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Freetalk
- 04 07 04 - For new and for old...
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: A number of one-liners...although, more of revelations: 1 - I never knew I was psychic until this day. 2 - Things are never as bad as you think they are. 3 - Chiara, you're the one I've been talking about lately. You're someone I can never get enough of. 4 - I just gave away a sonnet for the first time. Gave away, meaning just that, literally. 5 - Trying harder may mean having to do less. And the opposite may be true... but both occur rarely anyway, I'd think. 6 - Never assume. Of course you already knew that. 7 - What you think is enough may not be enough. Happens often. 8 - You are the center of all of your decisions. Never let anyone influence what you really want. I lack sleep. I'm going to bed... Hm, a friend of mine invited me to let her host my site. That's pretty cool, I guess I can make another site. It'll be on short stories I guess. 'Til the next, -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: I wish I had the strength to write yesterday morning and the morning before that. So many good (forgot if there were any bad) things happened to me. Well for one thing, my both of my friend's project defenses went quite well. I could see that she was really glad about it, and I have to admit that I probably was as relieved as she was. I gotta admit, there was something about her smile that was different, as if it exuded this certain happiness that had filled her heart then when all her worries and anxieties just faded away like an ordinary breeze. Contagious was an understatement. It was that kind of smile that would've made me tear up my most prized things if it told me to. On that day came our band's gig too, but I'll talk about that later. Anyway, she wanted to watch a movie, so naturally, I asked her if she wanted to go... time came on short supply though, so we couldn't go. Earlier, I treated her to lunch, but due to her persistence of paying for her own food (to which I applied my persistence of me to pay for hers, hehe), she instead just chose to treat me to some ice cream. I asked her then if she wanted to take up that ice cream deal, so we did. We ate sundaes in an outdoor parking lot, there lit up by the light posts and the jealous moon. There was still enough time 'til before the gig, so we decided to swap seats - she'll drive while I cower in terror... er, teach her : D She was a fast learner, which was pretty nice. I suppose I really do like to teach (man, that's another topic). About an hour passed, then I brought her home. The gig started late. Like, one hour late. The people were already getting restless... it would've worked better if we were famous, but we weren't, so the late starting of the show actually was against us. Sure enough, the other band went first (there were two bands to play that time, us and this other group) and played their stuff. The guy on the keyboards was so damn good, he could go solo and make his own name. Eventually they finished, and we went on to our set. I was kind of excited, but the place looked like it wasn't so populated, as if all the people there were forced to go or were unattentive. I think that was a good thing, since we could make mistakes (we were new, after all) and not get too flamed. The sound set-up was pretty bad, as the technician made the guitars too loud, overpowering the vocalist's voice. The "real" head technician was late, coming from a drunken jamming spree the previous night. Not at all disappointing, although I had wanted in some way to impress people (which I think was not really possible). The show kinda dragged on (nothing really that special or extraordinary), and I think nothing else needs to be said about it. The day following the gig (two days ago), I was supposed to go to this Artificial Intelligence symposium organized by my AI professor. Another day of no sleep, I thought, to which I could do nothing but sigh. I slept for one hour and a half after getting home from the gig, and proceeded to dress up for the symposium. Luckily I did not crash my car on the way due to this disease I just recently got called Uncontrolled Closing of the Eyes (UCE). To make a long story short, I had eight hours of pure nerd material pumped into the hollow space between my ears (my brain just flew away on me to bed). I was going to go out with my friend again after though, so after the symposium, I was as awake as... um... an owl (don't know if that was a good comparison, hehe). We ate dinner and watched 50 First Dates. While watching the movie with her, I laughed a laugh that I had never heard myself laugh before, and I enjoyed it like my first shot of beer. From my view of her, seated beside on the movie house seat, she looked so adorable and cute I could've hugged her then. Hehe. The movie was kinda nice, although if you think about it, you'd really hate to be Adam Sandler. If you loved the girl as much as he did though, I guess you wouldn't mind at all anyway. After the movie, she brought up this dare that I had lost from the night before: I had to play a game of Dance Dance Revolution and win. Then again, I'm not much of a dancer. The only dance I'm good at is the slow dance, if that even counts. I played it of course, thanks to some free games which we got from the movie ticket. I totally sucked - if I saw myself dancing on that pad, I would have laughed until I cried. I have to admit, it was pretty fun though. Too bad she must've thought I felt forced to do it... which later on just made me feel guilty and such. I didn't want to end the day feeling happy if she wasn't glad about it. She must've felt bad and guilty, thinking that she forced me to do something I didn't want to. If I was alone, I wouldn't want to do it, but I was with her... I'd do anything for her anyway. All was good, to say the least.. : ) In four and a half hours, I have to get dressed and pick her up so we can go to school together. Sleepy time... I hope I don't go brain dead with this routine... although I haven't felt as alive as I do now : ) 'Til the next, -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: From atop an overpass overlooking the busy avenues and the train tracks, you can't help but think about what's been going on with you lately. Drowned by the overbearing sights of rushing vehicles, like fireflies on stampede, you seek solace towards views far above - yet the city lights have swallowed the night into a dark, purple sky. You realize that no matter how long you stare at the avenue, vehicles will run on it since it is their purpose. No matter what time or setting, the roads shall serve as passages to wherever destination we should go. After my band practice, I rushed towards the train station to meet two of my friends. They just came from a school project defense, and I was particularly concerned already with how the other was feeling, as prior to this meeting she had been so worried... I could imagine how helpless she might have felt, since I felt the same, knowing that I could not do as much as I could, as much as I wanted, to make her feel better. I thought I was puny and couldn't do a thing. And so I waited for them for a while, maybe about half an hour, when I suddenly received a message saying that I was waiting at the wrong place, to speak figuratively. I don't really know why, but I saw myself rushing down the flights of stairs, literally just stepping on the edges of the steps with about 1/4th of my foot. I got there pretty quick, and just the sight of her there made things look and feel better. And of course, she decided to joke about the defense, saying that they failed. Her smile gave her away, but of course I learned from before that I could never really base conclusions on smiles alone. So I let her trick me (a big "HEHE" to you if you're reading this : D). I could just live by that smile... Anyway, turns out that they got a high grade, so we continued on to bringing our other friend to this restaurant where her family was. On the ride home, the conversation was quite short and long at the same time... but it only proved how resilient my friend was. She got through this problem all in one piece. I feel proud for you already. Do we ever get any perfect friends? Friends who will always be there no matter what, who will always know what to say to make us feel better, and all those other things. Like duplicates of ourselves, they'd know all about us, and us, them. They're a rare breed, I'd say... I'm waiting... I guess that's the best we all can do with matters such as that. 'Til the next, -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Funny how beer tastes better when you're feeling down. For some reason, I feel ridiculously tired, as if all the tiredness and negative energies that I let go decided that now was a good time to pay me a visit. I've been doing a lot for weeks already, but even then I haven't felt as bad as I do now. All those times, I haven't worried about crap, and I haven't felt the need to rest and just do plain nothings. Suddenly negative things are being multiplied by infinity and a half, and they're all paralyzing my brain. The sad thing about having beers for partners is that you can talk all you want to it, but it won't talk back no matter what you do. It's just there to listen and make you look dumb, and make you see the answers for yourself. Of course, there's nothing else like an ice-cold beer to carry you to sleep. Right now I even wish that I had a cigarette. If maybe somehow it'd relax me and stuff, it'd be great. Of course, it'd be just one of those things that'll be just "watch" for me... I'm pretty decided that I'm laying off on those things. Sigh, what to do... worrying is pointless, but all these "attacks" on my mind are taking their toll on me. I hope I don't feel like crap tomorrow, I don't want to ruin my day, or any other people's days, for that matter... Have you ever noticed, how things appear so large when you're down on your knees, when your face is smudged on the floor? All you need to do is get up and your feet. Only then will you gain perspective - you're larger than anything else that might come at you. Let them do their worst, you know that theirs will be futile attempts. Just a few more days to go 'til our gig... I hope it turns up good. My bandmates say that if we do well on Friday, there'll be another one set next next Thursday (the 15th). I wonder, what she's doing right now... Is she feeling bad? Feeling good? I hope the latter. Seems like she's really wanting to escape things and relax and stuff... I know you'll be fine, you're a tough girl, I'm sure you know that too. If ever you read this, just call me whenever you need me, alright? I'll be there. I hope I'm not coming up as a paranoid, insecure person or something like that, because I'm not. Mm... beer's empty already... I wonder what time I'll fall asleep. Tomorrow's calling. 'Til the next, -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: I got
to listen to a song yesterday on the radio which had a line that
went: Thought it sounded really nice... wala lang. : ) I should be in class right now. But when I woke up today, I didn't feel like going. I had this sudden urge to write. So here I am, not knowing what to write about. Hm, how about a random topic... I'll check the quotes hanging on top of our internet computer (my parents change it everyday, it's in some form of a calendar, but instead of dates, you have quotes). It reads: So there, it's saying that having a lack of courage in doing things and trying to hide it through words that make your statements/actions look good won't work in life. Conviction is the force behind action; having no conviction makes your actions as empty as your intentions. What's up with that quote? I don't think it's smart. For one thing, if everyone in the world was nice, then we wouldn't need to show our conviction by taking the kind/modest parts of our actions. Seems like these days, we're run on brute force. It's like that everywhere - in companies, school, workplaces, etc. However, I do see what the quote is trying to say: Some extra bit of courage didn't hurt anyone. You can still get your point across humbly yet convincingly as long as you know how to say it. I guess I was like that before. I was afraid of insulting anyone, so I always made myself inject such statements such as "I think", "maybe", "probably", and all those other things. I realize now that it helped, but didn't do much for me. All those statements did for me was to make me look stupid. Those statements humbled my words too much, so much so that the meanings got covered up by the intention of making myself look good. But what are words anyway? They're just tools, empty shells all alone. They need something to give them life - intentions, courage, or emotions. Not to long ago I read that someone said: "Words are like leaves, not under its shade fall the fruits of sense." I'm not sure if I got it exactly, but I think I got it pretty well. Then again, I digress... 'Til the next, -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: I'm writing a letter to myself. Don't worry, I'm not schizophrenic or anything. *wink* Hey man! So how're things going? Hopefully life's going well for you. I heard you've been quite busy with lots of things. As for me, I'm quite well. I've been doing so many things at the same time, I have to admit I sort of neglected some things. Like right now (kinda), I'm doing my machine project for one of my classes. It's due tomorrow and I'm just about half done. I still have another project due tomorrow which is supposed to be a collaboration with about 4 of my friends, and as far as I've seen I haven't contributed crap to it. Yeah, I know, you don't have to tell me. Anyway, I got a gig later on this friday, and I don't know what to expect. I'm excited as heck, that's for sure... I mean, this is probably going to be the thing to determine whether I'm good at playing the guitar already or not. I'm getting paid for it too, which is the cooler part of the deal. Funny, when I think of spending the money, I think of spending it for someone other than myself. Is that weird? Hehe, I know you'd see the picture. Things are like that when you give a big part of yourself to someone I guess. It's that part of your life that's been made extra-tough to survive the beatings of whatever might come. It's a small, red, beating thing - like a radar beacon or sensor, it tells you a lot of things. Things like "She's there, why don't you go over," or "You ought to be ashamed of what you did," or "Don't mind them, you're better than them," or "Crap! She's just standing there in front of you, what the hell are you waiting for," or "Just give me away - it's going to make you feel better than what you think." Yeah, weird signals alright. And you? I hear you've been quite the boy-next-door if I might say figuratively. Tell me about her next time, she must be a great girl eh? Me? Yeah, she's just perfect beyond words. I couldn't say any more. She brings out the best in me - I've been doing so many things that I didn't really do before, and it's great. I could just stare at her all day and float away in dreams if only I had the time. Ah well, I'm really swept, hehe. I think I've been slacking too long, so I better get back to my work. I'll be seeing you around. Chase P.S. There's a sonnet in the refrigerator and a guitar riff in your closet. Might want to check those out, enjoy.
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Life has a funny way of bringing you down when you've been wallowing too much in your own self-glorification. For the first time in so long, I broke my word, and it felt like hell, knowing that I could've done something about it. It felt even worse when I was at that last minute of the given deadline, that with each pulsating cell in my body urging myself to go on, to keep on hoping that I could make it, I had to bite my lips in seeing each of those tiny beings just dying like burnt-out lights. I was too complacent, thinking that I could do what I wanted (somewhat) at my own leisure. And so, I fall from the skies faster than a wishing star (by which I had wished for some form of respite, and to them came unheard). She was disappointed at me then, and just the mere thought that she was broke my will as if it were an antique vase pre-destined to be shattered. The feeling came as a shock, so much so that all I ever thought at those moments were to repair all that was broken. All of it, as much as I could... Yet life can be like rustic irony, as if merciful, that when it has seen that you have felt how it is to touch the earth, it grants you return to the unending skies. To fly as you wish amongst cloud cities and rainbow breezes. I realized that I shouldn't make promises based solely on my ability. I may be able to do what is required, but circumstances might not allow them. Broken promises splinter through your conscience like flashfires. 'Til the next, -Chase
Choices are often thought of as one-sided. That in choosing one path, the other paths are forsaken. However, is it not so that when one chooses, one chooses the contradictions of the other choices that he had not chosen? That when one chooses to wake from sleep, one also chooses not to sleep, not to dream, to carry on with the day, etc. Further, some choices made may force one into a continuing path of choices with only one choice. Other choices, though, when made, may bring so many other paths that may make things seem as if none was chosen. Choices are a manner of thought. I don't know why the heck I wrote that crap in my notebook. I even paired it with a sonnet, hehe. It's a new notebook anyway... I had to write something on it at least, while it was still new. 'Til the next, -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Quote That I Like: "Do
not the most moving moments of our lives happen without words?" Just a few days ago, I watched Incubus for the first time live. Damn, I thought they were good, but they were even better live. Just the feeling of being there was hard to explain. Before going to the concert though, the day spread out quite long, as if trying to deter me from going. Right, as if something would happen to actually stop me. They're Incubus man, they're listed on my profile as one of my most favorite bands, so much so that me and my brother even have the original CDs or their older albums. And the fact that I was going with someone there was a definite plus. It was a good thing my dad paid for the tickets though, since a singe ticket would cost me 150% of my weekly allowance, and I was already broke with all my gasoline expenses (yeah, driving can be a passion... I think : p). It was like, the satisfaction rating of watching them live got multiplied by one hundred million gazillion ultrabillion zoundillion times because of my date. Hehe, I'm not really exaggerating... Hm, what else is new with me? Well lately I've been having these "intellectual" discussions with a good friend of mine (yeah, she's the date). Suffice to say it sort of enlightened me about some things. Sure, sometimes philosophy shows so many contradicting ideas that would just confuse you and prevent you from picking a side, but it also teaches you how to *make* a side. That's what made the philosophers "smart" I guess. In one
of my literature classes, my professor discussed about the nature
of poetry. He said that poetry was like a "donut" - it
tries to give you the "center" of things but instead goes
around it and talks about that "center" from that perspective.
Prose was, as you guessed, the "munchkin" that speaks
directly about that "center". 'Til the next, -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Quote That I Like: "How
can you have a beautiful ending without making beautiful mistakes?" For some weird reason, I've been thinking about what the hell is the point of me being here - living, and doing stuff. I didn't know the answer, all I got were simple crap, like, I go to school so I can get a good job. I mean, is that it? I can't accept something like that to be true. For a time, about a week, I've been feeling terrible about this. I think about how other people go on with their lives without a purpose at all. They're happy now, while I'm being miserable, but a friend of mine quickly pointed out that theirs is but a temporary ecstasy (thanks a lot: you're right, as always). A few days ago I talked to her about it and realized that I was wrong and I was right in some things. I was wrong about my answer to one of the questions she asked me when we first met that day, and I was right about the "purpose" I've been thinking about for myself. There was something wrong with the purpose that I thought was true - all the signs pointed to it - but somehow it had a tinge of impossibility. Deep down inside I knew it was right, though. What's the purpose that I decided for myself? Well... it'll have to do for me now, until I find the "real" purpose, if it isn't still the "real" purpose... you guys just keep on guessing. : ) I started the day (actually yesterday, 14) feeling bad again, thinking about the point of my existence as usual. I started reading this book called "A Purpose Driven Life", and so far it's been good. Today is day two, and it stated basically that "There are no accidents, everything has a reason." I reflected on it, as the book instructed, but soon enough I left it for a while, since I had an exam coming up. I was being dumb again, I actually was late for the test. The exam was a bit hard, and I probably got only half correct. In addition, I left my cellphone at home, hence I missed some chances to "get away" from it all for a bit. I was supposed to watch a movie with some friends but I forgot my way towards the mall, so I was forced to go home instead. I felt slightly bad, since the girl that I liked was there and I wouldn't get to spend some time with her. There started the bad day. Then again, I thought about the "there are no accidents" thing from the book and decided to wait for the end before getting into any conclusions. Later that evening, a friend of mine called me and said that they needed a guitar capo badly for their acoustic performance in a hotel. That was just in time, since I wasn't really doing anything. Anyway, I eventually got to give them the capo, rescue the performance (a bit), play a song with them, and have a good time, basically. I found out that the "girl's" date was cancelled then, and that she went out with her family - I found out too late, which I guess was a somewhat good thing. If I had asked her out I guess the show might've been screwed. I realized that things happened for a reason, as they were made to be. I guess God just showed his stuff today, and the day turned out to be great. The ending was just brilliant, I never would've expected it to be so. I learned that you can always make things happen if you really want it to happen. You can make things go your way if you try hard enough - there's no harm in trying. It's not fun to live in regret, but I'm sure you knew that already. Lots of songs written already, maybe one of these days I'll uploaded into a section somewhere. 'Til the next, -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Quote That I Like: "Love
involves sacrifice but not self-destruction."
Cheers, -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Some Random Blabber: "Bollocks!" Quote That I Like: "It
has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point
out that the emperor has no clothes.
For some reason, I've been wanting to go out with my friends for drinks. It's happenning more often now... must be because it's vacation time or something. Back when I was a kid, I could spend the whole day in front of the computer alone. I can't wait to get out of the house these days though. Lately I've been trying to write songs. I've only really turned up with one good song, of course I don't really know if it's *really* good, then again it's pretty nice to listen to I guess. I can't seem to get out of the trap of writing about love and all that stuff. Why? Heck if I'd know, I guess it's just my nature. Must be be cause I'm this romantic who'll let himself become helpless and childlike when with the right girl. Sometimes I'd like to slap myself because of it, but even though it's tough, it's still a great feeling. Kinda like giving away all your money to the poor, you know; you find out you'll be screwed for about the rest of your life but then again, you know you just changed a number of people's lives for the better. Life's like that I guess, you can give it all you've got, but you can't expect it to give it all its got. It'll be just there as a sign telling you to give more, give all that you can. You haven't really lived if you still live with regrets. Cheers, -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Quote 'til Next Update: "Turn
your face towards the sun, and the shadows fall behind." Damn, I just like this quote a lot for some reason. : p I was just called "ma'am" again, I forgot where or when, but all I remember was that embarassing part : p At least the guy followed it with a "sir", which although was quite delayed, was a welcome sound to hear. My long hair is getting me into funny situations - now one of my friends is calling me a Side A (local band) singer look-alike (weird, I don't look like him at all). And when one of my other friends cut her hair short and had it rebonded, it turned out that I now have longer hair than her. Of course, my hair isn't at all flat so it doesn't seem that long at all... which is good, I think : p Hm, what else to write? I'm writing a story right now. All I have written so far is the title. I guess I'll just put some random stuff in here as something extra. This one's an old sonnet I wrote (the first one ever, actually) when I was in second year high school, if I remember correctly. Through
thee, my actions are given reason. What or who do you think is the "thee" in the sonnet? The sonnet is about "decisions" so there, it must be that. Just some food for thought anyway, hopefully I didn't waste a minute of your life : ) One last thing. The date in my update or main page is the date in which I would be posting the update, while the date on my writer's repose and freetalk refer to the date I wrote the entry (just to prevent any inconcistency). Wokay, off to bed : p -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Quote 'til Next Update: "Today
is a gift, that is why it is called the present." I got this poem from this site I forgot. Anyway, I thought it would be nice to keep and to place in this site. This one's quite on a sad note, hm. Don't
Ever Fall In Love Did you
ever fall in love Did you
ever look into their eyes Did you
ever wonder where they are The days
go by so fast With their
heart of happiness Don't
ever fall in love my friend, And so
my friend don't fall in love Heh, suddenly everyone's caught in this Meteor Garden craze. Even before they became a hit here, I already saw a friend's Lilo and Stitch CD with their picture on it and didn't really think about it much... except that I liked their hair : p Haha, and now the show and the cast are a hit. We've got noontime shows having imitation contests and such, even F4's videos are being played. Of course, being a listener of un-understandable music, I liked their music - it was something new anyway, and it's about time to listen to something related to my roots. I guess I can't really blame people for liking the series, since the characters are realistic in the sense that they actually "have" feelings, unlike some shows where it's noticeable that things are all artificial. The ever-too-common romance situation that the series has is one of those universal things that won't fail to catch viewers. As one friend of mine stated, the main male character was likeable due to the fact that he contained all that the usual man has. I won't elaborate more, but lets just say that he's a tough guy. I started watching it also, due to curiosity, at first. Later on I found out that I actually enjoyed the story (well the series was adapted from an anime, a close adaptation, supposedly) and started to watch continuously *waits for tomato to hit face*. Maybe it was also because I could relate, with me being the kind of person who, due lack of knowledge or experience in some parts, doesn't really know what to do in certain situations. Of course I just act quiet and take in everything like a school kid watching the discovery channel (and hence I get labelled a snob/shy person, even intimidating at times. Whatever : p). Crap, still have this assignment to do and I still don't feel like doing it (well I'm writing here, so obviously I'm not doing it right now). I'm actually pondering whether I should go out for coffee or something - then again something at the back of my head tells me otherwise. So I'm still stuck in this state of indecision and inactivity, and I guess I'm fine with that for now : p See you guys around. -Chase
Freetalk - 05 29 03 - Today's supposedly the last day for the rains... Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Quote 'til Next Update: "The
best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with,
I watched Bruce Almighty the other day, and I really liked how they gave explanations on how things were the way they were. The reasons why we don't get everything we pray for, all that kind of stuff. I won't say anything for now, in fear that I might ruin it for people : > I think I've become a more responsible person. I actually can now wake up at 4:50 AM to get to school one hour before my class. Well traffic is my major reason for doing so, but hey, it's a great reason that gives great benefits, heh! Maybe I should continue all this and make myself a nerd this year... *shudder* This must be one of the crappiest freetalks I've written. Hey! The
friend who supposedly left! You returned! Give us our money back! Later! -Chase Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Quote 'til Next Update: "Love
takes hostages. It gets inside you. Me and a handful of my blockmates went to the province of one of my friends last April 12, 13 and 14. We were all set for a days of fun, relaxation, and non-stop nagging and annoying of each other. We were armed with music and video CDs, guitars, clothes, and... stuff : p Heh. All clean fun, mind you. We spent our first night sleeping in a tent. Turned out that the rooms were full (we were in a resort) that night. Cool stuff still, since we didn't plan on sleeping early anyway. Later on that night, it was so good to see the sky so clear, being filled with countless stars and a lone moon. I found myself in a daze as I was staring in due direction of nothing, when suddenly, a falling star appeared, or rather, disappeared. I saw it only for a few seconds, but I was already awed. It was my first time in seeing one then. I'm not the superstitious type, but then I figured, "What the heck?" and just made a wish. There's a first time for everything, right? : ) Hm, a friend of mine is going to leave the country, probably forever. Great, just when things were getting to be fun. He's the youngest in our group of friends, although he looks like the eldest (funny how it's like that). He's the best guitar player in our group, and he's kinda funny too. Unfortunately, everyone has their own share of problems, and he's not an exception. I've lost
quite a number of close friends... the truth is that I haven't gotten
used to it, as much as I'd say. Later! -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Quote 'til Next Update: "True,
we love life, not because we are used to living, but because we
are used to loving. If any
of you have noticed... I have made this freetalk one year and a
few days from the future! Nyahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I can't remember where I got the quote above, but I find it beautiful for some reason. It explains itself quite well, and there is truth contained in it. I mean, if you love someone, you go out of your usual routines (which is madness, sort of : p) just for that person that you care about. Usually, you'd go through extremes just to get noticed or to be loved. Isn't that madness? And yet, isn't love your justification? Yeah, it is, I guess. Heh. Oh yeah, Valentine's Day just passed by. I hope all you faithful readers (the few and the chosen) got your own share of the cupid's arrow : > I've got an exam coming in about 17 or so hours, and I haven't studied. I must have promised to myself so many times today that I'd study, but then I didn't. Oh well, time to practice my procrastinating abilities again. Our exam's going to be basically about programming in the Java programming language. Java? Mmm, coffee. Speaking of coffee, I just drank a cup a while ago - that must explain why I'm still awake at this ungodly hour : p I just realized that being serious is not my line of expertise. Although "serious" is written all over my face, I just recently discovered that I'm not fit to be... serious : p (that sounded like a fallacy there) Yeah, whatever! (I'd like to say "hi!" to my readers from Mars...) A few days ago was the first time I sang to someone (the rules of nature have been broken!), and I ended up messing up the lyrics *snicker*. Actually, it was kind of funny. I've planned to do it for some time now, and when I get the chance to do it, I get sick (sore throat, sore nose, sore everything). At least I had an excuse in case I messed up. Of course, that really isn't the reason I messed up, I think. : p I'll redeem myself next time! Later! -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Quote 'til Next Update: "You're funny... it's like you're better off born as a woman!" Okay, I'm back now. For good... I hope! I've been quite busy lately, but all I've actually done is just hang out with my friends after class and do nothing. Most of the time, I feel too lazy to come home so I end up staying at my school til late in the evening. The funny thing is I'll always be coming home anyway. Now for that dumb quote. A friend of mine actually told me that... Now don't go confusing my gender : p I don't cross-dress and act girly and stuff. I don't even know why my friend told me that. Maybe it's time to consider a change... no chance in hell! Hah! L'esprit d 'escalier - a french saying which is roughly translated as "the spirit of the stairway". Basically, it means "the clever things you would think off when you're on your way out", as I quote from a Sandman comic book. Somehow, I like this phrase - it gives word or meaning to something almost undescribable. Haven't you experienced that sort of thing? Have you always wished you had slapped that bitch before walking out the room? Have you always regretted the fact that you didn't kiss her goodbye? Well, we all have these sorts of moments. It happens all the time, since no one's perfect anyway. So, what I've been wondering is, if it is possible to return to the place or person whom you just left and say the things you forgot to mention? Depends on the timing and mood, maybe. I think I've rambled enough though. I just recently watched a free concert over at the college I study in. There were two main acts who were both superb, I must say. Seeing them play music, especially the guitarists, makes me want to play for someone too. Maybe it's just one of my impossible dreams? I hope not. Who knows what the future will hold? You just might see me playing in some band (not in the streets : p). Darn it, I've been depriving myself of sleep for some weeks now. It has actually brought me to the point of having such dark eyebags. (Let me digress for a while: I used to think that eyebags were "eyebugs" that enter the eye when does not sleep early... silly old maid's stories (I did not use "wives'" for a reason)) Just like how I am now. Heheh... *yawn* Later! -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Quote 'til Next Update: "I'll fly with you through the night so you know I'm not letting go..." I'm still at a lack for words, and I don't know why. I think I'm becoming stupid or something : p Also, "Random quote for the day (or 'til the next update)" is now just "quote 'til Next Update". I'm making things simpler (simpler, or more simple? gah, I've been debating with my friends whether the word "quietest" exists - it's affecting me!) : p I guess, all I could say is the new sonnet that I wrote. Well, it's not exactly new, since it's been in my "incomplete" list for the longest time. I just had to wait for the right time to get the "feel" of the poem. Without
much room for words, thou would leave me That's all I have to say right now. This silence - sometimes, it hurts. Later! (does this mean, updates will come late? Nah, I hope : p) -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Random quote for the day (or 'til the next update): "..." Okay, to all of my few and faithful readers, sorry for the lack of updates. I guess I've been taking a break from many things, and unfortunately, updating this site was one of those things. The above statement was the only thing I could say when I found out what I did during my block's Christmas party, during which I got myself drunk (whee) and consequently had no recollection (well, just a few fragments) of the events that transpired there. Hm, well, I'm not going to tell what happened, it's already embarassing enough : p It's time for a change of words. So... later! -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Random quote for the day (or 'til the next update): "I
am no Superman, Hmm, new
layout here. I really want to change my "real" site's
layout but then I'm thinking that it's still too early for a change.
So here, I get to update my site twice :p Okay,
for some reason there always seems to be a problem with my layouts.
My first one loaded slow, the second one (Negative Distance) had
a little weird space between the left jpegs (there's a space between
the picture containing the "dark" links and the picture
containing the circle), while this layout (Moonlight's Allure) might
have some table-related problems. Tell me if it is just my imagination,
please. Due to my college's block (think of it as sections) enlistment, everyone went into an enrollment frenzy. Just a few minutes past "opening time" of enrollment, the sections with the best schedule got filled faster than a space warship on warpspeed. Our block ended up getting split up into 4 groups: Those who got in the "holy section", those who got in the "purgatory" section, those who got in the "earth" section, and those who got into "hell schedule" section. Go figure :p For some weird reason, I'm experiencing the "Twilight Zone Fever" again. I started writing this set of freetalk on 2:03 pm, and now, I suddenly see that it's 3:22 pm - more than an hour of writing. That's absurd, but I guess time flies real fast sometimes. Life is full of mysteries. The numerous discoveries you make on your journey makes the simple act of living priceless. So much for that, 'til next time. -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Random quote for the day (or 'til the next update): "The higher you are in the social hierarchy, the smaller your balls." Construction workers play basketball often. Managers play tennis. Business executives play golf. Crap, I forgot a line. Oh well, my friend told me that, so I guess I have an excuse not to remember. Not my loss anyway, heh! :) Wow, it took me three hours to write my previous freetalk post. Time flies real fast, eh? Anyway, this'll be one of my shorter posts. I feel like drinking a vodka bottle. ...No drinks in sight. *sigh-t* (I just had to do that) Circumstance is a funny thing. It is the one who determines, uh, many things. For example, a rock star with just about all the riches in the world may be the saddest person because of his circumstance (maybe loneliness, or something). Now, don't you sometimes wish that things were different, that maybe the circumstances dealt to you would just change? Yeah, I sometimes wish that too. There are just some times when things just didn't go your way, and now, you can't ever have your way for some weird reason. And one more thing, don't expect me to create instant-CGs or instant-sonnets. I'm busy sometimes, so just chill. I'm making one new CG though, so as to raise my artwork count to two. :p So much for that, 'til next time. -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Random quote for the day (or 'til the next update): "The wise archer will bring down his arrow when in the presence of a young eagle determined to fly." Simply put, that means, "One should know when to let something be." Of course, in my school, it means, "We'll get you next time." Yeah, that's right. The DLSU Green Archers lost to the Ateneo Blue Eagles. Oh well, I guess that means we got classes today. Why do people create rivalries? They do it because it's damn fun and entertaining. What better thing to do than to match up the "battle of the century" between two parties and then just watch the sparks fly safely from the distance? What people don't understand is that these rivalries cause unnecessary tension between "rivals". For all we know, if we let Mario and Luigi battle each other just for our fun, they'd end up not being "bros" anymore. Get the picture? Phew, I can feel my strength getting back into me! *rrraaaaaaarrrrrgghhh* New look, same content, faster loading. Sign my dreambook and tell me what you think. I need comments! Tell me what things suck and what things are great. Okay? :p So much for that, 'til next time. -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Time finished: Random quote for the day (or 'til the next update): "Give the soldier a mission, and he will fight. Give the soldier an ideal, and he will win." A friend of mine gave me a link to her friend's website. It's somewhat like mine, although he started his writings for a few years already. Well, I started writing a long time ago too, but I just didn't save it, and stuff. Now, I ended up reading all of his reflections on life, and his beliefs (which is mainly one of the reasons why I'm writing at this hour; the other reason is coffee). The quote above came from one of his writings (I don't know if he wrote it, though). After reading all of his ideas, I got to the conclusion that we need more people to think of such sayings as this :p What is faith? That's what is on my mind right now. Actually, it's my topic for one of my research papers in my english class. Topics like this are often argued upon by "scholars" or "philosophers". What the heck is it anyway? Who knows? However, I like to believe it as one's belief in something that may be provable or otherwise. It is to put one's trust in another, without fear of consequence. Hm, I think I'll leave the topic hanging like that, until I finish my paper some time next week. Lately, I've been having such a hard time concentrating. In class or wherever, my mind seems to be so closed. At one moment I may be thinking of something, then of nothing at the next minute. It's so confusing and stressful... especially if it's coupled with the excellent timing of school requirements. I'm so jaded these days, it sucks. And it's actually affecting me for some reason. (ack... my computer skills actually dwindled to that of a chicken!) I'm just writing this from the top of my head, since ... I don't even know what I'm feeling right now :/ ---By
what names shall I dare to speak of thee? This has got to be my longest rant ever. So much for that, 'til next time. -Chase
Currently
listening to: Time written: Random quote for the day (or 'til the next update): "Good morning ma'am!" Okay... believe it or not, someone actually said this to me. Maybe because I was too lazy to fix my hair, letting it fall freely down my face. That must have been the second time a person thought I was a woman, so I just cut my hair to clear all suspicions. I figured that I'd look better when I'm all tidy, anyway. Hmm, what is up with hair color? The truth is, I haven't seen a lot of people with dyed hair. However, I have seen some truly horrible "mutations". Try to imagine: brushed up hair, colored black, dyed in a combination of a striped and polka dot pattern of blonde/orange. I've seen "pure" colored hair, as if they were just dipped in a can of paint or something. Funny as it would sound (well, it is funny), I have actually seen the male version of Goldilocks. The weird thing is that their hairstyles don't even fit them. So much for being cool! : p I was ableto write a few more sonnets! *muhahaha* I'll be coming up with some more soon, count on it. As if anyone reads them though. But the thing is, it's so much easier to write than to make a CG. It's all in the mind. Then again, I've gone out so many times these past few weeks that my mind's lost somewhere right now. *heh* And one more thing, acoustic songs are cool. So much for that, 'til next time. -Chase
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