29 January 2003
The state of our union is … unmentionable.
Navajo Wisdom
A woman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she sees a
Navajo woman hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and
the Navajo woman climbs in.
During their small talk, the Navajo woman glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the
front seat between them.
"If you're wondering what's in the bag," offers the woman, "it's a bottle
of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman is silent for a while, nods several times and says, "Good
trade."
(Thanks to Val)
SEATTLE, Jan. 28 — Microsoft Corp. itself was exposed to the
virus-like attack that crippled global Internet activity last weekend because it failed to install crucial
fixes to its own software on many Microsoft computer servers, according to internal
e-mails obtained by The Associated Press.
American forces in the Gulf region are in part armed with controversial
ammunition made by a Norwegian firm. The ammo, which fragments on impact, has since
been banned in an international convention.
A young Norwegian mother who took a litter of
puppies to her own breast when her dog died giving birth remains proud of her unusual
move.
Our foremothers were happily hairy, but depilation is the
battle feminism lost, writes Mimi Spencer.
Forward of the Day
27 January 2003
Still unemployed.
A malicious computer program stalled the Internet on
Saturday, clogging millions of computers from South Korea to Houston.
National Geographic Swimsuit Issue
24 January 2003
Still gainfully unemployed.
Support the U.S. Pizza Team
(Thanks to Jim)
"If it doesn't absorb you, if it isn't any fun, don't do
it." - D.H. Lawrence
(CBS) If the Pentagon sticks to its current war plan, one day in
March the Air Force and Navy will launch between 300 and 400
cruise missiles at targets in Iraq.
U.S. Psych Bombs
Aimed At Iraqi Minds.
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Bugs don't have lungs,
so how do they breathe? Maybe more efficiently than people, according to the first
close-up view of insects forcing air in and out of tiny oxygen pipes.
Goodness gracious, great balls of
fire.
THE U.S. SENATE has put the brakes on a much-criticized U.S.
Department of Defense (DoD) data-mining
project until Congress can review it.
NEW YORK (CBS.MW) - The Dow Jones Industrial Average accelerated
its losses to the 200 point mark as jitters over war talk with Iraq and a weaker
dollar drowned out some positive earnings announcements. Thanks a lot, Dubya.
WASHINGTON--Technology groups are going on the offensive against
Hollywood in a bitter dispute over a call for government-mandated copy
protection.
Construction to fix a sinkhole
along a southwest Houston street could end up sinking some businesses, News2Houston
reported Thursday.
Canine Houdini's plane escape
If you are a woman, there are only three
ways to get the sports world to notice you:
1. Strip down to your panties and bra and wrestle over beer.
2. Play crappy tennis but look hot pulling the second ball out of your briefs.
3. Tweak Hootie's nose.
COPENHAGEN (Reuters) - A Danish bomb squad shot
to pieces a teddy bear left on the doorstep of a Jehovah's Witness hall.
A British police force announced Friday it has come up with a new
measure to combat crime — a polite
letter asking persistent offenders to mend their ways.
US begins secret talks to secure Iraq's oilfields.
HTTP 404
More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air
crashes.
23 January 2003
Still gainfully unemployed.
You can help those affected by the earthquake in Mexico
and countless others around the world each year by making a financial gift to the American
Red Cross International Response Fund.
The Labor Department said a total of 381,000 newly laid off workers
filed for jobless benefits last week compared to a revised figure of 363,000 the previous
week. Guess that makes me 1 in 381,000.
Chinese researchers announced Wednesday the discovery of a feathered dinosaur that
glided on four wings.
R. Kelly Arrested
Again.
Three-dimensional tubes of living tissue have been
printed using modified desktop printers filled with suspensions of cells instead of ink.
Tissue engineers grow penis in the lab.
Silicone breast implants could soon be unnecessary, claim
researchers in Australia. They say their work will make it possible for women to grow their own.
Crucial DNA evidence in past and pending criminal cases that came
from the Houston Police Department crime lab will be
retested because of numerous problems found with the lab.
22 January 2003
Still unemployed.
Conversational
Terrorism
WASHINGTON -- The American troops likeliest to fight and die in a
war against Iraq are disproportionately
white, not black, military statistics show -- contradicting a belief widely held since
the early days of the Vietnam War.
America's Ultra-Secret Weapon
Taking the contraceptive pill appears to change women's taste in men.
BOCA RATON -- Many top scientists believe that aliens live
secretly among us. The sneaky intergalactic travelers often pose as our friends, neighbors
and co-workers while they learn the ways of Earth. But how can you tell invading aliens
from real humans?
Electricity can be
fun.
The United States is using laser scanning
technology to map every contour of iconic landmarks, such as the Statue of Liberty and
Mount Rushmore, so they can be quickly rebuilt if destroyed by terrorists.
Cloned
Cats Aren't Necessarily Copies.
The US Air Force is working on developing a man-made bolt of lightning powerful
enough to fry sophisticated computer and electronic components in weapons.
BESANCON, France (Reuters) - A man who erased his drink-driving
record from a police
computer and replaced it with a winking "smiley face" graphic ended up with
a suspended licence and a fine when police failed to see the funny side.
TRUMBULL, Conn. -- An 80-year-old man has been arrested on charges
that might be described as shopping
cart rage.
A woman caught driving
with a dog on her lap, four in the passenger seat and 22 others in the back was banned
from driving for a year yesterday.
Students at a mid-town Toronto high school say they see nothing
wrong with making drug-smoking
paraphernalia in ceramics class and are upset a teacher has destroyed their work.
HOUSTON — The people who run this city recently heard a
familiar pitch from Microsoft: Sign up for a multiyear, $12 million software licensing
plan or face an audit
exposing the city's use of software it hadn't paid for.
Winter 2003 has hit hard, bringing wet conditions to the West and
South and frigid, snowy weather to the Northeast. Is El Nino to blame?
21 January 2003
Still unemployed.
Why are you supposed to ice an injury?
¿Habla
usted el español?
For you news junkies, I've made a page of news
headlines.
20 January 2003
Since today is a holiday, can I take a break from
my job search?
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Need to reduce credit card debt? Desperate
for money for music lessons? Simply tired of working and too embarrassed to stand on the
corner with a tin cup? Try "cyberbegging".
Hey! That sounds like a really good
idea. I'm currently "between jobs" and my meager
unemployment compensation checks haven't started coming in yet. I sure could use some
money. I don't have a PayPal account, so please send your donations to my snail mail
address. I can accept cash, checks or money orders. I even made you some address labels. Thank you for your support.
Roger Chessher
6111 Willowbend #113
Houston, TX 77096-5641
A videotape
of Diana Ross' December DUI arrest released by Tucson police Friday night shows an officer
responding to her concerns over public disclosure of the incident and the singer shivering
from the cold.
Forward of the Day:
A gastroenterologist claims
these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:
"Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
"Can you hear me NOW?"
"Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
"Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up
there?"
"You know, in some states, we're now legally married."
"Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
"You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey
Pokey...."
"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
"If your hand doesn't fit, you must aquit!"
"Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
"You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there there yet?
(Thanks to Val)
We all know there are times when sex doesn't
count.
19 January 2003
The Stones were really smoking at Madison Square Garden.
(Thanks to Jim)
A French yacht taking part in the Jules Verne round-the-world
sailing trophy has been attacked by a giant squid in the
mid-Atlantic, its skipper announced by radio link.
For some small independent video stores, the way to compete with
big chains is to offer what they don't: pornographic
videos.
Until recently, Michigan was considered No. 1 in lap-dancing nationwide,
but now Texas is No. 1.
Marches
have changed American politics over the past century.
'Miss
Drunk' Contest Is Held in Thailand.
BERLIN (Reuters) - A woman from southwestern Germany has lived
with her dead
aunt tucked up in bed for 18 months, police have said.
Tina Fey has got to
be one of the most captivating women on TV today.
The old wives' tale is true - boys
cause more problems during labor.
German airline Lufthansa has become the first international
carrier to give passengers access to broadband Internet services,
provided by Boeing's Connexion program.
18 January 2003
San Francisco -- A U.S. District Court judge agreed to hear a
challenge to an airline requirement that forces passengers to show identification
before boarding a plane, despite a motion by the government and two airlines to dismiss
it.
Wanna see something really
scary?
Ninety-four mostly West Marin women on Sunday used their naked
bodies to spell out PEACE on Drake’s Beach.
DMT lasts
five minutes and is the most visually psychedelic substance on the planet, occuring
throughout plants, animals, and within human brains.
A list
of words which will cause the government to look at your web page and/or e-mail.
A man hoping to get free Starbucks coffee
got the chance to taste jail brew instead after he was charged with impersonating a police
officer Tuesday.
Two Macon police officers responding to a car fire got suspicious when three
people refused to leave the burning car.
VANCLEVE, Ky. -- A small Appalachian Bible college is fighting to
change its telephone number because the 666 prefix is
disturbing to Christians who recognize it as the biblical mark of the beast.
The world's first truly artificial organism has
been engineered by researchers in California.
Opposition from three key Arab governments has stalled a State
Department drive to improve America's
image among Muslims, a newspaper reports.
A plan to link databases of credit card companies, health insurers
and others--creating what critics call a "domestic surveillance
apparatus"--raises concern on Capitol
Hill.
17 January 2003
Roger's Life of Leisure: Day 5
My resume here.
Really Useful
Sites for Really Busy People, from PC World.
16 January 2003
Guess What? Yep, still unemployed.
Today's Zen story:
A student went to his meditation teacher and said, "My
meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I'm constantly falling
asleep. It's just horrible!"
"It will pass," the teacher said matter-of-factly.
A week later, the student came back to his teacher. "My meditation is wonderful! I
feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It's just wonderful!'
"It will pass," the teacher replied matter-of-factly.
LONDON (Reuters) - It is one of the world's favorite fruits, but
the banana
hasn't had sex in years and its days may be numbered.
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Don't "misunderestimate"
Dubya.
Fight with computer
brings SWAT team. I'm sure YOU"VE never wanted to shoot YOUR computer. Resistance is
futile. You will be assimilated. One
in every four computers has been physically attacked by its owner, according to a survey.
Nigerian e-mail scams
Have you ever wanted to sabotage something?
This information is provided for an informational and educational purpose only, and it
is not intended to actually be used to commit the crimes that could be attributed to the
provided information.
An indispensable computer accessory: The Portable Internet Urinal.
Would the President attack innocent Iraqi lives?
The news you need,
whether you know it or not.
Water treatment plant finds some gems amid
waste.
Health teacher Colin Nicholas instructed students how to put a condom on a banana
and may lose his job.
Why is the Department of Defense developing a domestic surveillance apparatus?
15 January 2003
Still unemployed. The fun is starting to wear off.
Could we be constantly
tracked through our clothes, shoes or even our cash in the future?
Collective Terms for Animals.
Extended Performance War Fighter Project
History of early U.S. reconnaissance satellites.
America has entered one of its periods of historical madness.
SOMERVILLE, Massachusetts (AP) -- In future wars, robots may
drop from the sky by the hundreds from unmanned aircraft, swarming like giant insects over
battlefields in coordinated, terrifying assaults.
Bigger Monster, Weaker Chains: The Growth of an American Surveillance
Society.
Can we ATOMIZE
the ARCTIC?
My Web site banned in China?
Hong Kong gyms forbidding the use of mobile phones in locker
rooms.
14 January 2003
Day two. Still unemployed. Love sleeping late.
BEND, Ore. - You better hit the shower before you board the bus
in Bend.
Secret to
long life revealed: wake up every day.
US
on Hong Kong: Calling the kettle black.
TAMPA, Fla. - A section of the Tampa airport was evacuated Monday
after baggage screeners spotted a "very, very suspicious" object on an X-ray
monitor. It turned out to be a mousetrap
inside a coffee can.
SOAP LAKE, Wash. (Reuters) - Build a giant lava
lamp and they will come?
CANBERRA, Australia (Reuters) - Australian police said on Tuesday
they were baffled by the discovery of a ghost
ship full of rotting fish -- but no crew or life rafts -- drifting off the remote
northwest coast of Australia.
MOSCOW (Reuters) - A Russian man who murdered
his friend in a drunken argument and then minced and flavored his body for a meal, was
jailed for 12 years, Interfax news agency reported.
"Exploding"
frying pans recalled.
13 January 2003
I'm still unemployed. I guess that's not quite true. I do have a
new job: finding a job. Please take a look at my resume. Thanks.
Wanted
by the FBI for questioning: Adil Pervez. Or is it Adel Pervaiz? Adil Pervaz, maybe?
Here is a
slow-loading page of funny pics, mostly signs.
(Thanks To Val)
When did Dubya decide
to invade Iraq?
12 January 2003
U.S. attacking Iraq with spam.
Do you want to decide the fate of a college girl's chest?
DECATUR, Ga. - When 74-year-old
J.C. Adams saw three would-be robbers walk into his convenience store, he grabbed his
shotgun with one hand and balanced himself on his walker with the other.
Teacher says "I have never been sexually inappropriate with
a female student."
LOS ANGELES (AP) -- The Lakers' Shaquille
O'Neal said he was joking, not being a racist, when he used a mock Chinese accent
while talking about Houston center Yao Ming. It's all good. You know what I'm saying,
nigga?
How come parrots talk but chickens don't? Are they chicken?
I was just doing research.
A man tosses
out computer discs with 75 images of children. A woman fishes them out of the trash
and calls police. I'm sure he was just doing research.
Homeless man
is scheduled to be evicted this weekend from the rest stop over the hill from Hillsborough
he has called home for 12 years.
Two Silver Lake students had sex
on a school bus as other students cheered, Kingston police said.
11 January 2003
What do I have in common with 3.2 million other Americans?
I'm unemployed. Yep. I just got laid-off. Brother, can you spare a dime? Please take a
look at my resume. Message to Dubya: Hurry up and get your war on so the economy will get
moving.
Young women have
taken to prancing around the streets of Tokyo braless and pantiless.
Alaska
is the first U.S. land that North Korean missiles could hit.
CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) - When parents use sarcasm
to playfully tease their young children, do the kids see the humor?
The idea of printing a light bulb
may seem bizarre, but US engineers are now developing an ink-jet printing technology to do
just that.
(Thanks To Jim)
Why is chocolate
poisonous to dogs but not to humans?
Police Hunt Pantyless Woman.
5 January 2003
Over the past two decades, the idea of modifying large-scale
storms such as hurricanes has lain dormant, following 20 years of inconclusive research.
Now, however, a small group of atmospheric scientists is giving the concept a fresh look.
In the United States, equality is protected by the Constitution
and supported by civil rights laws. Yet reports of unequal treatment because of skin
color, religion, gender, age, sexual orientation, country of origin, ability and other
differences persist. Test yourself for hidden bias.
American intelligence agencies believe that bizarre, unpredictable
North Korea already has
enough plutonium and tested bomb technology for one or two functioning nuclear warheads
that can easily be lobbed at our ally South Korea. Yet we have made it clear we are not
planning to go to war with North Korea.
Without protest, Americans are giving up freedom.
Top Ten Conspiracy
Theories of 2002
If you have nothing to hide, what are you worried
about?
MOUSE
testicles have reportedly become a hot seller in Taiwan since five infertile couples
said they conceived after eating dishes containing the organs. My question is who was the
first person to try this?
Do tinfoil
helmets provide adequate protection against mind control rays?
Droppings
from seabirds could be introducing radioactive isotopes into the food chain. That is
the conclusion of researchers who found high levels of radioactivity in droppings and
plants on an island close to the Arctic.
4 January 2003
Man parks, leaves his headlights on, gets a $28
ticket.
Now Corporations Claim The "Right To Lie"
Gordon Chadwick has been arrested for exposing
himself in public so many times that officers in The Woodlands say they always think of
him when they receive a call of this nature.
Life on Earth Is Feeling the Heat.
Mating
triggers the development of new neurons in the smell center of the brain.
3 January 2003
A 1901
lightbulb still burns bright to this day.
BANGKOK, Thailand (Reuters) -- Thailand's health ministry will
launch a troupe of specially
trained bosom-enhancing dancers on Valentine's Day to show women how to boost their
bust lines without resorting to ill-fitting and often expensive bras.
Houston takes the
cake in the fattest city competition.
Gods come and go, but prayers remain forever.
BETTENDORF, Iowa (AP) -- Store officials say damage could reach
$20,000 after a man wearing a 12-can beer box with eyeholes walked into a Davenport Hy-Vee
Food Store, spraying
produce with a fire extinguisher.
BEIJING (Reuters) - Police in northwest China have made a rare
apology to a man they surprised at home and dragged to jail for watching pornographic
videos with his wife, state newspapers said Friday.
EDMONTON, Alberta (Reuters) - Two would-be Canadian thieves
learned the hard way on New Year's Day that knowing
how to drive a car is a prerequisite for stealing one.
STOCKTON, Calif. (Reuters) - A 16-year-old northern California boy
who posed
as a probation officer to take 11 teenagers he had never met to a miniature golf
course faces charges of burglary, auto theft and impersonating an officer, authorities
say.
The credibility of President Bush’s multibillion-dollar
missile defence plans are being questioned by leading scientists after claims that the
results of key tests were falsified.
1 January 2003
War? What war? Oh, you mean Iraq. Or maybe North Korea. What
does it matter? The secretary of defense, Donald Rumsfeld, said a few days ago that we
could lick these guys with one hand tied behind our back. Stop worrying.
Don't ask. Don't tell. Don't
touch.
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The State Department is accusing two leading
aerospace companies of illegally providing rocket technology to China that could be used
for intercontinental
missiles. Meanwhile, Iraq has missiles with the phenomenal range of 373 inaccurate
miles. That's about the distance from Houston to Witchita Falls, Texas.
A Zen story for the new year:
A student once asked his teacher, "Master, what is
enlightenment?"
The master replied, "When hungry, eat. When tired, sleep."
The most overhyped and
underreported stories of 2002.
You abandon your privacy when you set your trash out on the curb.
The FBI is asking for our help.
Would you like to receive MORE spam???
Elderly golf
cart driver wanders onto I-75.
Americans have grown sharply more fearful
about the new year ahead, in terms of both their personal outlook and the world's in
general, an ABCNEWS/Washington Post poll has found. Two prime factors appear to be at
play: the possibility of war with Iraq, and the condition of the nation's economy.
U.S. Had Key Role in
Iraq Buildup.
"My own opinion is that the case for full moon
effects has not been made," said Ivan Kelly, a Canadian psychologist at the
University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.
Indigo Children
Mystery
Hole In Lake Ice Baffling Folks North Of Brainerd.
Breaking
News: More Americans are fat and drink too much.
Engrish: The humorous
English mistakes that appear in Japanese advertising and product design.
Chinglish: The
humorous version of English that appears (often in instructions for assembling or using
products) after a translation from the original Chinese (or any other language) fails to
come across in "normal" English.
The state of our important liberties appears to be degenerating
rapidly, particularly in the area of privacy concerns.
Everything you ever wanted to know about cloning.
Would you like to see what
people are searching for on the popular MetaCrawler
search engine?
January 2003 Desktop Calendar Wallpaper
