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December 07, 1998
I had recently purchased a book that I'd been wanting for a long time, The Beethoven Compendium, a complete source of information and inspiration regarding the life and work of German composer Ludwig Van Beethoven. The book was surprisingly on sale at the local Borders Books & Music. I couldn't resist the temptation to acquire this book. I've been wanting a personal copy for a long time, and I was tired of having to borrow it every now and then from the public library. I have been a Beethoven fan since the age of 10 when I used to play my Dad's record of Beethoven's Symphony No. 7. I wore that record out, and yet I still can't recall why I got into his music. My Dad never played it on the stereo. I just noticed it in his collection. I suppose there were a lot of records my Dad had acquired and never got around to playing. To me, music, any kind was fascinating to me. I didn't care what it was... I just wanted to hear whatever I could get my hands on and just study the music, and find out what it was all about. Beethoven's birthday IS coming up this month, on December 16, I will definitely have a special entry in honor of the composer, who had overcome so many obstacles in his life to come out triumphant!  Tears Of Joy Or Pain? I became very emotional again this morning. I started feeling a sense of emotional release and began to weep like a baby. I don't know why and I can't really pinpoint the emotion or the thought that brought me to this. I know that when I'm watching a performance, (let's say an opera) and the soprano sings a beautiful aria, then THAT can move me to tears. But what I experienced this morning, my bouts of crying, was not connected to anything specific. I DO know that I've had these crying spells on and off since the time I was laid off from my banking job of 12 and a half years. Since then my life has been more fulfilling, yet at the same time has been very stressful, both financially and emotionally. I don't know why, but I don't seem to be in the 'holiday spirit' this year. The only thing I've done so far to prepare for Christmas is the ritual of placing the x-mas wreath on the door. I haven't done any x-mas shopping whatsoever and I haven't purchased a x-mas tree, yet. When I was a young kid I was real sneaky and opened one of my x-mas presents before the actual 'day'. I was able to open the gift VERY CAREFULLY and saw that my mom had gotten me a G.I. Joe (with the kung-fu grip!). After looking at it awhile, I CAREFULLY placed the G.I. Joe back into the box and back into it's x-mas wrapping! Later, I felt extremely guilty for doing such a thing. I felt that I had really betrayed my mom, and I vowed that I would never do such a thing like that again! I never told my mom about this, but I think I had learned a valuable lesson on my own about deceiving people, and my sorrow and guilt concerning this prank is still felt today. Not much in the way of a practice session today. I practiced rudiments on the pad for maybe half an hour. I worked on my journal site more than anything else today. I tweaked and tweaked the main page and was able to add a long, lost photo of a sunset. I used to be an avid photographer and enjoyed taking pictures of nature. Now I simply don't have the time to go back to photography even if it's just as a hobby, but I hope to one day buy a digital camera and go 'hog wild' taking pictures of everything I can set my eyes on! Currently Reading:
Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song Home For Christmas (Compilation) Carlos Rull 
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