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THURSDAY
07.09.98
all of a sudden...
I went into a sudden emotional surge again, another moment when I end up in tears and feeling this sudden outbreak of emotion. I can't really remember what triggered it, just that it hits me every so often now. I don't know whether I should see a psychologist about it or not. I'm thinking that maybe it's just a reaction to the band's busy schedule and the fact that we've been away from home a lot lately. One thing I'm thankful for is that I don't do drugs, since that's sort of a reputation that musicians are known to have, and it's true that a lot of the greatest jazz musicians had alcohol and drug-related problems. I guess whatever pressures there are, I'd rather work it out through my own psyche instead of having to alter my mind in order to cope with the stresses of being a musician, or life in general. The band's been doing really well financially and we're booked all the way to November. In the past the stresses have been on the money side, making sure I had enough gigs to cover expenses and bills. Now the stresses are on performing too much. Since I'm the drummer, I don't know if people realize the amount of physical exertion that is required to play this big band stuff. It can be very exhausting at times.
It was a nice gig at the Catamaran tonight. Many of the usual group of swing dancing friends were there: Jessica, Celine, Tony, Debbie, Little John, Warren's dad, Donna, just to name a few. I am always grateful to people that come to the gigs pretty consistently. The reason why is that none of my family ever comes out to the gigs. As a matter of fact, my mom and dad would rather I be doing something else. It's their upbringing, really. They would've liked it if I had pursued a career in the medical or science field. At one time they had convinced me to give up on my musical dreams for about four years and during that time I was studying computer science. I almost earned my degree when I came upon the realization that my true talent was in music, and that I should pursue my music to its fullest potential. I mean, life is short and you've got to do what's in your heart. So, that was when I made the decision to go full-time in music, to take the plunge. My parents don't like it, but who cares, right? They never have come to the gigs anyway, so maybe they'll come when we reach Madison Square Garden or some famous place like that! Well, by then it'll be too late 'cause I won't invite them. Well, as you may already know, my dream is to become very successful in music, to the point where I can go to all the doubters, all the people who didn't believe in me, and tell them "see, told ya so". OK, I really love music too much just to say I want to be successful in order to get back at people, but hey, it does create an incentive for pushing the envelope even further. But I do love music very much and have since I was about 3 years old. I guess I need the constant reassurance that people can appreciate what I'm all about, so I can never be thankful enough to the people who come out to the gigs and support the band, and enjoy the music. Tonight's Gigs:
Soundtrack To Mulan Frank Sinatra - Nice and Easy |