�I don�t know Nick, she looks like a stalker to me,� I said. �So if you see her lurking in the bushes outside of your house don�t say I didn�t tell you so.�
�That�s funny. I don�t think Jessica is going to start stalking me. Anyway, it�s not like she�d have far to go. Her mom and my mom are friends and neighbors, remember? All she�d have to do is walk down the block a little and ask my mom what I�m up to. She would be glad to give up that information,� he said with a laugh.
�I don�t know. Once your mom finds out what that girl did, she probably won�t be so quick to cough up info to her,� I said. Nick shrugged.
�I don�t know,� he said. �To her, that�s her daughter- in- law. She loved her.�
�Ok. . . forget about your mom and how she felt about Jessica. That�s a whole nother bridge entirely and you�ll cross that later. Right now, how do you feel? Are you feeling better, now that everything is said and done?�
�I don�t know. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my head,� he said.
�Lifted off your head? I thought it was �off my shoulders�.� I said laughing a little.
�Yeah but this weight was on my head. It was heavy too, even for this big ole head,� he said. We both laughed.
�Aaawww it�s still a cute big ole head. Billions of girls think so,� I said laughing still. Nick stopped laughing and just stared for a minute.
�You�re really sweet, ya know? The way you stuck by me even after I said some pretty harsh things to you.�
�I said some nasty things to you, too.�
�Yeah I know. It�s just that most people would have just let me go it alone. That�s usually what people do when I�m being thickheaded.�
�Nick, I�m sure. . . no I know that if anyone else were in my situation no matter how thickheaded you were acting they�d make sure you knew the truth, even if they had to beat it into you.�
�Yeah well anyway, you didn�t let me go it alone. I wish there was a way for me to repay you.�
�You can name your first born after me. If it�s a boy name it Alex or Lex. Ooooo like in Superman! Lex Carter I like it,� I said. He just stared at me. �I�m only kidding. Don�t mention it, alright.�
�No, really I want to find a way to thank you,� he said.
�Ok. You can give me money. What�s the asking price for a saved life these days? Three hundred? Four hundred. . . grand? You can wire it to my checking account,� I said jokingly. I was beginning to ramble. Nick was looking at me intently and it was making me uncomfortable. I hadn�t even noticed him leaning closer until he was a couple of inches from my face. I stopped talking abruptly. My breath caught in my throat. I felt like I knew what was going to happen but, wasn�t sure.
He gave me a nervous smile before softly brushing his lips with mine. I was shocked, but pleasantly so. It started out as small, soft innocent kisses with Nick nipping the corners of my mouth. It turned into slow melting ones, each melting and spilling over into the next like honey dripping off the comb. He leaned closer effectively deepening the kiss. His kisses were dizzying. I thought I�d melt into a puddle on the bed.
Shyly I slipped my arms around his neck, locking my hands behind him. He leaned a little closer. Our breaths quickened and mingled. Then closer. My heart beat sped up. Closer still, until we sank to the bed without breaking the kiss.
Nick�s hands were everywhere. They started in my hair as he threaded his fingers through my waves, keeping my head imprisoned to receive his kiss. Then he let his left hand glide ever so slowly across my cheek before it slipped to my shoulder and down my right arm. His right hand remained tangled in my hair, the left settled at my waist.
This wasn�t just some �Hey good lookin� out. Thanks for havin� my back.� kiss. This was an �OHMYGOD I want you NOW.� kiss. I could feel Nick�s heart pounding against my chest and wondered if he could feel how hard mine was thumping. He broke the kiss to trail his lips across my neck. I leaned my head back to give him better access. He nipped and nibbled at the soft skin there. Both his hands had settled at my waist and he was tracing small circles with his thumbs, which was driving me up the wall. I slid my hands from around his neck into his hair and pulled him closer.
I could feel his hands inching their way up my waist and pulling my t-shirt with them, suddenly my brain started to intrude. I hate it when it does that. He just broke up with his girlfriend, I thought. I ignored that and kept kissing him. He started stroking the place his hand settled at my waist, slightly above my navel. You�re supposed to be his friend. You�re supposed to be there for him, not with him�.. in the biblical sense, I thought. I ignored that as well. Then I thought, What if he�s using sex and you to forget about Jessica? That I listened to and that realization hurt. My eyes snapped open.
Slowly I pulled my fingers from his blonde locks and placed my hands on his chest. I gave him a little push. Nick sat up with a confused look on his face. I looked away.
�I have to go,� I said.
�What? Why?� he asked visibly shocked.
�I have to go,� I said again swinging my legs over the side of the bed. He got up too.
I went to the mirror and found that I did indeed look like I�d been rolling around in a bed with someone. My lips were a little swollen and my hair was disheveled. I quickly ran my fingers through my hair to smooth it down, grabbed my hoodie from the chair and made a beeline for the door. Nick sprang to life.
�Uuhhh. . . . I�ll walk you out,� he said. I just nodded. I couldn�t speak. I couldn�t even look him in the eye. It was so awkward, now. We walked in silence to the door. When we got there he stopped and faced me. I could tell he was looking for the right words.
�I�m sorry. . . I-,� he started.
�Don�t apologize�,� I told him. The silence stretched between us again. �I�d better be going. Goodnight Nick.�
�Goodnight, Lexie,� he said opening the door. I stepped into the hall and headed for the elevator. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked down the hall; I didn�t look back.
I watched the numbers light up as my elevator climbed and tried to replay everything that had just happened. One minute we were just sitting there talking and the next we were making out like a couple of horny high school kids.
I felt utterly confused. I knew my feelings for Nick but, his feelings for me seemed totally platonic, until now. I was hoping he didn�t kiss me to prove to himself that he still had �it�. To prove that he could still make a girl weak in the knees and not with his golden voice. Somehow, I doubted there was any other reason. I wanted to go back to him but, knew that was a bad idea. I wanted to cry but, knew that was absurd.
The elevator arrived and I stepped inside. I smiled slightly to myself when I saw it was empty. The ugly thought that caused me to end the kiss came back to me, �What if he was using me?� The ride from the Boys� floor down to my own was usually a short one but that night it seemed to take forever to get there. When I got to my room, which was also empty, I thought about calling Joshua. I picked up the phone and dialed the first three numbers before putting it back down. I already knew what he would say.
He would tell me to go back and ask Nick what this meant. I was too chicken shit to do that. . . right then anyway. I stretched out across my bed and tried to get my mind to stop spinning. One thing I knew for sure,
�Joshua is going to kill me for not calling him and telling him about this,� I said out loud.
I eventually decided avoidance was the best solution. I just couldn�t gain enough courage to talk to Nick about what happened between us. I felt terrified to find out his true feelings for me. Nick wanting to kiss me is one thing but, him wanting a relationship of any kind is entirely different. I was not ready to face rejection from him. I wasn�t quite sure I could face acceptance, either.
�You sure are acting strange lately, Lexus,� Zeke said as he entered our make up room in Houston.
�I thought I told you that�s not my name,� I said with an edge to my voice.
�Dang girl, calm down, I know your name. I was only playin�,� he replied.
�I�m sorry Zeke. I�m just kind of out of it right now. I probably should eat something. What do you mean I�m acting strange?�
�I was just saying that because this is the earliest I�ve ever seen you in here on a show day.�
�Oh I just wanted to get set up. Ya know get organized before things get crazy in here,� I replied a little too brightly.
�Oh aight, I can feel you on that. Look, they�re setting up the food table now. I�m bout to go over and get first dibs before everyone else gets in here and cleans it out. You want me to get you something?�
�No that�s ok. Thanks for offering though.� He still likes me but I like Nick, I thought. Nick might not like me.
�Don�t mention it,� he said.
I was early to the makeup room to avoid Nick. He was usually the last one to appear in the room. That day, though, my plans were destroyed when Nick walked in two minutes after Zeke left. We just stared at each other for a minute, both waiting for the other to make the first move.
�Hi,� I said.
�Hi,� he replied. Then, �We really need to stop cornering each other in this room.�
�I know. I was just leaving. I need to get some food into me. I haven�t eaten all day,� I lied.
�Wait,� he said sticking his arm out across the doorway. �Are you avoiding me?�
�Avoiding you?� I asked as if I didn�t know what that meant.
�I haven�t seen you at all in a week. I had to ask Cookie if you had gone home or something.�
�Nope, I�m here. See?� I said waving at him.
�Yes. I see you�re here, smart-ass. Are you avoiding me, though?�
�No, I�ve been busy, that�s all. I really need to get something to eat. I�m feeling woozy. I think my blood sugar is low or something,� I said. It was a bold faced lie. I ducked under his arm and left the room. He didn�t follow. I managed to avoid him for another week and a half without incident.
�Hhmmm we must be valued employees,� Cookie said as she looked over our hotel assignments for Dallas.
�Why do you say that?� I asked.
�I think we�re on the same floor as the Boys,� she replied.
�What does that have to do with anything? We were on the same floor as them in New York,� I told her poking my head out of my bunk. We were on the bus.
�No, that was a mistake. The hotel mixed up reservations.�
�You�re kidding,� I said nearly falling out of the bunk.
�Nope, look at the hotel assignments. We�re on the same floor and we might be across the hall from one of them.�
�No,� I whispered to myself as I looked over the room assignments. That meant avoiding Nick would be next to impossible. I�d have to stay in my room which wasn�t possible at all.
�They must have something really important they�re going to need us for.�
�In Dallas, Texas?� Yeah I�ll bet, I thought. Something told me Nick had something to do with this.
�I don�t know. I guess we�ll see.�
How in the world would I avoid someone who is right across the hall from me? I thought. Knowing Nick he�d find a reason to visit. I was worried. I did not want to come to my room one day and discover Nick in it playing video games with Cookie.
News of Nick�s break up spread quickly. Apparently, a fan spotted Jessica on the plane to LA and she didn�t hesitate to share what she saw with every message board and email group she was a member of. Jessica wasn�t hiding her bump or the fact that she was pregnant. She wasn�t claiming it was Nick�s either. The fans devoured her like a pack of rabid wolves. Even those who had always remained diplomatic where the Boys� significant others were concerned were looking for blood.
It was sad. It managed to make the cover of US Weekly and everything. The headline read: Baby Ain�t from Back St.! All parties involved were staying wisely quiet about the whole matter. Like I needed that kind of grief. After I saw that, avoiding Nick seemed like the wisest decision I�d ever made. I did not want nor did I need the press hounding me or the fans hating me.
