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Geocities is closing on October 26th so I'm moving this site slowly to my Blogger site.

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"That'll Show Dad" (Posted May 31, 2009)

A 25-year-old Egyptian man cut off his own penis to spite his family after he was refused permission to marry a girl from a lower class family, police reported Sunday. After unsuccessfully petitioning his father for two years to marry the girl, the man heated up a knife and sliced off his reproductive organ, said a police official.

If that young man wanted to defy his father, I suggest a better alternative would have been to marry the girl anyway. Might not that have been a better act of defiance?

To be brutally honest, I think the family gene pool is better off without passing on this type of behavior.

"Neanderthal Pigs!" (Posted May 15, 2009)

Archaelogists have discovered a 35,000 year old sculpture of a naked woman:

The carving found in six fragments in Germany's Hohle Fels cave depicts a woman with a swollen belly, wide-set thighs and large, protruding breasts. "It's very sexually charged," said University of Tuebingen archaeologist Nicholas Conard, whose team discovered the figure in September.

This is the sculpture in question:

Uh huh. Sexually charged? How lonely do you have to be to see that as sexually charged? I have an easier time seeing images of naked women on Camel cigarette packages.

But fine, let's say this is an image of some ancient babe. Consider the time. Life was short and food not easily found. I find it hard to imagine that most women at the time were not skinny with small thighs and tiny breasts--life being short and brutish, and all. Yet those nearly Neanderthal men sculpted a full-bodied ideal of a woman with big, perky breasts? What did this do to the self esteem of the young girls at the time? Wasn't this an impossible body image to put out to the young ladies?

Wasn't this Cro-Barbie doll an insult to girls and women everywhere? Where's the outrage?

"How Unmanly is This?" (Posted April 8, 2009)

I can't believe GM is trying to foist this thing on America. A PUMA? The Personal Urban Mobility and Accessibility vehicle? This is an affront to all men:

Or it should be an affront, that is. Look at it, for God's sake. Behold its full, all-encompassing dorkiness, which is not exceeded even by those goofy low-slung bikes that you ride lying back that require silly orange flags to avoid being run over by giant SUVs. If you're dorky enough to want the PUMA, you already have a Smart Car. Where's the market?

You'd have to figuratively check your testicals in to drive this affront to all that is American. Heck, at 35 miles per hour, you'd have to literally remove your testicals to drive this thing without enduring excrutiating pain in non-accident driving experiences. Has anybody heard of speed bumps and pot holes? GM is headquartered in Detroit. They know pot holes. Perhaps Segway doesn't understand pot holes. Or ice and sleet.

Seriously, where would you even put a gun rack? Not that you need a gun rack to be a real man. But you should certainly have the option. You might have space for a pepper spray clip, at best.

Or, to be fair for those on the liberal side of the aisle, where are you going to put all your bumper stickers to 'free the whoever' or 'save the whatever' or 'don't blame me for Lord knows what' that advertise your progressive politics? Do you really think that a fish with legs logo won't seriously unbalance the device?

And where's the storage? What's the point of zipping around in the city if you have to balance everything you bring back on your lap? Even a fashionable loaf of French bread would poke through the roof. Although men might feel better about themselves driving around in a PUMA with that loaf locked between their knees, I suppose. If I can't get a case of beer home on it, the thing is useless to me. And don't you dare suggest a bottle of nice Merlot as a sensible alternative.

My only shred of hope for GM is that this is all a ploy to appease their new federal overlords who will applaud a vehicle nobody will buy but which gets great mileage. Call it the TIGER (Temporary Innovation our Government Employers Require), designed just to ride out the government bailout phase until they can get back to making cars and trucks that people want to buy.

Or maybe I'm underestimating the vision of General Motors, newly under the wise guidance of Washington, D.C., which sees all and knows all. Maybe this isn't really meant to be a PUMA or TIGER, but a LION (Lightweight Individual Onboard wagoN)? You know, put it in the back of your SUV (it will fit and still leave plenty of room for cargo) so if you run out of gas, you can ride it down the ramp and over to the gas station. No need to call the auto service or, shudder, OnStar, for help. Be a man. Take the lifeboat to get the gas.

"Not a Life" (Posted April 4, 2009)

I watched The Family Man yesterday, starring Nicolas Cage and Tea Leoni. Cage is a good actor and Leoni is totally hot. It's a 2000 movie about a man who goes to London and embarks on a stunning financial career at the expense of the college sweetheart (Leoni) he leaves behind in America. She had asked him not to go, but he does, promising he'll return after his year abroad. He returns, to be sure, but not to Leoni. Cage is incredibly wealthy, with a rich lifestyle in New York City, and doesn't need a thing, he says.

Cage runs into an apparent street thug who pulls a pistol on a shop owner in a dispute over cashing a winning lottery ticket. Cage intervenes by offering to buy the ticket from the armed man. The man takes the offer, and after a conversation in which Cage tries to save the young "thug" and the thug hints he is part of some organization that has noticed his intervention and is impressed.

Somehow, the mysterious man places Cage in an alternate place where Cage wakes up on Christmas morning to find he is married to Leoni and they have two children, a boy still too young to talk and a little girl. Cage sells tires retail and lives in New Jersey. Cage is getting a glimpse of what his life could have been. It's billed as a sort of It's a Wonderful Life story.

At first Cage is horrified at his life with middle class clothing, bowling, changing diapers, retail sales of tires, shoveling snow, and walking the dog. The little girl recognizes that Cage is not her daddy. He says he isn't but that he'll come back. She thinks he's an alien and when he promises not to harm her, she helps him out on the routine of his life.

And of course, Cage realizes he never stopped loving Leoni. And he learns to enjoy what he has in this glimpse of what his life would have been if he hadn't gone to London. It is well done and enjoyable. Leoni doesn't know what has gotten into her husband but she clearly still loves him. Yet Cage considers an affair with another women because he isn't "really" married to Leoni.

But one day, while he is on his lawn playing with his little girl, she falls on top of him and happily tells him, "I knew you'd come back!" And Cage was indeed her daddy. They hugged, lying on the snow, while Leoni looks on smiling from a window. Cage likes the life he could have had--the life he thinks is now his.

It seems all will be well when Cage's boss from his real life loses a tire and comes in to Cage's business. Cage wows the boss with his finance knowledge despite lack of experience and credentials, and lands an entry level position in the company he used to lead. Leoni is aghast that Cage would take this job and uproot them from their community, friends, and school, but she chooses to stay with him. It seems Cage will get it all despite the choice he made years ago in college to walk away from his true love.

that's when Cage is reminded that all he is getting is a glimpse of the life he could have had--not that actual life. He runs into the same man who sent him on his glimpse and knows he must go back to his rich life.

So Cage won't go to sleep, trying to hang on to the life that could have been. He looks in at his sleeping children and spends the night in his bedroom, looking at Leoni, until he finally drops off at dawn.

He awakens in his expensive and neat but sterile apartment. He races to "his" house and finds that Leoni does not live there. In many ways this seems just. To have allowed him to stay in that new life--while retaining all the memories and experience of his original life--is essentially giving Cage more than one life. Had he stayed in this new life, he would have basically had a three-week humbleness retreat where he gave up his riches before returning to his life of riches based on his years of knowledge and experience from his original life. But this time he has the love of his life and two wonderful children. This is fair?

And while at first it seems like he is resigned to rejoining his old life that now seems so hollow to him, he soon sets out to find Leoni and undo what he now views as his youthful mistake of going to London and not marrying Leoni.

This is where the movie lost me. Mind you, I like it still, but it lost a lot. I've always thought that it is pointless to dwell on "what might have been" thoughts. You can--and should--work to make up for bad decision or even just decisions that turned out bad, but you can't actually undo those decisions. You make you decisions and move forward. And imagining what might be different--and presumably better--from one different choice fails to take into account how changing one piece--even one that seems bad--in the mosaic of your life would change all the others--even the good ones that flowed from that "bad" decision. We can't make good decisions all the time. We can't. All we can hope for is that we make enough good decisions and that we are capable of coping with the bad decisions, making even bad decisions turn into good choices with hard work and some sense of optimism that life works out.

Cage should have counted himself lucky just to get a glimpse of what might have been, in order to make himself a better person in his original life, with the price of this insight perhaps for him to endure the knowledge of what might have been .

So instead of perhaps giving us a moral lesson in responsibility, the movie is seemingly on the way to giving us a happy ending where Cage realizes his mistake and gets his college-age sweetheart after all. Cage finds Leoni in New York City where she is a successful lawyer and who is packing to go to Paris for her job. Leoni tells Cage she is over him and he needs to move on, too.

Of course, in a replay of the first scene where Cage goes away and Leoni begs him to stay, Cage goes to the airport and asks her to stay--just to have coffee and talk, this time. She says "no."

While Leoni returns to her line, Cage then goes on to tell Leoni about their wonderful life, their house, her non-profit job, and their wonderful children. Instead of thinking of this man she hasn't seen in more than a dozen years as a nutcase for spinning such a fantasy as reality, she stays for coffee.

And the imagery of falling snow that signaled both the onset of his glimpse of his alternate life and his return to his original life is how the movie ends, with the two of them still talking in an airport coffee shop long after the other passengers have gone.

If he just got a glimpse, and that is all that is possible, how did Cage display any unique need or goodness, whether in his glimpse or back in his original life, needed to give him this alternate life based on what would have been the "right" choice (while keeping his experience from the "wrong" choice)?

But however unlikely that change in the apparent rules of those glimpse seems, and how wrong it seems to me to allow do-overs in life, the alternative is even worse. What if that talk over coffee simply meant that Cage and Leoni were getting a chance in their existing lives to pick up where they left off?

Instead of a happy ending, we'd have a really tragic ending. Imagine if this is what was happening? Cage gets the love of his life. Leoni, too, gets the man she loved. And they have their wealth and status, too. But they don't have the life history that made them love each other in that alternate life.

And most important, the children they had in that alternate life would not exist. The little girl, especially, who in three short weeks Cage came to see as his daughter who he loved--and who in turn came to see him as her daddy after all--would not exist. Would Cage have gone on about their absence, becoming bitter about what he did not have from that "glimpse" that he wanted for his life? Would Leoni have come to be angry with Cage for denying her even the memories of that life that he shares with her? This so-called correction leaves two souls out of the world, doomed never to talk or finally learn to play the violin.

But the movie did not clearly spell out what happens next. It left the the next step vague in an effort to give this story a happy ending, at least in implication, despite the problems in crafting a happy ending under the possibilities available. In the end, while still an enjoyable movie, it is a disturbing movie, made all the more unsettling by the image of the Twin Towers in the beginning that no re-dos can bring back.

Rather than being a movie about the perils of choices and the importance of living the only life we have as well as we can, it implies that you can have it all--that Earthly redemption can make up for earlier mistakes--or even just regrets--and erase your errors.

"The Audacity of Palin" (Posted January 24, 2009)

Sarah Palin plans to write a book that will hit back at her many critics in the media and the liberal side of the aisle:

It looks as though Sarah Palin may be ready to tell her story in print. ... In the past few weeks, Palin has gone on the offensive, lashing out at the media for the way she and her family have been portrayed. Since her sudden rise to stardom after being picked in late August as Sen. John McCain's running mate, Palin has been mentioned as a possible 2012 presidential candidate.

I do find it particularly revolting that women who think Hillary Clinton, who made it big by being married to President Clinton, or Nancy Pelosi, who made it big by being married to a wealthy man, are role models of feminism are so hateful toward a woman who had no advantages in money or connections yet made it on her own to become governor of Alaska and a vice presidential candidate.

Actually, who am I kidding? I'm still trying to grasp how people can ridicule Palin and think Obama was the best candidate for president based on his qualifications.

Still, if Palin is writing a book to prepare for a 2012 run, I suggest she not use a book deal to hit back at critics. She would be better served by looking to the future with a feel-good book about her journey to the national stage.

May I humbly suggest she call her book, Dreams From My Tundra.

I have to confess. I've been waiting close to three months to use that one.

"Man Bites Dog" (Posted December 17, 2008)

President-elect Obama was a bit touchy at a press conference when a reporter insisted on asking him about Governor Blagojevich, and Obama said, "Let me just cut you off because I don't want you to waste your question." Why is this so familiar to me? Oh yeah, it's a case of Obama throwing a "shoo" at a reporter during a press conference! (drum kick) I couldn't resist that one. (Posted December 17, 2008)

"What Women Want in Bizarro World" (Posted September 5, 2008)

Jillian Grace is a pretty, young woman, of impeccable measurements, who has graced the pages of Playboy (or so I've heard). She was the centerfold, even, in all her non-standard page format. No mere B-team woman further from the center staples. She is, in a word, hot. (And I apologize for finding possibly the only work-safe site about her on the web.)

The recent news is that she has given birth. No shock there. I'm sure she had her choice of men. What part of the gene pool would she choose? What part couldn't she choose?

Which brings us to the bizarre part. The father of the baby is David Spade: "The 44-year-old comedian told TMZ.com earlier this year that he had a brief relationship with Grace, and would accept responsibility if confirmed to be the father of her child."

Yes, David Spade. And of course he admits it! My God, he should build an ad campaign around the fact. It's like Jon Lovitz noting that he has slept with Morgan Fairchild. Can you see it? Spade speaking,'I'm David Spade. And this (holding up a large photo of Grace) is Jillian Grace, whom I've slept with.' It doesn't even matter what else he says after that.

Hey, I admit it. I'm jealous. David Spade (!) had a "brief relationship" with a hot, very young "model." There but for the Grace of God, go I, and all that.

I don't know what more proof you need to appreciate that Hollywood is an entirely different planet, where David Spades bed Jillian Graces--even if only briefly when they're really drunk.

"Toga! Toga! Toga!" (Posted August 27, 2008)

What are the people running the Democratic nominating convention thinking with this stage for Obama�s acceptance speech?

Egad, man. It looks like a Greek temple! The mockery of descending from Mount Olympus to lead the mere mortals who make up the Citizenry of the World just writes itself.

Still, I guess I can look forward to the Oracle of Delphi dance ceremony to convince Hillary supporters to back Obama:

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I�m not sure what celebrity I want to be the dancer. There are plenty of hot, liberal actresses, I hear.

But I sure hope it isn�t Madeleine Albright.

�Now I�m Suicidal� (Posted December 15, 2007)

The article starts out �The suicide rate among middle-aged Americans has reached its highest point in at least 25 years, a new government report said Thursday.� Interesting. Why on Earth are they more suicidal, I wondered. So I read on. The next paragraph wrote �The rate rose by about 20 percent between 1999 and 2004 for U.S. residents ages 45 through 54 � far outpacing increases among younger adults, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported.�

What?! You�re middle aged if you are between the ages of 45 and 54? Who decided that and why didn�t I get a say in this? Or did they ask me when I was 25? What did I know then? All I know is that I keep redefining �old� as ten years older than I am right now. If that�s good enough for me why can�t the CDC just go along?

Thanks CDC. Now I�m suicidal. Being middle aged is not part of my self image. I mean until now, I guess.

"Pocket Change" (Posted May 4, 2007)

The Canadians are minting a gold coin with a face value of one million Canadian dollars:

Weighing in at 100 kilograms (220.5 pounds), the limited edition coin easily dwarfs its closest rival, the 31 kg (68 pound) "Big Phil", which was made to honour the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra and has a face value of a mere 100,000 euros (C$150,000).

Thank goodness! Now Bill Gates won't be humiliated when a hobo asks him for spare change and he has to lower himself to reaching for a dollar coin or--God forbid--a quarter.

�Good Enough for Human Work� (Posted April 14, 2007)

Bill Whittle has a series about how our world is screwed up because of all the people who, quite frankly, believe in really stupid things:

Today, it seems that legions of people � growing legions � are falling victims to ideas and beliefs that on the face of it are patently false�things that are so clearly and obviously nuts that you really have to wonder what deep, mighty engine of emotional need could possibly drive a brain so deep into a hole. Seriously now, there are millions and millions of people on this planet who will torture logic and reason to mind-bending extremes in order to believe monumentally ridiculous �theories�� theories drawn from an emotional need so warped and debased that you are catapulted beyond anger and disbelief directly into pathos and the desire to call 911 before these people hurt themselves.

I certainly have lots of sympathy for his efforts to demonstrate how ridiculous the beliefs of some on our Left are simply idiotic. His part 2 is entertaining as well, going into 9/11 and moon landing conspiracies as well as other really bizarre notions that real people really believe. Says Whittle:

Some people see the Moon Hoax, Kennedy, 9/11 conspiracies and all the rest of that garbage as separate little fiefdoms of harmless lunacy. But I do not.

They all have one element in common, and it is a deadly poison which we must address if we want to regain our social health.

I have real sympathy for this view. The people that earnestly believe in all these weird theories (and they reside on the Left and Right side of the political spectrum, so I�m not trying to pick on the Left. Not that there�s anything wrong with that, of course.).

And some theories like jihadis claiming polio vaccines are a plot to kill Moslems cause real harm to real people. I�ll not deny that at all. As Whittle concludes in part 2:

When you look at what these people ask you to believe, to justify that naked, awful emptiness in their own souls and the horrible damage their lies are doing to our civilization � well, it�s enough to make you want to take Occam�s Razor out of its golden box and slit their miserable throats.

If you start slitting the throats of those who believe 9/11 was a government conspiracy, then soon you have to go after the Afghan pipeline people and the Kennedy conspiracy experts and the Vince Foster guys, and let�s get those senior citizens who still think FDR deliberately had our Pacific Fleet sunk at Pearl Harbor to get us into the war against Hitler. And how many people really believe that communism could work if we�d give it a proper chance? Christ, we�d wipe out half our college towns if we axed these people. Ann Arbor would be a ghost town.

Where does this cleansing end? Do we improve the gene pool by ridding ourselves of those who think that professional wrestling is real? Do we lop off the heads of those who have every confidence that the Social Security Trust Fund is a pile of money under heavy guard ready to be rolled out to the baby boomers about to retire? Do we execute those who think the Ark of the Covenant was an alien communications device? Does anybody involved with Amway forfeit their life? Should we knock off those who think that Pauly Shore has ever been funny? I mean, just in case some escape the other categories of the brain dead. Should we take any chances?

On this path lies madness, folks.

In the end, I think Whittle has it wrong. Maybe it is the optimist in me. But I am comforted that our world works as well as it does with the many flawed people we have. People are perfectly capable of compartmentalizing their theories that you or I might find dangerously disconnected from reality; but in their every day jobs, they operate under the same laws of physics and mathematics that everyone else does. And unless you question them about their specific peculiar belief, you�d never know they have a portion of their brain that is a little � off.

You see, we didn�t need a world filled with absolutely normal people to have built a tremendous civilization. Deeply flawed people got us to where we are today. People who thought cranium size was important. People who thought we are incapable of flying. People who believe fluoride in our water is a dastardly plot to do � something. Something bad, of course. But the details are unimportant.

Shoot, for a shockingly large segment of the population, the fact that I can do my job while believing that we must win the Long War against Islamic fascists must be fairly amazing. Dunn thinks jihadis are more of a threat than knowing what stock options Dick Cheney owns? Amazing!

Heck, I bet we�ll find cave drawings in France from some early reality-based Cro Magnon who knew exactly what really did in the Neanderthals.

Just remember that the woman who believes obscure Halliburton stock options explain the entire war on terror is perfectly capable of cleaning your teeth.

The man convinced that the CIA had JFK murdered will do a fine job of doing your taxes.

The man that knows Vince Foster bought it in the West Wing really can get you fries with your burger.

The man who thinks we faked the moon landing? He can build a bridge that will last fifty years with proper maintenance.

And the woman who is convinced that Jews slaughter gentile children for Passover treats will actually be able to remove that cancerous growth from your colon.

Not that a lot of people don�t believe a lot of really stupid things, of course. And not that their theories don�t deserve scorn, ridicule, and guffawing where appropriate. But the guy that thinks jet contrails are actually poison gas being spewed into the air by government planes? He can hook up your cable or remove your tonsils or advise you on proper tax deductions just fine�just don�t ask him about Oswald�s travels the month before Dallas until you are out the door.

Life just isn�t that hard people. People really can safely believe a lot of stupid things.

Shoot, I�m reasonably convinced that Parker Posey would really like me if she had the opportunity to meet me. Is that really that crazy?

Ok, don�t answer that.

�Scientists Discover First Beer Goggles� (Posted January 15, 2007)

It�s 2:00 am and the local pub is closing.

You are a young Romanian Cro Magnon man and you don�t want to go back to your cave alone.

You gaze across the room, blinking in the new light as the torches are lit to signal you should go home.

You see a fetching young Cro Magnon woman, looking hot and smiling at you.

You make your move and you know the night is not lost.

About 40,000 years later, modern scientists discover the result of this prehistoric encounter:

A skull found in a cave in Romania includes features of both modern humans and Neanderthals, possibly suggesting that the two may have interbred thousands of years ago.

Yes. That�s right. Forty thousand years ago our young Cro Magnon man woke up to discover he had not in fact hooked up with a young, hot Cro Magnon woman. He had a Neanderthal nestled in his arm.

There is no word if the modern scientists discovered a Cro Magnon upper arm bone with noticeable gnaw marks nearby.

"This Could Be a Real Money Maker" (Posted January 9, 2007)

China has opened a great leap forward in stamp technology:

The Chinese postal service is releasing a special edition of sweet and sour pork flavoured stamps to celebrate the year of the pig, which begins February 18.

The stamps feature a cutesy cartoon of a sow and her suckling piglets. Scratching and sniffing reveals what said piglets would smell like slow roasted and then covered in sugar, rice vinegar and monosodium glutamate.

Scratch-and-sniff and taste? While this seems like a great idea, it could go the way of our heralded fifty-state quarter program. Like our quarters, it seemed great to let states put their history on the back of their quarter. Great in PowerPoint presentation to the head of the Mint pitching the idea when you were showing stirring colonial scenes of the original Thirteen Colonies, of course. By the time you get to Wisconsin, you were reduced to pictures of cows and cheese. Don Ho will surely grace Hawaii's quarter. (See the Landfill archives, if you wish, for my thoughts on this program.)

But I digress.

China thinks the smell and taste of sweet and sour pork is good for the Year of the Pig. But it pretty much should end there. Can you imagine the Year of the Dog? Mmmm. Or the Year of the Rat? (With real Plague embedded in the glue!)

And let's not even go to the Year of the Rooster (remembering the highly unfortunate alternative name for restaurants with less sensitive printers). Though it could be a big seller in Key West and San Francisco.

Still, if there is a Year of the Beaver in the Chinese Zodiac, we might have a winner.

Admirable and industrious water critters, they are. Yep.

"The Full Monty" (Posted December 23, 2006)

The food poisoning outbreak Taco Bell experienced out east must really be hurting the company. I can tell because of their response to the problem. The commercial that I've seen lately really drives this point home.

Oh, the commercial itself is pretty pedestrian. No chirpy little dogs or talking menu items on space shuttles reassuring us that they are good to go. No, nothing like that. The commercial itself was Spartan with no prominent logo and just a quiet man--a Taco Bell president, in fact--announcing that the Centers for Disease Control had determined the crisis was over, the food supply safe again, and that Taco Bell was again open for non-stomach-heaving or life-threatening business.

This, however, was the bloody give-away. Taco Bell clearly had to go for the figurative Full Monty of damage control mode in making this announcement.

Now first let me assume that Taco Bell has lots of officers with the title of "president." Or at the least they have lots of vice presidents who could have been given the role of speaking to America. Given that they are a Mexican-style fast food outlet, you might think that the person they put up front would have a Mexican accent. Or at look at least vaguely Hispanic.

But no, the president speaking is pasty white and has a full British accent. Not the soccer hooligan variety, of course. He has the full PBS Upstairs Downstairs proper British accent--upstairs, naturally.

This choice of spokesman speaks volumes of the impact of the food poisoning problem. Can you imagine the credibility if the announcement that all was safe was delivered by somebody with a full Cheech Marin accent? No offense is intended, but images of poorly washed illegals slapping together a burrito of questionable content would flash through most people's minds. When the food is safe and tasty? Use the Mexican accent. Absolutely. But Taco Bell is in flat-out damage control mode. So really, it isn't really about the inappropriateness of the Cheech approach to reassuring a shaky public, but the legitimacy conveyed by a British gentleman.

The calm British demeanor was surely a deliberate choice to convey the assurance that nobody will be throwing up refried beans on this man's watch. Stiff upper colon and all that.

That's how we see it in America. Use a proper upper class British accent and you convey a sense of properness and stability. And clean and safe Mexican food, of course.

So always keep this in mind for future company reassurance campaigns: the more proper the British accent, the more dire the company's image problem. It is the Full Monty of public reassurance.

�Cunning Nordic Monsters!� (Posted August 26, 2006)

Michigan has arrived apparently. Sophistication has reached a level sufficient to attract the attention of that Swedish giant of tastefully subdued home products, IKEA. The Swedish way of furnishing your home in affordable good taste is now available in southeastern Michigan. Living in Ann Arbor, I of course received the catalog for the new store.

�Who says quality has to be expensive,� the catalog asks. Imagine, the stuff is made of actual NUMERAR oak! And the �A� has that little umlaut over it! How European! I don�t know what that word means, of course, but it screams quality, no? In ten years we�ll probably learn it means �particle board� just like so many people at first fell for the French-sounding �FAUX� pearls that Home Shopping Network peddled many years ago. How long did women boast of their �faux� pearls, anyway?

But the purported quality didn�t impress me. Who doesn�t boast of quality? Other than dollar stores, that is. Not even the umlauted wood moved me.

What really impressed me was the appeal to harried parents.

�Kids are welcome at IKEA stores!� the catalog shouts.

IKEA boasts strollers, close parking for parents of small kids, food, snacks, diaper changing stuff, and the most diabolical of all:

�You can stop saying �Don�t touch that! All day. Kids can touch the toys and furniture, open drawers, sit on sofas and lie down on the beds � and so can you!�

They conclude �So, bring the whole family! You won�t have to hire a babysitter, and best of all, you�ll be glad you brought your kids with you.�

So I thought to myself, �You clever Swedish bastards. Bravo. Well played, indeed, you blonde Nordic marketing geniuses.�

Oh, not all the stuff is brilliantly and diabolically clever. Changing rooms? So what? Every store has something, it seems. Close parking? Nice. But really, that�s why people fake handicaps to get placards to park close. Snacks? Just how long can you shop? Surely the unavailability of food is not a limiting factor. And what do you think young yuppies put in those SUV-sized strollers complete with coffee cup holders? Their tots could live a week on the stored food on one of those babies.

It isn�t so much what IKEA offers, but what they�ve unleashed on their unsuspecting competitors.

Consider the appeal of telling parents their kids can touch stuff and hop on furniture and look in drawers and all that. The freedom for parents to shop without constantly policing their children will surely be a thrill the first time the family goes to IKEA. And the second will be nice, too. By the third, the grimly utilitarian Swedish kitchen products won�t be quite as appealing. You�ll notice that the NUMERAR oak isn�t really all that special, after all, notwithstanding the umlaut. And then you�ll go back to Sears, or Marshall Fields, or Macy�s.

And that�s where you will face the horrifying fact that IKEA, in only a few trips, has actually trained your children to touch the toys and furniture, open the drawers, sit on the sofas, and lie down on the beds. And the sales associates at the non-IKEA stores are not surprisingly less than enthusiastic about that behavior.

So all of a sudden you have double up�nay, triple�your rate of corrections to your children to stop touching the products. Put that expensive looking thing down! And get off that bed! Your shoes are getting the bedspread dirty! Sigh. You drag your children out of the store, embarrassed at the looks of other shoppers and you never did pick up any of those towels on sale.

The screams surely reach all the way to Stockholm where a Swede in a suit, in a very large IKEA-furnished office, smiles in a quiet reserved sort of way.

So you give up on your past favorite stores. You are compelled to return to IKEA. The IKEA associates welcome you and assume that reserved smile as your kids slam desk drawers closed over and over again.

Years go by and after a while, you have to replace everything and you find you can only go to IKEA. Slowly, you begin to even like the Swedish decorating philosophy. It becomes your own. You don�t even remember what it was like to shop at Art Van. And who would want to? Art Van doesn�t have furniture made of NUMERAR wood! How gauche! What are they? Wal-Mart?

You even start to consider driving a Volvo. Funny how you once thought that �boxy� cars looked dorky. Hey, the IKEA travel mug fits so nicely in the cup holder! Eventually, you write a letter to PBS complaining about cultural insensitivity over Sesame Street�s Swedish Chef and his hateful accent that contributes to anti-Swedish bigotry. And writing such a letter doesn�t even seem odd to you as you tell the IKEA cashier about your latest human rights work as she rings up your new polished steel pasta cooker.

And when your kids are grown and move out on their own, you have been part of IKEA so long that it doesn�t even occur to you that you can shop elsewhere.

Like I said, bravo IKEA. Well played. You magnificent bastards.

I naturally stabbed my catalog several times, set it afire, churned the ashes, and hosed the residue down on the lawn. Then I shoveled up my catalog puree and threw it in the Huron River.

I�m not taking any chances.

�Wasn�t Mister Wonka Fairly Clear?� (Posted August 19, 2006)

A man was trapped in chocolate in a Wisconsin chocolate plant, �Darmin Garcia, an employee of a company that supplies chocolate ingredients, said he was pushing the chocolate down into the vat at Debelis Corp. because it was stuck. But it became loose and he slid into the hopper.� The man couldn�t be freed from the 110 degree chocolate until it was thinned out with cocoa butter.

I believe Mister Wonka was fairly clear about not touching the chocolate. If my understanding of the process is correct, that chocolate is now contaminated. No word of Oompa Loompas.

�Funky Underwear� (Posted August 19, 2006)

If criminals used their creativity for good instead of evil, I can�t help but believe we�d be better off as a society. Check this out:

Wang Zhiqin, 42, from Wuhan, capital of China's central province of Hubei, was charged with transporting 1.44 kg (3.2lb) of heroin soaked into 15 items of underwear, the China Daily said.

Rather clever. Over three pounds of drugs? I would love to hear the woman try to explain that the color and odor wafting from the underwear was from a new bleach substitute. I imagine most baggage screeners saw that underwear and thought, �I don�t get paid nearly enough to closely look at that! Next!� Bad luck to get a screener with an underwear fetish.

Really though, like I�m sure you are, I�m fairly confused about how on Earth underwear can be used to transport Heroin.

I thought it could only be used to move Crack. [drum kick] Heh. [/drum kick]

I�m sorry, this post was all about getting to that joke. I know one day God will punish me for this trait.

�Heavenly Bodies� (Posted August 17, 2006)

Astronomers are gathering to debate the solar system.

The discovery of Xena (officially 2003 UB313), a candidate for a tenth planet, has reopened the debate about whether Pluto is really a planet. Pluto was once thought to be about the size of Earth and originally appeared to be all alone out there.

But now Pluto is known to be part of a crowded region fall of small objects (the Kuiper Belt) and the more distant Xena is larger than Pluto.

So what to do? If Pluto is a planet, we might have over 50 planets in our solar system. You can kiss models of the solar system goodbye as a school project goodbye if we go this route.

And it is ok to go backward in the search for accuracy. Ceres, an asteroid, was believed in the 19^th century to be a planet according to the article.

Me? I think anything named after a Disney character can�t possibly be serious enough to be a planet. My bet is that Pluto gets folded into a type of planets that essentially allows Pluto to be downgraded without losing official planet status. Xena will be in this category. And then the other eight bigger planets will retain main rights as traditional and substantial planets.

While they are at it, could the scientists do something about Uranus? A Futurama episode had me spitting out fluids when the main scientist informed Frye that scientists had ridded us of that joke bait by changing the planet�s name�to Urectum. Good one. But not enough at this point.

Amazingly, according to this later article, we may have 12 planets by the proposed definition, including Pluto�s moon and Ceres itself. Amazing.

Having had but one college astronomy course, I guess my input is worthless. I simply suggest taking advantage of the gathering by renaming Uranus as Gabrielle. I mean, as long as we�re allowed to use television babes from so-called cheesy television series.

�One Thumb Up!� (Posted June 25, 2006)

I continued my Parker Posey film festival via Netflix this weekend.

I had started with �Party Girl,� which I saw some years ago and picked out for delivery a couple months ago. Yowser. I�d forgotten that I am totally infatuated with her. It all came back.

Thin. Dark hair. Smart. Angst. Come to poppa.

I am so totally screwed. No doubt.

Then I selected �The House of Yes.� That was rather good. Even Tori Spelling was pretty good in it. The move was totally bizarre�but quite fascinating. And Parker Posey looked totally hot. Quite insane, too, mind you�but totally hot. I know I�m not completely gone because the incest part was a bit off-putting when that came up. And her character stopped tugging at me just before the whole murder thing in the JFK Dallas fantasy. So I�m not completely gone, I guess.

The latest in the Poseyfest was �The Anniversary Party.� I must say, this movie was fairly distasteful. Parker Posey had only a small role in a movie about Hollywood types at a party for one couple. And sadly her hair was really short. The characters were almost uniformly completely unsympathetic. They were self-absorbed, self-destructive, and possessing wealth that did not match their insignificant contribution to our society. I suppose some might find it glamorous but I found it empty and revolting.

But Parker Posey was topless briefly, so I give it two thumbs up!

Well. Ok, just one.

"Avoiding Work" (Posted June 8, 2006)

Late one afternoon at work this week, after finishing one task and desperate to avoid starting another one sitting on my desk before quitting time relieved me of the work for the day, I looked in my bottom right desk drawer. I keep plastic ware and napkins, as well as condiment packs, sugar, salt, and some emergency food things.

One of the food things in there was a cup of Ramen noodle soup. I kept in my desk for emergencies in case of late night session. I think I got it in 1992 or so, but I can't be certain since there was no date on the product. 1994 at the latest, I'd guess.

I've been suspicious of it the last five years or so. But I just pushed it to the back of my bottom drawer and kind of hoped it would go away. I never needed it, so it just remained just in case.

Bored and unwilling to start more work, I pulled out the cup, scrutinized it for a few minutes, and then opened it up.

I suspect that the glue that held the paper lid to the Styrofoam cup broke down some time in the last century. The seal wasn't as tight as I'd like them to be for my processed foods. I'm not sure if this happened, but I don't think that the Ramen flavoring is supposed to be a fuzzy coating on the noodles. Can that happen within a vacuum seal?

But I'm no expert on food processing, so who knows? The less said about the dried "beef" the better.

The really sad part is that until I opened the product, I never noticed that the soup had mushrooms in it. Mushrooms! Feh! How disgusting! They grow in the dark! What are they ashamed of? Anyway�

I hate mushrooms. Mushrooms are a deal breaker for me. Even if I had gotten desperate in 1997 or so, I couldn't have eaten it. Had I been desperate for food late some night with no source of food other than Tang wipe, I would have dug out the soup and then discovered to my horror that my lifeline had mushrooms in it. I think I'd be tempted to feast on human flesh before I'd resort to mushrooms. Well not really, but you get the point.

I threw the cup of soup out and washed my hands thoroughly. I had debated adding hot water just to see what might happen to the ancient and funky dried fungus-fest but I've seen enough sci fi to know that would be a huge mistake.

I had visions of our staff standing around outside at our designated assembly spots while men in bright hazmat suits stormed the building. And then hours would pass with nobody emerging until some horrible blob oozes out of fourth floor windows with yellow vinyl bits poking out here and there; and we would all run around in circles screaming while Japanese newsmen described the scenes of carnage and horror developing.

At some point, Mothra would save us.

A strange feeling of sadness enveloped me after I got rid of the concoction. And not just because it killed the chance of stalling ten minutes while I prepared and ate the soup. No, it seemed like I was abandoning a fixture in my life. Older than my son, it was a window to my not-too-distant past and a time when there really were few places to grab food around here later at night. Yet I could not deny that it was also rotted beyond any usefulness.

But I still had to stall to avoid work. So I resolved to dig in to the fortune cookies that I'm reasonably sure are from this fiscal year. At least some of them, anyway. <sigh> Ok, adult thoughts of the fragility of life reasserted themselves and so instead of eating possibly really old cookies, I just opened all the fortune cookies, dumped the cookies, and read the fortunes.

In order, the fortunes stated:

"Many receive advice, only the wise profit by it."

"You are next in line for promotion in your firm."

"Your original ideas will get you well-deserved recognition."

"Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst."

"Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure."

"Your family is young, gifted and attractive."

"You achieve great peace of mind when you talk with an old friend."

"You think that is a secret, but it never has been one."

"If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments."

"A man's dreams are an index to his greatness."

"Your luck has been completely changed today."

"Be considerate of your teachers."

This exercise in fortune reading raises some questions, of course.

First, when you read them in serial fashion like this, does each fortune expire upon the opening or reading of the next? Are they cumulative? Do they cancel each other out if in conflict?

And what of the ones that clearly aren�t fortunes? I�m paying for fortunes and I get little life lessons? Or blatant sucking up with compliments? Or the bleeding obvious one about preparing for the worst and hoping for the best? I live by those words already! Thanks a heap for a wasted fortune.

I am actually miffed about the one about the secret. �You think that � what?! is a secret? Might that not be a crucial bit of knowledge? The actual specific fact I think is a secret?

The dashing and bold adventure thing could be right. I do own my own tuxedo, so I�ve got the dashing part down. But I still haven�t had the chance to unwrap it yet so I guess the �dashing� part remains as hypothetical as the �bold� part.

And what about the one with a crack about missing car payments? Just how ancient can that wisdom be anyway? Kind of like getting a fortune that warns me �Your Blackberry is defective.�

One scared me. My luck has completely changed? How old is that fortune cookie? I think my luck is pretty darned good. Is it bad now? Did I get this some years ago and so this explains a lot? Or, as I noted, did the next one cancel the luck one in the ten seconds it took to crack the next cookie? If so, I�m left with being warned to be nice to my teachers? How is that possibly helpful?

The �dreams as an index of greatness� fortune is intriguing. How exactly does one measure the greatness of Parker Posey as it relates to my life?

Anyway, now I only have paper and plastic in my desk plus some Tums and Alka Seltzer. The only food product I retained is a hot chocolate mix pouch that I know is from Christmas 2004. I can keep that another decade at least before I get fidgety about it.

Truly, I am a danger to myself, others, and society in general when I get too bored. I guess I express myself in interesting ways, sometimes. I�m pretty sure that this assessment isn�t a pure compliment.

And sadly, in the end, I still had time to start, finish, and send off the memo that I was trying to avoid.

Perhaps that was my dashing and bold adventure for the day.

"Tree Pests" (Posted May 25, 2006)

Spray and cut! Spray and cut! We've got real tree problems now!

You thought the emerald ash borer is bad? I know I've seen trees going down all over my city, including two trees that provided me with much appreciated shade and a nicer view.

But we've got worse pests on the horizon. There has been a reported Baez infestation out in California! "Veteran US protest singer Joan Baez moved into a tree in Los Angeles along with famed tree-sitter Julie "Butterfly" Hill to prevent a local garden from being sold and destroyed."

The tree's a goner. Once a Baez bores its way in, there is no hope. I know my will to live wanes whenever I hear her drone on. The butterfly doesn�t help, either.

So just remember, don't move Baez from an uninfested area to an infested area. Even if you need Baez at your folk festival site. Just get local folk singers to be on the safe side.

�Dirt Bag Day� (Posted April 23, 2006)

Yesterday was Earth Day. It is fitting that dirtbags rallied in Lansing across from my office on the day. Neo-Nazis You know, National Socialists? They tend to draw actual socialists to counter-protests (a.k.a. �communists,� though technically just socialists--even the Soviet Union was only building communism). Lots of normal people, too, I concede. But the socialists love these events because they can try their popular front tactics to lead the useful masses in their idiotic quest for power. Recall that the pro-North Korea International ANSWER group has been big in organizing anti-war and pro-illegal immigrant rallies the last several years. Not that they can succeed here, but they do try again and again to gather support. If nothing else, communists are a persistent lot even in the face of constant defeat.

Anyway, I know the Nazis have a right to protest. And even the right to some level of protection to keep counter-protesters from silencing them. But it was annoying to see the temporary chain link fences go up on the Capitol Building grounds. And a group that claims to represent America aligns itself with a party that we lost hundreds of thousands to crush in 1945? And they want to resurrect that hateful and failed ideology? Ass hats. Every one of them.

But really, the amazing thing about the Nazis is their claim to racial superiority. This is the cream of the white race? Really? Not a very convincing case, if you ask me. How many engineers and doctors and teachers are parading about like extras on the Hogan�s Heroes set? When you contemplate their net worth, is their uniform set half their net worth? Two-thirds? Good grief, it would be harder to get a bigger set of losers together who actually think they are a superior human? Sadly, the bigger the losers�in any race, religion, or ethnic group�the stronger their boasts of superiority. Let�s all say �inferiority issues� shall we?

But one thing about the Nazi rally is encouraging�the public despises them and the Nazis need the protection of the state to publicly proclaim their allegiance to their ideology of hate and violence.

On the other hand, what I wouldn�t give if bin Laden�s buddies weren�t treated with the same hostility by Moslems that our Nazis provoke in our people. Our Long War on jihadi terrorists won�t go away until a bunch of Islamists parading in the streets of Moslem countries requires police protection to keep angry Moslems from running them out of town. Sadly, we�re a long way from seeing Islamists treated like Nazis.

But they are all dirtbags. One group fondly remembering the Nazi Holocaust while denying it at the same time; the other dreaming of a new Holocaust with nukes while denying it ever happened. And both hate the America we have today as the primary mongrel/Crusader opponent of their sick dreams.

Some people truly are a waste of good oxygen better utilized by mammals and some of the cuter reptiles.

"God Loves Me" (Posted March 27, 2006)

I've long considerd myself quite lucky. Good health. Family. A job I like. A home I like. A tuxedo. Etc. Etc.

But until now, I've never really considered the possibility that God is closely involved in making my life better and increasing my happiness.

If He is not, how else to explain this (via Instapundit):

Geneticists have mixed DNA from the roundworm C. elegans and pigs to produce swine with significant amounts of omega-3 fatty acids -- the kind believed to stave off heart disease. Researchers hope they can improve the technique in pork and do the same in chickens and cows. In the process, they also want to better understand human disease. "We all can use more omega-3 in our diet," said Dr. Jing Kang, the Harvard Medical School researcher who modified the omega-3-making worm gene so it turned on in the pigs.

I've cut way down on bacon. And I love bacon. It has been a concession to good heatlth that I've hated to make. But if even bacon can become a healthful food, can beef jerky products be far behind?

Life is good, people. When bacon is being genetically engineered to prolong our lives, life is good.

"Born to Be Wild?" (Posted November 26, 2005)

Biker gangs just aren't going to be the same in the future. A whole genre is being destroyed by baby boomers who don't have the decency to grow old with a little grace. Instead, they are buying expensive motorcycles and embarassing their children.

Even worse, they are getting into accidents prompting states to consider regulating them for their own safety.

Ouch. Now rebelling will mean not having their Elderly Endorsement on their license.

�Gall Stony� (Posted October 17, 2005)

Sylvester Stallone will appear in a sixth Rocky movie. I have nothing to add that could heighten the absurdity.

Except that when he calls out �Adrienne!� it will be because he�s fallen and can�t get up.

So almost nothing. Or maybe nothing.

"The Full Deany" (Posted October 8, 2005)

I know that a lot of people have seen the following excerpt (from Transterrestrial) from Howard Dean's interview regarding Harriet Miers on Chris Matthews:

MATTHEWS: Do you believe that the president can claim executive privilege?

DEAN: Well, certainly the president can claim executive privilege. But in this case, I think with a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court, you can't play, you know, hide the salami, or whatever it's called. He's got to go out there and say something about this woman who's going to a 20 or 30-year appointment, a 20 or 30-year appointment to influence America. We deserve to know something about her.

But there is more that you should read. I have burned all my sources to bring you what followed--but which the media hid from you:

MATTHEWS: So what will the Democrats do? Does your base want to roll over on this nomination? This nominee came out of the blue and progressive don't seem to have settled on a response.

DEAN: Democrats of all stripes are committed to quality nominees to the Supreme Court who will give deference to established law. There is a real concern that this nominee will be ideological when it comes to settled law. Miers is like a Pearl Harbor strike on our laws, but we are not turning Japanese. We will fight even if we have to use the nuclear option.

MATTHEWS: But what about the base�MoveOn.org? Aren't they mobilizing even without waiting to see what the party wants?

DEAN: Sure, the base is fired up. This resonates with our voters. Certainly we know that Americans Coming Together members are gathering and polishing their bayonets. Nobody thinks--

MATTHEWS: Will these groups coordinate?

DEAN: --that. Certainly. Certainly they will coordinate. There will be help. I mean, if one group can't polish their own bayonets, other groups will polish them for them. The key is for everybody to be sharp and ready to fight. Advice and consent must be real; but unfortunately the President is committed to a unilateral my way or the Hershey Highway approach to nominating justices to the Supreme Court. And I'm committed to not just bending over and taking it.

MATTHEWS: But doesn't the President have the votes? Can't he just ram this down Democrats' throats despite your base's anger?

DEAN: We're not swallowing this, Chris. We're spitting mad. I think the President will find that we don't have a deep throat. I can assure our activists that I am their Deliverance and we will not paddle down that river under my watch. But make no mistake, this will be a national, united Democratic response and not driven by the base. I am the master of my domain. I am the party chairman.

MATTHEWS: Senator Reid has spoken approvingly of this nomination. Will your senators take this battle to the mat?

DEAN: Absolutely. They won't be squealing like a pig, afraid to fight back. I want to ram this home to the hilt, Chris, we will fight. Our Senators will ask tough questions and demand straight answers. This nominee won't be in and out of the committee without our people upholding their advice and consent role. Wait and see. The money shot will come when the final votes are tallied and this nominee is not a shoe-in. But let me tell you, Chris, that the American people will need the press to speak truth to power. We need to shout from the mountain tops that this nominee is extreme. But without the press doing their jobs we'll just be yodeling in the gully. Nobody will hear us. With you, the m�nage a trois of the people, the press, and the Democratic Senators will lick Bush on this. Some may call this my fantasy but this is no wet dream of mine�it's reality.

MATTHEWS: Thank you Howard Dean. That was most enlightening.

DEAN: Hey, screw you, too, Chris.

I know this is juvenile to pick on Dean in this manner, but I couldn't help it. Really, he wanted it. Bad.

"The New York Email Scam Alert" (Posted September 22, 2005)

The faltering radio network Air America continues to operate through the financing scandal that curiously fails to attract mainstream media attention.

I have sleuthed out the latest efforts of the station to stay financially solvent:

FROM MR AL FRANKEN
AIR AMERICA RADIO NETWORK
NEW YORK, NEW YORK
UNITED STATES OF AMERIKA.

Dear Friend

I am Mr. Al Franken, the on-air talent in charge of auditing and accounting at Air America radio network in New York City with due respect and regard. I have decided to contact you on a business transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of the transaction. During our investigation and auditing in this radio station, Janeane Garafalo came across a very huge sum of money belonging to a defunct social services nonprofit, the Gloria Wise Boys & Girls Club, here in New York City and since its untimely dissolution the funds has been dormant in its account with without any claim of the fund in our custody either from its board of directors or the government before our discovery to this development.

Although personally, I keep this information secret within myself and partners to enable the whole plans and idea be Profitable and successful during the time of execution. The said amount was US $875,000 (Eight Hundred and Seventy Five Thousand united states dollars) As it may interest you to know, I got your impressive information in my search of a viable and capable person to help me champion a business of this magnitude without any problem .Meanwhile all the whole arrangement to put claim over this fund as a bonafide Air America Associate, get the required approval and transfer this money to a foreign account has been put in place and directives and needed information will be relayed to you as soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist us and also benefit yourself to this great business opportunity.

In fact I could have done this deal alone but because of my position in this station as a radio personality, we are not allowed to operate a foreign account and would eventually raise an eye brow on my side during the time of transfer because I work in this radio station. This is the actual reason why it will require a second party or fellow who will forward claims as the Air America Associate and also present a foreign account where he will need the money to be re-transferred into on his request as it may be after due verification and clarification by the correspondent branch of the bank where the whole money will be remitted from to your own designated bank account. May I at this point emphasize that this transaction is 100% risk free as I have made arrangements for a successful transfer as an insider of the radio station before contacting you. On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you, the Air America Associate, will be entitled to 30% of the total sum as gratification plus a tote bag and an Air America bumper sticker, while 10% will be set aside to take care of expenses that may arise during the time of transfer and also telephone bills, while 60% will be for me and my Air America radio network partners.

Please, be adviced to keep this a top secret as we are still in service and intend to retire from service after we conclude this deal with you. I will be monitoring the whole situation here in this radio station until you confirm the money in your account and ask us to come down to your local organic market for subsequent sharing of the fund according to percentages previously indicated and further investment, either in your country or any country you advice us to invest in. All other necessary information will be sent to you on your acceptance to champion this transaction with me. I suggest you get back to me as soon as possible on my personal email address and telephone +555 555 5555 stating your wish in this business.

Regards
Mr Al Franken
+555 555 5555

Don't fall for it people!� No matter how much you want to believe in Al, this is clearly a hoax.

"Writing Instructions on the Heel" (Posted September 17, 2005)

It was too much to expect the media to get the Hurricane Katrina coverage right. I expressed my opinion related to the military developments on The Dignified Rant here, here, and here; and on the race-baiting here in LAT. So I guess this is the spot for a general rant on the press for their coverage of this natural disaster.

Throw into the story the American military, about which the media knows nothing, and add President Bush who the media would collectively love to torpedo, and you have the ingredients for a thoroughly botched media operation.

This piece (via Instapundit) addresses the massive media failure in reporting Katrina when heartfelt outrage rather than reporting was the order of the day:

The media filtered what they were reporting through their preconceived political biases and racial stereotypes and emphasized those stories that re-enforced their preconceptions. From the outset, the TV reporters started talking about two disasters: the natural disaster which was caused by the hurricane and the man-made disaster which happened in New Orleans, the blame for which was laid at the hands of George Bush. According to the script, the tragedy of the original hit from the hurricane was turned into a human catastrophe by the failure of the federal government to respond in an effective and timely manner. The levees gave way because Bush had refused to authorize the money to upgrade them, the National Guard was unavailable because they had all been sent to Iraq, the federal government didn�t respond quickly because it would have interfered with Bush�s vacation, the hurricane was the result of global warming, which of course was caused by the Bush Administration sacrifice of the environment for the profit of Bush�s cronies, the indifference to the suffering of the people in the region was due to Bush�s lack of concern for those who are black or poor, the inefficiency in the relief effort was due to the appointment of unqualified friends and supporters.

Victor Hanson (via Real Clear Politics) noted the press errors and asks:

Was it too much to ask reporters to look to history to judge this recovery against other past disasters here and abroad? Could they have strived for accuracy instead of ratings � and at least made sure that the images from their cameras did not refute their own predetermined scripts?

Clearly, the big media powerhouses have targeted the reputations of journalism with their shoddy coverage of the Katrina rescue and recovery operations. Committees and task forces will identify the mistakes made by the federal government, the state-level, and the local level and what can be done to correct those mistakes. But I sincerely doubt that there will ever be an inquiry by the media over their failures to report on this tragedy. For all their forced and staged outrage over the government's response to this tragedy, any mistakes the various levels of government made were errors trying to save people.

All we ask our media to do is report on what is happening and they failed us yet again when we needed them. It isn�t as if we needed them to haul people out of the flood waters�just report on who was doing the actual work! And by creating problems where none existed or magnifying them out of proportion they have compounded the storm damage by harming racial relations here in America and feeding bad stereotypes overseas about our alleged failings as a society.

Clearly, when great events demanded greatness, our press proved�again�that they couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel. The press failed.

Thanks a lot guys. Great job. I hope you enjoy your awards when you pass them around to each other next year at your banquets for your Katrina coverage.

�An American Girl� (Posted February 19, 2005)

Alanis Morissette, my favorite deeply disturbed Canadian singer, has become an American citizen. I like her music, and perhaps because she seems to have more than her fair share of issues to work through, I am definitely attracted to her.� She�s a babe, too.�

Sadly for any woman out there that I might be attracted to, my interest is pretty much a canary in the coal mine moment that she should immediately seek professional psychological help.� Seriously.� I have quite the knack. I may be helpless to combat this tendency, but I have noticed it.

So if I express romantic interest in you, run�do not walk�to the nearest therapy session. I�ve noticed the dark angst. And it pulls me in. But leave Thursday morning open in case I ever decide to work on this.� Couldn�t hurt.

And just what is Courtney Love doing these days?

�German Spam� (Posted February 1, 2005)

I received this message today:

Hallo,��� wir haben uns Ihre Homepage angeschaut.��� Seit dem 01.01.2005 gibt es das neue Regional-Portal Bocholt-Web.����� Sie k�nnen sich nun mit Ihrer Homepage kostenlos in das� Homepage-Verzeichnis f�r Bocholt eintragen.��� http://www.bocholt-web.de����� So wird Ihre Homepage in der Region Bocholt noch bekannter.����� Vielen Dank� Redaktion Bocholt-Web

So I go to Google and translate it:

Hello, we your homepage looked at themselves. �Since that there are 01,01,2005 the new regional portal Bocholt Web.� They can register themselves now with your homepage free of charge into the homepage listing for Bocholt.� http://www.bocholt web.de becomes your homepage in the region Bocholt in such a way still more well-known.� Thank you editorship Bocholt Web

What a world!� I get German spam.� And the same wonder of the internet that lets a German company become aware of my web site and allows me the option of signing up with a German company, also lets me translate their spam.

I�m impressed or appalled.� Being old enough to have saved computer programs on paper tape, sometimes I am still amazed at what changes the internet has created in my lifetime.

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