If
I told you that there was a movie about a super-hot chick who ran around
practically naked, and hacked up bad guys all over New York City, would
you get excited? You're damn right you would.
And
if I told you this movie was a film version of the popular Witchblade comic
book series and the hot chick was none other than the scrumptious Sara
Pezzini, what would you do? Watch it!
New
York police detective Pezzini is trying to solve the case of who killed
her best friend (a hooker she hasn't seen in over a year?). Along the way
she engages a suspect in a museum and stumbles onto the Witchblade, a glove
possessing supernatural powers.
Shortly
after, she watches as her partner dies and begins to realize the powers
of the glove. Even though she doesn't understand what the Witchblade is
capable of or why it has chosen her, it's clear what she must do: use it
to fight evil. Soon, she is in a showdown with the man that has filled
her life with pain.
Sound
thin? It is.
What
the script fails to do is make itself accessible to people that have never
read a Witchblade comic. It assumes we all know what is going on and leaves
us asking what is going on, in way too many places. Plus it centers itself
on a story straight out of every Lethal Weapon direct to video clone.
The
villain turns out to be crime boss who is personally responsible for everything
painful in Sara's life. Right, that's convenient. If the film is successful
and spawns the series it desperately is pushing for, many of the holes
will no doubt be filled, but as it stands, it is full of plot holes.
Besides
the shortcomings in the script department, Witchblade fails on numerous
other levels. Most noticeably, Sara is supposed to be one smokin' broad.
Yancy Butler is attractive, but she's no wet dream. She's always wearing
pants! Where's all the skin? Also, this is supposed to be an action film.
There is nothing but glib dialogue for the first hour! And the few scenes
of action that follow are just a mish mash of generic stunts with some
mediocre Matrix-wanna-be effects.
So
if you want to see some sexy broads ripping heads off of bad guys while
wearing nothing but some bio-mechanical armor on their nether regions,
pick up the comic, because the film version of this blade is very, very
dull.
