November 2002 Archive
30 November 2002
Today in Professional Courtesy.
LOS ANGELES -- Several people were held hostage Thanksgiving Day at a liquor store -- by a swarm of bees.
A British Army recruiting team in Fiji has discovered a bizarre sexual practice among many of the men trying to sign up.
Video clips show Alaska's violent seas.
Ball lightning is the most curious of unexplained phenomena. It's estimated that 5% of the population has seen it, including me.
WASHINGTON: The Pentagon has accelerated development of a new generation of advanced precision weaponry that could be ready for use in a high-tech battle for Baghdad, according to US military sources.
Why have grocery prices gone through the roof? Because supermarkets are wasting your shopping dollars to fund new ways of spying on you.
Your desktop is boring. I know because I can see what's on your hard drive. Here's an easy way to find wallpaper. Go to Google Image Search. Click on Advanced Image Search. Type in what you're looking for. In the drop-down box labeled "Size", select "wallpaper-sized". Enjoy!
29 November 2002
Todays's Flash Fun: Catch Michael Jackson's Kids
You have the right to remain silent, correct? Maybe not.
Portals to the World contains selective links providing authoritative, in-depth information about the nations and other areas of the world. Links were selected by Library of Congress Area Specialists.
28 November 2002
German schoolgirl Annika Irmler has licked her way into the Guinness Book of Records with her whopping seven centimeter tongue (2.75 inches).
Police in Sanford, Florida, are trying to solve an X-rated rip off. Someone swiped more than $12,000 worth of lingerie and sex toys from an adult vendor.
Hold on, Barbie. Just where do you think you're going dressed like that?
And that makes me wonder what people around the world think of America?
French Kiss of the Day
List of words that are fun to say. But it left out my personal favorite, Abu Dhabi.
PRINCE GEORGE, B.C. - A biology professor in northern British Columbia has spotted a clover field crawling with spiders.
Cleanup on aisle 10
Wanna see something really scary?
Shoot the cameras that are shooting you.
BERLIN - There are days when you feel like a bath full of beer, not just a glass. Like maybe when you bathe with Jesus.
BERLIN (Reuters) - Handcuffs are the fastest selling item at five new shops tailored for women by Germany's biggest retailer of sex merchandise, the store chain said on Wednesday. Cuff 'em & stuff 'em.
27 November 2002
Hold your breath. Here's another wonderful idea from Dubya. The Bush administration has enacted changes to clean air rules that will allow power plants and refineries to avoid new pollution controls when they expand operations.
Click here for porn.
I've always suspected a lot of women tennis players are lesbian.
Here's what I want for Christmas. Full face transplants are no longer science fiction fantasy, a leading surgeon said on Wednesday. They are technically feasible but ethically complex. Next year I'll go for the brain transplant.
Everyone knows that you can stand an egg on end on the first day of spring... or can you? Of course toilets flush the other way in the southern hemisphere... don't they?
From Time Magazine, the Best Inventions of 2002.
24 November 2002
Who is the new leader of China?
The city of Houston has a little secret: If you don't pay a parking ticket, nothing will happen to you.
A clothing store in downtown Oslo decided on an avant-garde window-dressing display to welcome in the Christmas season. Borrowing a few inflatable dolls from the condom specialists next door, the shop staged an unorthodox display.
Rent payments for 9-11 hijackers and mysterious checks from a princess’s account. Is there a Saudi tie to terror? Inside the probe the Bush administration doesn’t want you to know about.
What would Jesus drive? A second opinion here.
23 November 2002
Groovin' Granny Flash animation.
(Thanks to Alva)Dogs can read your mind. Cats don't bother.
A chain store in Britain has sparked fury by selling black lacy bras — for girls as young as SIX.
Foul odors might be one of the most sensible ways for military commanders to disperse hostile crowds, empty buildings and keep intruders away from "no go'' areas. They are one of the most promising in the new crop of nonlethal weapons, intended to incapacitate people or equipment while minimizing the risk of death.
22 November 2002
WHITE OAK — A Longview woman who sells sex toys has been charged with felony obscenity after White Oak police found some of her wares in her car during a traffic stop. Yes, we have some stupid laws in Texas.
MIAMI (Reuters) - Epidemiologists found the West Nile virus in three farm-raised Florida alligators, marking the first time the potentially deadly virus has been found in a US reptile species, health officials said on Wednesday. Looks like I won't be eating the traditional alligator for Thanksgiving.
A secret U.S. federal appeals court has granted law enforcement officials expanded domestic spying powers, allowing them to conduct a broad range of electronic surveillance including Internet monitoring and keystroke logging to track terrorism suspects. What happened to the First, Fourth and Fifth Amendments to the Constitution?
Bambi fights back.
Can you spot the hoax photos that keep arriving by e-mail?
17 November 2002
Video clip of an aircraft popping infrared decoy flares to confuse heat-seeking missiles.
Al Yankovic sings The Beer Song.
Thank God Almighty for Titties and Beer.
Which State is smartest?
A man's view of the rules...
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side. These are our
rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE! Print this out and pass to your partner for a
greater understanding.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet
again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with
it.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons
guys fear getting married is that married women always
cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently
beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which
pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to
hear.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as sports and
fishing.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. No, you really do have too many shoes.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I'm in shape...... ROUND is a shape.(Thanks to Bruce)
16 November 2002
What appears to be a 700-year-old picture of Mickey Mouse has been discovered on a church fresco in Austria.
A Photographic History of Michael Jackson's Face
A wacky Japanese Flash animation about soy sauce.
Language tucked inside the Homeland Security bill will allow the federal government to track the e-mail, Internet use, travel, credit-card purchases, phone and bank records of foreigners and U.S. citizens in its hunt for terrorists.
SHEPHERDSTOWN, W.Va. - A 49-year-old Martinsburg, W.Va., woman was charged with indecent exposure and other violations after Shepherd College police responded to the front of McMurran Hall Monday and found a nude woman outside reading a Bible, court records said. Maybe she was just getting ready to bathe with Jesus.
My Christmas wish
President Clinton was RIGHT!
10 November 2002
There are folders on your computer that Microsoft has tried hard to keep secret.
How Black are you?
Top Ten Reasons Why I Don't Fly
Number 1: Hard to watch the inflight movie with a black bag over your head.Do you know what RTFM stands for?
9 November 2002
Mars to Get Closer than Ever in Recorded History in 2003
Top Ten Reasons Why I Don't Shave
Number 1: Exploding RazorsWhy do cats purr?
(Thanks to Joan)
8 November 2002
A very slow-loading page of optical illusions.
Some reports say the FBI is snooping in the libraries. Is that really happening? Yes!
Uncle Sam wants the name, address and phone number of every high school student in America.
James F. Welles wrote the book on stupidity -- two, in fact -- and then he proved he knew what he was talking about, police say.
For some reason, whenever black folks turn rowdy, it's a riot. When white folks do the exact same thing, well . . . it's something else.
While the UN Security Council stalemate drags out, the United States has quietly been building up its military forces close to Iraq, apparently preparing for a new Gulf war — with or without international approval.
In the beginning of the 1990s, Russian intelligence uncovered the fact that the USA was testing a super-secret plane at one of its airbases.
5 November 2002
Today in Women Drivers
(Thanks to Alva)101 things that one can do with the Mozilla Web browser that one cannot do with Internet Explorer.
Barbie® Dolls are getting sexier.
Design your own Evil Clown.
Britain has been involved in secret talks with the United States over the development of so-called non-lethal weapons, including lasers that blind the enemy and microwave systems that cook the skin of human targets.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
-- Will RogersFORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (Reuters) - Despite corporate scandals and an economy in the doldrums, the super-rich are still enjoying a life on the ocean wave, according to yachting industry executives.
Today in Gifts for High Maintenance Women:
The $10 million bra & pantyToday in Gifts for Low Maintenance Women:
Stuff made from pop-top pull tabsFish is good for you, right? Ever heard of methylmercury?
4 November 2002
E-Mail Forward of the Day:
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
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At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
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A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine.
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in the U.S.A. The rest cheat in Canada.
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A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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Young son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late."
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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
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If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.
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Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
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First guy: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."If you plan on starting you own weblog, or if you frequently have to compose documents for work, please read these Rules For Writing.
Paying too much attention to a spouse's back pain can make it worse, and leaving the spouse alone can make it better, according to a study presented by German psychologists.
The largest earthquake to rock the world for almost 18 months hit central Alaska on Sunday. The magnitude 7.9 tremor struck a relatively unpopulated area and no casualties have been reported.
According to a recent poll, guys with messy sock drawers have sex three times more per month than those who organize their socks.
Veterans Day is November 11, 2002. Be sure to kiss and/or hug a Veteran.
Telemarketers make use of a telescript - a guideline for a telephone conversation. Here's a script YOU can use to fight back.
3 November 2002
MELBOURNE (Reuters) - Australians hit by one of the worst droughts in a century should shower together according to the minister responsible for water restrictions in the nation's second most populous state.
TEHRAN (Reuters) - Iran's first female bus driver has taken to the road in a small victory for gender equality that has already forced men to take a back seat.
SEOUL (Reuters) - North Korea has awarded high honors to a herbal medicine for constipation with marijuana as an active ingredient, the communist state's official news agency said on Thursday.
Canada is third only to Mexico and Colombia as a supplier of high-grade marijuana to the United States market, Public Safety and Security Commissioner Bob Runciman says. Is pot a weapon of mass destruction? Should we bomb Canada?
TORONTO (Reuters) - Trouble is brewing between Ontario's dominant beer retailer and a small-city brewer over the use of 1970s-style "stubby" bottles, following the launch of a nostalgia marketing campaign for its Red Cap beer.
MOSCOW - Drinking beer without vodka is like throwing money to the wind, according to a popular Russian saying.
2 November 2002
Giant jellyfish invade Japanese coast!!! Where's Godzilla when you need him?
New Miranda warning: anything you think may be used against you in a court of law.
Tip of the Day: aluminum foil hats make excellent Christmas gifts.
In a year dominated by news of food poisoning outbreaks and recalls, Oregon State University food scientist Mark Daeschel has a tip for consumers: Down a glass of Chardonnay with that burger.
Was Senator Paul Wellstone murdered?
Minute amounts of ''gender bender'' chemicals found in food and the environment are affecting the behaviour of pre-school children, new research shows.
The dramatic increase in the number of children diagnosed with autism over the last five years could be due to environmental factors, a new study suggests.
Chicago bus driver suspended for insisting on clean bus.
Man pleads guilty to riding his horse while drunk.
1 November 2002
Stop kitty porn!!!
More surveillance on the way. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
Two British scientists are seeking £165,000 ($256,000) to carry out a large-scale study to discover if clinically dead people really have out-of-body experiences.
Women: Listen up! We don't care what size your breasts are.
SANTA FE, New Mexico (Reuters) - New Mexico voters will decide on Tuesday whether they want "idiots" and "insane persons" to vote in their state. <Insert Florida joke here>
Researchers at UCLA found that women who drink coffee all their lives have more brainpower when they get older. I wonder if this applies to blondes?
The United States government is planning to use "cover and deception" and secret military operations to provoke murderous terrorist attacks on innocent people.
Celebrate the Second Amendment by buying an extra 100 rounds of ammunition on November 19th. Great for hunting, self-defense, target practice and annoying the anti-gun lobbyists. If you would like to support National Ammo Day and don't own a gun, here's a hint: I use .45 ACP, Jim uses 7.62mm X 39mm.
(Link courtesy of Jim)The Department of Agriculture has awarded a $300,000 grant to a subsidiary of Brooklyn Center, Minn.-based Mocon Inc. to study how variables affect beer ingredients and to develop a high-tech instrument that will adjust the beverage to a brewer's standard. It's about time our tax dollars were put to good use.
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Chessher 
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