There was a lot of silence in the cabin; it was the first thing that Brian noticed when he arrived. There was no one around and he had to explore the various rooms before finding Paul. The young Kindred glanced up at him once before returning his attention to the video game he was playing. The Kine turned away, moving down the hall towards the bedrooms. Jesse would be in one of them.
Not a lot of time had passed since Jesse had called, but he feared what might have happened since then. When he finally found his friend the youngling was curled up in the middle of his bed, fully clothed, and seemingly asleep. When Brian sat down next to him the blue eyes opened slowly and he launched himself at the man.
"Jesse, are you okay? Can you tell me what happened?" He paused, "You said something about Paul." He felt the nod against his side and tightened his embrace a little.
"He didn't really go through with it, but he was going to." Jesse pulled away, not looking up at the Kine. "I don't know why he stopped."
"What did he do...or almost do Jesse? Did he hurt you?" Brian touched Jesse's cheek softly. He had always had a tender spot for this one. He had been the father figure for the last decade, watching Jesse with lovers and offering advice from the sidelines. Giving the Kindred what he really needed without asking for sex. He wanted Jesse to feel safe with him, and didn't think about his own safety. "You can trust me, remember. I won't hurt you."
Jesse nodded again, shifting a little closer to the Kine again. "He was going to rape me. He stopped. He just got off of me and went to him room. He didn't even say anything. He just left." He looked up, meeting Brian's eyes finally. "He really doesn't love me anymore."
The Kine looked at him for several minutes, thinking his idea through. "I think that might be wrong. If he didn't love you Jesse, why would he stop?"
*
Paul wasn't really playing the game. He half-heartedly reset the game half a dozen times, dying each play. It didn't really matter. He just needed something to take his thoughts away from Jesse. As far as they could get from what he had almost done tonight. It wasn't working though. He throw the controls at the screen of the television, not caring where it landed, and went down the hall to his own bedroom.
He heard Brian speaking to Jesse as he passed the door. It did make him a little curious, but he knew what they were talking about and he knew better than to try to interrupt. Jesse only called Brian when he needed comfort that Suneyva couldn't provide. And they were probably talking about him this time. He closed his door and locked it, moving to the computer. He could get on the internet to check his mail and maybe find someone to chat with. It might help him. Faceless strangers had that ability sometimes.
The computer was his refuge. Jesse gravitated to people who would take care of him and Paul always went directly for the machine. There was no new mail so he got into the support chat he used to frequent. A few years ago he had been surprised to find a group for ex-prostitutes, but he had made ample use of the room and had met many people since then.
It was almost empty at this time of night, but he was recognized as soon as he entered. He typed a simple greeting and almost immediately had a private message screen pop-up.
deathbird: hey incubus, haven't seen you around for a bit. what's up?:
Paul typed quickly, trying to find a way to segue into the topic he really wanted to talk about. :been busy. having lots of problems i guess. feels kind of like i just woke up. you know what i mean? like i can see what i've done for the first time.:
There was a small pause and then deathbird's message appeared. :sometimes. it's been really bad for you? isn't j around anymore? i thought he was helping you...:
Paul laughed softly, wishing it were actually funny. :was helping, but i needed more and he wasn't strong enough. i think i just ruined everything we had. he took me to the cabin to work out some issues so i'm stuck up here with him though.:
deathbird was quick. :what did you do? you know there is an apology for almost anything these days.:
incubus: not this. i was going to force him to have sex with me. and then i realized that i do still love him. j is all i've had and now i've lost him.: Paul stopped for a few minutes turning away from the screen, trying to push the memory away again. When Jesse had screamed something had changed inside of him. He looked down and he saw those beautiful eyes filled with pain at this betrayal. It was a shock and he couldn't do anything except get up from the floor and run to his room.
Paul shook himself, breaking the thought pattern. He glanced at the screen again and read the last message there.
deathbird: has he told you that you have lost him?:
Strange he felt like crying. He hadn't thought to ask Jesse, hadn't even spoken to him yet. :i have to go...but thanks. maybe i'll be around again soon.:
He signed out of the room and went to check his mail again. Still nothing new. Brian was still at the cabin. The Kine might even spend the day. Paul knew that one way or another he had to get in to speak with his Sire though. It had to be this night.
*
It seemed that Brian would never leave and Paul was getting ready to forget about talking to his Sire before dawn came. The Kine finally left though and there were a few hours of darkness left. He waited until Jesse had moved into the media room and had turned on the television before leaving his room. It seemed that the news was coming between them almost as often as his own behavior.
Jesse didn't look up when he walked into to the room, but didn't move away when his Childe sat next to him. He didn't even move when Paul claimed the remote control and shut the television off.
"We need to talk Jesse. Please?" He moved a little closer. "There are so many things that I need to tell you."
"What's the point? Is it going to change anything between us now?" Jesse flexed his hands a little before grabbing the cushion he was sitting on. "Why say anything at all?"
Paul nodded to himself, maybe this was a bad idea. His Sire had claimed to be willing to forgive, but that was before...maybe it wouldn't work this time. But maybe it would. "I talked to someone on the internet...when you were with Brian. It helped a little. I think I need to tall you something Jesse and I hope that it will change something between us, but I guess I would understand if it didn't. Just listen to me, please. If you want me to leave after you hear me out, I will. If you wanted to take me back to Suneyva and let her do with me as she pleases I wouldn't fight you-" He flattened his palms against his chest, wishing for that familiar beat to calm him again. "Because I do love you."
The words hung in the air between them for a long moment before Jesse turned to look at him sharply. "Why? Why should I believe that after what you were going to do to me?"
"Because I stopped. I couldn't go through with it Jesse, because I saw how much I was hurting you. I don't want to hurt you, I never did. Not really anyway...I was so angry with you and I blamed you for everything that happened to me. I don't anymore. Now I'm just so sorry that I could ever have thought such filth...treated you so badly. I can't make up for that. I just wanted to tell you how I felt before it was too late and you got rid of me." The slap across his cheek was unexpected and he let the force move through him instead of fighting.
"Don't ever say that! I will not get rid of you...I won't make you leave me Paul. I need you. I thought that you would have seen that by now. After all that has happened haven't you ever noticed that I love you, that I have forgiven you without being asked? I can't go through with this life any longer if I don't have you with me. If that were not so Suneyva would have killed you regardless of my feelings. I love you. I want you., I need you. So shut up and kiss me or something." He pushed his Childe back against the couch, straddling his thighs to get a bit closer.
"What are you doing? It's not..." He jerked sharply as one of Jesse's hand found a nipple and tweaked it. "Are you crazy? We don't have time for this, Jesse. Stop." Paul tried to sit up, but only managed to move Jesse further into his lap. "Can't we at least move somewhere more comfortable?"
"No. If you wanted comfort you should have chosen someone else." Jesse leaned forward, licking Paul's lips briefly. "So as I said before, shut up and kiss me."
*
end
*
Part Three
Story Links
Zoo Entrance