Our heroes last defeated the dumbass band Creed and went Trick-or-Treating. Zach got three numbers(M-A-C-K!) and Adam collected $42 for UNICEF! Now, back to the adventures...
Our heroes are en-route to Seattle (cause that's where grunge was born) to find out what really happened to Layne Stayley and Kurt Cobain. It is the JULI's belief that Courtney Love had something to do with Kurt Cobain's death, and Cpt. Oblivious' belief that the stupid bitch had something to do with Layne Stayley's death as well. So, eager to uncover the coniracy, they head to Seattle(specifically the gold-digging whore's house there!). Once at the house(it smells like dirty ass) they quickly take their place inside so they can ambush her. While waiting, Mr. Slippery passed out because of the smell, so they have to move him out to fresh air. They move to the backyard and notice a giant-ass crater in the ground. "What the fuck??" asked Mr. Slippery. "We move outside cause you passed..." "No, not that," he says pointing to the shed," someone is in there." So they go and check it out, and no one is in there. But, there is some sort of thrasport.. thingy. Obviously they take it, and it sends them to some far off place. "Great, now we're fucking lost!" comment Cpt. Oblivious. " No, no, I think I know where we are," says Alderman," I think this is the Island rumoured to hold ll the rock stars who reportedly died." I think you should shut your mouth, cause that place don't exist," replies Mr. Slippery. "You're dumb!" comments The Mole," Ain't you learned nothin? Everything you thought didn't exist does.. .DUR!!" So now they kno where they are it's time to find out where the fuck everyone is. After about two hours of walking they happen upon a concentration camp- lookin thing, kind of. They didn't realise it was guarded til a bullet bounced off The Mole's forehead. " I didn't know you were bullet-proof!" "I ain't, I just got a heard head!" So, Alderman uses his super-speed and tackles the first guard right through the gates. Cpt. Oblivious uses his pyrokenesis to take out the uard tower cause they contain snipers and he's not bulletproof so if they hit him that'd hurt. This causes massive guards to com ushing at them. This wasn't exactly planned, but hey, they're superheroes, they can take 'em. Mr. Slippery uses the Water Balloons(they're filled with acid) causing may horrible, painful deaths; Alderman's back and causing hella deaths with his Eye Blasts. Cot. Oblivious is pullin "Matrix" style denfence while The Mole burrows beneath them(the kick ass defence was a diversion for this) and oop, there goes more bad guys.Suddenly, someone threw a grenade and blew Cpt. Oblivious 20 feet back and it pissed him off! Suddenly Cpt. Oblivious starts pullin like "Carrie" mass murdering shit(what? you've never seent he movie, well see it you stupid fuck!) taking out all but two of the guards. So now it's time for Mr. Slippery to go Bum-Rushin'(it's like super-speed but not, its the wind trail that sends the bad people flying) oh and there go the two guards, just a-flyin'. Now that that's all over with, it's time to explore the compount. They first ind the Mess Hall(it's where you eat) so they grab some grub and continue on their way. Next the come to a door marked 4594, but its locked! So Alderman uses a low intensity eye blast to melt the lock. When they get inside they notice someone on the cot. Wait! What? HOLY SHIT IT'S KURT COBAIN!!!!! HOORAY! Now that they've found him it's time to move on. What, more doors? Well, what, you only thought one guy was gonna be there? So they open all the doors, and they discover Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Layne Stayley, Janis Joplin and John Lennon.(Why? Cause I like them and I don't care what you've got to say about it!!) Continuing forward, they seem to have run into a problem....COURTNEY-WHORE-CLONES!!!!!!!!!!! They're gross, so our heroes have got to defeat the skanksand kill the real one. That's hard to do seeing as how they all look the same. So they must battle until every Courtne-Whore-Clone winds up dead. This calls for rock-star help! Cpt. Oblivious uses ME-MO and changes into a guitar, microphone, and an amp for our famed musicians(do I really have to spell it out? They're ROCK STARS!) to use. Jimi starts with his excellent guitar riffs, so good that the Whore-Clones heads explode(cause she's not good and wouldn't know good music if her head exploded... ok maybe she would) Jim uses his ultra-heavy lyrics to invigorate our infamous heroes so they can kick some Whore-Clone ass. Alderman uses his Eye-Blasts, but it only lasts a while because they're sooo fucking ugly. Mr. Slippery almost used his Mackabilities, but realised he didn't want all that happy shit. So he used his Rain Dance(brings about a flood) to take out a small number of Whore-Clones. Cpt. Oblivious, still the speakers and shit, is able to use his Super Mind Power to make the Whore-Clones even more retarded, so they're walking into walls. The Mole starts throwing Rubber Duckies like mad, blowing Whore-Clone pieces everywhere. He also uses the Shangri-La(yes, its a place in Missouri, but its also your own heaven and widely used by ICP and it's like a warp, if you're good it warps you somewhere good, if you're not, it sends you somewhere bad like Nazi Germany) sending a lot of Whore-Clones to Nazi Germany where she is punished for being a whore. Mr. Slippery is being surrounded so he's forced to break out the Tin Grin(viscious braces) and tear the Whore-Clones to shit. OK, so now they're down to maybe 20 Whore-Clones, one major Whore, and a really bad stench. So, Alderman uses his Alder-Claw, shredding them to pieces and taking out the rest of the Whore-Clones. Now, they must take on the head Whore. The journey to find her took like three hours and they lost two people who couldn't take the stench. They find her in this weird looking room with diamonds and shit. Right before Cpt. Oblivious could use his Rammstein, Kurt says, "No, I want to do it." So they let him do his thing and they let him do it alone. I mean really, if you was gonna take someone out wouldn't you want to do it in private? When they walk back in, they find that she has died of an 'overdose'. Now, it's time to go.
They would've made history, but all the famous people wanted to stay there where they were and live together. So our heroes stayed there and partied a while with the famous people.
This was written because I absolutely admire Kurt Cobain and greatly detest Courtney Love.
'LATER!
