MAIDENHOOD ASSEMBLED:

As usual, I had difficulty sleeping the night before the shoot, not because of nerves, but because I feel such great excitement 
and anticipation about the work which I am privileged to be permitted to do.

Fortunately, the call time was pushed back from 09:30 to 11:00, which enabled me to get some sleep and to do some writing, 
without feeling that I was being delinquent about one in favor of the other.

To lessen the likelihood of unpleasantness due to traffic difficulties, I took a taxi from my studio to the location, an art gallery 
located in a building whereat I have auditioned (unsuccessfully) several times over the years.

When I arrived, the crew were still loading in the equipment, so I knew that I could afford to be somewhat leisurely for the next 
couple of hours. I had brought with me some comics to read, and a novel

Unlike the crew of "NIKITA", nobody knew who the Assistant Directors were, and when I found someone who was willing to talk 
to me, they assumed that I was a supernumerary, then directed me to Extras Holding. 

That term has always offended me at the semantic level, and whenever it is spoken,I fancy that I can hear the dulcet, resonant 
tones of the late SIR JOHN GIELGUD:

"We have all the REAL actors we need; those people are completely superfluous, utterly redundant and totally unnecessary! 
Can't you put them SOMEwhere? That corral over there looks empty enough...." 

The label invites a particular kind of treatment from the crew, which in turn foments resentment, hostility and antagonism in the 
people who are being herded like cattle.

Consequently, I thanked the bloke before setting him straight, then he escorted me to the studio gallery where we were to shoot.

I then found myself in the way of everyone, no matter where I stood, which is what comes of being passed off to others who do 
not want the responsibility. Eventually, someone asked me what I was doing, which gave me an opening to ask for the 2nd AD, 
who was at the mobile dressing rooms several blocks away.

I was then driven to that place in a shuttle vehicle, accompanied by a Production Assistant who announced my imminent arrival 
from one side of the street to the other - using a walkie-talkie! 

I experienced a sense of the absurd, as I noted that my progress across the street was being monitored and commentated upon 
(in case I was struck by a car or a stray bolt of lightning?) in the 10 yards it took to leave the shuttle!

I was greeted by another PA who radioed the other PA that I had indeed successfully crossed the road - despite the fact that 
they were in full view of each other! - then escorted me to my dressing room, where my costume awaited me. One of the pairs 
of shoes had been worn by OWEN TELL in "NIKITA" #507, so I chose not to wear them.

As I put my hand upon the door, I was greeted by a quite decent Wardrobe bloke with whom I had worked on "NIKITA". He 
informed me that I could choose either of the footwear options available to me, and that I should don an off-white designer shirt 
to wear for my maquillage.

The shirt took my breath away, as it cost easily half my best-ever weekly theatrical salary! THIS was what I was being told to 
wear in order to protect my costume shirt, which was also something I wanted to keep for my own wardrobe!

I LOVE working for WARNER BROTHERStm!

Once again, it was impressed upon me that Film & Theater are separate worlds, a universe apart: both wield swords, but 
WITCHBLADEtm is definitely not HAMLET!

When I entered the makeup trailer, I was greeted by the most pleasant team assembled for that purpose that I have ever 
encountered, one of whom I had worked with on a film called "HAUNTED" (2000), and who remembered me a split-second 
before I clocked him. (I confess that my eyes had lingered on his colleagues and their respective subjects, each of whom 
had rather striking noses!)

When our maquillage was completed, we were summoned to the shuttle vehicle for our on-set blocking with the Director 
(a man who I would later learn has directed HIGHLANDERtm: The Series & KUNG FUtm: The Legend Continues, among others), 
and was pleasantly surprised to find that both women were quite genuine and charming in very different ways, there being 
a 20-year generation gap between them.

Normally, I find that beautiful actresses and models who are being paid to act are so wrapped up in their looks that they don't 
bother to develop their personalities, but these women shattered that precedent, I am happy to report.

When the Director told us of his concept for the scenes, I nearly wept with joy, for I was to be permitted to freely improvise 
my dialogue with the other characters!

When he deadpanned an arid response to a quip of mine, I knew that the day was going to be a joy, for I was being
included in the plans for the proceedings, which some of you may recall was the exact opposite of what happened with 
the fencing duels in "HAMLET".It is rare for me to be permitted such latitude with a character in a television shoot, confined 
only by the technical demands of the medium, and I felt a surge of epinephrine thrill through my body as I ruminated upon 
what the day would bring.

We were driven back to our dressing rooms, where we donned our costumes, and where I read the WITCHBLADEtm & PUNISHERtm 
comics I had brought with me to fill whatever time was available to me over the course of the day.

We were eventually driven back to the set, where we shot a succession of takes while I was surrounded by models numbered 
in double digits, quite a curious phenomenon in and of itself.I am aware that beautiful women - strippers, prostitutes & models, 
especially - can be quite dismissive of male attention, partly because most men become stultifyingly stupid in the presence 
of an attractive woman, so I was careful not to engage any of them in conversation unless they engaged me first.

Because I was granted such latitude with my character, the crew & cast were hard-pressed to keep straight faces during 
each take, and the more outrageous I became, the more the Director encouraged me to do so.

Because I enjoy some notoriety for a successful SHOPPERS DRUG MARTtm campaign, because I currently have a commercial 
on the air, and because I was driving the scene, dialogue-wise, I found myself the subject of attention that I have seen accorded 
to MS. PETA WILSON.

Suddenly, everybody wanted to be my New Best Friend, offered me sexual favors, jockeyed for position next to me in shots, 
and so forth.

Cast & crew alike were surprised that I engaged them and supernumeraries in conversation between takes, and this pleased me 
well, for I have never liked the affectation of superiority & supercilious unctuousness that so many "stars" inflict upon the 
workplace and the public.

Even the models remarked about how they found me "cute" and "adorable". 

What I found most pleasing was that the Director would take me off to the side for private chats that enabled us to get to know 
each other in a personal way, and that rarely touched upon the footage being shot. In this way, he made it known that he 
completely trusted me to do the job for which he had hired me, and it made me in turn want to do more for the production 
and for him: a remarkable and sensitive man, and a fine leader, for I saw him inspire such devotion in all present.

I have always thought that JULIUS CAESAR & GENERAL PATTON were such men, and when I learned that the Director 
was Liverpudlian and he that I am Mancunian, we bonded even further.

At lunch, I was invited to join the 1st AD at his table, which is unprecedented in my own experience, as they are usually so 
engaged in discussion with Directors & subordinates that the last thing they want to do is dine with actors!

When I went for my dessert, I encountered MS. YANCY BUTLER for the first time, and was made aware of the power of her presence.

Crikey.

A Gypsy would say that she cast a glamour on me, but I experienced a sensation that I would liken to the solidification 
of the air between herself and myself, coupled with rarefaction of the oxygen molecules contained therein.

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet", indeed!

When the woman smiled, it was as though one found oneself looking into the face of the sun. 

I felt acute discomfort, as though I had been punched just below the heart by MR. BRIAN DENNEHY. 
(I have worked with him, so I know what I'm talking about!)

Understand that I am not describing a lustful response to a nubile and comely wench, but rather an awe, inspired by an example 
of human physical excellence that one rarely sees outside of Classical statuary.

For those of you familiar with comics artists, I felt that I was in the presence of a BARRY WINDSOR SMITH character incarnate!

The only other celebrities who have done this to me are MS. GINA GERSHON, MS. MIMI ROGERS, MR. DOLPH LUNDGREN, & MR. ADRIAN PAUL.

I was suitably impressed by the fact that MS. BUTLER did not sequester herself in her dressing room or otherwise cloister 
herself away from the rest of us, and behaved in a gracious manner to all, even when they interrupted her meal and conference 
with the Director for whatever reasons they had to do so.

The 1st AD was complimentary of my work, saying that those personnel not inside the studio were being told over their 
walkie-talkies of my efforts, which was very gratifying indeed.

His words meant much to me, as I was quite impressed with the way that he did his job with pragmatism, humour & tact. 
1st AD is roughly analogous to Sergeant-Major or Top Sergeant, so it is not an easy job, by any means, and a good 1st AD 
is worth her/his weight in gold.

Further evidence of his good work was that he was willing and able to delegate to subordinates, each of whom reflected his 
capability, enhanced with their own peculiar style.

The Director joined us about halfway through the meal, and he and I talked of our favorite swords and fighting styles, among 
other things. (It was at this time that I learned of his other credits)

We rode back to the set together, talking of ORSON WELLES' "TOUCH OF EVIL", and the more he spoke, the more I liked him.

MS. BUTLER introduced herself to me when she reported for duty (again, I was impressed), at which time I told her how much 
I had appreciated her work in "MANN & MACHINEtm",and we had an immediate rapport that made me sorry we did not have 
more scenes together in the episode.

She was utterly present, pleasant, professional & accessible, never taking herself seriously, but making herself totally available 
to the material and to her colleagues in a way that was unobtrusive and welcome.

We had a closed blocking of the next scene, which greatly improved the efficiency & efficacy of the work to be done, as the 
great number of supernumeraries had created a fairly constant noise level when they had been in the studio/gallery.

There was an 8' Boa Constrictor named JULIA SQUEEZER as part of the set decoration, and she was GORGEOUS! 
Normally, I give reptiles a wide berth, but I wanted her draped about my person as soon as I set eyes on her. I don't know 
whether it was because of FRAULEIN NASTASSJA KINSKI or what, but every free moment not filled with conversation 
and/or work went to silent communion with the beautiful creature before me. (The snake, not MS. BUTLER!)

There came a time when MS. BUTLER & I were dismissed from set temporarily, and instructed to return to our dressing rooms.

I was familiar with the building and she was not, so I escorted her to her vehicle while she engaged me in conversation 
about living & working in the city of Toronto versus NYC.

When we arrived, she insisted that I accompany her in her personal vehicle, and so I accepted her gracious hospitality. 
Her chauffeur had driven me earlier that day, so he & I had a relationship that was furthered by this personal 
endorsement of hers.

They both regaled me with what they had heard from the crew about my work, and she said that she was 
"looking forward to the rushes", at which I thanked them profusely.

I told her of my favorite episode of "MANN & MACHINE", and how it had made me cry. At this, she squealed with joy, 
as it was her own favorite episode, too! 

MS. BUTLER expressed surprise that I even remembered the program, and told me that she was very proud of the 
series, even though it was canceled for reasons she still does not understand, after a mere 9 episodes.

"How do you feel about autographs; what's your policy around that practice?"

"Oh, I don't mind at all! That's part of what we do, isn't it?"

Gob smacked, I noted that this woman had a Working Class outlook on her position: I was a guest on HER show, yet she 
saw us as colleagues, and was not copping attitude about how everyone & I was unfit to lick the soles of her boots after 
she had trodden in canine dysentery!

I showed her my MANN & MACHINEtm poster, and she nearly went through the roof of the car, she was so shocked & delighted!

When I showed her my WITCHBLADEtm comic & TNT WITCHBLADEtm pilot promo poster - both of which feature her 
likeness - I thought she might explode, and she laughed quite hard in disbelief, irradiating us with her dazzling choppers, tickling
our auditory canals with her robust laugh, blinding us with her sparkling eyes.

I hope that I grow up to be just like her if/when I ever find myself in a similar position to her own, for she is a paradigm of grace 
under considerable pressure to which we can all aspire.

When she dropped me off at my dressing room, she said that I should bring whatever I wanted her to sign to her 
before the end of the shoot.

DAVID CHOKACHI asked me about whether it was "hard to make a living as an actor in Toronto", and when I told him that 
I had done so for the past 11 years, he expressed a wistful fascination, which I thought odd, given that he is the male lead 
in a brand-new Fantasy/Drama series that will result in his personification in effigy as an action figure, at the very least.

Could this be what it means to be a "Hollywood man"?

MS. BUTLER made me feel that we had known each other better than a decade, showing me photographs of the previous 
day's hair/makeup on her. (I don't want to spoil it, but you WILL be amazed!)

She then told me how she found it more difficult to work for a short period on a shooting day after a rest, than to work incessantly 
all day every week. Again, I could not help but be impressed by her work ethic, as I have heard many others in her position do
a lot of whining about how tired they are, and why doesn't somebody else do the scene for them, et cetera.

After a change of wardrobe, redone maquillage, a PUNISHERtm comic, and about 0.5h, we were driven back to set, now filled 
with thronging supernumeraries once again, and shot some more scenes.

I was amused to note that they all wanted to know who the star was, what the show is about, and when she would be coming
to set, despite her circulating freely among them and sitting on her designated chair.

The Properties Woman was extremely solicitous, as there were several cameras from which to choose, and she customized 
a camera to which I had taken a shine, a manual job that made a series of satisfying ANDY WARHOL/f-stop FITZGERALD-type 
noises when it was deployed, just the way a camera should!

The models had an even greater comfort level with me by this time, so I made use of that in the dialogue I continued to improvise, 
thankfully, to the continued surprise and pleasure of all the audience present.

The supernumeraries were wrapped; we did more work on the scenes remaining, then I was wrapped.

Immediately, MS. BUTLER came running over to see me:

"Don't leave without letting me sign your posters, okay? I mean it!"

What a Lady, and what a Consummate Professional!

She worked more on her scene, then signed the comic & the M&M poster, all the time saying that she was grateful that 
I was being so patient with her.

"'Patient'? YOU'RE doing ME the favor, MS. BUTLER! You're still working, here!"

"Oh, please, call me YANCY; I've been calling you MALCOLM all day...!"

Gob smacked. Again.

She did more work on the scene, then returned to sign the WITCHBLADEtm poster, asking how I had obtained it. 
I told her of how I am an avid comics reader, and that the manager of DRAGON LADY COMICS & MEMORABILIA 
had put the poster aside for me as a surprise, rather than throwing it out as rubbish.

I thanked her profusely, and made sure to thank everyone in the crew & cast before leaving, particularly the Director & 1st AD, 
each of whom had been exemplary.

I also had a photograph taken of JULIA SQUEEZER draped about my person, courtesy of herself & her wrangler, who had very 
kindly awaited me while I was awaiting MS. BUTLER.

In my dressing room, doffing my costume, I took my time, wanting to savor every second of the experience. My euphoria was 
such that I was genuinely concerned that I might inadvertently hurt myself if I moved any faster!

I returned the costume to Wardrobe and thanked them, then loitered a further 10 minutes discussing the NIKITAtm wardrobe 
versus WITCHBLADEtm wardrobe.

I stopped in Makeup to thank them, also, before finally walking to the streetcar stop, reading another PUNISHERtm comic in 
the 12-issue series written by MR. GARTH ENNIS, and continuing to do so all the way home.

As fortune would have it, I was delivered from the location almost right to my door, and I had not known that by that time of 
night/morning, the route was diverted in my favor.

The perfect end to the perfect day.

If it be GOD'S will, the first of many more yet to come!

Be seeing you!

MALCOLM XERXES
Stuntman/Actor (OWEN TELL, Deep Cover SECTION ONE OPERATIVE) Seasons II-V