| Thursday August 8th 2002 On Monday I went to an outdoor Shakespeare play with someone I know from writing class and her friend. When the one I knew introduced me, she said "This is Chris. He's a writer." And I thought, That is absolutely perfect. I've never been introduced that way before, but it sums me up perfectly. Writing is the essence of me. I work to pay bills, I have friends so I won't be lonely, I keep boring all you people who visit my web site to death about my search for love - but I write to live. That's at the bottom of it all. That's the safety net I land on every time I stop to ask what this is all about. We all have dreams we strive to achieve. I'm almost fearful of reaching mine - being a published novelist - because getting there is so much fun and I don't want it to end. But there's always something else to write, something more I can try to say. I have big dreams. I imagine the message and meaning I'm incorporating into my work will astonish everyone when it's finally published and it will change people's lives. I brace myself for a limited print run and having to pay back most of my advance while the covers get ripped off the extra copies and the rest go to used bookstore dealers. But either way, I'm going to have one very finely taken care of copy on my shelf. Some day, one of those books I take down and glance fondly through will have my name on it. My dad built my parents' house himself. Digging the foundation, pouring the cement, laying the bricks, pounding the nails, putting in the plumbing and wiring, the windows and the drywall. Right down to the last shingle. When he was done, he stood back and said "look what I did. That's a whole freakin' house I just built." Well, not exactly, but something like it I'm sure. That's what I want. "Look at that. That's a whole freakin' novel I just published. It's on bookstore shelves right now that I've never even seen. People I've never met or heard of are reading it. Wow!" I want fan mail and hate mail. I want to know I reached people and made them think, and shared my opinion about life with the world. It's coming, people (eventually) - so get ready! |