Today is March 24, of the year 2000. Eighty
years ago, Mom, you were brought into this
world. I am sure you were the prettiest baby
in the world. You told me stories of your
birth, of how you were a premee baby, and
weighed only 2 pounds 6 ounces. You told me
how they kept you warm in a shoe box on the
stove with hot bricks around the box. It is
truly amazing that you even survived in that
year, at that weight. You were truly a
miracle, and you were meant to be. And I
thank my God every day that were allowed to
live.
I know that while growing up I was loved
unconditionally and that you spoiled me
somewhat. After all, I was your "baby" and
an unexpected gift for you in when you
thought you were done having children.
I always admired your strength, and your
courage. I wish my boys could've known you
and what you were like. I wish they had
enjoyed your company and the wonderful
feeling of having a Grandma. It is too late
now for me to make up for the time I ignored
you and to take care of you as I should have.
Unfortunately, I was unable to see through
Dad's cloud around you, and his choice in
religion for you. I know you were being
loyal to him and loving him
unconditionally...you followed where he led,
as Ruth said to Naomi, in that famous
scripture, "Where you go, I shall go". But,
Mom, I miss you!! I missed you while my boys
were growing up. I am jealous of how close
you were with others, like Susie, Karen and
Becky. They too left the religion, but they
were allowed to visit and be close to you.
Why did it make a difference for me? Why?
Now I am jealous because you are on the other
side, with Tim, Pam, Russ, Clair, and the
other family members. Some days I get so
depressed over my past mistakes and how we
became alienated, and I want to join you
there, where you are now, so I can make it up
to you. But I know my time is not done
yet...my life is not over. I have not
accomplished what I was sent here to do. I
need to finish what my goddess sent me here
for. There is a purpose for my life.
I do feel your spirit around me, though, each
day, as I wonder about things. I feel your
guidance in every day things. I love you,
Mom, for all you are, for all you were, for
all you ever have been and will be. I know
you will stay with me for as long as I need
you and for that, I am grateful. I love you!
