You won�t be with me because you �just know� something horrible is going to happen. You won�t even think about it.�
�Nick. . .�
�You�re not even giving me a good reason but, you want us to remain friends,� he said not even hearing me.
�I�m going to go,� I said.
�No don�t bother. This time I�ll be the one making the grand exit,� he said jumping to his feet almost knocking his chair over. He left, slamming the door behind him. I was still sitting on his sofa shocked. I�d hurt him and that was never my intention. I got up to leave feeling like a jerk.
If you asked Joshua, he�d tell you it was a defense mechanism. When things get too close for me and my comfort I shut them down or turn it off. I tend to push new people away if they get too close. That�s what he thinks. I call it self preservation. Then he says, �Even well preserved meat will spoil after a while.� By then though, I�m usually ignoring him.
After that night remaining friends with Nick was almost out of the question. We became mere co-workers. We didn�t talk, we didn�t play video games and we each remained on our respective buses. We weren�t fighting or arguing which made everyone take notice of the way we were acting.
�Nick would you tilt your head back a little please,� I said. He complied without a fuss. We were getting the guys ready for the show in Phoenix, Ariz.
�Ok you�re done.�
�Thanks,� he said simply and hopped out of my chair.
�You�re welcome,� I replied.
Once the Boys were on stage and the room was basically empty except for Cookie, Zeke and me, Cookie pulled me aside.
�Ok I�ve been trying to ignore it but I can�t anymore. What in the world is going on between you and Nick?� She asked bluntly yet still in her usual deadpan tone.
�What do you mean?�
�What do I mean? You and Nick are acting like you hardly know each other.�
�No we�re not.�
�Yes you are. Meanwhile, Mr. Carter is fucking his way through their fan base.�
�You�re lying!� I exclaimed. Zeke shot us both a look. Then said,
�Alright chickens, I�m out of here. I�ll leave you to your chit chat.� Cookie waited till he was out the door and out of earshot before she continued.
�I�m not lying. You�ve been so wrapped up in your own little world that you probably haven�t heard. I heard Nicky is basically bringing a different girl back to his hotel room almost every night.�
Ok why does my stomach feel like someone punched me in it. . . hard? I thought.
�Wow! Every night? He�s got stamina,� I said jokingly once I relocated my tongue.
�I thought for sure you and him would get together by now especially since Jessica is out of the picture. So what�s going on?�
�Nothing. I can�t get with him.. . . it would never work. I have my standards and I am not about to be another notch on his bedpost.�
�I�m going to assume you told him that or at least something like it.�
�I did. I told him it would never work with us. Now I see I was completely right. I�m just glad I said �no� before things got bad with us. We�re better off as friends.�
�Somehow, I doubt he�d be doing this if he were with you. He could be doing this because you won�t be with him.�
�I don�t think so. He�s doing exactly what I said he would. He�s sowing his wild oats. Getting his. . . uuuhh. . . . ego stroked, so to speak, after a difficult break up.�
�It doesn�t bother you at all, what he�s doing?�
�Why should it? I�m not his girlfriend, I�m just a friend. All I can do is tell him to wrap it up,� I said. �Technically, I can�t even do that.�
�Alexis come on, you-� she started.
�No Cookie, I already told you that I told him no and I�m going to stand by that. I don�t care what he does. He can screw around with his entire fan base and it wouldn�t make one bit of difference to me. I don�t want to talk about it anymore ok? If you�ll excuse me I have work to do,� I said before quitting the makeup room.
