He wasn't really mad enough to justify slamming the door, but he did it anyway. If there was a choice to be made he would have taken Paul into his arms from the first and not allowed Suneyva to harm his only Childe. There was no choice, however, and the only way that both would get through this trouble...that Paul had created and carried out was to take full responsibility.
"We are going to the cabin. Pack whatever you will need for the next few months cause we'll be staying as long as it is necessary." He caught Paul's eyes with his own. "We leave tomorrow night so you had better start."
Paul shook his head briefly, "I don't get a choice? What if I don't want to go with you?"
The blue of Jesse's eyes dulled. "Then I will let Suneyva do what is necessary. You know that she wouldn't have a problem taking care of you, but I would have to give up any rights I have as your Sire. Those rights are all that saved you this time. If you want to continue "living" you have to come with me." He looked away from his Childe, slumping down to the bed. "When we finish at the cabin you can leave if that is what you wish. I would rather that you hated me and lived, than for you to be destroyed."
Paul was silent for a long moment, staring down at his Sire with a small amount of confusion and a whole lot of anger. His expression slowly changed as he worked out the problem in his mind. "Can I bring my computer?"
Jesse nodded without looking up, "Whatever you want."
*
Meredythe let Julianna pace for a short time, but it wasn't productive. She stepped in front of the English Lady suddenly, placing her hands on the Gangrel's hips. "This isn't getting us anywhere and it is driving me crazy. Come out with me. You know that I don't have much experience with the socializing of our kind and I want to visit some of these places you keep telling me about. Like the casino- I've never been to one. Or how about Tarterus, isn't that the dance club you mentioned? Or Illusions, or we could even find a way to get tickets to the Opera." She smiled and it was infectious.
"Okay. We can go out. I should leave a note for Suneyva though. Maybe she can catch up with us later."
*
Paul watched Jesse move across the room they had once shared. His Sire moved with a quiet grace, seemingly confident in his actions. There was something underneath all of that though and Paul knew what it was. Vulnerability. Jesse was weak and would always be weak. He used to be the same way, but since he stopped caring it didn't seem to be a problem. Still there was something.
He cleared his throat and Jesse stopped in the middle of the room, his arms full of folded tee shirts and socks. Like a boy, Paul thought briefly, a little boy. "I'm finished. Do you want me to start packing the car? I can take some of your stuff down with me."
Jesse nodded slowly. "Sure, if you'd like. You don't need to do all of this though. I'll be finished in a moment." He finished crossing the room and shoved his clothing into the suitcase. "I called Leif and Patrick. They'll be at the cabin later for a small visit. I thought it would be best. I hope you don't mind."
Paul shook his head before thinking, "No. I don't." He shuffled a little, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Umm...What are you doing about Ben?" He watched Jesse tense and relax again.
"I don't know. Suneyva will take care of him until we come back. She has the right to choose what will happen if that is necessary. I want to do right by him. It's my fault that he was hurt." Jesse grabbed some more shirts from his closet and shove them in with the others.
"What the hell are you talking about? I'm the one who attacked him. That was my fault. You don't need to keep protecting me, taking the blame for my actions." He slapped his palm against the door frame. "I'll start packing the car."
Jesse closed his eyes tightly and waited until Paul had moved down the hall before sliding down the bed to sit on the floor. He shook a little, but the tears he felt welling up never spilled. It all just seemed to be so hopeless sometimes.
*
Normally Paul liked the cabin in the woods. It was secluded and had plenty of comfortable technological features. It was only a prison now though and he wasn't going to forget who put him there. Jesse had suggested this to Suneyva and his Sire was the one who would have to ask for the forgiveness.
He was appeased a small bit by the offer of Patrick, but the Kine wasn't enough. Blood wasn't what he wanted. The drink of choice was the fear and pain he could cause, something he couldn't do without getting in trouble if he was with one of Jesse's people. Being with Jesse was always an option though. He just had to wait and it wouldn't take a lot of time before what he wanted would be available for the taking.
The Kine helped them move their stuff into the cabin before leaving together. Unpacking would take too much time for this night and slacking was much more fun anyway. Jesse flipped on the television, turning to the world news channel after getting comfortable on the couch. Paul just stood in the middle of the room watching his Sire.
"Something wrong? You could sit down or something." Jesse glanced at his Childe quickly and then back at the news report. "Relax. We still have plenty of time before sunrise. I just wanted to take some time off tonight and not work all of our first night back here. If you want to start getting your room unpacked go ahead though."
"I don't think that will be my evening diversion. I do have plans though." Paul stepped up to the couch and leaned closer to his Sire. "We haven't touched in a long time Jesse. I've been wondering if you've decided that I'm not good enough for you. After all others have said as much."
Jesse started to sit up but was pressed back onto the couch as his Childe crawled onto him. "Who would say such a thing? It isn't true...I love you."
"Oh, that Tzimisce for one. Of course I was good enough to fuck, but as soon as you woke up even he didn't want me. And he was a sick, disfigured bastard. Do you know what that's like Jesse? To be used like that by someone who can make you sick before you've ever met them...before you even know what they are? And then just thrown away like you were the trash and they were just exercising a right?" He held Jesse's chin between both hands for a moment. "Do you?"
The elder Gangrel held still, ignoring what his Childe's hands were doing to him for the moment and trying to concentrate on the words. "Yes. You should know that by now if you've ever listened to what I have said to you. He raped you. He raped me too. Only the first time he touched me I was still Kine and didn't even know that the Kindred existed." Jesse gasped as a hand slid under his shirt, ripping up through the fabric to expose his chest.
"Good. Then this won't be such a surprise." Paul slid his body down, letting himself rub against his Sire. When there was no reaction he stopped again and looked up at Jesse. His Sire had turned away from him, his face blank. Slowly his eyes opened and he looked down at Paul again.
"If you want to hurt me just get it over with. I want to watch the rest of the news." He turned away, closing his eyes again.
"Forget it." Paul pushed himself up roughly. "Just...forget it." He was gone in moments, his bedroom door closing loudly behind him. Jesse stayed as he was for another moment and then sat up to face the television better. Something would happen soon and he would have to control the situation if there was going to be healing for either of them.
*
His bed was too comfortable. Jesse shifted, twisting across the bed spread until he was hanging over the edge. This wasn't where he wanted to be. He took a deep breath and sat up. Maybe there was something he could do about that.
Paul was sitting in front of the fireplace, staring at the flames. He glanced up as Jesse sat next to him, but turned back to his contemplation quickly. He ignored the hand sliding across his shoulders, blocking out his Sire's presence.
"I thought that you wanted to touch earlier. Or it is just wanting to force touch?" Jesse leaned closer, pressing his lips against his Childe's cheek.
Paul turned suddenly, pushing Jesse away from himself. "What do you want from me Jesse?" He moved forward, dragging his Sire down to the floor. "Do you want for me to be angry with you? I don't understand all of this."
Jesse let himself relax, allowing Paul to straddle him, holding his body to the stone floor. "I want for you to love yourself again. And love me." He reached up to caress Paul's face. "If you want to hurt me you can. I will forgive you. But can you forgive yourself?" He laid his hands over those holding him down, "Let me love you."
Paul searched Jesse's expression for only a second before collapsing against his Sire. "I don't your love." He twined a hand into the other boy's hair. "I want your surrender." Jesse looked up into his Childe's eyes.
"You have have to take that. I won't fight you, but I won't give you that." He tensed, stilling his body and letting himself be undressed. "And I won't hate you." He parted his legs when Paul's hand moved between his thighs.
"Jesse, shut up." The young Gangrel pressed down against his Sire, kissing softly across chin and mouth. He let the tip of his tongue graze Jesse's lower lip and then dip into the mouth that opened beneath his. He jerked back briefly, "Blood..." He shook his head, "Doesn't matter Jesse cause I never planned to use a condom."
Paul grinned as Jesse's expression changed. "Fight me, I don't care. It isn't going to change anything. And you have no idea how many I've been with these last few months...no idea if I've been safe with any of them." He let his Sire struggle for a few moments. "I like that. Can you feel?" He wiggled against the other boy and laughed when the struggling finally stopped.
Jesse turned his face from his Childe, clenching his eyes shut. "I feel a lot of things. I guess I just never realized how little you cared." He curled his fingers around the hands pressing him down. "I guess it never mattered, did it?"
"It used to...I just can't anymore." Paul thrust forward with out care or preparation and relished the feel of Jesse's scream, vibrating through the touch their shared.
*
Part Four
Part Two
Story Link
Zoo Entrance