Fan Fiction

TITLE: Letters From the Country
AUTHORS: Brenda Shaffer-Shiring and Kathleen Speck ([email protected])
RATING: G
CODES: C/T, AU
DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns the characters, but we don't think they can reasonably lay claim to these situations. Jane Austen, however, might have some grounds to contact her solicitor...
AUTHORS' NOTES: Once again we tip our hats to Henry Darrow (portrayer of Kolopak) for having a name that seems ideally suited to an English lord! In addition to all our other situational embroideries, herein we've slightly modified the ages of some canon characters in relation to one another: Chakotay and Tom Paris, both in their early 30s, are contemporaries, while Kathryn Janeway is slightly younger. Others you can figure out as you go.
SUMMARY: So Janeway and Chakotay were always meant for each other? The historical record begs to differ.

From Miss Belle Anna Torres, Dorvan House, to Miss Kessandra Lien,
London
19 April 18--

Dearest Kessie,

It is difficult to believe that we have completed our entire course of studies at Miss Barrett's School for Young Ladies. The most unbelievable part is that we were allowed to graduate at all. Of course, Mrs. Grayson, our beloved housemother, never caught us out in our most outrageous escapades! It is a good thing we were roommates and both of us were good at climbing that blasted ivy.

My dear guardian, Lord Chakotay, has given me permission to attend your coming out ball in two months. And I am to have a new gown for the occasion. The Earl has plans to be in London that week already, so he said he will escort me that evening. I am sure your mother will be delighted to have Lord Henry Darrow in attendance.

Now to the biggest news. Chakotay has proposed to Lady Kathryn Janeway, older daughter of the late Admiral Edward Janeway. He served with Wellington, and Lord Chakotay served under the admiral whilst in the Royal Navy.

Kessie, I simply cannot stand the woman; and I am sure the feeling is mutual. Absolutely nothing I do is satisfactory. She is forever reminding me of matters such as "A well-brought up young lady would always wear a proper habit when riding. Speaking of which, she would always ride sidesaddle, never astride." When Chakotay is not around, she bosses me around as if she were already the Countess of Dorvan. Lord Henry is still alive and she isn't married to Chakotay yet! Honestly, it is just too much.

Speaking of marriage, she is already hinting to Chakotay -- and making outright statements to me when he is not around -- that since I have completed my education, I should find a situation that will support me because I will not be welcome when she is the lady of the manor. Can you imagine me a governess?

And she is so snide in her comments. Always commenting on how lucky I am that Chakotay was willing to take in a waif like me without a respectable background. I know my father was a naval officer under Chakotay, and my mother was his mistress. I do not need to be reminded that I was luckier than I deserve that my father acknowledged me when she died, or that Chakotay was willing to take me in when my father died. I also do not need to be reminded that I will doubtlessly not make a good match, such as I am sure a pretty blonde like you will make (especially with that title your father has and the cash your mother brought to the match).

I wish I dared to remind her that she is marrying someone whose background is not much better. You remember the story, of course. When Lord Henry went away all those years ago to the Caribbean Islands, he also took a native girl as a mistress and she died in childbirth. Lord Henry brought the babe back to England with him, and dear Lady Eleanor not only took her husband back, she accepted the child as well. I remember her; she gave me treats and a pretty blue dress.

This is the man she has agreed to marry, yet she objects to me. The woman has no sense of honour. She also is patently unable to ride. She only goes for carriage rides with the young groom Lord Henry hired for the new position. I do not require young Harry Kim as I learned how to drive a team years ago, as you should remember from that time we, well -- I am sure you remember!

Chakotay and Lady Kathryn will also attend your deb ball, so you will see for yourself how she is. I must dash if I am to make the post.

Your dear friend,

Belle

From Chakotay Darrow, Viscount Trebus, Dorvan House, to Lord Thomas
Paris, London
15 May, 18--

Dear Tom,

I was very pleased to hear from you again, old friend. My heartiest congratulations on your betrothal! From your previous letters, I'm quite convinced of the charms of your Annika, and no doubt it would have been futile for you to resist the pull of matrimony. How does milord Admiral feel at the prospect of a foreign-born daughter-in-law?

Thank you for your congratulations on my own betrothal -- though was it merely my fancy, or did they lack a certain *enthusiasm*? For shame, Tom: Lady Kathryn is a sensible, intelligent woman, and we suit one another very well. Perhaps our match does lack the grand passion you seem to advocate, but we get on excellently. Unlike yourself, I'm not a great romantic seeking a love match.

As you know, the social season is in full flower here. Lady Kathryn and I recently attended the debut ball of Kessandra Lien. You may remember her as Belle's great school chum, the pretty little blonde girl who sometimes visited the country place or Father's town house? (If my ward is to be believed, they managed to accomplish as much mischief in their school years as you and I did during our time in the navy!) Well, she is a little girl no more; she was lovely and quite radiant. I'll be astonished if she remains unwed at the end of the season.

If I may say it without boasting, though, my Belle was quite the match of her. Somehow I had failed to realise it before this, but like her friend Belle is fully a young woman now. She will never be tall, but she is slender and graceful, and more vivacious than I had ever imagined her becoming. It's a pity that her birth prevents her from being launched into society as Kessandra has been, or I'm sure she would be as vied-for as any young woman of the season. As matters were, she did not receive so many offers to dance as her beauty deserved, and Father and I were obliged to make up at least some of the gap. Not that I had any cause to object, for she is as graceful and spirited as she is pretty. Indeed, I would have claimed her for more dances had not Kathryn demanded her own turn. She is not especially fond of dancing, but is quite conscious that her position as a betrothed woman requires her to engage in such public niceties. (I, of course, am likewise obliged to yield to her social knowledge!) She advised, as well, that I was doing Belle no favour by making her unavailable to such swains as might express an interest. In that she was undoubtedly correct, though it pulled at my heart to see Belle stand alone whilst others were engaged on the dance floor. Belle does not conceal her disappointments well, and they were plain upon her face. And of course I am all too well aware of the indignity of being held in low regard for one's birth.

But if I brood, you will tease, just as you always have! So I will make an end to it. I was not friendless in my day; nor is my Belle, and she will make a fine match, if I must see to it myself! I confess, I had never pictured myself as a matchmaker, but needs must where the devil drives. If even you -- and even I -- are betrothed, there is surely a suitable mate for Belle.

Speaking of my lovely ward, she is calling me away from you now. She has engaged me for a morning of riding, and is presently in her habit and pacing impatiently.

Give my fondest regards to your Annika. You must come and visit before the two of us are married men, so that we may share old stories and celebrate our final days of bachelorhood. I look forward to your acceptance by return post.

Fondly,
Chakotay

From Miss Belle Anna Torres, Dorvan House, to Miss Kessandra Lien,
London
15 June, 18--

Dear Kessie,

I was so pleased to see you at Lord and Lady Roddenberry's ball last night. That particular shade of aqua is perfect for you; you should wear it more often. I am sure your Mr. Neel must like it; he couldn't keep his eyes off you the whole evening. He seems very nice, but my dear, I have never seen a man with hair that color. If you are serious about marrying him, imagine what your children will look like before you make any final decisions.

Lady Kathryn introduced me to a gentleman at that ball. She said that he was interested in offering for me and I should give him serious consideration. My dear friend, he is absolutely horrid. Oh, he is nice enough I suppose, but he does not enjoy the hunt. He is actually afraid of guns. We tried to partner in a simple country dance, but he stepped on my feet so often I was forced to beg off, and you know how I enjoy dancing. The gentleman is the second son of Lord Geoffrey Barclay, and his Christian name is Reginald. His father wanted to buy him a commission in the Royal Navy, but he refused. Can you imagine anyone so, well, cowardly? And the worst of it is, the man does not ride!

The 'good' Lady Kathryn kept insisting that he was better than I should hope to have offering for me. I agreed to the dance so as not to cause a scene. I would not dream of embarrassing Chakotay or Lord Henry in public. All he could talk about was his dream of going to Germany to study with some astronomer whose name I can not even remember. And if I would be so kind as to look with favor on his suit, we would be moving to some cold, drafty castle in the German Alps so he and his mentor could position their telescopes as high up as possible, away from the congestion of big cities. Can you imagine?

I have no idea why Kathryn thought he was so perfect for me, unless she meant perfect for her because it would get the 'Spanish bastard' out of Chakotay's house. Oh yes, that is how she refers to me when she thinks I am not about. She was receiving some friends in the yellow parlor the other morning and I heard her use that very phrase. I am at a loss as to why she hates me so. I hope my feelings about her are kept hidden much better.

Thank God, Chakotay said at the ball that he would never force me to marry against my will. He was astounded when this young man came to him even before he had asked me. Frankly, so was I.

*She* insists on eating dinner before we go out for the evening. "A lady does not make a spectacle of herself by eating like a field hand in public." Honestly, if there is food being served at a party, I would imagine the hostess wants people to eat it, but I do want to attend the event and I do not want to upset Chakotay. So I shall tolerate the woman.

But she is not the right woman for him; I feel it in my bones. She is so haughty with the servants, and he has always been so considerate towards everyone in service both here and on the estate. Both he and Lord Henry have always taught me to respect the people who work so hard to make our lives easier. But she seems to have missed that particular lesson.

She is not the right woman for him. I cannot picture her enjoying the children she will bear him. They will probably be shut up in the nursery with governesses and nannies, and only presented to their parents when properly bathed and dressed.

Perhaps I should accept a marriage proposal, as I do not believe I want to live here once she and Chakotay are married. It will be far too dismal.

I hope to see you soon.

Your loving friend,
Belle

From Chakotay Darrow, Viscount Trebus, Dorvan House, to Lord Thomas
Paris, London
15 June, 18--

Dear Tom,

I find that perhaps I am more of a romantic than I anticipated.

We are just returned from the Roddenberrys' ball, and I am quite vexed with Kathryn. It seems she has taken it on herself to play the matchmaker for Belle. To that fact itself I cannot object, as matchmaking is undoubtedly an activity more suited to a woman than to a man. But the choice she presented Belle tonight is so unsuited to Belle that it seems almost perverse!

You've met Geoffrey, Lord Barclay, certainly. If not, your father is sure to know him. Well, it seems that his second son, Reginald, is seeking a wife. I assure you, any who think him a good match for my Belle know very little of the fellow.

He seems amiable enough, to be sure. I am told that he is clever, as well, and I believe that without qualm. But he is skittish, awkward, and -- forgive me -- altogether lacking in manliness. You will find it hard to credit, but he refused his father's offer to buy him a commission, as he thought he had not the constitution for a navy life. He hates to ride, he will not hunt, and he trod on Belle's feet so frequently on the dance floor as to cause her severe pain. His greatest interest -- his only interest -- is in scholarship. It seems his heart's desire is to study astronomy in Germany, under some noted professor of whom I have never heard and never care to.

I cannot imagine Belle being happy for a fortnight with such a creature. She came to me after her excruciating dance with him, and asked, in some distress, if I would require her to accept his offer of marriage. You may be sure I told her I would do no such thing. How could I sentence her to unhappiness? I never shall, and I told her so. She may marry who pleases her, or not at all.

When Mr. Barclay applied to me for permission to court Belle, shortly thereafter, I informed him that the lady would not. He looked at me as if that were a most baffling consideration to introduce into the proceedings, but I doubt he was long distressed. Before the ball ended, he had already claimed several dances with Beverly Howard, the daughter of a prosperous local tradesman and enough of a bluestocking to appreciate what he doubtlessly considers his "finer" qualities.

The cap of the whole sorry affair came later, when I asked Kathryn what the dev - Dickens she had been thinking when she introduced Barclay to Belle. She informed me quite coolly that, as second son of a well-born family (firstborn sons being beyond Belle's prospects owing to the stigma of her birth), Sir Reginald would be quite a suitable husband for Belle. When I suggested rather pointedly that they utterly lacked sympathy, Kathryn looked at me as if I were quite mad. "A husband," she told me, "is not for 'sympathy.' A husband is for giving a woman babies and supporting them."

My mouth hung open for several seconds before I could make reply. When at length I could speak, I said that I would not give Belle to any man she did not care for. At that, Kathryn told me that I was a romantic, that I could perhaps have my way if I were willing to buy whomever Belle fancied, but that more likely I was dooming that young woman to spinsterhood. I said that I would sooner see Belle a spinster than shackled to someone she neither liked nor respected.

Kathryn said that she would speak to me again when I was prepared to be reasonable, and departed the room. Feeling quite disinclined to yield to her concept of reason, I did not speak to her again until we said farewell at the end of the ball. (Indeed, I do not know that I would have spoken even then, save that it would have been most improper to do otherwise.)

And now...now I find myself asking whether Kathryn's comments only rankled as they applied to my hopes for Belle. It is true that I am quite determined to see Belle make a happy match, and to spare her the misery of an unhappy one. It is equally true that I will not require her to leave my home until she has found such a match.

And it is also true that I am planning to bind myself to a woman who thinks that the functions of a husband are stud and pocketbook. How did I not know this? Or did I know this? And have I been any kinder to Kathryn myself, as I chose her simply because I required a mistress for the Dorvan estates and a mother for the next generation of Darrows? I console myself that I did not choose her at random, but because of her wit and her strength, and our long friendship. But in my heart I wonder if I might as well have chosen her by lot.

For I do not love her. I would a thousand times rather break my betrothal with her than hurt the smallest hair of Belle's head.

I do not love her.

Why did I never realize that that matters? And what the devil am I to do now?

In confusion,
Chakotay

From Miss Belle Anna Torres, Dorvan House, to Miss Kessandra Lien,
London
9 August, 18--

Dearest Kessie,

Many congratulations on your betrothal. While I understand your parents want you to marry him, I also know that you have developed tender feelings for him. And I trust your Mr. Neel will be wonderful towards you. If he fails in that duty, I shall be forced to gather my musket and go hunting for large game, eh? Seriously, I hope the two of you shall be very happy together.

To answer your question, I would be honoured to stand with you at your wedding, but will not your sister be angry with you about being left out? If you are sure, however, I will happily celebrate with you.

Do you remember when we were at school and I had to beg Mrs. Grayson to be allowed to take Mme. Louvois' French exam early one term so that I could accompany Lord Henry and Chakotay on their fishing trip to Scotland? We stayed with Lord Henry's great friend, Laird Montgomery of the clan Scott. He is a dear man. You can imagine my surprise when Kathryn tried to introduce the two of us at Lord and Lady Riker's ball last week. I know he surprised her when he said we needed no introduction and gathered me up in a great big hug.

We danced together, then took a stroll in the garden. He told me the sad story of his late wife's long illness and death two years ago. The sad part is that they never had a son, and his brother is anxious to inherit the title upon the Laird's death. Laird Montgomery leads a clan from the Highlands of Scotland, a contentious people as you have heard. But a strong man can hold them together and still keep the peace.

Now that his period of mourning is over, he has decided to remarry. That is the reason that Kathryn 'introduced' us. She told him that I was a sturdy, healthy girl who should be able to produce sons for him. Kessie, he is as old as Lord Henry! And far too fond of drink. Besides, I could never think of him as a husband -- he is just a dear friend of the family. Why would I tie myself to him? It was very awkward when the subject came up. I mean, what would you have done?

When Chakotay told me later that the Laird had offered for me, I almost fell off my chair at the breakfast table. As I said, he is a dear man, but I simply am unable to imagine -- and you know my imagination -- but I am unable to imagine lying with him in the marriage bed. Not that Mrs. Grayson would approve my even thinking of such a subject!

Fortunately Chakotay was not fond of the idea of a match between the laird and me either. Still, I imagine I will have to pick one of the young dandies that are always fluttering around. I know that they are mainly interested in the dowry that Chakotay and Lord Henry have promised to settle upon me on the event of my marriage. They are both so generous; they treat me as if I were their blood family.

I am concerned about Chakotay. Of late he has seemed too serious, and I often hear anger in his voice when he and Kathryn are speaking. Not that they exchange angry words, but after they are done, he goes out and rides his magnificent black charger out across the fields for hours. I wish I knew what to say to lighten his mood. Maybe I should accept one of these offers, at least then he would have one less thing to worry about.

But how can I? None of them are what I hoped to find. But then, I have been comparing them to an almost impossible ideal. You should remember that ideal; we spoke of such things often enough when we were girls. But I suppose the idealism of youth must give way to the practical matters of adulthood.

However, no more of such talk. We must get together and plan your wedding. Maybe we shall be fortunate and your mother will keep her odious opinions to herself.

Until we see each other soon, I shall remain,

Your friend,
Belle

From Chakotay Darrow, Viscount Trebus, Dorvan House, to Lord Thomas
Paris, London
12 August, 18--

Dear Tom,

I appreciate your prompt, and most encouraging, response to my last. But despite your well-meant advice, I do not believe I could so simply break my betrothal with Kathryn. It is true that her attitude to men and marriage is less than flattering to my ego, but she points out, quite aptly, that it is quite common amongst people of our class -- and that it in no way suggests that she does not like me well enough to make a comfortable match. She remains an estimable and intelligent woman, a suitable lady for Dorvan. And at my age, old friend, it becomes ever more apparent that I must wed *someone*.

Still, if she continues to provoke and frustrate my Belle, I may have to reconsider my opinion and my choice! For Kathryn's latest candidate as Belle's prospective spouse was one that Belle found most distressing.

It is true that he is no unmanly man, as is Lord Barclay. This latest candidate loves to ride and to hunt, and says he would welcome a bride who enjoys the same - a description that certainly suits my Belle. And his lands are admirably suited to such use, being lovely, wooded, and wild. Belle and I, and my father, have visited his estates many times, and as a girl Belle quite adored them. But she had never considered that one day she might become mistress of those lands.

That is because their lord is a man of my father's years -- he is in truth a long-time friend of my father's. He is Laird Montgomery Scott, from which title you will understand correctly that his lands are in the wilds of Scotland. Laird Scott recently became a widower (for the second time, I believe), and as Lady Christine bore him only daughters, he is in the market for a bride who may give him a male heir.

To be sure, he is a strong man, and yet vigorous, and not without a gleam of humour in his eyes. To be quite as sure, matches as uneven in years are made each season -- not a fortnight since, my father's contemporary Lord Elim took to wife one Miss Ziyal, a girl just out. And only Laird Scott's age and previous marriages allow a woman of Belle's questionable lineage to be considered as possible wife to him, a full lord.

Kathryn told me that this was doubtless Belle's best prospect to gain a noble rank, and guarantee her children a place in society. And I know she is right, but o my Belle--

She greeted him gladly enough at the outset of the evening, no doubt thinking of him only as my father's old friend, and the kindly man who had indulged the young sportswoman. But after they had spoken, and he presumably had presented himself as her possible suitor, her manner changed. She was courteous enough (or at least I have not heard that she was otherwise), but to my eyes she looked most unhappy.

I claimed her for a dance, and spoke to her, and she told me no more than I had expected: that she liked Laird Scott well enough, but she found it impossible to think of a man Father's age as a husband. But could she say as much without offending my father and her lord? It was a pitiable dilemma, and it wrung my heart to see her so distraught.

With some warmth, I reminded Belle that I had already vowed she should never marry where she did not wish. When she attempted to demur, I would not hear it, and promised forcefully that I would never grant Laird Scott leave to court her. Her relief, as she looked into my eyes, was sweet to see.

I know, Tom, that men are not often so particular about the happiness of women in their care, and yet I feel as if I am set and designed to be the guardian of Belle's. And so I shall be.

It was Kathryn, of course, who was unhappy. She asked me how proceeded his lordship's acquaintance with Belle, and I informed her that he should never proceed beyond acquaintanceship with her. You can imagine that she did not receive this news gently. After some dispute, she informed me that if I were so obsessed with yielding to the romantic notions of a young girl, I had best make sure that girl was prepared for genteel work, as I would certainly not succeed in marrying her off. I told her that was my concern, and that I was well able to keep Belle until it should suit her to leave the estates at Dorvan.

She cast me a withering look at that, which made me wonder if her plan in seeking suitors for Belle is simply to ensure Belle's removal from my house before her own taking up of residence. I have come to realize that the two ladies do not, to phrase it most gently, love one another well.

Mistress of Dorvan or no, Kathryn shall never force Belle's removal from my house. I dedicate myself to that.

Trusting in God to keep you well, I am,
Chakotay

From Miss Belle Anna Torres, Dorvan House, to Mrs. Kessandra Neel,
London
27 September, 18--

Dear Kessie,

I had such a wonderful time standing with you at your wedding. You looked so happy, as did Mr. Neel. Tell me, was your wedding night awful, or wonderful? I have so many questions. Remember, we did promise as girls that the first to marry would tell the other what it was like. I must admit that, while I do have some notion of the mechanics of the situation, it sounds simply dreadful. Perhaps that should wait until we can be together in person.

The most amazing thing has happened. Lady Kathryn has actually suggested a gentleman who should be perfect. His name is Miguel Ayala, and he is an aide to the Ambassador to the Court of St. James from Spain. He is a nobleman in his home country, and his father got him this position to give him experience dealing with people of power. He served in the Spanish navy, which is a plus. He rides well and is an excellent shot. He even dances well. Since I was raised here in England, no one in Spain knows my history. If I accept his offer of marriage, I will simply be the Spanish ward of an English gentleman. I will not be the bastard of the Spanish whore. It would be a good match.

I must admit, Kess, he is very attractive. Whilst we dance, he whispers of my beauty and how much he desires me. When he does, I feel, strange. I know I should be attracted to him, but I feel nothing but friendship, if that. I enjoy being with him, but I do not feel special with him. Like all the others Kathryn has paraded in front of me, he is interested in the money I will bring to a match. Oh, do not get me wrong -- I am sure he would be proud to show me off in Madrid. It would be a glorious match. He would keep me in silks and jewels, I would preside over a beautiful home full of servants, and there would be many horses in the stables.

But I do not want to be with him. It is so confusing.

Chakotay had a terrible row with Kathryn just now. They were in his study, but the sound easily carried through the thick wood of the door. I was unable to understand the words, but the anger was obvious. I am dying of curiosity, but I do not dare ask what they argued about. I am afraid I was the object of their argument.

Perhaps he has finally decided that she is not the proper woman for him to marry. Even if I decide to marry Lord Ayala, I hope Chakotay will find a woman who will make him happy. He deserves to be happy in his marriage. I can picture him, surrounded with children, laughing at their antics. Whoever he marries will be a fortunate woman. Not simply by being the future Countess of Dorvan, although that is a wonderful future, but because he will be an attentive husband.

Imagine being able to see those beautiful, brown eyes every morning across the breakfast table, or to have him bestow that beaming smile on you when you come down the stairs. Even if he had no money, I would take him without question. But he is my guardian, and he thinks of me as a girl still. I am not a woman he would consider as a possible match.

So I imagine I will have to accept Lord Ayala's offer. He is not the man I want, but I can not have the man I want. It is so horrible, dearest Kessie. He is stuck with a dreadful woman he does not care for, and I am fated to a loveless marriage. If only a miracle was possible. Write me soon. I need a reason to hope for a better future than the one I imagine.

Your sorrowing friend,
Belle

From Chakotay Darrow, Viscount Trebus, Dorvan House, to Lord Thomas
Paris, London
29 September, 18--

Dear Tom,

I have ended my betrothal to Kathryn. I know not, and care not, what may be the way of marriage in the fashionable set; I only know that I will not marry a woman whom I do not love. Especially as I have learned that there is a woman whom I do indeed love, and she is willing to have me.

I require your congratulations once again, Tom, for I am once again betrothed, this time to a young lady you know well, and I love well. Will you stand at my side when I take Belle Torres to wife?

Even at this remove, I hear your laughter! And yet, I assure you that it is quite true. Belle and I are to be wed in a month, and we are both in transports of happiness at the arrangement.

How, you will ask, did this come to be? In a curious way, I owe thanks to Lady Kathryn and her matchmaking plots. When we attended the recent ball at the Rikers', she presented a truly excellent candidate, an amiable and attractive young man from the Spanish delegation to St. James, one Miguel Ayala by name.

Where Kathryn's other attempts to find Belle a husband had fallen woefully short of the mark, Senor Ayala was such a suitor as to make any young woman's heart beat more swiftly; not past five-and-twenty, he possessed a darkly handsome countenance, a ready smile, and lissome grace. He was of gentle birth, of course, being the second son of landed gentry, and he had served in the Spanish navy as well. Moreover, he was quite taken with Belle, and openly proclaimed her such a beauty as to be the envy of all King Ferdinand's court.

Kathryn remarked, complaisantly, that even I could not possibly find fault with such a suitor. And yet, I took an immediate and passionate dislike to him, which increased in direct proportion to his attentions to Belle. I could not account for it; yet each time he took my Belle into his arms, my heart swelled with a jealousy that seemed like to burst it. He was dancing his second dance with her when the thought burst full-grown into my mind: here was a man who could take my Belle from me.

I was going to lose my Belle. It struck me with the force of a blow. Soon or late (more likely soon), if not to Ayala (likely to Ayala), then to another. She would leave me. And I could not bear to lose her. I could not bear the thought that no more would we dance together, dine together, ride together -- no more would her laughter sound in the halls of Dorvan House, nor her wit draw forth my own laughter.

Belle had been a girl and in my care for so many years that I came late to the realisation that she was a woman - and later still to the realisation that she was such a woman as with whom I could be happy.

But she was my ward. I was her guardian. I was betrothed to Kathryn. And the forever-be-damned Senor Ayala was a far better match for her than I could hope to be -- young, dashing, handsome, all those things dear to a young woman's heart. She deserved someone as superb as him. I should allow him to court her, and grant my consent to their marriage.

I spent the rest of the ball heartsick and distracted, and when Kathryn, half-seriously, accused me of neglecting her, I acquiesced so meekly that she probably supposed I was ill.

'Twas much later, in the days after the ball, when my father told me that Ayala's advances did not seem to please Belle. His look at me was curious, and I could not interpret it.

And thus it was, when Kathryn came to call, that I told her that I would not accept his petition to court my Belle. Her temper, which you will recall was never gentle, flared up at once, and we quarreled bitterly over what she styled my "unreasonableness." It came to me then that, whether or not I must lose Belle, I had no desire to spend the rest of my years with a woman who so scorned my wishes, my feelings, and my powers of reason. And just so quickly, I told her that our betrothal was at an end. That, of course, infuriated her still further, but I no longer had to care.

I took my stallion, Voyager, then, and rode out over the estate whilst I thought.

When I returned to the house, Belle was waiting to greet me. So dear she was, and so concerned! There was an openness to her, a generosity of spirit, that I had never seen in Kathryn -- and that opened my own heart. Surely I must speak to her, though I did not know what I would say.

She took my hands there, in the entryway, took a deep breath, and said earnestly, "I don't want you to quarrel with Lady Kathryn over me, Chakotay."

"I promise you," I said, "that I will not quarrel with her again." She looked at me as if she were not sure how to understand my words, so I decided to enlighten her. "I will not quarrel with her because the affairs of my household are no longer her concern." That did not suffice, so I went on. "We are no longer betrothed, Belle."

For just a moment she began to smile, and the sight of it made my heart leap with hope. Then she pulled the lines of her face to sobriety.

"Not because of me, I hope."

"No, Belle. Because of me." I squeezed her hands. "I do not love her, Belle."

She did smile then, and there was satisfaction in it.

"I knew you did not."

"No," I said, "but there is a woman I love."

Her smile faltered a little then, but she said firmly, "Then it is her you should marry."

"And so I will, if she will have me."

I raised our joined hands and pressed them to my chest. "Will you marry me, Belle?"

Her eyes widened in astonishment, and my heart slammed against my ribs, in fear that I had presumed too much. Then she grinned broadly, her eyes overbright.

"Yes," she said fiercely. "Yes!"

So the matter was resolved. And now, for propriety's sake, Belle resides with her friend Kessandra whilst the plans for our nuptials are made.

Plans of which you are a vital part, old friend. Will you join us here at Dorvan in a month's time? We mean to be married on 27 October, and I am determined to have you at my side. But you must have stopped laughing by then!

Hoping you will respond as soon as you may, I am, ever yours,
Chakotay

From Lady Belle Anna Darrow, Viscountess Trebus, Dorvan House, to Mrs. Kessandra Neel, London

3 April 18--
My Dear Mrs. Kessandra Neel,

I understand how much you adore the full honorific, so I shall always use it.

I do not have much time, as Chakotay wishes to go riding with me this afternoon and I must change into my riding habit. I fear it will be the last time he will permit me to ride for some time, as I shall be telling him my news. You will be the first person outside the family to know. I am with child! I plan to tell him whilst we are out riding this afternoon. Cook has promised to pack a lovely picnic luncheon for us with all his favourite foods.

He has been looking forward to us starting a family, so he will be over the moon with this news. I do hope your Mr. Neel will permit you to come here for a visitation soon. Do come as soon as he will allow, even if you must sneak out and down the ivy. We have so much to talk about.

Write me soon. As always, I remain your devoted friend,
Lady Belle Anna Darrow, Viscountess Trebus
(or as you know her, your dear Belle)

END

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